Thursday, November 24, 2005

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Thanksgiving This Year

10. To be sure President Bush won't miss Thanksgiving Dinner, all White House doors are clearly marked

9. In his hearing Terrell Owens said he meant to say that he'd rather have Brett Favre cook dinner than Donovan McNabb

8. FEMA is still waiting for the mayors and governors to call before they deliver the Thanksgiving MRE's

7. Bill O'Reilly's favorite way to cook a turkey is just like himself - Half-Baked

6. Jean Schmidt said "turkeys cut and run, but not first-year junior senators from Ohio who smear their colleagues"

5. Bob Novak doesn't plan on carving his turkey this year, he's going to punch out the slices

4. "You don't typically spread the gravy with a knife, do you?"

3. Your 16-year-old techno geek cousin is video-podcasting the dinner

2. In his Holiday Radio Address, President Bush claims that Congress got same cornbread stuffing recipe that he got

1. Not only is the turkey a Butterball, but it was also water boarded by the CIA

Vice President Dick Cheney is planning on having Thanksgiving Dinner in his Secret Bunker, using a secret recipe and hosting an undisclosed list of guests

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Tuesday 22 November 2005 Happy Holiday!

Happy Holiday Garlic Fans!

The Garlic is breaking early for the Thanksgiving Day Holiday, and will resume the beat on Monday, 28 November 2005.

Here's to you and your families, both close and extended, to have a very happy and safe Thanksgiving Holiday.

During this break, take some time and review the Archives of The Garlic, below, on the right, and share with your friends and family. Tell them they can sign up for the Daily Postings via Feedblitz.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Monday 21 November 2005

Breaking News!
Murtha Calls For Cheney To Withdraw From Secret Bunker

Says VP Needs To "Be Accountable"; GOP Launching Full Assault; Schmidt To Interview With Rove

Just three days after calling on President Bush to begin withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq, citing there was "nothing to be gained militarily", Representative John Murtha (D-PA) lobbed another bomb on the administration by demanding that Vice President Dick Cheney vacate his Secret Bunker.

'The American people are eager to see our Vice President," said an agitated Murtha. "This is not time to be hiding, or to be running secret cabals and secret meetings that effect our nation."

The Garlic reported last month of a Secret Cabal run out of the Vice President's Secret Bunker, where member of the administration and also the White House Iraq Group have been meeting to run their Iraq Policy, and direct the smearing of the critics of that policy

Murtha said that the Vice President "needs to be accountable for his actions" and that he "needs to explain why he wants the United States to torture people."

"Vice President Cheney needs to stop hiding behind walls, or letting his staff take the blame."

Last month, Cheney's Chief of Staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby was indicted on five felony counts in the CIA Leak Case and many in Washington are speculating that Libby took the charges in order to protect his boss, the Vice President.

Ironically, on the evening in which Murtha slammed the administrations Iraq policy, and made his direct appeal to the President, Cheney made a rare public appearance, delivering a speech at the Frontiers of Freedom Institute, defending the Administration's use of their version of pre-war intelligence, and calling the Democrats criticism of it "one of the most dishonest and reprehensible charges ever aired in this city,"

As reported by The Garlic, Cheney's foray into Washington D.C. caused widespread panic, with the D.C. Police Department and Homeland Security going into full alert mode, after being flooded with calls from people sighting the Vice President.

In calling for the nation's troops to return home, Murtha, a former highly decorated Marine, said, with tears in his eyes that "our troops have become the primary target of the insurgency. "Islamic insurgents are united against U.S. forces, and we have become a catalyst for violence," he said.".

The Republican controlled Congress and the GOP immediately attacked Murtha.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) declared: "Murtha and Democratic leaders have adopted a policy of cut and run, while White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan criticized Murtha for "taking the policy position of Michael Moore"

In Congress, Representative Jean Schmidt (R-OH) drew a heated and angry response from House Democrats are she stated she had received a call from a Marine colonel, who "asked me to send Congressman Murtha a message: that cowards cut and run, Marines never do."

Schmidt later retracted her statement, only after the House exploded in a chorus of booing and jeering.

Taking note of Schmidt was White House Deputy Council Karl Rove. sources close to the White House said that Rove was "impressed" with Schmidt and "could have room for her on the team." Schmidt is said to be scheduled for a meeting with Rove, sometime before the Thanksgiving Holiday break.

After he was criticized for his comments on pulling out of Iraq, Murtha was asked what he thought of the remarks.

Murtha, replying sarcastically said that "I like guys who got five deferments and [have] never been there and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done."

Murtha is a decorated Vietnam War veteran. President Bush served in the Texas Air National Guardsman, but never left the United States during the Vietnam War. Vice President Cheney did not serve in the military.

Murtha indicated he will seek a special House panel to "investigate and expose" the Vice President's Secret Bunker.

In a related matter, the Vice President's office declined comment on Murtha's charges and in a brief statement indicated that "since, with conducting torture, one expends a certain amount of energy, the Vice President's thoughts, notes and policies regarding torture have been incorporated into his Energy Meeting notes and, therefore, will remain private."

"Condi, I hate to be the one to tell you, but those emails were fake ... Bogus ... Match.Com is being sued over it ..."

Top Ten Cloves:'s Reponses To Fraud Charges In Setting Up Fake Dates

10. Going out as a fake date, it was the only way for members of our staff to earn some extra money

9. Look at it this was, it was kind of like an Extreme Makeover project, but for dating

8. Are you kidding, this has been unbelievably! … Over 200,000 members asked if we'd send them a bogus, romantic email

7. At least we're not doing what Yahoo is … Our people are real

6. We believe we have the power for such policy under the Patriot Act

5. Actually, this is all part of a special episode of Ashton Kutcher's 'Punk'd' program

4. Sorry, the bogus romantic emails are now part of Vice President Cheney's Energy Meeting notes, so no-can-see

3. Okay, a few of the emails, like the one's from Jessica Alba, Rachel McAdams and Paris Hilton, might have been fake

2. Let's face it, some of our customers couldn't catch the bird flu if they lived on a farm in Asia

1. We're meeting with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice tomorrow, to personally apologize to her