Abe Lincoln Role Stirs Studios To Flood Market With New Vampire Pics

Despite the less-than-stellar opening box office, and disastrous reviews, of the new film,‘Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter’, major Hollywood studios are red-lining, and rushing into production, a wave of new vampire projects, a source tells The Garlic.



“They can’t get them out fast enough,’ said the movie industry insider, adding that “my clients are badgering to get me to land them something.”

The plan calls for issuing new projects with original stories, many of them with A-List actors, for serial stories that will offer multiple sequels and franchises.
Also, for the studios with deep archives, some classic films will be reworked, with CGI, and other state-of-the-art techniques, integrating in new stars, and turning movie legends into vampire fighters.

Scheduled for release by the Christmas rush include;

The Vampire World of Suzie Wong

William Holden’s Robert Lomax doesn’t move into the Nam Kok Hotel just to become a painter.

He teams up with Nancy Kwan’s Suzie Wong, and the other prostitutes, to do battle with the Vampires of Hong Kong, offering pulsating martial arts action on the teeming streets.

Look for Steve Buscemi in a cameo role as a kung fu rickshaw driver


Rain Man, Vampire Slayer

Raymond Babbitt may be autistic, but when he and brother Charlie hit Las Vegas, it’s not for blackjack, and Raymond shows the vampires who’s on first.

The pair does battle with the towns Vampires, tearing up and down the strip, rampaging through casinos, with the climatic fight coming on top of the Luxor Hotel’s pyramid.

Steve Buscemi has a role here, as a Craps Table dealer who rolls snake eyes for the vampires


A Vampire Affair To Remember

Cary Grant’s Nickie Ferrante and Deborah Kerr’s Terry McKay take on the Vampires, both on land and at sea.

With the ship anchored on the scenic Mediterranean coast, Ferrante and McKay clean the ocean liner of the stowaway vampires.

Back in New York, McKay isn’t hit by an automobile on the way to meet Ferrante, she’s abducted by the Vampires, leading to the final battle, at the top of the Empire State building.

Steve Buscemi pops up here, as the elevator operator who aids the pair.

Other works in the pipeline include ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Vampire’, ‘Three Vampires in the Fountain’ and ‘No Country for Old Vampires’.

“This is like found money,” gushed the Hollywood insider.

“I mean, we could dress someone up like Bela Lugosi, film him reading the phone book, and laugh all the way to the bank.”


 

Bonus Links

Review: Bloody Serious Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Isn’t as Fun as It Sounds

Vampires of Television and Film

Day Three of Swank Thank You's; No End In Sight

The Oscars ... "Perfectly awful!"

Movie Industry Titan, and LBJ Lackey, Rolls His Final Credits - Jack Valenti Obit

Happy Birthday Abie Baby!

Hair The Musical - Abie Baby




Perhaps the next best thing that came along after this song, was the weaving of Lincoln's Assassination into the storyline of the tremendous 'Homicide: Life on the Streets', it being an obsession of Detective Crositti.


Bonus Links

Top Ten Cloves: Things About If Abraham Lincoln Were Shot Today

Retro Garlic: Bring In The Homicide Guys!

Retro Garlic: Bring In The Homicide Guys!

To bad "Homicide: Life on the Street" isn't still on, and Detective Steve Crosetti was still among the living cast, they, perhaps, could have wade into this;

Abraham Lincoln's death revisited

That's the controversial conclusion reached by Palo Alto physician and amateur historian John Sotos, who says that President Abraham Lincoln was suffering from a lethal genetic cancer syndrome when he was shot at Ford's Theatre 143 years ago today.

Many, over the years have speculated on Lincoln's health

Lincoln's health has fascinated medical sleuths. In 1962, it was suggested that his great height and long limbs were linked to a genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome. Others have proposed alternate ailments - Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, perhaps, or Stickler syndrome. Some say he suffered from depression or exhaustion.

Why have a fictional (but tremendously written and performed, as well as critically-acclaimed) cop show look into this?

As was standard with "Homicide", big and little storylines imbued the show, and one was, in the first two seasons, Crosetti having an obsession over Lincoln's assassination, including it being foremost in of the program's episodes.

The Retro Part

Three-years ago, the Washington Post ran the Lincoln death up the flagpole, with the article, "Science and Medicine: Could Lincoln Have Survived?", dealing with the how would things have been different with today's modern medicine and emergency care.

Naturally, The Garlic didn't let that one slip by;

Top Ten Cloves: Things About If Abraham Lincoln Were Shot Today

And to keep it in the current time of the Post article, our #3 Clove was;

"Remarkably, it would be nearly three days before the public hears about the Lincoln shooting, and it will come from Texas ranch owner, Katharine Armstrong

Hmmm ... I smell another Doris Kearns Goodwin book out of this

Good Thing Time Travel Isn't Here Yet

Announcer: [opening narration for most episodes] Two American scientists are lost in the swirling maze of past and future ages, during the first experiments on America's greatest and most secret project, the Time Tunnel. Tony Newman and Doug Phillips now tumble helplessly toward a new fantastic adventure, somewhere along the infinite corridors of time.

The Time Tunnel (ABC 1966)

Maybe she could take the Dr. Ann MacGregor role (there's a vibe for this; on the show, the part was played by Lee Meriwether, who also, around the same time, played Catwoman).

But, me thinks, after getting an earful of her toxic BS, Drs. Newman and Phillips would program the dials, and send her through the tunnel, sans a return trip, and, possibly, with an eye towards saving mankind, destroy the machine, once she's been deposited, oh, say in the cave around 500 BC.

We talk, of course, of Ann Coulter, the doyenne of the Right Wing Freakshow.

Mark Kleiman has a most amusing and funny post today;

If Ann Coulter had liveblogged the Gettysburg Address

Ahhh...now he slips it to us! "Fourscore and seven," indeed! He's bringing us back to the Marxist rant of 1776, completely ignoring the Constitution of 1787 in rhetoric as he has in practice. I'll believe we're all equal when I'm as tall as Lincoln, or as ugly. And the slaves he's so fond of may be his equals, but I'm damned if they're mine.

Highly recommend you check it out.

And, no need, necessarily, for a Retro Garlic, but we had placed Coultergeist in a different historical era;

Garlic Exclusive! 1st Draft Of Coulter’s Plagiarism Response

Top Ten Cloves: Things About If Abraham Lincoln Were Shot Today

News Item: Science and Medicine: Could Lincoln Have Survived?

10. Lincoln's HMO plan would have forced him to be taken to a hospital hours-away, in Virginia or Maryland

9. Booth would say he shot Lincoln to impress actress Lindsey Lohan

8. Ford Theatre owners would have prevented anyone for caring for Lincoln on-site, out of fear of lawsuits

7. When Homicide: Life On the Streets was running, Detective Steve Crosetti's part would have had to be written that he had an obsession with the Kennedy Assassination

6. You can be sure, if they took Lincoln to Walter Reed Medical Center, it would have been one of the good, clean wings

5. Jerry Falwell would have blamed the shooting on "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians and the ACLU".

4. Shooting wouldn't have happened; The illegal NSA Wiretapping program would have picked up the plot and John Wilkes Booth, John Surratt, Lewis Powell, David Herold, Mary Surratt and Dr. Samuel Mudd all would have been whisked away to Gitmo as "enemy combatants"

3. Remarkably, it would be nearly three days before the public hears about the Lincoln shooting, and it will come from Texas ranch owner, Katharine Armstrong

2. NBC would, two-days later, receive and broadcast a manifesto from John Wilkes Booth, igniting a controversy

1. Forget about Zapruder and Grassy Knolls, there'd be about 137 different videos from cellphone cameras capturing everything after the shot was fired

Bonus Links

The Trial of the Lincoln Assassination Conspirators

"Homicide: Life on the Street" (1993)TV-Series 1993-1999