Thursday 4 August 2004

'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Gives President His Choice of War Phrasing

Beats back Rumsfield After Downing Cheney and Rice; May Adopt Game To Solve Other Policy Matters

President Bush demolished members of his cabinet yesterday, in a round of the game 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' to win the right to keep referring to the conflict with Islamic extremists as "The war on terror".

In recent weeks, after debating the issue internally since January, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield began making references to the war as the "global struggle against violent extremism." Other cabinet officers and administration officials began using the phrase as well before the President objected.

Some of the other phrasing that was floated but ultimately dropped included 'The Healthy Iraq Initiative', "Project for the New Iraqi Century' and 'Shock, Awe and Some Good, Old-Fashion Ass-Kicking'.

Since September 11, 2001, the President has used, consistently, in his speaking that the United States is at war with terrorism.

"Make no mistake about it, we are at war," the President stated, after vanquishing Rumsfield in the final round of ''Rock, Paper, Scissors' .

Gen. Richard B. Myers of the Air Force, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who did not enter the contest to win the right of phrasing, has been an opponent of using the "war" phrasing, saying "… if you call it a war, then you think of people in uniform as being the solution."

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was the first to go up against the President in 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' and was quickly dispatched by Mr. Bush. Vice President Dick Cheney was next, and, for a time, it appeared that Cheney was on the verge of overtaking the President. Sources say that the Vice President "took glee" in pounding the Presidents' fists, almost looking "like he wanted to hurt Bush".

The President rallied against Cheney, deftly setting him up before delivering the crushing "rock" blow.

In announcing the results of the contest, and that the President will stick with using the phrase, 'war on terror', Scott McClellan, White House Spokesperson indicated that the child's game may be adopted by the administration.

"The President is pretty confident that this could be a useful tool in solving other policy matters," said McClellan.

McClellan would neither confirm or deny the rumor that the President has challenged the Senate to a 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' , Winner-Take-All Match, over his Social Security package.


"You take care of my boy Bolton, and I'll make the Oil For Food look like chump change"