News Item: U.S. Plans to Shoot Down Broken Spy Satellite
10. Only reason Bush gave authorization? ... Another opportunity to throw on the flightsuit!
9. Arlen Specter is making waves; Wants investigation of satellite, to be sure it isn't part of Bill Belichick and New England Patriots spying operation
8. Grounding all astronauts around the time of the shooting ... Don't what them drunk and flying into the line-of-fire
7. Plans call for shooting it at the angle so the debris will fall to earth, directly over Iran
6. Mark McKinnon changing his mind - Now leaving McCain Campaign, not over Obama, but for the shooting down of the satellite
5. Thinking about outsourcing this to Blackwater, but fearful Blackwater will shoot down 17 innocent satellites
4. After its' shot down, White House will suddenly claim that's where all their emails were stored
3. Mike Huckabee has offered to loan the Navy Chuck Norris - If that happens, satellite will shoot itself down, just so it doesn't have to deal with Chuck Norris
2. Navy competing with Dick Cheney, who is going to be with his hunting buddies, at the Armstrong Ranch, taking shots at it
1. How do we know this isn't just another Filipino Monkey scam?
UPDATE - Bonus Riffs
Noah Shachtman, at Wired Blog Network: Experts Scoff at Sat Shoot-Down Rationale (Updated)