News Item: 'We have broken speed of light'
10. Dick Cheney finally right about something... Predicted that "Speed of Light was in its' final throes"
9. Investigators looking into if light was abused at all, and if Michael Vick was involved
8. Rudy Guiliani angry; "You leave my Speed of Light alone, just like I'll leave your Speed of Light alone"
7. Colin Powell says you break it, you own it
6. Like his call for an Energy Initiative back in his 2006 SOTU address, Bush will ask Congress to enact the "No Speed of Light Left Behind" legislation
5. NASA likes it ... The consequences of an "astronaut moving faster than it would theoretically arrive at a destination before leaving" would help cut down on their drinking
4. Bill O'Reilly upset, believes it's a breakdown in traditional values; Launches war to "Save Our Speed of Light"
3. Next goal is to break speed of which Bush Administration breaks laws
2. CIA did an immediate check of their Secret Prison logs, to see if they had anyone named "Speed" or "Light" being tortured
1. Scientists who broke the theory are looking forward to hearing "Hey Nimitz" or "Hey Stahlhofen" used, instead "Hey Einstein" as a derogatory remark when someone does something stupid