Editor's Note
As we approach the year-anniversary of The Garlic, we will begin, from time-to-time, to offer Special Commentaries, from Garlic Staff as well as guests … Think of them as "Garlictorials" and, as always, thoughts and comments most welcomed
Peace
JTD
Welcome To Bushville … Nice Speech Al, and, On The Way Out, Don't Forget Zuzu's Petals
Al, we hardly knew ye.
Talk about coming off the bench and throwing a "Hail Mary" touchdown pass (and one, presumably, the NFL officials would rule that it is, indeed, a forward pass), with the Senate Democrats looking as clueless and beleaguered as the Indianapolis Colts, it took a veteran politician, six-years out of office, to enter the game and stand up the current, court-appointed President.
Save for Jack Murtha, who must be busy, using his military contacts to gather some intelligence on, not the boat, but the Swift Armada that is heading his way, the Dems have been standing on the sidelines, seemingly, hoping the coach doesn't call them to get in there and kick some ass.
Using the MLK Holiday to amp up the pressure, VP Gore's speech yesterday at the Daughters of the American Revolution Constitution Hall in Washington, "US Constitution in Grave Danger", with his calling for a special prosecutor and charging that "A president who breaks the law is a threat to the very structure of our government", was much needed.
The speech, sponsored by the American Constitution Society, a group founded in 2001 to be the liberal counterpart to the Federalist Society, and the Liberty Coalition, may well be the nectar that can nourish the parched Democrats.
But did it have to be Gore to be the water boy?
After all, back in the 2000 presidential election, our man from Tennessee won the popular count by more than 500,000 votes. It was all there for him, clear field ahead, but rather than running with the ball and diving into the end zone, Al strapped on the leather helmet and punted.
Instead of pushing for a full-state recount of Florida's voting, circa November 2000, Al let the Original Men In Black decide his fate.
What took place to give Bush the Presidency has played out like a acid-laced Hunter S. Thompson-written, Tim Burton-Directors-Cut remake of "It's A Wonderful Life". Only it isn't George Bailey being shown the irony of a slice of life without him, it was big Al Gore.
Clarence Oddbody, now, the over 300-year-old angel, with relatively low-mileage wings, is showing the former Vice President, as well as the rest of America, not to mention Iraq and the entire world, the ramifications of not asking for that state-wide full recount.
And that choke job has landed all of us, not in idyllic Bedford Falls, but in the intelligently-designed, wiretapped, Neocon-filled, Corporate-Congressional pork barrel of Bushville, USA.
Substitute Condoleezza Rice for Violet Bick, John Kerry for Uncle Billy, John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzalez filling in as Ernie and Bert, and that hee-hawing Sam Wainwright saying "Fuck You", keeping his sweatshops overseas, with labor for pennies on the barrel, and a Wal-Mart inspired "no lunch break" employment policy.
Plug in John Murtha as war hero brother Harry, only, instead of flying home in a blizzard to save Big Brother Al, it's Bigger Brother George W. busy smearing the decorated veteran, much to the delight of a wheel-chair-bound Dick Cheney, in the Mr. Potter role of manager and owner of Bushville.
Ten-minutes into this fiasco is about all the bumbling Clarence will need, before he pushes Gore out of the way and does himself in (perhaps, moving the story to Oregon), newly-acquired wings and all, leaving the former internet inventor a destiny of searching the libraries of the world for his beloved Tipper, who has spent her days reading books backwards for subversive music lyrics, in her Tennessee Waltz-less life.
With Lobbyist-extraordinaire Jack Abramoff in the Green Room, warming up for his courtroom aria, in what looks like a payola scandal without precedent, this one may require the Capital Police to issue an official crowd estimate as to how many Congressman and Administration officials it snares.
Randy "Duke" Cunningham has already sobbed his swan song, so, perhaps, the soon-to-come slate of trials will clue him in as to why, it seems. that Abramoff, Scanlon or Tom DeLay forget to tell the former Top Gun that he could have pulled up to the overflowing feeding trough of K Street, instead of taking the Express /10-Items-or-Less line in the graft supermarket know as the Republican Conference.
The scope of the payoffs were such that, the stereotypical laundry trucks, that normally would have been deployed for Court-Appointed-President Bush's super secret wiretapping scam, instead were rerouted to K Street, to haul around the mountains of cash.
Didn't anyone on those special golf trips to Scotland make a cell phone call? If so, likely some more evidence in the NSA's archives.
At least that's what Abramoff must be hoping for. Forget about hitting the cigar lighter and wishing for a million-dollars, Jack-in-Black will settle for a scandal bigger than his.
No doubt, the army of Bush Team lawyers are busy today, combing over Gore's speech, and writing new legal opinions that justify anything Mr. Potter wants to do (and, perhaps a second team of lawyers figuring out, before the ship sinks, which department - Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, NSA or all-of-the-above, to throw under the bus on this one).
If we get lucky, Brother Harry/Jack Murtha gets to fly into the Capital during a blizzard, for the 2006 Congressional Elections, and with the music swelling up, the newly-elected Democrat-majority House knocks out a group rendition of Auld Lange Singe, with Cindy Sheehan filling in for Mr. Martini and pouring the wine.
If not, it's more oil derricks for Bushville and a barren, cold, windswept land, sans a functioning Constitution and Sam Wainwright wiring the money directly into the RNC coffers.
Nice speech Al, but only if you had changed the channel, to "Casablanca" and had Rick Blaine hand you the election and presidency letters. You would have saved so many of us the grief and burden of Bushville, and be able to say "This time, I know our side will win".
On your way out Al, don't forget Zuzu's petals.
"A president who breaks the law is a threat to the very structure of our government."
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Special Commentary: Welcome To Bushville …
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 15 January 2006
At MacWorld this past week, CEO Steve Jobs announced a new program where Apple users can have their iBooks or iPods surgically attached to their bodies. For those electing this procedure, Jobs directed users to the new, iCrazy website, where instructions for computer hobbyists can be download for those that would want to do the attachements themselves
Southwest Airlines will announce a new "Dong" program this week. For registered users, a "dong" will be sounded on their computers whenever a Southwest jet overruns, or goes off a runway
Iraqi Judge Rizgar Mohammed Amin confirmed on Friday that he is stepping down from presiding over the Saddam Hussein trial so that he can become "Judge Mohammed", a new syndicated program on the Al Jazeera News Network, model on the numorous televison court programs in America.
Unlike his American counterparts, Judge Mohammed will have the authority to carry out sentences, including stonings and beheadings.
It took over 30-years but life is imitating art in India, as the government officially unveiled their new 'Ministry of Silly Walks' this past week
The U.S. Treasury issued this week their new Organic $20 Bills, certified to be produced without chemicals or growth hormones
A group of over 100 international;y acclaimed scientists, including Nobel Prize winners, released a three-year study that shows right-wing pundit Ann Coulter "contributes significantly" to Global Warming
Friday, January 13, 2006
Friday 13 January 2006
Breaking News!
Embattled Author Frey Gets DOD Contract
Will Work With Lincoln Group, Splitting Time Between Iraq Propaganda and Bushapalooza
The White House confirmed this morning that embattled author James Frey has been contracted by the Department of Defense and will join with the Lincoln Group, working on writing pro-U.S. articles for insertion in Iraqi media.
It was also disclosed that Frey will join apply his talents to the Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal planned by the White House.
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld met with Frey, who has had a whirl-winded week, defending himself against charges that he fabricated portions of his 2005 bestselling memoir, "A Million Little Pieces".
"A Million Little Pieces", Frey's story of addiction and recovery, was the second highest selling book last year, sitting only behind Harry Potter, and was endorsed by the infamous and very influential Oprah Winfrey Book Club.
Frey has been at the center of controversy, after The Smoking Gun, an investigative Web site, conducted a six-week look into Frey's book, and his accounts of arrests, and other events stated by Frey in the memoir. The Smoking Gun disputed Frey's accounts and could not confirm the information that Frey writes what happened.
In an appearance Wednesday evening, on CNN's 'Larry King Live", Frey defended his work.
"I've acknowledged that I changed things," Frey told King. He continued, saying that the events he changed totaled less than 5 percent of the book's content, and were "within the realm of what's appropriate for a memoir."
Sources close to the White House say it was the "Larry King" appearance that brought Frey to the attention of staffers.
"They have teams of people," said the administrative aid, "that do nothing but watch he cable news show, looking for liberal bias, people criticizing the President, Vice President, the policies. Reports go to Rove, Card and the GOP for follow-up, attacks, smear campaigns, and all that. This guy stuck out, apparently."
Frey was flown into the Capital on Thursday, to meet with Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, and others in the DOD. White House Chief of Staff Andy Card was also present in the meeting.
Rumsfeld was, reportedly, "impressed with his ease of skewing facts, and embellishing accounts" and offered Frey the contract to help write the propaganda for the Iraqi Media program.
Card was equally awed with Frey and worked it out with Rumsfeld to pull Frey into the Bushapalooza tour.
Unconfirmed is that Card had Frey sit with Special Counsel Karl Rove. To test Frey, Rove tossed out new smears, on Congressman Jack Murtha, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, Senator Edward Kennedy and others and Frey went "step-for-step" with Rove.
"He even hit a few out of the park." according to sources. "We're not sure Rove liked that."
Both the Department of Defense and the White House had to secure rights from Frey's publisher, Doubleday, and that secondary publishing rights to Frey's writing for the DOD and Bushapalooza, go to Doubleday, once they are declassified.
What sealed the deal, according to the source, was a surprise telephone call to President Bush, from media mogul and talk show host Oprah Winfrey, and who advised the President that Frey can be "inspirational".
"He can be as inspirational as he wants on this job," said the source. "It's the type of work, the more he can embellish, the more he can make up, the better. He'll be working with people that, well, that's all they do."
The White House would not comment if Frey will be writing any of the President's upcoming State of the Union Address.
After seeing him on "Larry King Live", Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld snapped up embattled author James Frey, for the DOD's Iraq Propaganda program.
Top Ten Cloves: Articles Planned For Martha Stewart's New Magazine
9. How To Spruce Up Your Hurricane-Devastated Home For Under $100
8. Exclusive: Martha's Blueprint For Cashing In On Insider Trading ... And Getting Away With It!
7. Your Government Official Husband Has Been Indicted? Run, Don't Walk To The Nearest Divorce Lawyer
6. Ten Good Prison Tips For Jack Abramoff (Hint, Use Liquid Soap)
5. Celebrity Make-Up Tips with Condoleezza Rice
4. Multitasking During Sex: Is Foreplay A Warm-Up, Or An Item To Check Off?
3. How To Make Your Own Senate Confirmation Hearings From Paper Mache and Lemon Juice
2. Exclusive: "I Got Wasted With Bode Miller - While We Were Skiing"
1. Is It Me, Or Is The Discovery Channel Making Ted Koppel Sexier?
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Thursday 12 January 2006
New Charges Surface As Second Princeton Group Claims Alito As Member
UCAP Says Alito With Them; Dem's Struggle With Frustration In Cracking Conservative Nominee
As the Senate Judiciary Committee winds down the third day of hearings on the nomination of Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. to the United States Supreme Court, a second Princeton University group has claimed the Alito was a member of their organization.
The Unconcerned Alumni of Princeton (UCAP), in a statement released this morning, say the while an undergraduate, and well into his professional career, Alito was a "staunch supporter and active member of UCAP".
"Judge Alito," the statement went on, "has consistently and continually indicate that he could care less about what goes on at Princeton."
Alito was questioned yesterday, about his 1985 job application for a position in the Reagan Administration's Justice Department, his listing membership in CAP - The Concerned Alumni of Princeton.
The Daily Princetonian reported back in November 2005, that "interviews with several alumni who were students in the 1970s paint a picture of Concerned Alumni of Princeton (CAP) as a far-right organization funded by conservative alumni committed to turning back the clock on coeducation at the University".
The only CAP member who could be reached by The Daily Princetonian, was Alito supporter, former New Jersey Superior Court judge and Fox News contributor Andrew Napolitano, Class of 1972.
Napolitano defended the group, saying that there is "absolutely no way" it sought to protest coeducation.
According to Napolitano, the organization was committed instead to increasing alumni involvement in Princeton and tempering "the University's anti-traditionalist leftist urges" at a sensitive time in history when the majority of students and faculty were opposed to the Nixon administration's policies, particularly the Vietnam War.
UCAP rose up, after increasing pressure for undergraduates to become more involved in Princeton activities, both while attending and post-graduation, including relentless solicitations for donations to the school.
A spokesperson for UCAP indicated that, over the years, the organization has grown in membership.
"We have, every year, students that just don't give a tiger's ass about the school. We want to accommodate them, give them a place where they can socialize with others who feel the same way, in a safe and non-pressured environment."
So far, in the hearings, Alito has not been questioned about his membership in UCAP.
In a related matter, the Democrats, both those sitting on the Judiciary Committee, as well as those in the House and Senate, are becoming increasing frustrated, and desperate, in their attempts to crack Alito on his views to Roe v. Wade and abortion, Presidential Powers, and his position on race and co-education.
Sources have told The Garlic that the Democrats are "completely freaked out".
"They're beating their brains out to come up with questions." said one Congressional Aide. "They've got their staffs scouring the web, pouring through newspapers and magazines … They're just tearing through anything they can get their hands on."
There are confirmed reports of seeing Trivial Pursuit games strewn about Senator Diane Feinstein's office, with staff members copying questions and answers off the game's cards.
Others have seen a relaxed Senator Joe Biden trying on hats in his office.
Biden, this morning on NBC's "Today" program called the hearings "pointless", saying that they serve no purpose and should be replaced with a straight up or down vote on the nominee.
“The system's kind of broken,” said Biden.
Rumors have circulated that a group of Democratic Congressman and Senators are seeking to have a committee member request, in special Executive Session, to allow Mike Wallace, and other members of "60 Minutes" special access that would allow them to question Alito, in session and for the record.
There have been unconfirmed reports, from a variety of sources, of Senator Ted Kennedy, standing in a Washington D.C. Staples Office Supply Store, "banging and pounding" on a Staples "Easy Button", demanding help from the sales staff on coming up with questions he can ask Alito.
Democrats have the Desperate Housewives standing by in the Senate hallways, questions in-hand, awaiting a ruling from Senate Judiciary Chairman Arlen Specter, that will allow the alluring residents of Wisteria Lane to grill Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito, in hopes they can crack the conservative judge
Top Ten Cloves: Reasons NFL Ending Sponsorship of Erectile Dysfunction Drug Levitra
9. Believes, if Samuel Alito is confirmed to Supreme Court, will outlaw the drug so just getting ahead of the curve (so it speak)
8. Discovered, in investigation of that Minnesota Vikings sex party, Levitra was "handed out like candy"
7. Too many dropped passes this year; Management thinks it's related to drugs' possibility of vision impairment
6. It's been too difficult to get NFL logo on the pills
5. Dissatisfied, want touchdown drives that last more that four-hours
4. Team cheerleaders chanting "When the moment is right, will you be ready?" as players come off field after the game
3. Just found out that nickname 'Neon Deon" didn't refer to Sander's play on the field
2. Too many players uncomfortable, seeing huge offensive tackles soaking in side-by-side whirlpools after taking drug
1. Worried will have to give some to Rolling Stones during Super Bowl halftime show and, Lord knows what will happen
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Tuesday 10 January 2006
Garlic Exclusive!
White House Calls In Scandal Leaders Of Past For Strategy Session
Watergate, Abscam, Whitewater Figures To Offer Expertise' "All Options Are On The Table"
For the second time in a week, President Bush and the White House have called in and hosted a group of high-powered former government officials - this morning, participants in former Capital Hill scandals - for a detailed briefing and strategy session, concentrating on the myriad of problems circling around the administration.
One of the goals of the session, according to sources close to the administration, was to seek advice and counsel on spinning blame for the growing problems, scandals and indictments facing the Bush Administration, and Republican Party, on to the Democrats and Media.
This follows the surprising, and unusual move by the President last week, of bringing in a number of former Secretaries of State and Defense, as a means of getting feedback on his Iraq War and policies.
Among those attending the meeting this morning included Watergate figures, G. Gordon Liddy, an operative, and former Nixon White House legal counsel John Dean, former Congressman Michael "Ozzie" Myers (D-PA) and Frank Thompson (D-NJ), convicted in Abscam, former Senator Larry Pressler (R-SD), who was approached for a bribe in Abscam and but refused to accept it, and Clinton friends James McDougal and Susan McDougal, as well as Clinton White House counsel Webster Hubbel, who were all involved in the Whitewater scandal.
Former chairman, Committee on Ways and Means Chairman Dan Rostenkowski (D-IL) was invited, but could not attend. Presently, there are no scandals or charges pending against anyone for stealing stamps.
As with last week's meeting of former Secretaries of State and Defense, huddling with the participants of past crimes and misdemeanors is another element in the aggressive public relations push by the Bush and the White House, and is another tool in the "Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal" announced last week.
White House Press Secretary said in a briefing that "the President was very pleased with the meeting this morning."
"As with last weeks' group, these are good solid Americans who understand that we've got to succeed now that we're in these scandals. The President is most grateful for the suggestions they've given and takes to heart the advice.''
White House and Bush stenographer Bob Woodward, author and Washington Post reporter, was in attendance, at the special invitation of President Bush
"I think,: offered Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative think tank, 'Cry Wolf', "the White House staff talked the President into inviting Bob. Chances are he'll write a book on this and there'll be a positive spin for the President … They're looking to write, or burnish, his history … If the can rewrite it on-the-fly, all the better …"
Varicator could not confirm if Woodward was writing or reporting on the meeting, or if he intended to sit on the story for two-years.
Woodward could not be reached for comment, and is said to be in continued talks with moving to The New York Times, who have already stated that they would allow him to sit on stories.
The group overwhelmingly approved blaming the media as much as possible. They are said to support the jailing of journalists who hold to protecting sources, mainly because "it ties up the case in court for months, even possibly, years".
An agenda page leaked to The Garlic, scheduled was a 15-minute discussion on indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff. The President was seeking input on how to shift this from a Republican scandal, over to the Democrats.
According to a source that was familiar with the meeting notes, the President already had statements from Congressman Tom DeLay, denouncing Abramoff, citing his innocence and "pointing the finger at Democrats and overzealous prosecutors".
There was one tense and terse moment in the meeting, coming when John Dean, jailed for his role in the Watergate scandal, suggested resignation to President Bush.
Bush is said to have been upset with the suggestion, and had Vice President Dick Cheney swear at and berate Dean.
"Dean argued," according to the source, "that, to be fair, all options have to be on the table"
At one point, the meeting was interrupted, when Alexander Haig, former Secretary of State during the Reagan Administration, and who attended last week's special meeting, popped in to see if he was needed to "be in charge".
Members of the Lincoln Group were also at the meeting, and served as facilitators at one point, according to the agenda, when the members of the meeting broke into smaller groups, to brainstorm specific scenarios on placing the blame for the scandals away from the Bush Administration.
The Lincoln Group staffers recorded the ideas from the groups and will later provide the White House with press releases and copy they could plant in the media.
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich closed the meeting, with a motivational speech and his own suggestion, of having the White House and Republican Leaders craft a "Contract For America II".
Gingerich led a Republican takeover of Congress in 1994 with his "Contract For America", as its' platform, Gingrich was eventually hit with ethics charges of his own and was subsequently forced from his leadership position.
Gingerich allegedly told the meeting members that "Contract For America II" should allow for "extramarital affairs", citing that "in the post-Clinton world of politics, sex scandals don't last more then a few news cycles".
Reports that the Bush Administration, and the NSA have "lost track" of who they are wiretapping, have President Bush retreating to Air Force One each evening, to make his telephone calls from a secure line
Top Ten Cloves: How Andy Rooney Would Spend $20-Million, Instead Of Giving It To Katie Couric
9. Put it in a bank that still appreciates customers, and gives toasters or Green Stamps for making deposits
8. Hire someone to catalog all those little pieces of paper with scribbling that one accumulates
7. Maybe buy a hot air balloon, like Richard Branson, except he can't get on a little step ladder without getting vertigo
6. Might go into work late one day … Just because he can
5. Can finally afford to get the ol' eyebrows trimmed a little
4. Complain to the tellers when they don't put those little paper bands around his cash
3. Will consider breaking down and buying first color television set
2. Put down payment on sending his ashes into space … Not that anyone up there would want them, or have use for them
1. Grab Bob Schieffer and go out and really tie one on
Monday, January 09, 2006
Monday 9 January 2006
White House Meets With Robertson; Plan Video Blitz
Controversial Minister To Produce Al Qaeda-type Videos, Promising Death and Destruction, To Counter Bin Laden's
While distancing themselves from his most recent, over-the-top remarks, the White House confirmed a meeting with televangelist Pat Robertson that laid out plans for a new video blitz on the War on Terror, featuring the controversial and outspoken minister.
As a new element added to his Strategy For Victory In Iraq, President Bush, and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld met for three hours in the Oval Office on Friday with the Robertson. The goal of the meeting, sources told The Garlic, was to see if the minister would employ his right-wing rhetoric for the U.S. Military.
"They've seen the success, the wide play in media of all those Al Qaeda videos, from Osama Bin Laden, or whoever is the Number Two guy that week" said Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em'.
The most recent video from Al Qaeda came on January 6th, when No. 2, Ayman al-Zawahri called the United States' decision to withdraw some troops from Iraq represented "the victory of Islam" and called on Muslims to attack oil sites
"And, the administration is already on record with paying of stories, spiking the media over there."
Recently, on his religious news and variety show,"The 700 Club", broadcast on the Christian Broadcasting Network, It's Robertson said that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment for "dividing God's land."
"God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.'"
Last August, Robertson caused an uproar when he suggested that the U.S. Government should assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
"It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop," he said.
In November, Robertson chastised the citizens of Dover, PA, when after voting out of office an entire school board who attempt to introduce the controversial Intelligent Design philosophy - the belief that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power, as an alternative to the theory of evolution - into the town's school curriculum.
"I'd like to say," warned Robertson, " to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city," Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club".
"Rumsfeld sees this guy as an asset," said Larson. "He loves the guy and can't wait to get him going, and lobbying back to Al Qaeda the same kind of propaganda."
According to a senior staff official close to the program, Robertson will begin taping diatribes in the "next few weeks.
He will wear some type of religious or ecumenical wardrobe, and there will be a gun or rifle placed to one side of him, the American flag to the other.
To help fund and pay for the broadcasts, the Administration has been soliciting sponsors, as well as juicing vendors and large donors.
"Some of the guns that will be used will come from present military contractors," said the official, "some will come from the private collections of big donors. They just started putting the word out and there's already a waiting list."
It's not clear what will be in background of Robertson as he rants and raves.
Sources say there's been a split inside the White House, from going with a plain, stark background, or, opening it up to corporate sponsors.
The number of videos produced and broadcast has not been released. Robertson will be authorized to improvise, and some copy will come from a collaboration between Robertson's "700 Club" staff and the Washington, D.C. public relations firm, the Lincoln Group, who is already under contract with the Defense Department, to produce news articles for Iraqi media.
"He's going to have talking points to hit," said Larson, "but he'll be free to rain down some fire-and-brimstone as well."
The State Department, with Secretary Condoleezza Rice leading the way, has been selling the broadcast to as wide a range of outlets that they can, in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, including Arab television network Aljazeera. The administration is also working on agreements with Google, Apple, Yahoo and TIVO, for the downloading and rebroadcast rights.
'If they get the ducks in a row," says Larson, "you'll be able to watch these things on your cell phone."
'There's some talks for them holding back, until after the State of the Union, and run with them for the February Sweeps," said Paula Malady, a analyst for the think tank "All Things Terror", which specializes in Middle East affairs. 'They want to really get a big bang out of this."
It's not clear if Robertson will be featured, or join with the "Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal" announced last week by the White House.
'They haven't finished vetting him yet," speculated Larson. 'If he's been in bed with Abramoff, you won't see him with the President, on tour."
The "700 Club" host Pat Robertson speaks with reporters, following a White House meeting in which the outspoken televangelist agreed to become the "Voice of Doom" in the Bush Administration's War On Terror.
Breaking News! 9 January 2006
West Wing Actor Sheen Diagnosed With MS
Cast Looking At Curse; Whitford Said To Start Wearing Bulletproof Vest
Another bombshell has hit the award-winning television show, "The West Wing", following the sudden death last month of actor John Spencer, as it was announced that Martin Sheen, who portrays President Josiah Bartlet, has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
A veteran actor, of both television and movies, Sheen's character of President Bartlet also suffers from MS, which has provided a running theme on the NBC Emmy-winning program. It was well into the shows run that it was disclosed the President had the disease, causing political problems for himself and his staff.
Spencer, who played Chief of Staff Leo McGarry, suffered a fatal heart attack on December 16th. On "The West Wing", McGarry also suffered a heart attack, forcing him to resign from his position. In recent episodes, McGarry has returned to action, as the Vice Presidental running mate of Matt Santos, played by Jimmy Smits.
Following the holidays, 'The West Wing" returned to new episodes last evening and, ironically, in the opening moments, Martin Sheen, out of character, speaking directly into the camera, announced the death of Spencer and how the upcoming months would showcase the actors' talents.
In the episode, titled "Running Mates", Spencer, as Vice Presidential nominee Leo McGarry, prepares and performs in the campaigns' first and only Vice Presidents Debate. McGarry worries the staff with horrible performances during the pre-debate preparation, but then goes out and executes his position flawlessly.
While no official comment has come from the producers of the program, Hollywood insiders say that they are "very upset".
"There's been talk of a curse," said one veteran Hollywood agent.
Unconfirmed rumors have been circulating that Bradley Whitford, who plays Santos Campaign Director Josh Lyman, has taken to wearing a bulletproof vest.
In the opening episodes of Season Two of "The West Wing", a two-part drama titled "In The Shadow of Two Gunman", Lyman, then President Bartlet's Communications Director, was wounded in an assassination attempt on Presidential Aide Charlie Young.
Top Ten Cloves: Things About Ted Koppel Moving To Discovery Channel
9. Look in Discovery Channel Store for new, educational jigsaw puzzle of Koppel's hair
8. Two Words: Koppel Chopper
7. Broadcasts from jungle; Because of tight production budgets, may have to share set with Animal Planet
6. ABC has copyright, so new program will be called 'When It's Dark Out Line"
5. Holy Shit! Just discovered he resigned from ABC!
4. Getting extra money to have shark as co-host
3. Could still jump to HBO; Offering he can star in second season of "Rome"
2. Since he's on cable now, doesn't have to wear pants when anchoring
1. First three-hour, hard-hitting special will examine Anderson Cooper's emotions
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 8 January 2006
In a new USA Today/VH1 survey poll, over 74% of the respondents believe that a microphone stand weighs more than actress Lindsay Lohan
Federal prosecutors in the Jack Abramoff case said that their investigation was aided greatly by the discovery of those that took payoffs and bribes were constantly followed by giant $10-bills
"But Reverand, couldn't I just say that the Higher Father told me to conduct the wiretaps?"
In a new report today, The New York Times says that the the Bush Administration and NSA went beyond wiretaps, eavesdropping and reading of emails by sending out teams of investigators to major sporting and entertainment events to read and record license plate numbers
Television personality and NBC weatherman Al Roker, in an interview to be published in 'Better Health Magazine', and with the release of a new Al Roker Bobblehead doll, attributed a recent weight loss to his cutting down on the consumption of soccer balls
Following the lead of the recording industry in going after copyright violaters, the International Association of Crystal Ball Gazers said they are begining to clamp down on "those that download without proper authorization, visions of the future or that channel and talk with deceased persons" targeting gypsys, tarrot card readers and friends of Nancy Reagan
Saturday, January 07, 2006
The Garlic Year In Review: 10 Most Popular Posts
The votes are in. Thanks to all our fans and readers, those that commented, sent emails, telegrams, cards and letters, made telephone calls and punched out instant messages.
The soon-to-be-year-old The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel has been a growing success.
Listed below are the 10 Most Popular posts of 2005, in descending order.
Again, many thanks to all for visiting, and enjoying, The Garlic
Peace
JTD
Top Ten Cloves: Things The Vatican Has Done To Make Good Friday Even Better
Jackson Offers Embattled West To Be Mayor of Neverland
Felt Admits To Being 'You're So Vain' Target
Apple Takes Blog Ruling As New Club On Criticism and Dissent
Zellweger Says Bad Salutation Caused Break-Up; Chesney's Greetings A Turn-Off; "He Didn't Get Me At Hello"
Stymied By Publishers, Google To Digitize Bazooka Joe Comics
Bush May Tap Coulter For Energy Source
Special Sing-Along: Dick, The Magic Vice Prez
Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Why Hewlett Packard Stopped Selling the Apple iPod
McCain Says Abducted and Grilled By Cheney; Won't Budge On Torture Ban
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Thursday 5 January 2005
Fox News Agrees With Letterman; O'Reilly Factor Now Only 40% Fair and Balanced
New Spots To Reflect Correct Spin; Corporate Orders Review of Hannity & Colmes; Other Programming
Fox News Network Head Honcho Roger Ailesannounced this morning that "he agrees with David Letterman" and has ordered new promotional spots for the Fox News Network that will brand Bill O'Reilly's "The O'Reilly Factor" as only "40% Fair and Balanced".
"I have been watching the program lately," said Ailes, in a free-wheeling press briefing with reporters. "And I have to say, Letterman was right … At least 60% of what O'Reilly spews out is crap."
Appearing on "The Late Show with David Letterman" this past Tuesday evening, O'Reilly and Letterman exchanged barbs on Cindy Sheehan, the War In Iraq and O'Reilly's War On Christmas.
At one point, Letterman said to his guest;
"I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. [audience laughter] But I don't know that for a fact. [more audience applause]."
Music Director Paul Shafer questioned Letterman with "60 percent?" to which the host replied "60 percent. I'm just spit-balling here."
O'Reilly meekly defended himself, telling Letterman that "Listen, I respect your opinion. You should respect mine … Our analysis is based on the best evidence we can get …"
Air America Radio Host, author, comic and rival to O'Reilly, Al Franken commented that "I think Letterman was being generous … I put O'Reilly's bullshit meter at 80-or-90%, easy …"
In rebranding "The O'Reilly Factor" as only "40% Fair and Balanced", Ailes has ordered a complete review of all other Fox News programming, in particular, citing the programs "Hannity & Colmes", "Big Story with John Gibson" and "Special Report with Brett Hume" as likely seeing adjustments in their "Fair and Balanced" levels.
"I've been so busy building up the network," confessed Ailes, "that I rarely watched any of the programming. Over the holidays, I took the time and I was astounded …Where do these guys come up with this stuff? … I mean, we played hardball politics in my day but this is over-the-top … Blowing up San Francisco? … A War on Christmas? … Building walls along the Mexican border? … It's like Rush Limbaugh on steroids … Well, maybe that's not a good example but I think you know what I mean."
O'Reilly could not be reached for comment, and it is unknown if he is aware that his program is now being rebranded as only "40% Fair and Balanced".
O'Reilly's staff indicated he was out, fighting the war on Little Christmas, as well as researching and preparing material for his new war, to be announced soon, on Valentine's Day.
"He's afraid," said one production manager on background, "that with the popularity of Brokeback Mountain, the liberals and Hollywood Democrats are going to turn Valentine's Day into some kind of gay cowboy holiday."
Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In White House Meeting of Former Secretaries of Defense and State
9. I thought he'd juice us alittle and have the meeting in Cheney's Secret Bunker
8. Screw charities - I'm going to Vegas to burn off my Abramoff money
7. I think we should wait until after the meeting to see if he can get us some primo property in New Orleans cheap
6. Nice play by Cheney, putting Chalabi in charge of the oil…
5. I give it ten-minutes when Al Haig gets up and says he's in charge
4. When Bush gets in here, we pin him down and don't let up until he tells us if he's wiretapping us or not
3. Nice touch with the Office Pool … I got Rove being indicted by March
2. Look at this … Donuts and bagels … Rumsfeld's still the cheap son-of-a-bitch he was 20-years ago
1. Hey George, with all these war chiefs, you want to bump up your approval ratings 15-points, invite that Cindy Sheehan woman in
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Wednesday 4 January 2006
Bushapalooza Planned As Abramoff Plea Has Bush, GOP Citing Bad Intel, Reclassifying Donors
Pioneer Status Earned Only If Not Indicted; Charities Battered By Pols To Accept Tainted Money
The White House today defended President Bush accepting donations from Jack Abramoff, citing "he had the same intelligence as the rest of the GOP" but indicated that "steps will be taken" to reclassify donors.
Already putting down the shoe leather, to sell his reasoning for starting the Iraq War, and defending his usage of domestic wiretapping and eavesdropping, the White House, with the aid of the Republican National Committee, are in the early stages of planning another media and speaking blitz by the President, tentatively titled Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal.
Bushapalooza will lead up the State-of-the-Union Address by the President later this month, and, if necessary, go well into the winter and early spring.
"The President was as shocked as most of you were, I'm sure," stated Scott McClellan, at a White House Press Briefing this morning. "The 2004 Bush-Cheney Campaign had no idea of the practices of Mr. Abramoff. He was considered a loyal party member and energetic fundraiser."
"We had the same information, the same intelligence, as everyone else in the GOP," McClellan added. "It's our understanding, that key members of the GOP Executive offices were briefed as to Mr. Abramoff and his activities."
Abramoff, 47, the lobbyist of lobbyists on K Street, pleaded guilty to three felony counts - fraud, tax evasion and conspiracy to bribe public officials - and negotiated a plea arrangement with prosecutors in exchange for his testimony against congressmen, lawmakers, Bush Administration and GOP officials.
Abramoff has been in exhaustive and extensive discussions with government lawyers and federal prosecutors for months leading up to yesterday's plea.
Abramoff lavished his targets with luxury trips, such as golf outings at St.Andrews in Scotland, skybox seats and fundraisers, campaign contributions, jobs for their spouses, and meals at Signatures, the his upscale restaurant in Washington, D.C.
"The corruption scheme with Mr. Abramoff is very extensive," Alice S. Fisher, head of the Justice Department's criminal division, said at a news conference with other high-ranking officials of the Internal Revenue Service and the FBI as reported by the Washington Post. "We're going to follow this wherever it goes."
The RNC issued a statement this morning, supporting the comments of President Bush, as to receiving the same information, and also announcing changes in their donation policies.
Beginning immediately, those that raise $100,000, or more for the GOP, and were bestowed with the honorary title of "Pioneer", will now have to wait for the recognition, "at least three-years and incumbent upon their not being indicted, or convicted of any illegal fundraising activities."
"The RNC," the statement offered, "will continue to accept donations in one door, and dole them out another to registered PAC's and elected officials. We want to be clear of that distinction."
When reached for comment, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman indicated that "we're looking at a number of new titles for our legitimate fundraisers, something to tide them over until they can be called pioneers."
Mehlman also confirmed that "we're not slowing down at all" when it comes to fundraising.
And neither is the White House.
After announcing last month the extension of the President's speaking tour, Chief of Staff Andy Card came up with the "Bushapalooza" idea during the holiday break.
"I think," said Ed Hutcheson publisher and editor of "K Street Kings - K as in Thousands", the monthly publication that tracks lobbyists, "Andy looked at the plummeting approval ratings, the argument over the war, the intelligence leading up to the war, DeLay's upcoming trial, Libby's indictment, Rove's pending indictment and now this drops on them. They had to do something big."
Card, reportedly, doesn't have any worries about rolling out a new program in January.
Bushapalooza will have new stage props, with a high-tech lighting show, and, according to Hutcheson, Christian rock bands. Other politicians and GOP officials will get stage time, mainly to pound home the talking points, pitch the Iraq War, the wiretapping and the passing of the Patriot Act (accompanied by a "dazzling fireworks display").
Christian Conservative groups are signing on to Bushapalooza, to provide a tent, and run classes on Intelligent Design.
For the young children of Republicans attending Bushapalooza, there'll be a retro tossing game of throwing a softball, but instead of knocking over milk bottles, they'll be aiming a plastic replicas of the heads of Senator Jack Murtha (D-PA), Senator and Minority Leader Harry Reed (D-NV) and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).
It's not confirmed yet, if Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) will join and tour with Bushapalooza.
"If it hasn't shown already," said Hutcheson, "with the Strategy For Victory In Iraq rollout, there'll be no mistake with Bushapalooza. It will be a full-throttle, campaign-style happening."
In a related matter, the White House also announced that they will be donating the money given by Abramoff to charity, in this case the American Heart Association.
Charities have been reporting today a deluge of offerings from Washington politicians.
A spokesperson for the American Cancer Society said that it has been overwhelming.
"We had House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill) pounding on our doors at 3AM this morning, cash-in-fist, demanding we take his donation."
Bushapalooza is planning to pull out all the stops in selling the President's vision and agenda, as well as looking to get the Administration and GOP as far away from the Abramoff Scandal as possible
Top Ten Cloves: New Tag Lines Rejected By Intel For New Logo
9. Intel: You Got Electronics, We Got Your Back
8. Intel: We've Outted Ourselves!
7. Things Go Better With Intel!
6. Intel: We Be A Jumpin' and A Leapin' Fools!
5. Intel Used To Be Inside Here, Now Where Everywhere!
4. Intel: We've Got 18, So What's One More Logo?
3. Intel Viiv: You Want Spelling or Do You Want Power?
2. When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Intel
1. Intel's Around Here Somewhere
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Tuesday 3 January 2006
Schwarzenegger Said To Be In Furious Hunt For Another Stadium Naming
Bowl Games Badgered; Staff Says "Any Large Structure Will Do"; May Take Hollywood Sign By Eminent Domain
The California Governor has more than flooding rains and mudslides on this mind these days.
Sources have told The Garlic that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and his staff, have been on a furious mission to secure another stadium naming for the Governor.
This follows the action last month, of Schwarzenegger's hometown of Graz, Austria, in a protest against the the Governor's refusal to issue a pardon for convicted murderer Stanley "Tookie" Williams, of taking down the letters from the stadium named in honor of their famous resident.
Schwarzenegger, a former bodybuilding champion and Hollywood star before turning to politics, trained at the stadium as a young man. It was renamed in his honor in 1997.
According to sources, Schwarzenegger was "enraged" when he heard of the action to be taken, and fired off an angry letter "demanding" that they take his name off the stadium. The Governor also returned a "ring of honor" that he had been awarded by city officials in 1999.
"This was done before his staff could fully digest what was happening," said one source.
When heads cooled down, the Governor "was frantic", and reassigned his entire staff to "go out and get me another stadium".
Through the Christmas holiday, staff members telephoned, emailed and flew to all parts of the country seeking out a stadium deal.
Official for the major college bowl games - the Rose, Cotton, Sugar and Orange Bowls - all confirmed they were contacted by someone from the Governor's staff.
"They were unrelenting," said one Rose Bowl official. "They wouldn't stop, They wouldn’t take no. They kept offering all kinds of ridiculous things. They even wanted to offer us pardons, in advance, in case we committed any crimes."
Only the University of Michigan made an offer, that the Governor could use Michigan Stadium - The Big House - for one day.
Officials in New Orleans were contacted, but, with the city still in a state of emergency from Hurricane Katrina, and the status of the damaged Superdome still not determined, Schwarzenegger has told his staff he doesn't not want to wait.
Another unconfirmed report has Schwarzenegger and staff members flying to Brazil, and having heated talks with officials there about renaming their famous Sambodrome in Rio De Janeiro. Talk broke down when the Brazilians refused, offering only a junior league soccer stadium on the outskirts of the city.
With other pressing matters, the Governor's staff has been concentrating on companies like Boeing, McDonald-Douglas and all the major airports, inquiring if they could bestow naming a hanger for Schwarzenegger.
"It's not Arnold's first choice, offered a Sacramento watcher, "but there in a mode of any large structure will do."
There have been rumors that Schwarzenegger has been "pleading" with his wife, Maria Shriver, to talk with her family, the Kennedy's, and get their approval for renaming RFK Stadium in Washington.
If the Kennedy's turn down the Governor, many believe his staff will turn to the Supreme Court ruling last year on Eminent Domain and Schwarzenegger will seize the famous Hollywood sign on the Hollywood Hills of Los Angeles, in Southern California.
"It has 40-foot letters and it's a world-wide icon," said another source. "I believe Arnold will take it, but he'll likely put up 80-foot letters and he'll still push for another stadium deal."
With his name off his hometown stadium, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is said to be poised to take the famous Hollywood sign by Eminent Domain
News In Brief 3 January 2006
Walmart To Appeal $172M California Fine
Workers Will Have To Continue To Go Without Meals While Case Stays In Courts
Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, announced today that they will appeal last month's verdict, leveling them with a $172-Million fine for not providing, and/or compensating, its' workers with meal breaks.
Wal-Mart, and Sam's Club stores, in California lost the class action lawsuit brought on by Jessica Grant of the Furth Firm of San Francisco. The suit charged that the chain violated state law more than eight million times from Jan. 1, 2001, to May 6, 2005, and impacted more than 116,000 hourly workers.
Last month, a Alameda County Superior Court jury found for the plaintiffs and awarded a judgment of $172-Million.
Wal-Martis facing similar cases in about 40 other states.
In appealing the verdict, Wal-Mart, and Sam's Club, workers will have to continue to go without meal breaks, or be compensated for them, while the case remains in the court system.
In a statement released, Wal-Mart indicated that they would "try to accommodate" the workers, however, they "expected full compliance with the judicial system" and "have every expectation that workers will continue to work their assigned shifts".
The company stated that they may allow "water and a small snack" at a workers' station "provided it doesn't interfere with completing the work or servicing Wal-Mart customers".
Top Ten Cloves: New Year's Resolutions President Bush Is Likely To Break
9. Giving Press Secretary Scott McClellan accurate information to discuss at briefings
8. Stop picking on Helen Thomas at press conferences and briefings
7. Meet with Cindy Sheehan, in the Oval Office, on live television
6. He'll change the name of RFK Stadium to Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadium
5. Will stop being nervous whenever Dick Cheney walks into the room
4. Stop giving No-Bid' contracts to Halliburton
3. Rescind the order to take Jack Abramoff's name out of the White House phone logs
2. Won't order new elections in Iraq if a government is formed that he doesn't like
1. If indicted, he'll drop Karl Rove faster than Apple can issue new iPods
Monday, January 02, 2006
Happy New Year! … And Vote for The Garlic!
Feliz Año Nuevo! … Bonne Année! … Nuovo Anno Felice! … Ano Novo Feliz!
Here's to a wonderful, indictement-less, non-wiretapped, prosperous and healthy 2006 for all The Garlic fans and readers!
And we're off to a good start
The Order of Brilliant Bloggers has recognized The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel and nominated this humble blog for a nod as Best Comedic Blogstie Excellence Award for the month of December.
Click Here and throw a vote to The Garlic. No fame or riches come with this, and, with a win, I will still have to pay $2.50 for a cup of coffee. However, in the spirit of it all, it doesn't hurt to get alittle bump like such.
Again, Happy New Year To All!
Peace
JTD
Beat The Traffic! Don't wait in line!
Click Here to vote The Garlic for Best Comedic Blogstie Excellence Award for the month of December, issued by The Order of Brilliant Bloggers
Voting runs from Jan 1 - Jan 5, so run, don't walk to your mouse and get that vote down! ... And, when you get to the page, you vote by adding a comment with your vote ...
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 31 December 2005
New evidence surfaced this week, of racial prejudice during the relief effort in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. An internal video conference shows Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff using the "White Power" salute when issuing orders to FEMA personnel
Citing the recent revelations that President Bush ordered wiretapping and eavesdropping of American citizens, God announced that Hell has frozen over.
In a related matter, the White House admitted today, due to information gathered on NSA wiretaps, they broke up an "internation plot" when they siezed a Mr. Santa Claus entering the country illegally on December 24 or 25th and are holding the North Pole resident as an Enemy Combatant
To help pay, for what legal experts says will be a staggering amount, in the millions, for their defense, former Enron executives are issuing a series of trading cards, that will list the charges and sentence on the back, of all the former Enron employees responsible for the company's failure.
Unlike other trading cards, the Enron series will lose all value within a matter of weeks after purchase.
Nearly three-years after the start of the Iraq War, the Defense Department is finally issuing the new "Smart Turban" helmets for all troops deployed in the region. The features of the "Smart Turban" are classified, however Pentagon officials say they are "very comfortable" and that the troops "love'em".
The International Cricket Association announced this week that, like many other professional sports, their game has also become prisoner to remarkable feats and shattered records due to steroids
Major League Baseball said this week that they are adding another penalty to their recently-announced Steroid Abuse Policy. First-time users, in addition to being suspended and fined, will also get "a good backhand" from Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Wednesday 28 December 2005
Bush, White House Aiding Chalabi; Will Appeal Election Results To Supreme Court
Iraqi Exile Leader To Provide Bush Team With New Misleading Intelligence; President "Wants WMD's This Time"
Already raising legal eyebrows, for having the U.S. Justice Department join in the pending Anna Nicole Smith case coming before the high court in February 2006, The Garlic has learned today that a team of White House and Justice Dept. lawyers are in Iraqi, preparing papers and briefs for longtime exile leader Ahmed Chalabi to appeal his apparent loss in the Iraqi elections to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Sources tell The Garlic that Chief Justice John Roberts has already been notified that an appeal will be filed, possibly within days.
'They're pretty confident," said one senior official, who in not authorized to speak on-the-record, "that the court will put Chalabi in the government. It's being done with a nod-and-a-wink to Roberts, to use the Bush v. Gore precedent."
Back in December of 2000, the Supreme Court, under the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist, ruled that George Bush won the deeply contested Presidential election, despite, allegedly, not having the most votes.
"Miers, and a whole team from Justice are pouring over the Iraqi results, looking for, and in some cases, really stretching, to find similarities there, with the Florida vote and count of 2000."
With over 95% of the December 15th voting ballots counted, surprising and unexpectedly low support from overseas voters has Chalabi facing being left without a seat in the first full-term of the new Iraq Parliament.
In return for the support, Chalabi is said to be working on creating a new batch of misleading intelligence, including new information and freshly drawn maps, of where Saddam Hussein, the former Iraqi dictator, hid his Weapons of Mass Destruction.
"The White House has made it very clear," said the official, "that they want the WMD's this time."
The news of the United States actively pushing Chalabi into a role with the new Iraqi government is adding to the growing tensions over the election results.
With the United Iraqi Alliance, the Shiite-led coalition, soaring ahead with a commanding lead in the voting, protesters, primarily Sunni Arabs, are charging fraud, and calling for new elections.
The Independent Electoral Commission of Iraq, as well as a team from the United Nations, who has been assisting in the election, have stated that it was a "transparent, credible and good elections."
There are also signs that the President is taking other actions to assure Chalabi a seat.
Rumors have been circulating on Capital Hill that the President's agreement to extend the passage of the Patriot Act as a "quid pro quo" on inserting new language, specifically naming Chalabi and guaranteeing him a position of leadership in the Iraqi Assembly.
"Just like they did with the UN vote, wiretapping and eavesdropping Security Council members to gain knowledge on how they would vote." said one Senate aid, "the White House has been monitoring the Congress."
The President, it is said, also has legal briefs and papers, from White House council, as well as Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, that he can name Chalabi to the Iraqi Government under Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution, as well as his authority via executive powers and by the vote of Congress on going to war in Iraq.
Gonzales said that the President was on "firm legal ground" to reach out to the Supreme Court, if necessary, and via "the Patriot Act, the war powers granted him by Congress."
''It would be legal for the President to take this action, as he has swore to uphold the laws. Legal authority is derived from the Constitution,'' he added
"He's going to milk these things," offered Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black').
"He'll wrap Chalabi up into National Security, using the same argument to justify his eavesdropping on American phone calls. I suspect the White House, if more trouble and indictments come down the line, will simply point to the Constitution, the Congress, the Patriot Act, as an excuse for their behaviors and then let it all get tied up in the courts for years to come."
Vice President Dick Cheney, and his staff, are said to be standing ready, to smear and defame anyone that challenges placing Chalabi into the Iraqi Government.
In a statement released by the Vice President's office, Cheney said that "Ahmed Chalabi is a valuable and trusted ally to the United States in our war against terrorism. He has provided key information that has allowed us to disrupt terrorist acts and we look forward to working with him in the future, to help keep the people of America, as well as around the world, safe."
"He's been instrumental," Cheney added, "in keeping them over there, and not here. In case anyone noticed, you haven't seen any mushroom clouds here in the past four years, have you?"
In his Christmas visit to Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld pulled a surprise "kitchen inspection" and chastised the staff, manning the food lines himself to demonstrate the proper amount of food to dispense.
Top Ten Cloves: Complaints Heard Most By Returns Departments This Christmas Season
9. I live in New Orleans and I don't have a house to put it in
8. The candelabra isn't like the one Randy Cunningham has
7. Since I was outted as a covert CIA Agent, I don't need another trench coat
6. If I keep this gift, I might be subpoenaed by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald
5. Donald Rumsfeld thinks I have too many gifts
4. I can't tell you the reason, it's classified as part of Vice President Dick Cheney's Secret Energy Meeting
3. Believe, because of gift, President Bush is eavesdropping on my telephone calls
2. I would have come during my lunch break but I work for Wal-Mart
1. The gift is sending me secret signals from David Letterman
Monday, December 26, 2005
Special Announcement - Barry Crimmins 2005 Year-In-Review
It's that time of year again and, arguably, America's best political satirist, Barry Crimmins, has his annual Year-In-Review, published by The Boston Phoenix;
"The Bonfire of the Inanities; Seriously, could it get any worse"
Barry Crimmins, was the founder of The Ding Ho, the legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, which launched Barry nationally, along with Steven Wright, Paula Poundstone, Bobcat Goldthwait, Kevin Meaney, Jimmy Tingle and many, many others. Barry also launched Boston's other fabled comedy club, Stitches, across the Charles River near Boston University.
Among his projects, Crimmins is a writer and commentator for Air America Radio's Randi Rhodes Show . In 2004, Seven Stores Press published Barry's first book, "Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal" and Barry's writing appears frequently in 'The Boston Phoenix' and the 'Cleveland Plain-Dealer'
Barry also has been a featured commentator on CNN, CSPAN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donohue Show and also appeared in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.
Barry received the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival. He has also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesly College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts.
Community Works gave the Artist for Social Change Award to Barry for his years of activism.
Visit Barry Crimmins Website
Purchase "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal"
Visit Seven Stories Press
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 26 December 2005
New York State Election Commissioners are waiting for Jeanine Piro to officially bow out of the U.S. Senate race against incumbent Hillary Clinton. A spokesperson for Piro indicated that the campaign staff was "still looking to find her withdrawal speech"
"Listen you eavesdropping-intelligence-twisting-Texas-turd-excuse of a President, you put up any walls along our border, and I wlll personally be the first one to scale it and enter the United States illegally!"
As part of his new, $52-Million contract with the New York Yankees, former Red Sox Johnny Damon, a bonus for cutting his hair and shaving his beard, Damon will get to use the barber chair in the vast centerfield of Yankee Stadium to sit in between pitches
Citing his "War Against Christmas" a success, Fox News Host Bill O'Reilly is mobilizing all the Santas' for a new campaign ...
O'Reilly, along with CNN's Lou Dobbs, is paying of the membership fees in the Minuteman Project that will allow the Santas' to join the vigilante group and patrol the U.S. Borders with Mexico
After his Christmas breakfast and opening gifts with his family, President Bush relaxed at Camp David by listening in on some live, holiday wiretaps
