Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In White House Meeting of Former Secretaries of Defense and State

10. Doesn't Madeleine Albright look like Walter Mondale in drag?

9. I thought he'd juice us alittle and have the meeting in Cheney's Secret Bunker

8. Screw charities - I'm going to Vegas to burn off my Abramoff money

7. I think we should wait until after the meeting to see if he can get us some primo property in New Orleans cheap

6. Nice play by Cheney, putting Chalabi in charge of the oil…

5. I give it ten-minutes when Al Haig gets up and says he's in charge

4. When Bush gets in here, we pin him down and don't let up until he tells us if he's wiretapping us or not

3. Nice touch with the Office Pool … I got Rove being indicted by March

2. Look at this … Donuts and bagels … Rumsfeld's still the cheap son-of-a-bitch he was 20-years ago

1. Hey George, with all these war chiefs, you want to bump up your approval ratings 15-points, invite that Cindy Sheehan woman in

Wednesday 4 January 2006

Bushapalooza Planned As Abramoff Plea Has Bush, GOP Citing Bad Intel, Reclassifying Donors

Pioneer Status Earned Only If Not Indicted; Charities Battered By Pols To Accept Tainted Money

The White House today defended President Bush accepting donations from Jack Abramoff, citing "he had the same intelligence as the rest of the GOP" but indicated that "steps will be taken" to reclassify donors.

Already putting down the shoe leather, to sell his reasoning for starting the Iraq War, and defending his usage of domestic wiretapping and eavesdropping, the White House, with the aid of the Republican National Committee, are in the early stages of planning another media and speaking blitz by the President, tentatively titled Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal.

Bushapalooza will lead up the State-of-the-Union Address by the President later this month, and, if necessary, go well into the winter and early spring.

"The President was as shocked as most of you were, I'm sure," stated Scott McClellan, at a White House Press Briefing this morning. "The 2004 Bush-Cheney Campaign had no idea of the practices of Mr. Abramoff. He was considered a loyal party member and energetic fundraiser."

"We had the same information, the same intelligence, as everyone else in the GOP," McClellan added. "It's our understanding, that key members of the GOP Executive offices were briefed as to Mr. Abramoff and his activities."

Abramoff, 47, the lobbyist of lobbyists on K Street, pleaded guilty to three felony counts - fraud, tax evasion and conspiracy to bribe public officials - and negotiated a plea arrangement with prosecutors in exchange for his testimony against congressmen, lawmakers, Bush Administration and GOP officials.

Abramoff has been in exhaustive and extensive discussions with government lawyers and federal prosecutors for months leading up to yesterday's plea.

Abramoff lavished his targets with luxury trips, such as golf outings at St.Andrews in Scotland, skybox seats and fundraisers, campaign contributions, jobs for their spouses, and meals at Signatures, the his upscale restaurant in Washington, D.C.

"The corruption scheme with Mr. Abramoff is very extensive," Alice S. Fisher, head of the Justice Department's criminal division, said at a news conference with other high-ranking officials of the Internal Revenue Service and the FBI as reported by the Washington Post. "We're going to follow this wherever it goes."

The RNC issued a statement this morning, supporting the comments of President Bush, as to receiving the same information, and also announcing changes in their donation policies.

Beginning immediately, those that raise $100,000, or more for the GOP, and were bestowed with the honorary title of "Pioneer", will now have to wait for the recognition, "at least three-years and incumbent upon their not being indicted, or convicted of any illegal fundraising activities."

"The RNC," the statement offered, "will continue to accept donations in one door, and dole them out another to registered PAC's and elected officials. We want to be clear of that distinction."

When reached for comment, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman indicated that "we're looking at a number of new titles for our legitimate fundraisers, something to tide them over until they can be called pioneers."

Mehlman also confirmed that "we're not slowing down at all" when it comes to fundraising.

And neither is the White House.

After announcing last month the extension of the President's speaking tour, Chief of Staff Andy Card came up with the "Bushapalooza" idea during the holiday break.

"I think," said Ed Hutcheson publisher and editor of "K Street Kings - K as in Thousands", the monthly publication that tracks lobbyists, "Andy looked at the plummeting approval ratings, the argument over the war, the intelligence leading up to the war, DeLay's upcoming trial, Libby's indictment, Rove's pending indictment and now this drops on them. They had to do something big."

Card, reportedly, doesn't have any worries about rolling out a new program in January.

Bushapalooza will have new stage props, with a high-tech lighting show, and, according to Hutcheson, Christian rock bands. Other politicians and GOP officials will get stage time, mainly to pound home the talking points, pitch the Iraq War, the wiretapping and the passing of the Patriot Act (accompanied by a "dazzling fireworks display").

Christian Conservative groups are signing on to Bushapalooza, to provide a tent, and run classes on Intelligent Design.

For the young children of Republicans attending Bushapalooza, there'll be a retro tossing game of throwing a softball, but instead of knocking over milk bottles, they'll be aiming a plastic replicas of the heads of Senator Jack Murtha (D-PA), Senator and Minority Leader Harry Reed (D-NV) and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).

It's not confirmed yet, if Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) will join and tour with Bushapalooza.

"If it hasn't shown already," said Hutcheson, "with the Strategy For Victory In Iraq rollout, there'll be no mistake with Bushapalooza. It will be a full-throttle, campaign-style happening."

In a related matter, the White House also announced that they will be donating the money given by Abramoff to charity, in this case the American Heart Association.

Charities have been reporting today a deluge of offerings from Washington politicians.

A spokesperson for the American Cancer Society said that it has been overwhelming.

"We had House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill) pounding on our doors at 3AM this morning, cash-in-fist, demanding we take his donation."

Bushapalooza is planning to pull out all the stops in selling the President's vision and agenda, as well as looking to get the Administration and GOP as far away from the Abramoff Scandal as possible

Top Ten Cloves: New Tag Lines Rejected By Intel For New Logo

10. Just Do It … With Intel!

9. Intel: You Got Electronics, We Got Your Back

8. Intel: We've Outted Ourselves!

7. Things Go Better With Intel!

6. Intel: We Be A Jumpin' and A Leapin' Fools!

5. Intel Used To Be Inside Here, Now Where Everywhere!

4. Intel: We've Got 18, So What's One More Logo?

3. Intel Viiv: You Want Spelling or Do You Want Power?

2. When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Intel

1. Intel's Around Here Somewhere

Tuesday 3 January 2006

Schwarzenegger Said To Be In Furious Hunt For Another Stadium Naming

Bowl Games Badgered; Staff Says "Any Large Structure Will Do"; May Take Hollywood Sign By Eminent Domain

The California Governor has more than flooding rains and mudslides on this mind these days.

Sources have told The Garlic that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and his staff, have been on a furious mission to secure another stadium naming for the Governor.

This follows the action last month, of Schwarzenegger's hometown of Graz, Austria, in a protest against the the Governor's refusal to issue a pardon for convicted murderer Stanley "Tookie" Williams, of taking down the letters from the stadium named in honor of their famous resident.

Schwarzenegger, a former bodybuilding champion and Hollywood star before turning to politics, trained at the stadium as a young man. It was renamed in his honor in 1997.

According to sources, Schwarzenegger was "enraged" when he heard of the action to be taken, and fired off an angry letter "demanding" that they take his name off the stadium. The Governor also returned a "ring of honor" that he had been awarded by city officials in 1999.

"This was done before his staff could fully digest what was happening," said one source.

When heads cooled down, the Governor "was frantic", and reassigned his entire staff to "go out and get me another stadium".

Through the Christmas holiday, staff members telephoned, emailed and flew to all parts of the country seeking out a stadium deal.

Official for the major college bowl games - the Rose, Cotton, Sugar and Orange Bowls - all confirmed they were contacted by someone from the Governor's staff.

"They were unrelenting," said one Rose Bowl official. "They wouldn't stop, They wouldn’t take no. They kept offering all kinds of ridiculous things. They even wanted to offer us pardons, in advance, in case we committed any crimes."

Only the University of Michigan made an offer, that the Governor could use Michigan Stadium - The Big House - for one day.

Officials in New Orleans were contacted, but, with the city still in a state of emergency from Hurricane Katrina, and the status of the damaged Superdome still not determined, Schwarzenegger has told his staff he doesn't not want to wait.

Another unconfirmed report has Schwarzenegger and staff members flying to Brazil, and having heated talks with officials there about renaming their famous Sambodrome in Rio De Janeiro. Talk broke down when the Brazilians refused, offering only a junior league soccer stadium on the outskirts of the city.

With other pressing matters, the Governor's staff has been concentrating on companies like Boeing, McDonald-Douglas and all the major airports, inquiring if they could bestow naming a hanger for Schwarzenegger.

"It's not Arnold's first choice, offered a Sacramento watcher, "but there in a mode of any large structure will do."

There have been rumors that Schwarzenegger has been "pleading" with his wife, Maria Shriver, to talk with her family, the Kennedy's, and get their approval for renaming RFK Stadium in Washington.

If the Kennedy's turn down the Governor, many believe his staff will turn to the Supreme Court ruling last year on Eminent Domain and Schwarzenegger will seize the famous Hollywood sign on the Hollywood Hills of Los Angeles, in Southern California.

"It has 40-foot letters and it's a world-wide icon," said another source. "I believe Arnold will take it, but he'll likely put up 80-foot letters and he'll still push for another stadium deal."















With his name off his hometown stadium, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is said to be poised to take the famous Hollywood sign by Eminent Domain

News In Brief 3 January 2006

Walmart To Appeal $172M California Fine

Workers Will Have To Continue To Go Without Meals While Case Stays In Courts

Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, announced today that they will appeal last month's verdict, leveling them with a $172-Million fine for not providing, and/or compensating, its' workers with meal breaks.

Wal-Mart, and Sam's Club stores, in California lost the class action lawsuit brought on by Jessica Grant of the Furth Firm of San Francisco. The suit charged that the chain violated state law more than eight million times from Jan. 1, 2001, to May 6, 2005, and impacted more than 116,000 hourly workers.

Last month, a Alameda County Superior Court jury found for the plaintiffs and awarded a judgment of $172-Million.

Wal-Martis facing similar cases in about 40 other states.

In appealing the verdict, Wal-Mart, and Sam's Club, workers will have to continue to go without meal breaks, or be compensated for them, while the case remains in the court system.

In a statement released, Wal-Mart indicated that they would "try to accommodate" the workers, however, they "expected full compliance with the judicial system" and "have every expectation that workers will continue to work their assigned shifts".

The company stated that they may allow "water and a small snack" at a workers' station "provided it doesn't interfere with completing the work or servicing Wal-Mart customers".

Top Ten Cloves: New Year's Resolutions President Bush Is Likely To Break

10. Ending the prank calls to Joe and Valerie Wilson from clean phone in Situation Room

9. Giving Press Secretary Scott McClellan accurate information to discuss at briefings

8. Stop picking on Helen Thomas at press conferences and briefings

7. Meet with Cindy Sheehan, in the Oval Office, on live television

6. He'll change the name of RFK Stadium to Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadium

5. Will stop being nervous whenever Dick Cheney walks into the room

4. Stop giving No-Bid' contracts to Halliburton

3. Rescind the order to take Jack Abramoff's name out of the White House phone logs

2. Won't order new elections in Iraq if a government is formed that he doesn't like

1. If indicted, he'll drop Karl Rove faster than Apple can issue new iPods

Happy New Year! … And Vote for The Garlic!

Feliz Año Nuevo! … Bonne Année! … Nuovo Anno Felice! … Ano Novo Feliz!

Here's to a wonderful, indictement-less, non-wiretapped, prosperous and healthy 2006 for all The Garlic fans and readers!

And we're off to a good start

The Order of Brilliant Bloggers has recognized The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel and nominated this humble blog for a nod as Best Comedic Blogstie Excellence Award for the month of December.

Click Here and throw a vote to The Garlic. No fame or riches come with this, and, with a win, I will still have to pay $2.50 for a cup of coffee. However, in the spirit of it all, it doesn't hurt to get alittle bump like such.

Again, Happy New Year To All!

Peace
JTD

Beat The Traffic! Don't wait in line!






Click Here to vote The Garlic for Best Comedic Blogstie Excellence Award for the month of December, issued by The Order of Brilliant Bloggers

Voting runs from Jan 1 - Jan 5, so run, don't walk to your mouse and get that vote down! ... And, when you get to the page, you vote by adding a comment with your vote ...

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 31 December 2005

New evidence surfaced this week, of racial prejudice during the relief effort in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. An internal video conference shows Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff using the "White Power" salute when issuing orders to FEMA personnel

















Citing the recent revelations that President Bush ordered wiretapping and eavesdropping of American citizens, God announced that Hell has frozen over.














In a related matter, the White House admitted today, due to information gathered on NSA wiretaps, they broke up an "internation plot" when they siezed a Mr. Santa Claus entering the country illegally on December 24 or 25th and are holding the North Pole resident as an Enemy Combatant











To help pay, for what legal experts says will be a staggering amount, in the millions, for their defense, former Enron executives are issuing a series of trading cards, that will list the charges and sentence on the back, of all the former Enron employees responsible for the company's failure.

Unlike other trading cards, the Enron series will lose all value within a matter of weeks after purchase.


Nearly three-years after the start of the Iraq War, the Defense Department is finally issuing the new "Smart Turban" helmets for all troops deployed in the region. The features of the "Smart Turban" are classified, however Pentagon officials say they are "very comfortable" and that the troops "love'em".

















The International Cricket Association announced this week that, like many other professional sports, their game has also become prisoner to remarkable feats and shattered records due to steroids

Major League Baseball said this week that they are adding another penalty to their recently-announced Steroid Abuse Policy. First-time users, in addition to being suspended and fined, will also get "a good backhand" from Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig

Wednesday 28 December 2005

Bush, White House Aiding Chalabi; Will Appeal Election Results To Supreme Court

Iraqi Exile Leader To Provide Bush Team With New Misleading Intelligence; President "Wants WMD's This Time"

Already raising legal eyebrows, for having the U.S. Justice Department join in the pending Anna Nicole Smith case coming before the high court in February 2006, The Garlic has learned today that a team of White House and Justice Dept. lawyers are in Iraqi, preparing papers and briefs for longtime exile leader Ahmed Chalabi to appeal his apparent loss in the Iraqi elections to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Sources tell The Garlic that Chief Justice John Roberts has already been notified that an appeal will be filed, possibly within days.

'They're pretty confident," said one senior official, who in not authorized to speak on-the-record, "that the court will put Chalabi in the government. It's being done with a nod-and-a-wink to Roberts, to use the Bush v. Gore precedent."

Back in December of 2000, the Supreme Court, under the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist, ruled that George Bush won the deeply contested Presidential election, despite, allegedly, not having the most votes.

"Miers, and a whole team from Justice are pouring over the Iraqi results, looking for, and in some cases, really stretching, to find similarities there, with the Florida vote and count of 2000."

With over 95% of the December 15th voting ballots counted, surprising and unexpectedly low support from overseas voters has Chalabi facing being left without a seat in the first full-term of the new Iraq Parliament.

In return for the support, Chalabi is said to be working on creating a new batch of misleading intelligence, including new information and freshly drawn maps, of where Saddam Hussein, the former Iraqi dictator, hid his Weapons of Mass Destruction.

"The White House has made it very clear," said the official, "that they want the WMD's this time."

The news of the United States actively pushing Chalabi into a role with the new Iraqi government is adding to the growing tensions over the election results.

With the United Iraqi Alliance, the Shiite-led coalition, soaring ahead with a commanding lead in the voting, protesters, primarily Sunni Arabs, are charging fraud, and calling for new elections.

The Independent Electoral Commission of Iraq, as well as a team from the United Nations, who has been assisting in the election, have stated that it was a "transparent, credible and good elections."

There are also signs that the President is taking other actions to assure Chalabi a seat.

Rumors have been circulating on Capital Hill that the President's agreement to extend the passage of the Patriot Act as a "quid pro quo" on inserting new language, specifically naming Chalabi and guaranteeing him a position of leadership in the Iraqi Assembly.

"Just like they did with the UN vote, wiretapping and eavesdropping Security Council members to gain knowledge on how they would vote." said one Senate aid, "the White House has been monitoring the Congress."

The President, it is said, also has legal briefs and papers, from White House council, as well as Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, that he can name Chalabi to the Iraqi Government under Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution, as well as his authority via executive powers and by the vote of Congress on going to war in Iraq.

Gonzales said that the President was on "firm legal ground" to reach out to the Supreme Court, if necessary, and via "the Patriot Act, the war powers granted him by Congress."

''It would be legal for the President to take this action, as he has swore to uphold the laws. Legal authority is derived from the Constitution,'' he added

"He's going to milk these things," offered Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black').

"He'll wrap Chalabi up into National Security, using the same argument to justify his eavesdropping on American phone calls. I suspect the White House, if more trouble and indictments come down the line, will simply point to the Constitution, the Congress, the Patriot Act, as an excuse for their behaviors and then let it all get tied up in the courts for years to come."

Vice President Dick Cheney, and his staff, are said to be standing ready, to smear and defame anyone that challenges placing Chalabi into the Iraqi Government.

In a statement released by the Vice President's office, Cheney said that "Ahmed Chalabi is a valuable and trusted ally to the United States in our war against terrorism. He has provided key information that has allowed us to disrupt terrorist acts and we look forward to working with him in the future, to help keep the people of America, as well as around the world, safe."

"He's been instrumental," Cheney added, "in keeping them over there, and not here. In case anyone noticed, you haven't seen any mushroom clouds here in the past four years, have you?"














In his Christmas visit to Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld pulled a surprise "kitchen inspection" and chastised the staff, manning the food lines himself to demonstrate the proper amount of food to dispense.

Top Ten Cloves: Complaints Heard Most By Returns Departments This Christmas Season

10. The person that gave this to me said it was a "holiday" gift and not a "Christmas" gift

9. I live in New Orleans and I don't have a house to put it in

8. The candelabra isn't like the one Randy Cunningham has

7. Since I was outted as a covert CIA Agent, I don't need another trench coat

6. If I keep this gift, I might be subpoenaed by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald

5. Donald Rumsfeld thinks I have too many gifts

4. I can't tell you the reason, it's classified as part of Vice President Dick Cheney's Secret Energy Meeting

3. Believe, because of gift, President Bush is eavesdropping on my telephone calls

2. I would have come during my lunch break but I work for Wal-Mart

1. The gift is sending me secret signals from David Letterman

Special Announcement - Barry Crimmins 2005 Year-In-Review

It's that time of year again and, arguably, America's best political satirist, Barry Crimmins, has his annual Year-In-Review, published by The Boston Phoenix;


"The Bonfire of the Inanities; Seriously, could it get any worse"

Barry Crimmins, was the founder of The Ding Ho, the legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, which launched Barry nationally, along with Steven Wright, Paula Poundstone, Bobcat Goldthwait, Kevin Meaney, Jimmy Tingle and many, many others. Barry also launched Boston's other fabled comedy club, Stitches, across the Charles River near Boston University.

Among his projects, Crimmins is a writer and commentator for Air America Radio's Randi Rhodes Show . In 2004, Seven Stores Press published Barry's first book, "Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal" and Barry's writing appears frequently in 'The Boston Phoenix' and the 'Cleveland Plain-Dealer'

Barry also has been a featured commentator on CNN, CSPAN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donohue Show and also appeared in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.

Barry received the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival. He has also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesly College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts.

Community Works gave the Artist for Social Change Award to Barry for his years of activism.

Visit Barry Crimmins Website

Purchase "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal"

Visit Seven Stories Press

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 26 December 2005

New York State Election Commissioners are waiting for Jeanine Piro to officially bow out of the U.S. Senate race against incumbent Hillary Clinton. A spokesperson for Piro indicated that the campaign staff was "still looking to find her withdrawal speech"




















"Listen you eavesdropping-intelligence-twisting-Texas-turd-excuse of a President, you put up any walls along our border, and I wlll personally be the first one to scale it and enter the United States illegally!"


















As part of his new, $52-Million contract with the New York Yankees, former Red Sox Johnny Damon, a bonus for cutting his hair and shaving his beard, Damon will get to use the barber chair in the vast centerfield of Yankee Stadium to sit in between pitches













Citing his "War Against Christmas" a success, Fox News Host Bill O'Reilly is mobilizing all the Santas' for a new campaign ...













O'Reilly, along with CNN's Lou Dobbs, is paying of the membership fees in the Minuteman Project that will allow the Santas' to join the vigilante group and patrol the U.S. Borders with Mexico












After his Christmas breakfast and opening gifts with his family, President Bush relaxed at Camp David by listening in on some live, holiday wiretaps

Editor's Note: Merry Christmas Wednesday 21 December 2005

Editor's Note

With today's posting, The Garlic is taking a few days off to get into the holiday spirit. We'll be back, peeling the cloves again, on Monday, December 26th

We want to wish all our readers and fans a very warm, happy and safe Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!
Peace
JTD

(PS: And, a very "Happy Holiday" this "Winter Season" to you, Mr. O'Reilly)

Top Ten Cloves: Signs That It Is Christmas At The White House

10. Giant fruit baskets, decorated with holly and bows, have arrived, from the participants of Dick Cheney's secret energy meetings

9. Sending aides out to buy eggnog, because still waiting for FEMA to deliver it

8. White House council doubts President can keep gift of silver candelabra from former Rep. Duke Cunningham

7. A panicked Scott McClellan, verifying with everyone, he can that it's okay to go to Press Room and announce it's Christmas

6. Bob Novak is calling every hour, to see if they want to out any more covert CIA agents before Christmas

5. Donald Rumsfeld is arguing that there are too many decorations on the tree

4. Chorus of Gitmo prisoners are practicing their caroling in the East Room

3. Cards, with personal notes, to put on the gifts have arrived from the Lincoln Group

2. Karl Rove has been putting together his string of cranberries and smears to hang on the tree

1. President Bush is busy, wiretapping First Lady, and his daughters, seeing if he can get information on what his gifts will be

Tuesday 20 December 2005

Breaking News!
Woodward Said To Be Jumping To The New York Times

Post Won't Match Freedom To Sit On Stories; Keller Says Watergate Ace "Under No Pressure" To Break News

The Garlic has learned that The New York Times is close to wooing away from The Washington Post, star reporter and author, Bob Woodward, secretly courting him after the disclosure he sat on information of receiving Valerie Plame's name over two-years ago.

"It's rare when you can find," says Bill Keller, 'Times' Executive Editor, "that big of a reporter who has such a nose for when to bury a story, how to hold back blockbusting news. We're very lucky we can welcome him to the paper."

Keller went on to say that Woodward would be "under no pressure" to break any major stories.

"He can take his time. We don't want him to push the buttons too early."

Keller added that "with Judy {Miller} gone, we need another White House lackey, we've gone too long without one."

Last month Woodward had come under heavy criticism, from both his own colleagues and the media overall, for not informing his editor that he was given the name of Valerie Plame, the now former undercover CIA Agent that is at the center of a Leak Investigation by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that, to-date, has resulted in the indictment of Vice President Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff, Lewis 'Scooter" Libby.

Woodward initially indicated that it was is habit of keeping secrets, and a fear of being subpoenaed, that prevented him of disclosing the information to his paper's editors. Despite this, Woodward made numerous appearances on cable television news programs, making comments and observations on the leak case and characterizing it as something that won't amount to much

Woodward later said that the reason he didn't write about the Plame Case because most of the Pulitzer Prize-winning work had already been done by other reporters and that "I didn't have a good feel for it … I also didn't have a secret, high-level, FBI source that could give me leads, and that I could confirm leads with."

It was only after November 3rd, when Prosecutor Fitzgerald requested Woodward to testify before the Grand Jury, that Woodward advised his editor.

Washington Post Executive Editor Leonard Downie Jr. admitted that his most famous employee had "made a mistake."

"He still should have come forward, which he now admits. We should have had that conversation. . . . I'm concerned that people will get a mis-impression about Bob's value to the newspaper and our readers because of this one instance in which he should have told us sooner."

Downie indicate that he has been aware of The New York Times talking with Woodward, courting him.

"We made an offer to Bob, but there's no way we could match allowing him to sit on any more stories."

It was rumored last month that Woodward may join the White House staff, who had put out a RFP seeking quality, talented writers to assist the Administration in spinning their stories.

The New York Times is currently under criticism, after it was disclosed that the newspaper sat on the story of President Bush's ordering of secret wiretaps of American citizens for nearly a year.

'Times reporters met with both current and former National Security Agency and other government officials, all who were granted anonymity due to the classified nature of the program. All had concerns about the operation's legality and oversight.

According to their own reporting, James Risen and Eric Lichtblau indicated that "the White House asked The New York Times not to publish this article, arguing that it could jeopardize continuing investigations and alert would-be terrorists that they might be under scrutiny. After meeting with senior administration officials to hear their concerns, the newspaper delayed publication for a year to conduct additional reporting. Some information that administration officials argued could be useful to terrorists has been omitted."

In a statement last Friday, Keller wrote that when "the Administration argued stronglythat writing about this eavesdropping program would give terrorists clues about the vulnerability of their communications and would deprive the government of an effective tool for the protection of the country's security."

"Officials also assured senior editors of the Times that a variety of legal checks had been imposed that satisfied everyone involved that the program raised no legal questions," Keller continued. "As we have done before in rare instances when faced with a convincing national security argument, we agreed not to publish at that time."

Keller added that the paper satisfied itself through more reporting that it could write the story without exposing "any intelligence-gathering methods or capabilities that are not already on the public record."

When contact by The Garlic, Keller refused to say if The New York Times was sitting on any additional stories, or if they intend to hold back on news in 2006.

"I really can't say," offered Keller, "As to next year, some of that will be up to Bob."

Woodward, when reached for comment, refused to confirm or deny his moving over to The New York Times. When asked about 'the Times' holding back on the wiretapping story, Woodward offered'

"I think that was legitimate, there certainly was a compelling reason to take that action … I applaud their boldness … I only wish that I was the one sitting on it, I've always wanted one of my books serialized in The New York Times … That would be something, for sure …"

The White House disclosed today, that in addition to conducting secret wiretaps on American citizens, they also have contracted psychics in their efforts to gleam information on terrorists and their activitiies

News In Brief 20 December 2005

Google Begins Talks With White House To Digitize Wiretaps

Once Declassified, Can Pair With Google Earth So Users Can See If Neighbors Were Under Surveillance

Google, The Garlic learned today, has quietly begun talks with the Bush Administration and White Housel, seeking to secure the rights to digitize the secret wiretaps ordered by President Bush.

According to John Ruffing, editor of a the newsletter 'Did You Mean Everything?', that monitors Googles activities, Google senior executive and lawyers have been in Washington since last Wednesday, and meeting with senior White House officials.

"They're looking to keep the Google Print program moving forward," said Ruffing. "They're not leaving any stone unturned.

Ruffing speculated that the wiretaps could come into play with Google's new partnership investment with America On-Line.

"More likely," said Ruffing, "they'll wait until they become declassified and merge them with Google Earth. That's where the money will be. People will flood them, to see if any of their neighbors were being watched by the government."

Google has been slowed in launching their Google Print program, due to lawsuits filed over copyright issues by publishers and a publishing trade association.

Back in August, Google did score a victory for their Google Print, winning the rights to digitize the Bazooka Joe comics.

Top Ten Cloves: Other Powers President Bush Believes The Constitution Gives Him

10. Make himself permanent host of "Saturday Night Live"

9. Unlimited servings at any salad bar in the country

8. Can carjack any American Citizen he wants and won't face arrest or prosecution

7. Replace the stars on American flag with a picture of himself, Laura and the twins

6. Donate enough money to the GOP and he can place your favorite NFL Team directly in the Super Bowl

5. Can have secret meetings, secret prisons, secret wiretaps … Wait … Patriot Act already lets me do that

4. Through Special Executive Order, can take off Bono and Bill and Melinda Gates and make himself Time Person-of-the-Year

3. Redistrict, not just Texas, but the entire country and eliminate altogether the Democratic Party

2. Put the White House on the market and, when its sold, keep the profits

1. Not only is he Commander-in-Chief, but, in 2006, new captain of New York Yankees

Monday 19 December 2005

Angry Bush Invokes 70's Spoof Movie To Justify Spying On Citizens

Brusque Off-Camera Exchange With Reporter; Three Day Blitz Part Of New White House Tour Plans

Following a nationally-televised press conference from the White House this morning, an agitated President Bush exchanged terse statements with a reporter shortly after ending the session and going off-camera.

Still bristling from a question asked in the press conference, about "unchecked presidential authority" the President buttoned-holed the reporter, and, with sticking his finger in the reporters' chest, said angrily;

"I'm in the drivers seat! … I'm running the show! … I'm the fucking President!"

The President then turned and stormed away from the gathering amidst shouting reporters wanting clarification.

A few minutes later, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan attempted to characterize President Bush as "having a little fun with you guys".

McClellan offered a private interview to the assembled reporters if they could name the movie the President used but none did before McClellan told them about "The Groove Tube".

Bush was invoking a quote from the popular 1974 movie, "The Groove Tube", a collection of satirizing skits.

The press conference this morning was the third consecutive day of a media offensive by the White House, with the President wrapping himself in duties of his office as a means to justify the war in Iraq and the new revelation of wiretapping telephone calls of American citizens/

"I took an oath to defend the Constitution, and I have no greater responsibility than to protect our people, our freedom, and our way of life," the President has said repeatedly and often.

The media blitz, following his four speeches laying out his new "National Strategy For Victory In Iraq" over the past two-weeks, as well as granting interviews to network anchors. All are part of a new plan by the White House to extend the Presidents speaking schedule.

After declining to comment to PBS's Jim Leher on Friday night, about the disclosure by the "New York Times" earlier in the day of a program authorized by the President to allow the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on American citizens' telephone calls, the President shifted gears on Saturday, beginning with his weekly "Radio Address".

In the address, the President cited the Patriot Act as giving him the powers, as well as saying "to fight the war on terror, I am using authority vested in me by Congress, including the Joint Authorization for Use of Military Force, which passed overwhelmingly in the first week after September the 11th. I'm also using constitutional authority vested in me as commander in chief.

However, the White House took the unusual step of allowing television cameras to broadcast the Radio Address, live, as opposed to the typical action or recording the address for later broadcast.

On Sunday, the President took to the national airwaves again, with another address, this time from the Oval Office.

In his nearly 17-minute speech, the President again, hit the themes that he was authorized by Congress and has the powers as Commander in Chief from the Constitution to conduct such an intelligence gathering program.

All of this follow the disclosures over the past month that the U.S. Military has been paying a consulting agency to plant pro-American stories in Iraqi newspapers, and that the Pentagon was gathering information on domestic individuals and groups who were participating in anti-war demonstrations and programs.

In today's press conference, the President cited the Senate's blocking the renewal of the Patriot act as "shameful" and inexcusable", saying it was "an essential tool" in the fight against terrorism.

In his speeches and addresses over the weekend, and in today's press conference, the President repeatedly stated that "Congress gave me authority," in reference to his authorizing the spying program. The President also added that Congress has been advised and that he plans on continuing using the program.

Critics, both Democrats and Republicans are puzzled that the White House has hot used the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA.) and gone to the FISA Court, which has, overwhelmingly, granted warrants for wiretaps. The FISA Act also allows for applying for the wiretaps after-the-fact, within 72-hours, under special or extreme circumstances.

Senator Arlen Spector (R-PA), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, said he intends to hold hearings.

"They talk about constitutional authority," Specter said. "There are limits as to what the president can do."

Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) acknowledged he had been briefed on the four-year-old domestic spy program "a couple months ago."

"The president can't pass the buck on this one. This is his program," Reid said on "Fox News Sunday." "He's commander in chief. But commander in chief does not trump the Bill of Rights."

"The president has, I think, made up a law that we never passed," said Sen. Russell Feingold (D-WI"I tell you, he's President George Bush, not King George Bush. This is not the system of government we have and that we fought for."

McClellan refused to confirm or deny if the President would be using any additional quotes from movies to defend his actions.

"He does like Clint Eastwood films," offered the Press Secretary, "so, maybe, at the next press conference, he might ask one of you to make his day."

White House Councilor Harriet Miers has to duck photo- graphers, and under the wires and equipment that allows President Bush to listen to wiretapped telephone calls, live, in real-time, from the Oval Office.

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Bill and Melinda Gates May Be Miffed At Sharing Time Person-of-the-Year With Bono

10. Bono uses a Mac

9. Pissed off that they have to do photo shoot and PR after Time-Warner burned Microsoft and sold piece of AOL to Google

8. Afraid Larry and Sergy will criticize them that they couldn’t win it on their own

7. It will probably bring a new round of frivolous lawsuits against Microsoft for monopolizing Time Person-of-the-Year Awards

6. Bush Administration already badgering them to pay for Bird Flu vaccine

5. Likely to send Steve Ballmer into another chair-throwing rampage

4. Bono will probably write a new song and it will only be god-dammed available on iTunes

3. Fear Bono may ask Gates to relieve debts of Microsoft customers and vendors

2. Being lumped with Bono probably means President Bush will be wiretapping their phone calls now

1. Apple already badgering them to do new iPod commercial with Bono

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 18 December 2005

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"Oh wow, you should hear some of these calls" was the reaction of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, as she listened to an iPod loaded with wiretapped calls from the NSA and President Bush's program of eavesdropping on American citizens