Breaking News! - Staffers calling the President “Svengali”

Breaking News!

Bush Threatens North Korea With Unannounced Visit If Missile Tested

Will Subject Kim Jong II To The “Look In The Eyes” Boasts “Talk To Maliki or Gates If You Think I’m Bluffing”

Perhaps just hours away from North Korea conducting a long-range missile test, that is said to have the capability of reaching Alaska, President Bush issued his harshest condemnation of the test, threatening North Korea leader Kim Jong iI with a “unannounced visit” and a “Look into the eyes” test.

“I’m prepared to drop in on Kim Jong iI at any time, on a moments notice,” declared President Bush, via a statement released by the White House a short time ago.

“And Kim Jong II can call and talk to the Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, or Bill Gates if he thinks I’m bluffing.”

Following his triumphant visit to Baghdad, Bush also made an unannounced visit to Redmond, Washington, to sack Microsoft Founder Bill Gates.

Sources did tell The Garlic last week that the President’s surprise trip less to do with diplomacy and more to do with mistakenly believing that Karl Rove had been indicted, and Vice President Dick Cheney “pushed” the President out of Washington, to keep him away from any subpoenas.

Rumsfield Threatens Wrath, Calls Jong II “Nut Job”

President Bush’s statement came after International calls streamed in, urging the cancellation of the missile testing.

Three of North Korea’s neighbors - Japan, Australia and New Zealand – all warned of harsh consequences, including referral to the United Nations Security Council for possible sanctions if the 115-foot Taepodong-2 missile is launched.

All three countries added that they believe that “President Bush has a clear strategy for victory in Iraq."

Earlier today, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice viewed the missile launch by North Korea as a "very serious matter" and “a provocative act”.

When pressed, Rice conceded that it was “very likely” North Korea’s Missile Program was riddled with “thousands of tactical errors”, however, precautions have to be taken.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield commended Rice for her comments, saying “I’m glad she doesn’t think that we’re the only one’s who make tactical errors.”

“This nut job over there,” continued Rumsfield, “it’s ... .it’s ... preposterous that he is considered to be the head of a country ... It’s inconceivable that this person doesn’t know the wrath that will rain down upon him if he fires that rocket.”

Staffers calling the President “Svengali”

With President Bush receiving a bounce in his poll numbers, following his surprise trip to Baghdad last week, the White House is, although unconfirmed as of this writing, adding it to it’s arsenal of options when dealing with rogue states.

According to Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century, President Bush “really believes in this eye thing.”

“After Putin, and now Maliki, he’s convinced of it,” added Martins. “He thinks, all he as to do is stand toe-to-toe with these guys, stare into their eyes and he knows if they’re with him, or against him.”

Reportedly, some of the White House staffers, good-naturedly, are referring to and calling the President “Svengali”

While no official comment has come from North Korea, some wire services are reporting that Kim Jong iI, a longtime resident on the Axis of Evil List, after being advised of President Bush’s comments, said defiantly “Bring’em On”, in clipped English.

“Bring’em On” and “Wanted: Dead or Alive” are two phrases recently disavowed by President Bush.

Mexican President Vicente Fox says Kim Jong il “doesn’t stand a chance” against President Bush’s “Look Into The Eyes” diplomacy. White House Staffers have taken to calling the President “Svengali” for his ocular prowess