Saturday, February 14, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Signs You're Having A Bad Valentine's Day

News Item: Valentine's Day - Not Like it Used To Be

10. Instead of a Vermont Teddy Bear, you receive former French President Chirac's clinically depressed poodle

9. You just started dating Cher, and she's pressing you on whether you are a Republican or Democrat

8. You receive a box of chocolate-covered peanut butter cups

7. Your date starts proudly quoting Virginia GOP Chairman Jeff Frederick

6. A minor argument turns into "I'm so glad that you could never be my wife because I surely wouldn't have to listen to that prattle from you every day."

5. You're sweetie just blew off a job in the Obama Administration, to keep his job as a goddamn Senator from a Nowheresville state

4. When visiting your girlfriend's Facebook, you discover her 25 Random Things - about another guy

3. Your girlfriend dumps you for Joaquin Phoenix

2. You're boyfriend read that article and hasn't showered for days

1. You go to pick up your date, and she starts throwing shoes at you

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