Friday, November 03, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Things Found On “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website

News Item: U.S. Shuts Website Said To Reveal Nuclear Guide

10. List of CIA Covert Agents to expose, in case of trouble selling Saddam’s Nuclear Program; #1 Name on List - Valarie Plame

9. Templates, for signs, warning “Don’t Drink The Water - It’s From Halliburton”

8. Notes of discussions of what color finger-paint to use for the Iraqis who vote

7. The Saddam Hussein verdict, dated from about three-days after they captured him

6. Pre-war notes, in President Bush’s handwriting, on who to give the Medal of Freedom Award to after Baghdad falls

5. The “Comma” that President Bush is waiting to insert into Iraq’s history

4. Fun Photo Gallery of Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Representative Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) hunting for WMD’s

3. Hours of Audio Files, with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, testing phrases like “Things Happen”, “Stuff Occurs”, and others

2. Extremely rare video footage of the insurgency in its’ last throes, as cited by Vice President Dick Cheney

1. File of searches on “The Google” by President Bush, and all those “I’m Feeling Lucky” hits for “WMD’s”

"Oops ... No WMD's Here ..."

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry

Another good Special Comment last evening, from our Anchor Hero Keith Olbermann, on his MSNBC ‘Countdown’ program, with his ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’.

Leading into it with a rather humorous tale from 1856, of Senator Preston Brooks beating Senator Charles Sumner with a cane, Olbermann delves into the abusive, derisive, and exploitive nature President Bush has chosen to define his presidency.

There is no line this president has not crossed — nor will not cross — to keep one political party in power.

And yes, it has to do with John Kerry “Botched Joke” (we covered this yesterday, with Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways John Kerry Could Have Claimed President Bush Is Stupid and Chopped Garlic - Bonus Kerry - Bush Cloves) and Olbermann didn’t back away from criticizing Kerry (“Sen. John Kerry called him out Monday. He did it two years too late.”) and noting Kerry’s apology - not to Bush, for in essence, calling him “Stupid” but to the troops and their families, for any misunderstanding about his “Botched Joke”, which, deftly, loops it back around to how President Bush, the Republican Smear Machine and the Freak Show intentionally mischaracterized the remarks for their political purpose.

Olbermann offers three biting reasons why “Mr. Bush and his minions responded by appearing to be too stupid to realize that they had been called stupid,” and runs a detailed list, demanding Bush and his “henchmen” apologize, conceding it’s unlikely to happen.

Included in those Mr. Olbermann requests to issue an apology is Senator John McCain (R-AZ), the frontrunner to possibly follow Herr Bush into the White House, for caving once again, adopting and mimicking the White House, and their cronies’ lies about John Kerry, stating the obvious in “That was beneath the senator from Arizona

Olbermann finishes with taking on Bush (and the First Lady, for her swipe against Michael J. Fox), the Smear Machine and the Freak Show, ending with a telling quote from Thomas Beckett.

And for some irony, on the same day that Mr. Olbermann issued ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’, and with the White House, Smear Machine and Freak show in full throttle on bashing Kerry, a new poll showing 70% of Americans believing that Bush doesn’t have a plan to end the war, with the media still distorting and misrepresenting the Kerry remarks, we had President Bush stating his support for both Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld,, both subjects and included in previous Special Comments.

In sum, this Special Comment, as with Mr. Olbermann’s previous Special Comments, is on-target and captures the morally-empty, corrupt, and evil court-appointed presidency of George W. Bush.


Read and/or watch Keith Olbermann’s ‘Bush owes troops an apology, not Kerry’

Crooks and Liars also has it

Scroll Down The Right-Side-Bar To Read Previous Minced Garlic’s

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways John Kerry Could Have Claimed President Bush Is Stupid

News Item: Bush Calls Kerry Remarks Insulting to U.S. Troops; Senator Says President, Not Military, Was Target of Botched Joke

10. Still thinks guys named “Chad” helped him win 2000 Presidential election

9. Hey, I provide food for my family; I don’t put it on my family, like the President said

8. Well, he did nominate Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court

7. First Lady likes to wear a “I’m With Stupid” T-Shirt around the living quarters at the White House

6. He’s the one with the "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List, not me

5. Whenever someone mentions “No Child Left Behind”, President worries and asks if “One of those Timber Alerts” has been put out

4. You look at this White House ... It’s almost as if that Lincoln Group is writing the script for their policies and statements

3. Even former Republican Congressman Joe Scarborough thinks the President is an idiot

2. They’re so desperate, they had to have Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife write a children’s book to get the President to understand the domestic policies

1. The President said he likes to use ‘The Google”... My God, with all his lies and broken policies, it’s as if, instead of an ‘I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar, the White House put a “I’m Feeling Stupid” one on his computer

Cowboy Diplomat or Cowboy Dunce?

Chopped Garlic - Bonus Kerry - Bush Cloves

Quite the flying of fur the past few days ... What did John Kerry say? What did he mean? Was it a joke? An Insult?

Just to toss a few pennies into the pot, I’m more fascinated, less about Bush and the Republicans, but how the media, and in particular, the cable news gatekeepers are doing their darned best to float this story and keep this story front and center - and how they are presenting it out of context.

The consensus is, if you listen to all these talking heads, that Kerry insulted the troops. They’ve played, over-and-over, the single clip of Kerry’s big “punchline”.

When the longer version of Kerry’s speech is played, and, as Chris Matthews of MSNBC’s ‘Hardball’, as well as ‘Countdown’s’ Keith Olbermann, read the newswire reports of the speech, it’s crystal clear that Kerry’s “botched joke” was clearly and squarely aimed at President Bush.

Now, not so much for the RNC, and all those Republican politicians, candidates, and pundits, but you have to give the White House credit. They are, whether they like it or not, forced to respond the way they have.

After all, it’s rather late in the game to send Bush out there to defend that he isn’t stupid ... It’s a Lose-Lose game for them



Here’s some Bonus Cloves of some of that fur flying out there

Slates - The Misunderestimated Man - How Bush chose stupidity

CommonDreams - GW Bush: The Man is Stupid

Huffington Post - Is Bush Evil or Stupid?

The Moderate Voice - Is John Kerry The Gift That Keeps On Giving For Bush And The GOP? (UPDATED)

The Reaction - Tempest in a teapot

Taylor Marsh - Kerry's Mangled Statement a Distraction

Huffington Post - Have You Heard The One About The President Who Screwed Up A War And Killed 3,000 Kids?

New Month - New and Improved The Garlic

Good Morning Garlic Fans

We hope your doing well this fine day.

With this being the first day of a new month, we thought it would be a good time to point out some of the new features on The Garlic

As was announced earlier last month, The Garlic transitioned over to a new, Beta Blogger system, which offers some upfront improvements, as to the sleeker look and easier Search option. The bigger improvements come back office, with the ability to better and easier manage the template, posts, et al.

So, we were busy last month taking advantage of this new-found bliss and while keeping the usual Garlic offerings, such as The Garlic Poll, Reader Favorites, Recent Garlic Posts and Archive and a growing list of Links, we’ve added a boatload of more content that you can stroll through.

As we approach our 2nd Anniversary in the blogosphere, time to take a look at Garlic History - On This Day.

Further down the right-side sidebar, we’ve created sections for easier, one-click viewing of some of the more popular Garlic posts with;


Politics & Government ... On The Garlic

Sports ... On The Garlic

Media & Entertainment ... On The Garlic

Business ... On The Garlic

Songs ... On The Garlic

Also, if you want to leave the world of satire and see what’s happening out there in the real world, we now offer a Huffington Post News Box and MediaMatters News Box.

Once again, thank you very much for spending time and reading The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Developing Story: New White House Policy Causing Feet-In-Mouth

Bush Stumping Causes Panic, Chaos: Cheney Claims Said “Duncan”, Not “Dunking”

President’s Use of “Just Say No” Confusing; FBI, and DEA Staff Stretched Thin, Chasing Down Rally Attendees

If, with announcing last week, the abandonment of “Stay The Course”, in favor of the new policy of “Hello, I Must Be Going” was meant by the White House to be a rallying charge for the final week of campaigning, it has been anything but.

Both President Bush, and now Vice President Dick Cheney have “put their feet in their mouths”, sources close to the White House have told The Garlic.

President Bush’s stumping for Congressional candidates, according to one, senior official, has caused widespread confusion, panic and chaos, as his use of “Just Say No” has left rally attendees the target of, seemingly, overzealous law enforcement officials, both local and by members of the President’s own Security Detail.

In Washington, offices for the candidates have been overwhelmed, with constituents calling and emailing, asking, either about their positions on “drug policy”, or vociferously complaining about the clamp-down and behavior of law enforcement back in their home districts.

Cheney Piles On To President’s Gaffe

And just as White House staff began turning their attention to the President’s gaffes, the Vice President Office released a new, second statement, regarding Cheney’s comments in a radio interview last week, where the Vice President stunningly, and openly, came across as endorsing torture.

In the statement, the claim now is that the Vice President was saying “Duncan”, as in Congressman Duncan Hunter, and not “Dunking” as in the practice of torture by use of “Waterboarding”

One barometer of just how bad it is in the White House came at the morning briefing, when, the normally jovial White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, shouted down a cacophonous chorus of questions about the President’s use of “Just Say No” with a crisp, no-nonsense “just back off” to the press corp. It also appeared that Snow restrained himself from banging his head on the podium, a new strategy, or tactic, he employed last week.

“It seems,” offered Hildy Johnson, editor of the monthly newsletter “What Did He Say Now?” that tracks and reviews President Bush’s speeches and interviews, “to quote a former colleague of mine, these guys don’t seem to know whether to piss, or wind their watches ... Just Say No? ... What’s next, ‘Our Friend, The Atom’?”

“Just Say No” Taken As Threat By President’s Detail For Drug Bust

The slogan, “Just Say No” has it’s roots in a campaign of former First Lady Nancy Reagan, back in 1986 and has always been associated with drugs and the War Against Drugs.

Beginning last week, when the President stumped in Sellersburg, Indiana, and first broke out with the “Just Say No” speech, to slam Democrats.

Defending his, and his administration’s fight against terrorism, the President said;

"In all these vital measures for fighting the war on terror, the Democrats in Washington follow a simple philosophy: Just say no ... When it comes to listening in on the terrorists, what's the Democratic answer?... Just say no... When it comes to detaining terrorists, what's the Democrat answer?", with the crowd responding back “Just Say No!”

Things began to go awry as Secret Service agents first, and then later backed up by officers from the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), fanned out over Sellersburg, searching private homes, and questioning or interrogating dozens of citizens.

Witness say the agents were “rough” and “very threatening”, stopping both the young and the old.

In one instance, according to a witness, three elderly gentlemen had their smoking pipes confiscated by FBI agents. When men began to protest, the agent barked “Patriot Act” and, allegedly had to be restrained by another agent, after ordering the elderly men held as “enemy combatants”.

The FBI would neither confirm nor deny the story, stating that it was an “on-going investigation” and that evidence “was obtained” and sent back to Washington for testing

Over the weekend, apparently, the White House, while aware of the police crackdown in Indiana, did not make the connection of it, to the President’s speech, instead blaming “paid Democratic operatives” for “attempting to disrupt the president.”

Yesterday, while stumping at Georgia Southern University in Statesboro, Georgia and in Sugarland, Texas, the Tom Delay stronghold, the President, again, used his “Just Say No” approach to his speech, and again, law enforcement sprung into action, working their way through the crowds.

“I heard rumors,” said Johnson, “that some genius on Bush’s staff, after seeing all of this suggested the President switch from “Just Say No” to “Just Don’t Vote”, something the President was said to have liked, but was quickly shot down by a representative from the RNC, fearing that it would keep some Republicans from voting next Tuesday.”

Another source has told The Garlic that the Secret Service also “added their two-cents”, pointing out that the “Just Say No” speech was “stretching their resources”, as well as those of the FBI and DEA.

“You Say Duncan, I Say Dunking ... Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off”

Another member of the White House has also been stretching resources thin, those of the Communications Department.

Without consulting Snow, or Dan Bartlett, the White House Communications Director, the Vice President’s office got busy, still trying to undo the mess caused last week, during a radio interview by Vice President Cheney.

Last Friday, conservative talkshow hot Scott Hennen of WDAY in Fargo, N.D. asked the Vice President, "Would you agree a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?"

Said Cheney; “It's a no-brainer for me, but for a while there, I was criticized as being the Vice President "for torture." We don't torture. That's not what we're involved in. We live up to our obligations in international treaties that we're party to and so forth. But the fact is, you can have a fairly robust interrogation program without torture, and we need to be able to do that.”

While riding in Air Force Two, Cheney told reporters "I didn't say anything about waterboarding. . . . He didn't even use that phrase," and was defended by Snow, without banging his head on the podium, with "A dunk in the water is a dunk in the water.”

Today, the Vice President’s office reignited the controversy, in what looked to many as an endorsement of torture, by issuing a statement, explaining that Vice President Cheney was really saying “Duncan” and not “Dunking”

“During a commercial break,” the statement reads, “Vice President Cheney and Host Scott Hennen had been discussing the upcoming elections, and looking ahead to 2008. The Vice President simply brought up the name of Congressman Duncan Hunter, who, yesterday, announced intentions to run for the Presidency in 2008. Vice President Cheney is a friend to Congressman Hunter, and was, in a manner of speaking, giving him an “Attaboy” and encouragement. When they went back on-air, the Vice President was indicating that it is a “no-brainer” that “Duncan” run for President. The Vice President was simply attempting to help a colleague.”

“Yeah, right,” Johnson offered, sardonically. “One wants to build a wall, the other one, typically, hides behind one.”

“If this is the new “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy, they better go - make that run - back to ‘Stay The Course’.

The transition from ‘Stay The Course’ to “Hello, I Must Be Going” has turned out not to be smooth one for President Bush and Vice President Cheney, with the pair suffering from gaffes and “feet-in-mouth” with their recent stumping and statements

Monday, October 30, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Things Lynne Cheney Didn’t Get To Tell Wolf Blitzer About Her New Book

News Item: CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Calls Out Lynne Cheney For ‘Sniping At My Patriotism’

10. Mrs. Cheney had to disclose to publisher of “Our 50 States: A Family Adventure Across America” that family’s road trip was paid for by convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff

9. Special coupon comes with book, so children can send away for kit to build their very own Secret Bunker

8. To add some drama, when visiting New Orleans page, family in book gets stranded on rooftop for 5-Days before getting rescued

7. With a suggestion from her husband, the Vice President, there is an undisclosed code, by stringing names of cities and states together, that exposes three more covert CIA Agents

6. In the nation’s capital, fun, interactive section, where children can add their own Signing Statements to real laws!

5. Had to waterboard three different illustrators until they found the right one

4. Push a button next to the United Nations Building on New York page and Ambassador John Bolten yells and curses at you

3. To introduce children to politics, Peek-A-Boo window in State of Pennsylvania shows fragging of Congressman John Murtha

2. Inspired by her earlier work “Sisters”, depicted city of San Francisco with steamy lesbian scene

1. On the road trip taking place in the book, one child writes back home, “Dear Grandma, I want to live in Houston, TX - So Daddy can get a job with Halliburton and make millions-of-dollars by getting No-Bid contracts

Bonus Clove: THE SITUATION ROOM - Interview With Lynne Cheney; New al Qaeda Threats

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 29 October 2006

Not since the tiny town of Hot Springs, N.M. changed its’ name to Truth or Consequences, after a popular radio program, has a U.S. City embarked on such a drastic remaking of itself.

Tired of its ties to baked beans, Boston Mayor Tom Menino announced that the official symbol for the city would now be the pumpkin, after the charity event for Life Is Good set a new world’s record of lighting over 30,000 jack-o'-lanterns last week.

Menino’s edict now extends The Freedom Trail, which tells of the city’s revolutionary war history, scores of miles into the suburbs, to include pumpkin and gourd patches and the legendary basketball team, the Boston Celtics, will abandon their traditional green-and-white uniforms, and go with city’s new ‘Pumpkin Orange’

At historic Fenway Park, the infamous Green Monster will now become the ‘Pumpkin Orange Monster’ and the On-Deck circles will be replaced with the official city pumpkin decal. Pubs and taverns around the city began serving the new Pumpkin Ale, while bakeries lined their cases with Boston Pumpkin Cream Pie

Oprah Winfrey weighed in on the on-going Michael J. Fox - Rush Limbaugh debacle, saying that Limbaugh’s recent apology is not official until he comes on her talkshow, repeatedly and profusely says he’s sorry, much like Pope Benedict XVI did recently, weep and cry, and then give everyone in the audience a brand new automobile

Listen, Sister, I’m not going anywhere... Not one tiny, itsy-bitsy centimeter,
so back-off ... You guys over at State better get your shit together cuz’ you and I both know this new policy of the President... These benchmarks and whatnot ... They just a bunch of hooey

The Bush Administration quietly announced, in an effort to ward off criticism that they allow the torture of prisoners, that they will now offer detainees the opportunity to enter a Lotto, which will determine just what level of aggressive and robust interrogation they will undergo

And while Waterboarding will not be taken off the table, being forced to ride a bicycle in the ocean will be a new option

Also coming out of the White House was the announcement that, in the next Iraqi election, the purple-dye fingers will be replaced with a new, intricate design, to verify voters and guard against irregularities at the polls so that democracy can flourish

The Iraqi Government has complained that his new, intricate design will slow down the voting, however, the Bush Team reminded the Iraqis that this is one of the benchmarks they have been told they agreed to work on, and a No-Bid contract has already been awarded to the Halliburton Company to supply the paint and artists

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Ugliness Please ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll


It’s starting to look like a horrible automobile accident, with the backseat littered with empty beer cans and whiskey bottles - and the inebriated driver pointing fingers and blaming everyone but themselves.

Despite reams of videotape, our Court-Appointed-President veered off course, to launch his new “Hello, I Must Be Going” strategy (or tactic, we’re not clear on that).

Not with Dennis Miller displaying, once again, how far he’s fallen (Memo To Miller: Get the Chimp, swallow your pride and see if CNBC will take the two of you back), or the Talking Dirigible slamming, not just Parkinson victims, but all those with serious disabilities (and funny, how he didn’t bring up his own drug-taking binge), and, finally, Ken Mehlman and the RNC, winking at the NAACP with one eye, while directing the Old Southern Strategy (or tactic, to stay on message with the President) with the other, have we seen such a pack of wolves spread out and turn on whoever was closest, including each other.

All that adds up to it’s going to get real ugly this week, into the weekend and batten down the hatches next Monday and Tuesday.

As to our Garlic Poll voters, their message is for the First Lady and Barney to escape to Crawford, close all the doors, windows and shades and hunker down until the Midterms are over ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 22 - October 28 2006

With the Midterm Elections looming within the next three-weeks, and no new Iraq Strategy coming from President Bush, were likely to see the Republican candidates...

1. Start badgering the First Lady and Barney to hightail it outta there, so that, maybe, the President does something Tally 30%

2. Use the Tan Nguyen strategy, and start firing off threatening letters, but on their opponent’s letterhead, to minority groups that will likely vote for the Democrats Tally 28%

3. Admit to sending Pages inappropriate instant messages, even if they didn’t, just so they don’t have to defend their record of backing the President Tally 26%

4. Get some more kids to do more internet writing contests and have a gosh-darn new terror threat everyday up to the election Tally 16%

This week’s Poll - With the campaigns coming down to the final week, and indications showing that the House, at least, will go to the Democrats, and elevating Nancy Pelosi to House Speaker, Pelosi can expect the RNC and GOP to ....

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Nancy Pelosi shouldn’t look for any backrubs from President Bush if, as polling data indications, the Democrats take back Congress in next week’s Midterm Elections