Top Ten Cloves: Some Of The Lobbying Techniques White House Is Using To Aid Guatemala Gaining U.N. Security Council Seat

News Item: Venezuela Is Denied Security Council Seat; New Vote Scheduled Today as Intensive Campaign Fails to Win Two-Thirds of Ballots

10. President Bush personally telephoned voting countries, reminding them that the Axis of Evil list can easily be expanded

9. To get Mexico’s vote, suggested they could cut down border fence to, say, 500-miles?

8. Threatened, to replace John Bolton with Tom DeLay to U.N. and have him hammer out the votes for Guatemala

7. Rounding up a bunch of retired Venezuelan Generals to criticize and call for Hugo Chavez’s resignation

6. Offered to outsource Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld to any country, and have them smear their opposition

5. Mysteriously, and only to the Arab League nations, cartoons depicting Allah, on Venezuelan Diplomatic letterhead, showed up in mail boxes this morning

4. Sent copies of DVD to all voting countries, of Hugo Chavez impersonator calling their leaders “The Devil”

3. Offered live, closed-circuit satellite feed of President Bush signing Military Commissions Act of 2006, and dangled franchise rights to new, secret CIA Prisons in exchange for vote

2, Pinned blame for Foley Page Scandal on Venezuela, intimating Venezuelan diplomats doing similar things with U.N. pages

1. Working with Guatemala, laid out plan that, if balloting doesn’t end soon, will make motion to bring in Diebold Voting Machines

To keep Hugo Chavez and Venezuela from attaining a U.N. Security Council seat, President Bush has threatened, to replace John Bolton with Tom DeLay to U.N. and have him hammer out the votes for Guatemala