This Is Just Going To Be Too Easy ...

Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain.

Robert Greenwald and his Brave New Films has a winner, and you can just see how this will be like a fine roux, adding, and adding to it, making it into an even finer finished product, come November.

Over on Balloon Juice, Tom in Texas calls in "Straight Talking in Circles".

Spencer Ackerman cautions "Don't Mug Yourself", loving "all that national-security straight talk."

The buzz is all about "McCain's YouTube Problem Just Became a Nightmare";

There's no question John McCain is getting a free ride from the mainstream press. But with the power of YouTube and the blogosphere, we can provide an accurate portrayal of the so-called Maverick. We can put the brakes on his free ride!

Since we first released The Real McCain a year ago, our REAL McCain series has garnered close to 2 million views, with over 13,000 comments and tens of thousands more in petition signatures! Clearly, John McCain's record is something the public wants to discuss, and yet the corporate media is doing NOTHING to present the truth. We feel obliged to continue countering the mainstream media's love of McCain. And so we thought it was high time for a sequel: The Real McCain 2

Check it out!

"McCain's YouTube Problem Just Became a Nightmare"




What's that old saying?

Too many lobbyists will spoil the sauce ...

I Missed Home Ec For This!

Quick, somebody get Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain some GPS for his trip down Memory Lane!

No doubt, as the the Sometime Straight Talk Express pulled into his old High School yesterday, lounging back in one of its' seats, SB John must have had a smile on his face, dreamily recalling his youthful exploits.

While SB John may have been pleasantly ensconced in the somniferous sounds of a Victrola tune long gone, he stepped off the bus into an iPod-MySpace-YouTube-World Wide Web-24/7 kind-of-life and, it looks like he's gonna have a tough time with it.

Student calls McCain out for political motivations of school appearance

Today Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) stopped at his alma mater, Episcopal High School in Virginia, to lecture on the importance of teaching and the honor code. McCain’s toughest question came from student Katelyn Halldorson, who called the senator out for the political motivations of his appearance:

“I think judging by the amount of press representatives here and also by the integration of your previous political endorsements in your earlier personal narrative, we can see that this isn’t completely absent – er political motivation isn’t completely absent,” she said. “Yet we were told that this isn’t a political event. So what exactly is your purpose in being here – not that I don’t appreciate the opportunity, but I’d just like some clarification.”

“I knew I should have cut this thing off. This meeting is over,” McCain joked, before launching into a long description of his biography tour…

McCain concluded the visit by saying, “I hope that attendance here was not compulsory…I apologize if you were unwillingly in attendance here.”

According to one EHS staff member, attendance was required.

Space Cowboy, over on Shakesville, offered that "I don't remember any classmates whatsoever that were as cool as the student quoted above, Katelyn Halldorson. Maybe there's hope after all."

Wonkette gave Halldorson their "High Schooler Who Harasses John McCain Of The Day", for calling out McCain's "bullshit".

Looks like SB John, if he's going to called out and dumped on by teenagers, is going to have to adopt something else from The Commander Guy

Invitation-Only, Military audiences.

The Bob Dole For The New Millennium

So, Johnnie McCain survives in the Sunshine State, besting Make-Up Mitt, Rudy911 and The Huckster.

Or, as Melissa McEwan put it, over on Shakespeare's Sister;

"As Petulant mentioned in his Morning Readings, John "The Defaultinator" McCain took the all-important GOP Florida primary yesterday, eking out another win on the basis of merely not being a cross-dressing philanderer, a lying dog-torturer in magic underpants, or a virulently misogynist theocrat. Way to be the least objectionable specimen in a barrel of worm-infested apples, McCain! A hearty congrats from all your fans at Shakesville.

The prediction, according to the babbling talking heads last evening, is that the GOP will, slowly, begin to stand in line behind Johnnie Boy, for he, with his war heroism, deep Senatorial experience, and, by gosh, his Come-Back-Kid determination, is the only one, the gallant RNC soldier-in-shining-armor who can take on the Dragon Hillary.

The GOP, for many reasons, is on their knees every night, praying for a Hillary-McCain showdown.

It will be the 1990's all over again, with needing little more than to pull out the Clinton Bashing box from the archives.

If you were, during the South Carolina Primary, confused as to which Clinton was running, wait'll a general election of McCain-Hillary ... You'll have a clearer vision looking through the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle ...

For, if they get Obama, it will be the Kennedy-Nixon Debate every single day of the campaign, McCain tripping over his Father Time beard, a skeletal-dust-filled suit laying in front of the voting stations by the time election day rolls around.

The youth and exuberance, the oratory skills, of Obama will paint the Straight Talk Express bus into a hearse, McCain's campaign posters into The Picture of Dorian Gray.

And that's just the visuals.

McCain's going to have an arduous campaign, having to carry The Commander Guy on this back throughout.

It will be hope, and rebuilding America's integrity, versus the 100-year war candidate.

No doubt, the McCain crew is already starting to put the bus in reverse, and will frame McCain's hawkish embrace of the Bush Doctrine as a Korea-like, policing mission.

Good luck, and order some neck braces.

Driving in reverse for so long a period of time is surely to cause some discomfort.

Hmmm ... Didn't Bob Dole have his own bag of war heroism, and his own deep Senatorial experience?

If Dole isn't plagued by raging hard-ons, maybe, just maybe, the GOP will really reach into the "It's Your Turn" bag and match up Dole with Johnnie for another run at it, punching the All-Time, Grand OLD Party ticket ...

To steal from The Commander Guy ... Bring them on!


Bonus Johnnie Boy Riffs

Barry Crimmins: Whispering John's big night

ABC News: High School Student to McCain: You're No Leader

Arianna Huffington: Those Were the Days: Bush and McCain Use 9/11 Nostalgia to Sell the Surge

McCain Sings: "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran," At Campaign Stop

McCain Calls For MoveOn.Org To Be "Thrown Out of the Country"

McCain says he wants to shoot Osama

Ari Melber: LIEBERMAN'S NEW KISS OF DEATH

John McCain & Miss Teen SC on Economics

Retro Garlic ... That Madcap McCain Is At It - Again!

John, John, John ...

This is getting embarrassing ...

I know that it's all the rage for the cheerleaders of the Bush Invasion and Occupation of Iraq to now paint themselves longstanding critics but, jeez ... You, Mr. Maverick ... Mr. Straight Talk Express ...

John, you jumped the shark on this months ago with your "Sunday In The Baghdad Park With John" moment ( you remember it don't you? The body armor? ... The gunship helicopters? ...)

The team has walked out on you, the money is dried up and the long, long fall has you flying coach now ....

And there's that Rhode Island Death Cat that's stalking you ...

Think Progress has it ...

"I Was The Greatest Critic’ Of The Iraq War Over The Last Four Years"

Drop the "I Was A Critic" bullshit, John ... Before it gets ugly ... Before the big dogs in the race really start picking on you .. Before you start to lose it, in public ... Those snapping, snarling moments that have you looking more like a guy that's going to burst into his office and start shooting up the place, than as a Presidential candidate ... Before the whispers start ... Those South Carolina whispers ... Are they real? Are they inside your head? ... Just stop John, before it gets ugly.

With nothing left to lose at this point, you might as well just go with "At least I'm not Rudy".

More Bad News For McCain; Death Cat Curling Up Next To His Campaign Photos

Senator and Presidential Hopeful Drops F-Bomb, As Feline Grim Reaper Maintains Streak, Giving Signal That McCain Effort Over;

In the "What Else Can Go Wrong Department", reports indicated that the uncanny Rhode Island nursing home cat that foresees death, is said to have been curling up next to newspaper campaign photos of Senator John McCain (R-AZ).

Additionally, Oscar the Death Cat at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, R.I. runs and sits under the television whenever the Senator is on the screen.

McCain, the ardent supporter of President Bush's invasion and occupation of Iraq, and 2008 Presidential hopeful, has seen his campaign sink, dogged by headlines in recent weeks of "John McCain goes off the rails", "McCain's Meltdown" and "The Implosion Of Senator John McCain" as well as the abandonment of staffers rivaling the sinking of the Titanic, including more yesterday, when his media team resigned.

Now, having Oscar the Death Cat stalking him, even from a distance, can't be an encouraging sign for the man who's heading to be the modern day Alf Landon.

"He's a cat with an uncanny instinct for death," said Dr. David M. Dosa, assistant professor at the Brown University School of Medicine and a geriatric specialist, in a Boston Globe interview. "He attends deaths. He's pretty insistent on it."

Oscar has foreseen 25 deaths in the two-years he's been at the nursing home.

Officially, the McCain camp (well, what's left of it, which may be better described as an outing or gathering) would offer no comment.

However, sources have told The Garlic, that when McCain was told about Oscar the Death Cat, the Senator launched into one of his trademark explosions.

"Now", seethed McCain, "I have a fucking cat weighing in on my campaign ... A fucking little, mangy, stinking fucking cat is gonna tell me I can't run for President ... What is this, the Daily Kos's cat! ... Move-Fucking-On programming fucking cats now to screw with me! ..."

McCain, sources in attendance said, then tore of his his flak jacket and stormed out of the room, still mumbling about the cat.

"It's really sad", offered Irena Dubrovna, who publishes "The GOP Litter Box" an advice and information newsletter for Republicans who own cats, but are conflicted that their feline pets aren't self-sufficient, "but not all that surprising."

"I mean, McCain ... In a Blackberry, IM, YouTube world, John McCain is Morse Code and carbon paper ... It's not surprising that this cat would catch his campaign's death scent."

Bonus Links

McCain - Obama Feud Update; Obama Grammy Sends McCain Heading Into Studio

McCain Says Abducted and Grilled By Cheney; Won't Budge On Torture Ban; Held For Two-Days In Secret Bunker; Hadley Defends 'Discussion", Saying Part of New National Victory Strategy


McCain explodes after learning Oscar the Death Cat has signaled his presidential campaign is over