Too Perfect! ... Jindal Jabberwocky II

Oh, this is just too rich.

This is one of those things, you can't make-up.

Off-screen voice: Governor, you just had the biggest meltdown of your career, on national television, so what are you going to do?

Bobby Jindal: I'm going to DisneyWorld!

Holy Cow!

Jindal's office says the governor and his family leave for the Orlando vacation resort today

After giving one of the biggest speeches in his time as a politician, Gov. Bobby Jindal is heading to Disney World.

Jindal's office says the governor and his family leave for the Orlando vacation resort today.

The vacation comes one day after Jindal gave his first televised speech to the nation, offering the Republican Party's response to President Barack Obama's address to Congress.

This, pretty much, guarantees a merciless skewering on Saturday Night Live, if they're on this weekend.

Who is this guys' staff?

For one, David Corn is not on it;

There was only one phone call Bobby Jindal needed to make on Wednesday--and that was to Jay Leno.

[Snip]

Jindal ought to steal a move from Bill Clinton and seek salvation on Leno's set. In 1988, Bill Clinton, then a little-known Arkansas governor, delivered the keynote address at the Democrats' presidential convention. It was a horribly boring speech. He droned on for what seemed like forever. And when he began his summation and said "in conclusion," the audience cheered. He immediately became a national punchline. But Clinton moved fast to stop the bleeding. He joked with reporters about his terrible performance, and he quickly booked himself a spot on Johnny Carson's show. (For you youngsters, Carson hosted The Tonight Show before Leno.) Sitting next to Johnny--after Carson gave him a very, very, very long introduction--Clinton engaged in self-ribbing and made good sport of his abysmal performance. Four years later, he was elected president of the United States.

Hope the cell phone connection is good from Disney, there, Bobby.

And, he's going to need to be making some calls.



Anchors Aweigh ... And Awash

It seems that Jindal's Hurricane Katrina story is (was) one of the fish that got away.

Jindal's Katrina Story: A Tall Tale?

The evidence continues to grow that the story Bobby Jindal told Tuesday night -- about how he backed a tough-talking sheriff's efforts to rescue Katrina victims, government red-tape be damed -- was, how to put it ... made up.

[Snip]

But there are several pieces of evidence that suggest this just didn't happen. Nothing, to be sure, that definitively proves the story was made up. But more than enough to declare it highly suspicious.

[Snip]

The implication here is that Jindal talked to the sheriff after the fact, not that he was in his office during the moment of crisis.

Read all of Zachary Roth's post, it is fascinating

Melissa McEwan gives a shout out on it with "Pardon Me, Mr. Governor, But I Do Believe Your Pants Are on Fire*", while Steve Benen raises an eyebrow with "ABOUT THAT BOAT STORY..."

And, The Lava Flows ...

Jindal, in his dissing of Volcano Monitoring, managed to raise the dander of a Nobel Prize winner.

Paul Krugman;

So what did Bobby Jindal choose to ridicule in this response to Obama last night? Volcano monitoring, of course.

And leaving aside the chutzpah of casting the failure of his own party’s governance as proof that government can’t work, does he really think that the response to natural disasters like Katrina is best undertaken by uncoordinated private action? Hey, why bother having an army? Let’s just rely on self-defense by armed citizens.

The intellectual incoherence is stunning. Basically, the political philosophy of the GOP right now seems to consist of snickering at stuff that they think sounds funny. The party of ideas has become the party of Beavis and Butthead.

Not only this, but he's hit one into Mommy Moose'salley;

Alaskans fume over Jindal volcano-monitoring gripe

Something tells me this is going to haunt the Louisianna Governor for some time.

The Dittohead Umbrella

The biggest dittohead of them all is lying down the law.

Limbaugh Defends Jindal, Warns Conservatives They Are ‘Making A Real Mistake

LIMBAUGH: [T]he people on our side are really making a mistake if they go after Bobby Jindal on the basis of style. Because if you think — people on our side I’m talking to you — those of you who think Jindal was horrible, you think — in fact, I don’t ever want to hear from you ever again. … I’ve spoken to him numerous times, he’s brilliant. He’s the real deal.

Wonkette: Limbaugh Orders Republicans To Leave Bobby Jindal Alone

The Politico: Limbaugh still loves Jindal

Say What!

The Queen of the Flying Monkeys, Michelle "Stalkin" Malkin has her radar on, full bore;

"Helen Thomas has been gabbing with a film crew this morning, according to Washington Times White House correspondent Christina Bellantoni.

Bellantoni just posted this on Twitter:

“Bobby Jindal was ‘pitiful,’ Helen Thomas tells film crew, right before making a ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ crack.”

Thanks for the Offer Guys, But I'll Handle This Myself

Wonkette: Radio Host Forces Michael Steele To Give ‘Slum Love’ To Bobby Jindal

Jason Zengerle: What's Michael Steele Trying to Prove?

Think Progress: EXCLUSIVE: Tancredo Says Jindal’s Speech Was The ‘Last Nail In The Coffin’ For His Presidential Ambitions


The Old Ax - What Goes Up, Must Come Down

NYT: Governor Jindal, Rising G.O.P. Star, Plummets After Speech

Robert Stein at Connecting The Dots: Jumping on Jindal

Down With Tyranny: Jindal Won't Do Much For The GOP But His Shockingly Inept Speech Has Made A Star Out Of Kenneth The Page

Damezol: Catch a Falling Star: Gov. Bobby Jindal's Response to Obama Infuriates Republicans, Gets Jindal Compared to Kenneth the Page


Bonus Riffs

Jindal Jabberwocky

Bobby, Get Your Gun ...

Maybe If They Exorcise The Money, First ....

Paging Linda Blair ...

Bobby, Get Your Gun ...

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.

If this keeps up, Leonard Pinth Garnell is going to need that Universal Healthcare package, to deal with his exhaustion.

Two big duds in the same week.

And, I don't believe Tweety mumbling a plaintive "Oh God" as Bobby Jindal came to the podium, was the only one to do so ... There had to be, throughout Jindals' GOP Talking Points rehash, titled "Americans Can Do Anything", thousands of others.

Numerous folks are comparing Bobby Jindal's rebuttal to Obama last evening with Kenneth, from "30 Rock".

Fine, however, for me, it played out much more like an old SNL skit, a "Bad Politics" delivered dead-center in the strike zone for Garnell to seeth as a "delicious disaster".

Boy, if the message we are supposed to believe from it, that the Republican's "Can Do" spirit is better than the Democrat's "Can Do" spirit, man are the Republicans so tone deaf, and so, so fucking lost.



I mean, when your offical rebuttal to Obama's Not-A-State-of-the-Union-State-of-the-Union Address is Hurricane Katrina, and a racist sheriff .... 

Let me tell you a story. 

During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office I'd never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: 'Well, I'm the Sheriff and if you don't like it you can come and arrest me!' I asked him: 'Sheriff, what's got you so mad?' He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up ready to go - when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn't go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, 'Sheriff, that's ridiculous.' And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: 'Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!' Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people.

From Joan Walsh;

But Jindal is making no sense: He's lying about Obama's plans (there will be no government-run health care) and his Katrina stories are the perfect symbolism for the current GOP: They'll rescue wealthy bankers from oblivion, but leave low-income black people on roofs. Also, Politico caught it first, to my knowledge: The sheriff Jindal lionized in his speech, Harry Lee, is most famous for gruesome racial profiling during his tenure as Jefferson County's top cop. His Wikipedia page has all the details.

Jindal, among other distortions, dissed the monitoring of volcanos;

While some of the projects in the bill make sense, their legislation is larded with wasteful spending. It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a "magnetic levitation" line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called "volcano monitoring." Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.

Well, he might have well mocked the rebuilding of the levees in New Orleans.

Nate Silver has the 411 on this, in his "Jindal Versus the Volcano";

Before the cataclysmic eruption, roughly one million people lived in the region around Mount Pinatubo, including about 30,000 American military personnel and their dependents at the two largest U.S. military bases in the Philippines--Clark Air Base and Subic Bay Naval Station. The slopes of the volcano and the adjacent hills and valleys were home to thousands of villagers. Despite the great number of people at risk, there were few casualties in the June 15 eruption. This was the result of intensive monitoring of Mount Pinatubo by scientists with the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology (PHIVOLCS) and the USGS.

The first recognized signs that Pinatubo was reawakening after a 500-year slumber were a series of small steam-blast explosions in early April 1991. Scientists from PHIVOLCS immediately began on-site monitoring and soon declared a 6-mile-radius danger zone around the volcano. They were joined in a few weeks by USGS scientists from the Volcano Disaster Assistance Program, a cooperative effort with the Office of Foreign Disaster Assistance of the U.S. Agency for International Development.

The USGS and PHIVOLCS estimate that their forecasts saved at least 5,000 lives and perhaps as many as 20,000. The people living in the lowlands around Mount Pinatubo were alerted to the impending eruption by the forecasts, and many fled to towns at safer distances from the volcano or took shelter in buildings with strong roofs. Additionally, more than 18,000 American servicemen and their dependents were evacuated from Clark Air Base prior to the June 15 eruption. In the eruption, thousands of weaker roofs, including some on Clark, collapsed under the weight of ash made wet by heavy rains, yet only about 250 lowland residents were killed. Of the 20,000 indigenous Aeta highlanders who lived on the slopes of Mount Pinatubo, all but about 120 were safely evacuated before the eruption completely devastated their villages.

No, wait a minute, it was, forget about the Democrats, and their Big Government, Big Spending Ways, you should just "Trust Us";

In recent years, these distinctions in philosophy became less clear -- because our party got away from its principles. You elected Republicans to champion limited government, fiscal discipline, and personal responsibility. Instead, Republicans went along with earmarks and big government spending in Washington. Republicans lost your trust -- and rightly so.

Tonight, on behalf of our leaders in Congress and my fellow Republican governors, I say: Our party is determined to regain your trust. We will do so by standing up for the principles that we share -- the principles you elected us to fight for -- the principles that built this into the greatest, most prosperous country on earth.

"... Went along with earmarks and big government spending in Washington ...?"

Hello? ... The Bush Grindhouse and their billions-of-dollars lies? ... Ted Stevens? ... The rubber-stamp Republican-controlled Congress for six-of-the-last-eight-years?

Yeah, we'll get back to you on that one, Bobby ... 



It would have been much better off, despite whatever the traditions may be, if the Republicans sat this one out last evening.

If Jindal is supposed to be one of the top tier, "the smart one" of the potential 2012 field, you saw how worried The Wasilla Whiz Kid is about him, using the day to dump the news of settling her Ethic Charges, and getting dunned about $7,000 in reimbursement payments and taxes.

Trying to compete with the Big Show, Obama in his groove spot of a giant spotlighted speech, was a lost cause.

They should have saved themselves, and sent out Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, for his continuing bitch session, which, undoubtedly, would have been equally, if not more, entertaining.

But no, the Republicans wanted to show us their future, a shitbag of failed policies, bankrupted ideology, completely empty of any new ideas, and no desire to even get into the game.

That's their mantra and their sticking to it.

My fellow citizens, never forget: We are Americans. And like my Dad said years ago, Americans can do anything.

Yeah, that song has already been sung.

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you.

Bonus Jindal Riffs

There is an explosion, out on the World Wide Web, of great reactions to Jindal today, so we have posted them separately ... Jump on over to Jindal Jabberwocky to catch up on them.

And, since we weaved it into the narrative above, we might as well post it.

Annie Get Your Gun - Anything You Can Do

Jindal Jabberwocky

As we noted above, in our Bobby, Get Your Gun ..., there has been a fevered reaction to Bobby Jindal's rebuttal ("Americans Can Do Anything"), on President Obama's speech to the joint session of Congress last evening (The Not-A-State-of-the-Union Address).

So much so, that it wouldn't do justice to our typical "Bonus Links" that we often include.

Nosireebobby ... We have to hightlight some of the great riffs that are out there, with their own post.

First, the basics

Full text of Obama's speech to Congress and the nation

Full text of Gov. Bobby Jindal's Republican response



A Little Pre-Game Trash Talk

ABC News, in two posts, seemed to want to paint the President as a braggart;

Obama Claim: Done More in 30 Days Than Other Presidents

Official: Obama Accomplished More in 30 Days Than Any President in Modern History

And the Queen of the Flying Monkeys, Michelle "Stalkin" Malkin was having a hard time sitting still, waiting for the speech.

Obama - A+

Joan Walsh: "We are not quitters"

Libby Spencer: Scoring the speeches

Digby: The Speech

And, over on Brilliant at Breakfast, Jill sighed It would be a relief even if all he could do is speak coherently

And, now, some of the Jindal Jabberwocky!

Paging 30 Rock

Andrew Sullivan: Kenneth Jindal

Andy, at Towle Road: Obama Speaks to Congress, Jindal Does 30 Rock Impression

Greg Veis: Epic Fail, SOTU Rebuttal Version

Is there a more dangerous assignment for a rising party star to accept than a State of the Union rebuttal? Seriously, it’s hemlock. Tonight, in all fairness, would’ve been tough to pull off even if Bobby Jindal didn’t sound like Kenneth from “30 Rock,” or, in my favorite analogy of the evening, a third grader performing in his Thanksgiving play: Obama’s favorables are still roughly comparable to delicious, delicious beer’s; Republicans are widely perceived to be obstructionist naysayers; and, as Jon Cohn notes below, Americans are scared enough these days to prefer policy solutions to partisan sniping. But, holy crap, did Jindal blow it. I don’t even want to rehash the deadly obvious reasons why--just check out what the people who were supposed to like it are saying.

About That Volcano Stuff

Now, it was astoundingly strange, for the Governor of state that has a city that sits below sea level, and flooding can come, just from a normal summer thunderstorm, let alone a Category 5 hurricane, to go out and disparage the section of the Stimulus Package for Volcano Monitoring.

Andrea Thompson: Gov. Jindal Follow-up: What Is 'Volcano Monitoring'?

Davenoon - Bobby Jindal: Soft on Volcanoes

Matthew Yglesias: The Case for Volcano Monitoring

Nate Silver: Jindal Versus the Volcano


Hurricane Katrina Jindal's Good Luck Charm

Steve M: JINDAL LOVES THAT BOAT STORY

David Weigel: Bobby Jindal and the Stimulus as Hurricane Katrina


Oh, God

It was, primarily, the Right Wing Freak Show that has got their panties in a bunch, over Tweety letting out an "Oh, God" as Jindal strode out and walked down the short corridor to the podium, in the Governors Mansion.

Michael Calderone - MSNBC welcomes Jindal: 'Oh God'

Michael Goldfarb: Matthews Not Tingly for Jindal

Michelle "Stalkin" Malkin: Bobby Jindal and the expectations game; plus: which MSNBC host said “Oh, god?”

Chris, at TVNewser: "Oh God" Heard From MSNBC Set As Gov. Jindal Appears for GOP Response

Chris, at TVNewser: "Oh God" Book II: Chris Matthews Responds

I was taken aback by that peculiar stagecraft, the walking from somewhere in the back of this narrow hall, this winding staircase looming there, the odd anti-bellum look of the scene. Was this some mimicking of a president walking along the state floor to the East Room?

They Don't Like Me ... They Really Don't Like Me

Andrew Sullivan: The Right On Jindal

Think Progress: Fox Panel’s Verdict On Jindal’s Speech: ‘Childish,’ ‘Amateurish,’ ‘Not Exactly Terrific’

Taylor Marsh: Calling Sarah Palin

LEHRER: Now that, of course, was Gov. Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, making the Republican response. David, how well do you think he did? 

BROOKS: Uh, not so well. You know, I think Bobby Jindal is a very promising politician, and I oppose the stimulus because I thought it was poorly drafted. But to come up at this moment in history with a stale "government is the problem," "we can't trust the federal government" - it's just a disaster for the Republican Party. The country is in a panic right now. They may not like the way the Democrats have passed the stimulus bill, but that idea that we're just gonna - that government is going to have no role, the federal government has no role in this, that - In a moment when only the federal government is actually big enough to do stuff, to just ignore all that and just say "government is the problem, corruption, earmarks, wasteful spending," it's just a form of nihilism. It's just not where the country is, it's not where the future of the country is. There's an intra-Republican debate. Some people say the Republican Party lost its way because they got too moderate. Some people say they got too weird or too conservative. He thinks they got too moderate, and so he's making that case. I think it's insane, and I just think it's a disaster for the party. I just think it's unfortunate right now.

Republicans might have to rethink this Jindal thing.

Calling Sarah Palin? Yep, all Palin has to do is stay out of sight and study. They'll end up begging her to come back, with Rush & Sean Hannity leading the cheers. She can't answer the simplest questions but at least she can deliver a speech.


Piling On

Steve Benen: SO MUCH FOR THE JINDAL BREAKTHROUGH...

Paul Begala: Memo to Bobby Jindal: Dump Rush

TBogg: Bobby, we hardly knew ye

John Aravosis (DC): Bobby Jindal epitomizes Republicanism

Nick Baumann: Bobby Jindal's Stimulus Lies

Joe Sudbay (DC): Jindal's reviews are in: "really poor performance" "unserious" "hackneyed" "childish" (and that's just from one article in Politico)

Jamison Foser: Will media repeat Jindal's false attack on Obama, or correct it?

John Amato: Bobby Jindal's Zombie like performance uses phony Republican talking point of 'magnetic levitation' trains

Maybe If They Exorcise The Money, First ....

Or, maybe he can get around it and direct the Stimulus funds to go towards teaching Intelligent Design.

I would hope somebody will walk up to Louisianna Governor Bobby Jindal and start knocking on his head.

Give it a few good raps, like your were knocking on a door, to wake someone up, just to see if Jindal's head gives a hollow, echoing sound.

It's enough that the Republicans, like swollen, proud pigs after a mud bath, are going around boasting to their constituents, the great windfall the Stimulus Package will be delivering to them, all the while, leaving out how they voted against it.

But wait, it gets better.

Jindal has indicated he will give a Palinesque "Thanks, but no thanks" to Stimulus moohla

Jindal Rejects $90 Million In Recovery Funding That Would Have Benefited 25,000 Louisiana Residents

Today, however, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced his intention to oppose changing state law to allow his Lousiana citizens to qualify for the second two unemployment provisions. Jindal said the state would only be accepting money to increase the unemployment insurance payments for those who currently qualify for unemployment insurance. 

In all, Jindal turned away nearly $100 million in federal aid for his state’s unemployed residents. Further, as the National Employment Law Project projected on Febuary 13, EUC extension alone would have benefited 24,981 Louisiana residents. Jindal justified his decision by claiming that expanding unemployment benefits would result in tax increases for businesses. In a press release, the governor’s office explained:

"The Governor said the state will not use a portion of the stimulus package that requires the state to change its law to expand unemployment insurance (UI) coverage to qualify for up to $32.8 million of the federal stimulus funding because it ultimately would result in a tax increase on Louisiana businesses."

That's going to make a great campaign speech for his 2012 ambitions;

I want to do for the country, what I did for my state ... I want to screw over as many of our unemployed citizens as I can ... Just give them a kick in the ass ... I won't lift a finger for a single one of them ..."

Maybe he can get the old gang together, and exorcise the money, you know, take that Satan spirit right out of it, wipe it clean, tell old Lucifer "Thanks, but no thanks" and then for God and Country, slide that Stimulus stash into the state coffers.

I mean, Jesus, if he is going for it in 2012, he, in all likelihood, will be going into battle against Mommy Moose, he's gotta start learning how to suck in as much of that Washington money to his state as she has... She'll clobber him, and laugh at him and,.probably, looking at his turning down the money, start taunting him as "The Governor to Nowhere".

Way to go there, Bobby ...

The RWFS Flying Monkeys and Dittoheads are gonna love ya!


Bonus The Governor To Nowhere Riffs

Nelson: Like A True Conservative

Christopher Beam: Take the Money and Run ... Republican governors don't really want to reject stimulus money—they just want to complain about it

Sam Stein - Nagin On Jindal: Presidential Ambitions Clouding His Stimulus Judgment

Paging Linda Blair ...

Top Ten Cloves: Ways President Obama Can Better Sell His Stimulus Package




"Okay ... All the brainless people who don't want any Stimulus money, raise your hands ..."

Paging Linda Blair ...

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell ..."

No, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain isn't denigrating and chewing out his wife again.

But it may be words the Governor of Louisiana has heard.

Eric Kleefeld and Kate Klonick, over on TPM Election Central, have a rip-roaring tale today;

Is Bobby Jindal -- Who May Be On McCain's Veep Shortlist -- An Exorcist?

But one of Jindal's job titles hasn't gotten much attention -- and it just might prompt a few questions if his Veep candidacy gains steam: Exorcist.

As others noted during his 2003 and 2007 gubernatorial campaigns (see update), in an essay Jindal wrote in 1994 for the New Oxford Review, a serious right-wing Catholic journal, Jindal narrated a bizarre story of a personal encounter with a demon, in which he participated in an exorcism with a group of college friends. And not only did they cast out the supernatural spirit that had possessed his friend, Jindal wrote that he believes that their ritual may well have cured her cancer.

WOW!

Hmmm .. That has to lead to more questions, like has Jindal ever been hired to find Johnny Favorite, or, has he met Mr. Louis Cyphre?

With Jindal being touted as climbing that greasy Republican ladder, perhaps the McCain Camp has other designs, like having Jindal exorcise all the Stumblin' and Bumblin' out of McCain.

Or, maybe this is to ease Linda Blair into the campaign, since Barack Obama has already sewn up Scarlett Johansson.

We shall see ...

Go over to and read Is Bobby Jindal -- Who May Be On McCain's Veep Shortlist -- An Exorcist? ...

It's a gas!


Bonus Links

Jesus General: Your Mother Sews Socks That Smell

Jay Newton-Small: Jindal's Exorcism

Perrin On McCain, Clinton and Pornographic Ringtones

He's A Senator - And A Dessert Topping!