Neocon Dolphins? ... Say It Ain't So, Flipper!

This was a rather jarring headline that caught my eye yesterday;

Killer dolphins baffle marine experts

Say what? ... Killer dolphins?

Was The World Weekly News back in business?

After quickly looking, to see if this was, in any way, emanating out of Fox News (it wasn't, it's from Telegraph.co.uk), I felt it had some credibility.

New evidence has been compiled by marine scientists that prove the normally placid dolphin is capable of brutal attacks both on innocent fellow marine mammals and, more disturbingly, on its own kind.

Confirmation of the murders came by way of two shocking films shot by holidaymakers.

The first was initially believed to show a dolphin fishing for salmon - until closer examination revealed a relentless attack on a porpoise, its body spinning round with such force that its back was broken and its soft tissue shattered.

Marine experts now believe that these displays of attacks on non-rival, non-predatory, peace-loving porpoises and, more shockingly, of dolphin infanticide, may have always taken place.

Yikes!

Say it ain't so, Flipper!

What about all those water park shows, with chippering, playful dolphins jumping through hoops, and having little toddlers placed on their backs? ... Is this just a ruse, a seduction, sucking us in before the big attack?

Will Shamu protest, demanding to keep top billing? Or demand protection?

Do we now have to face having a breed of Neocon Dolphins?

Dolphins that attack for no reason ... Dolphins making preemptive attacks on innocents ...

Now, we know the Bush Grindhouse once wanted to deploy polar bears in Iraq, have they been secretly training, breeding these killer dolphins? Are they the unheralded components of The Commander Guys' unbelievable successful surge?

Is Cheney's office, or the Joint Chiefs of Staff, burning the midnight oil, toiling over how to get all the Iranians in the water, so the dolphins can do their work?

Will there be a kipper-tape parade down 5th Avenue when they come home?

Hmmm ... Even better ... Who can beat down and save us from these renegade, killer, Neocon dolphins?

Can you smell Rambo V?


Bonus Fish Tales

Mystery of the killer dolphins

Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina

Attack of the Killer Dolphins (Maybe)

The evolution of a dubious war hero; Rambo's a tragic victim of Vietnam, or a fierce warrior, or a reluctant invader. Whatever his audience needs from a war movie right now