Wednesday, November 14, 2007

There'll Be A Lot Of Dummies Bidding On This One

When will the unbridled outrage hit?

Will we see a mountain of decks of playing cards being run over by a bulldozer?

Does Clear Channel wave the flag and ban broadcasting any bridge tournaments?

The feathers are flying in the big-time world of Competitive Bridge, as reported today by the NYT;

Display of Anti-Bush Sign Has Competitive Bridge World in an Uproar

"In the genteel world of bridge, disputes are usually handled quietly and rarely involve issues of national policy. But in a fight reminiscent of the brouhaha over an anti-Bush statement by Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks in 2003, a team of women who represented the United States at the world bridge championships in Shanghai last month is facing sanctions, including a yearlong ban from competition, for a spur-of-the-moment protest."

Can't you just see the Faux News gang jumping on this one?

Bill O'Reilly doing his typical, blowhard, fact-less talking points (and, what are the odds that he'll bring some level of creepy sex into it), rallying his pinheads to boycott sponsors, etc.

And that the French team sent a supporting email to the woman ... Man, O'Reilly will have months-and-months of forced outrage to work through on this one.

Sean Hannity, likely already beet-red-in-the-face ... So much so, he must be making plans to launch his own "Free Bid To Save America" concert tour, perhaps pairing up Lee Greenwood and Oliver North to "kick some bridge pansies asses".

Michelle "Stalkin" Malkin will call for these woman to be placed in internment camps, or, perhaps she'll do her stalkin' thing and then print their names, home addresses and telephone numbers on her blog, so the Freakshow nutjobs can harass them (and, heaven help these bridge woman if they have ever taken advantage of a government health program for children).

Strap yourselves in for an onslaught of jingoistic, patriotic morals lessons, and a parade of "bridge experts" on the cable news frontier, pontificating on how this is degrading and ruining the game of Bridge - and the country.

Can't you just see the intrepid Anderson Cooper doing a hushed, pained stand-up in front of a Bridge Tournament?

Or Tucker Carlson, back wearing the bow tie, so it can spin like a propeller in disbelief, conjuring up the anger, and drawing the clear and unmistakable line that this is all Hillary Clinton's fault (Hmm ... Grab the tinfoil hats ... Did the Clinton Campaign ask these Bridge Radicals to hold up the Anti-Bush sign?).

There'll be the stern pronouncements on how all this stains America, how it is such a bad example for our children and, yes, even professional Bridge players should be, without question, supporting the troops.

And how, clearly, these professional Bridge players are not supporting the troops.

It's the November Sweeps, and there's a writer's strike, so expect to see this one pumped up, loud and long, and, who knows, maybe a reality-based television program around Competitive Bridge will pop up (which would, likely, involve some stupid/dangerous/idiotic stunts while playing a game of Bridge, that could, or could not, include running a marathon, dancing, or having to perform work tasks, which they may, or may not be fired from).

Hmmm ... You can almost see the dreams of Emmy and Peabody awards forming over their heads.

And all of this with a single, exclusive, sponsor - The 43rd President of the United States.

Fade out to 'God Bless America'.

Roll Que Sera Sera with final credits.

Bonus Links

Jon Swift: Bridge Too Far

Truthdig: Bridge Protest Leaves U.S. Team Vulnerable

Keith Olbermann: Fox gone wild - Nov. 12: Filmmaker Robert Greenwald discusses how Fox’s programming may be at odds with its own family agenda.

Watch out ladies, the Rightwing Express may be barreling down the tracks in your direction

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