Saturday, July 26, 2008

The New Fox News Tagline

"False, Fixed and Straight From The White House"

What ear-shattering, jarring, blinding, obnoxious graphic will they come up with for this?

Tweety had an interview with former White House Press Secretary Scott "I Be Singing Now" McClellan, and this "Duh" tidbit came up;

McClellan: White House gave FOX commentators talking points

Matthews: “Did you see FOX television as a tool when you were in the White House? As a useful avenue to get your message out?”

McClellan: “I make a distinction between the journalists and the commentators. Certainly there were commentators and other, pundits at FOX News, that were useful to the White House.” […] That was something we at the White House, yes, were doing, getting them talkng points and making sure they knew where we were coming from.

Matthews: “So you were using these commentators as your spokespeople.”

McClellan: “Well, certainly.”
(You can view the interview Here)

Olbermann jumped all over it, as well;

Bush White House fed Fox News talking points

July 25: In his appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, former White House press secretary Scott McClellan revealed that the White House routinely submitted literal talking points for prime time stars of Fox News like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity. Air America’s Rachel Maddow talks with Keith Olbermann about the line between political agreement and outright puppetry.
Hmmm ... I wonder, will the Faux news people go to the Bush Grindhouse for the last office party on January 19th, or will they have their own, in-studio?

Bonus Faux News Riffs

Cenk Uygur - POLL: Time For Us To Label Fox?

USGovInfo - Fox News: 'Fair and Balanced' or 'Fox for Bush?'

Ellen - Newshounds: The Lies of Roger Ailes

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Roger Ailes and Fox News Plans On Ending Its’ Ratings Slump

Roger Ailes Is Slipping ... Blows Wildfire Scoop For New Biz Network

Nicole Belle: Fox News Producer Ambushes Bill Moyers; Gets Taste Of His Own Medicine

This Date ... On The Garlic

26 July 2007... On The Garlic

More Bad News For McCain; Death Cat Curling Up Next To His Campaign Photos; Senator and Presidential Hopeful Drops F-Bomb, As Feline Grim Reaper Maintains Streak, Giving Signal That McCain Effort Over

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell The Shuttle Astronauts Are Drunk

26 July 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! New White House Bombshell - President Loses Vacation Ranch; New Bush Concession On Iraq - al Maliki To Take Crawford Ranch For August Vacation

Top Ten Cloves: Why A Technical Virgin Can’t Host A PBS SHOW

26 July 2005... On The Garlic

White House In Disarray; Releases Rove, Not Roberts Papers; Judiciary Committee Says "Thanks", But Wants Info On Nominee Roberts

Labor Split Worries Calendar Makers; How Many Labor Day Holidays To Mark Causing Delays in 2007 and beyond

Village People Policeman Arrested

Top Ten Cloves: Early Draft of President Bush's Vacation Agenda

Friday, July 25, 2008

Retro Garlic: Bush Is Batman? ... Holy Batshit!

I, perhaps, must first disclose that I haven't rushed out to be part of the record-breaking box office for the new 'Brokeback Batman', errr, 'The Dark Knight' movie.

However, it seems that one of Rupert Murdoch's minions, Andrew Klavan (once you read the piece, you'll understand he must be related to Cheers' Cliff; Okay, okay, one of them changed the spelling, to disassociate themselves from the other), has penned a wet dream to our Court-Appointed President (h/t Barry Crimmins), with his "What Bush and Batman Have in Common";

A cry for help goes out from a city beleaguered by violence and fear: A beam of light flashed into the night sky, the dark symbol of a bat projected onto the surface of the racing clouds . . .

Oh, wait a minute. That's not a bat, actually. In fact, when you trace the outline with your finger, it looks kind of like . . . a "W."

There seems to me no question that the Batman film "The Dark Knight," currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

And like W, Batman understands that there is no moral equivalence between a free society -- in which people sometimes make the wrong choices -- and a criminal sect bent on destruction. The former must be cherished even in its moments of folly; the latter must be hounded to the gates of Hell.
That's the first three paragraphs, and, as a warning, it gets more noxious as it goes on.

I hazard a guess that the closest The Commander Guy has come to being Batman is, under the guise and cover of Halloween, he went running around the house in Laura's tights.

Or, maybe they donned costumes in the Bush Grindhouse, when they met to choreograph the torture of suspected enemy combatants.

As you can imagine, bubbling up is a boatload of feedback, dissing and derision on the World Wide Web

Spencer Ackerman, actually, has a good case, calling out Klavan for stealing the idea of his own essay, "Batman's 'Dark Knight' Reflects Cheney Policy; Joker's Senseless, Endless Violence Echoes Al Qaeda"

Read it yourself, but trust me, Ackerman's is leagues better.

Michael Cohen, on the Democracy Arsenal, has THE BEST OP-ED EVER!!!!!

David Neiwert - Must. Stop. Fist … Of … Doom!

Atrios brings it home with his "Bat-tusi"

The Retro Part

The Garlic covered this over two-years ago;

Top Ten Cloves: Difficulties DC Comics' Batman May Have Fighting Osama bin Laden

A little taste;

3. Sidekick Robin will beat-to-death and overuse the "Holy Mushroom Clouds, Batman" phrase

Dr. Edgar Mitchell, Phone Home!

Now, I may one of the handful of people over the age of 35 that hasn't see the movie 'E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial'.

It wasn't anything to do with not liking Sci-Fi, but more a personal protest.

Roughly nine-years earlier, I got sucked into standing in line for nearly 3-hrs, on a cold, 20-degree January night, to catch 'The Exorcist' (which has to be Bobby Jindal's favorite film) and, disappointed with the film (great book, though), vowed I wouldn't be sucked in again like that.

So, when the movie 'E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial' came out, and had all those multi-block-long lines, I said, "No, Thank You" and just have never caught up with the film since.

This is, just merely, a way of getting into the article I caught up with yesterday, how Apollo 14 astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell says "THEY" have been here.

Moon-walker claims alien contact cover-up

"I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is real," Dr Mitchell said.

"It's been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it's leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it.

One of the guys with the right stuff is saying the Tinfoil Brigade has been spot-on all this time?

Holy Fire in the Sky Batman!

Well, if anything, this, maybe, will increase the property values around Groom Lake.

Bonus Links

A.J. Strata: Astronaut Claims Aliens Have Visited Earth

Cernig: Space Walk, Tune In, Drop Out

Stacey Lawson - Edgar Mitchell: An Astronaut's Detour Into Inner Space

Roswell aliens theory revived by deathbed confession

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things That NASA's Cassini May Find On Saturn's Moon Enceladus

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell The Shuttle Astronauts Are Drunk

Top Ten Cloves: Things About The Rocket Scientists' Party, Yuri Night

There's Sucker's Born Every Minute ...

Bonus Bonus

Quincy Jones "Walking In Space" (1969)

This Date ... On The Garlic

25 July 2007... On The Garlic

Barry Crimmins with "Our Space"

25 July, 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During President Clinton’s Endorsement Appearance With Joe Lieberman

25 July 2005... On The Garlic

Nader Gets Added To Scandal-Ridden San Diego Mayor Ballot; Gov. Schwarzenegger Considering Old Laws and New Eminent Domain Ruling To Take Over City

ABC Miffed; Plans On Sending Sawyer To Sudan; Says Mitchell A Wimp; Their Star Will Fight Back To Get Story

Top Ten Cloves: Ways The NHL Will Woo Back Fans

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Top Ten Cloves: Things Joe Scarborough Likes To Eat and Wear When Sitting At Computer

News Item: Scarborough Defends McCain, Criticizes Bloggers ‘Eating Cheetos’ In Their ‘Underwear’

10. After the tip from his former colleague David Vitter, just a diaper

9. Just like John McCain, donuts, with sprinkles

8. A wig, pearls, an older lady's dress, (and pretend that he's Andrea Mitchell)

7. A couple big batches of Fried Squirrel!

6. Not just at the computer, but on the Morning Joe set, Mika Brzezinski's shoes

5. That showgirl outfit that Rudy Guiliani wore

4. He's more of a pretzel man ... Pretzel Sticks ... Especially the big, thick, really salty ones ...

3. Sometimes, only his dress shoes, but he likes to sit with a wide stance

2. Made from a recipe that Duncan Hunter gave him, some good Gitmo Fried Chicken

1. Two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, head mask, and a dildo in the anus covered by a condom

Bonus Morning Joe Jerk Riffs

Matthew Yglesias: The Party of Cheetos

Spencer Ackerman: But We The Future — Whitney Houston Told Me It’d Take More Than A Bullet In The Heart To Hold Me Back

TeddySanFran: Scar-ification

Huffington Post: Joe Scarborough Walks Off MSNBC's "Race To The White House" After Exchange With Rachel Maddow

John Amato: David Shuster smacks The Scar over his trying to pump “Bush’s foreign policy” as successful

This Date ... On The Garlic

24 July 2007... On The Garlic

The Crony General: "Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time ..."

Top Ten Cloves: Ad Campaigns U.S. Can Use To Win Over Iraqi People

It Will Make A Nice, Keepsake, Photograph ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor's Note: Sorry For The Delay In Posting

24 July 2006... On The Garlic

Cheney, To Bolster Israel, Offers To Out Israeli Covert Agents Whose Spouses Criticize Olmert; Opening Playbook; Says, Eventually, Lebanese Will View Israeli As Liberators

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons President Bush Reluctant To Call For Cease-Fire

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Was It The Surge, or Anbar Awakening, That Allowed Robert Novak To Run Over Pedestrian?

The way the shit is flying
, give the Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain Campaign a few hours to find something in RWFS hack Robert "No Facts" Novak running over a pedestrian to pin on Barack Obama.

Now, anyone can have an accident, true enough, but what makes this one so deliciously noteworthy is that Novak attempted to get away with it ... He didn't stop and, even after being flagged down, still was making an effort to beat it on the lam.

From Skippy, the bush kangaroo's "bob novak, [bodily orafice], cited after hit-and-run";

Politico goes on to describe novak driving away from the scene, only to be chased down and detained by a guy on a bicycle:

The bicyclist was David Bono, a partner at Harkins Cunningham, who was on his usual bike commute to work at 1700 K St. NW when he saw the accident happen…

Bono said the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a "walk" signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and then Novak made a right into the service lane of K Street. “the car is speeding away. what’s going through my mind is, you just can’t hit a pedestrian and drive away,” bono said.

He chased novak half a block down K St., finally caught up with him and then put his bike in front of the car to block him and called 911. traffic immediately backed up, horns blared, and commuters finally went into reverse to allow Novak to pull over.

Bono said that throughout, Novak "keeps trying to get away. he keeps trying to go.” he said he vaguely recognized the longtime political reporter and columnist as a Washington celebrity but could not precisely place him.
Or, as Jane Hamsher noted it, the pedestrian was “Splayed Onto the Windshield”.

Hmmm ... Was "No Facts" angry, venting, lost in thought of mayhem?

Did it flash before him, as his black Corvette (who would have thunk that this old hack would be driving a 'Vet'?) approached the intersection, that it was one of the Wilsons in the crosswalk? ... Perhaps Rove or Cheney?

After all, the Stumblin Bumblin John McCain Campaign, just burned him, so, perhaps, as the car first rammed into the pedestrian, "No Facts" let out a scream of "I'll give you a god-damn vice president!" ...

Or, maybe, he met someone recently, a certain someone named Bruno Anthony, who, undoubtedly, would approve of "No Facts" running someone over, and then trying to get away with it.

"I admire people who do things," Anthony would, devilishly, smile.

Bonus "No Facts" Follies

Dday: I Am Now Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds

Think Progress - Witness: ‘No way’ Novak didn’t know he hit someone; victim was ’splayed across the front’ of his car

Edward McClelland: Bob Novak is not one of the popular kids; The prickly right-wing columnist, covert-agent outer and all-around "Prince of Darkness" explains how he rose to the top of D.C.'s journalistic heap

Bolton Defends Novak; Laments Not Using Same Tactic, Cussing With Senate Panel

Breaking News! White House, Congress To Clear “Outrage Backlog”; Bush, Congress Plan Retro Rebuke Of Novak, Sun-Times Over Plame Leak; Tracing Funds, Gay Marriage, Flag Amendment, War On Terror Cited For “Outrage Backlog”

This Date ... On The Garlic

23 July 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll - When Vice President Dick Cheney found out he was being sued by Valarie Plame Wilson and Joe Wilson, Cheney ...

23 July 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons McCain Confused Iraq-Pakistan Border

News Item: McCain Owns First Foreign Policy Gaffe During Obama's Iraq Trip (VIDEO)

10. Wait a minute, you sure Iraq and Pakistan don't share a border?

9. Still mighty pissed off that al-Maliki hadn't endorsed his Iraq plans

8. AARP hasn't sent him his 2008 World Atlas yet

7. Thought it was a trick question

6. Answered too quickly ... Concerned Andrea Mitchell was going to call it a "fake interview"

5. Gazing at Diane Sawyer, he drifted off, thinking about one of Phil Grahams soft-core porn films

4. It was a toss-up ... Either say that, or start talking about Czechoslovakia again

3. Ate too many donuts, with sprinkles, before the interview

2. Was nervous - Worried that he was going to be asked a Shiite-Sunni question

1. Quite simply, he was drunk

Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain Riffs

What's Next ... An "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List?

No, Wait ... I Think It's Iran Training al-Qaeda To Pump The Gas ...

If He Really Wanted To Scare'em, He Would Have Named Big Daddy Lipscomb ...

This Date ... On The Garlic

22 July 2007... On The Garlic

Taking Down The Duct Tape and Plastic ... It's Sunday, Post-Pottermania ... And Post President Cheney

22 July 2006... On The Garlic

Rumsfield to Downgrade Iraqi Forces To 'Wannabes'; Says Couldn't Fight Way Out Of Paper Bag; Statehood Stalled Without Troops

Former Sports Arena Debuts As House of Worship; Video Screens and Cheerleaders Lift Services; Church Fighting CBA Ruling

Top Ten Cloves: How Hewlett Packard Told 14,500 They Were Being Laid Off

Monday, July 21, 2008

Condi Sings Again!

This girl has learned well.

She ain't lettin' no one, nobody, crash her Condoleezza Rice Ballroom Dancing & Charm School, especially the guy who has crapped all over her boss's "Time Horizon".

We refer to this juicy nugget today;

Night before Obama flies abroad, Rice bars embassies from aiding candidates

The night before presumptive Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) left for Afghanistan, Iraq and Western Europe for a tour of US bases overseas, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued a cable to US missions forbidding them from holding events for presidential candidates or arrange meetings for them.

Rice issued no such cable prior to foreign excursions by presumptive Republican nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ).

"Provide de minimis assistance to the candidate with logistical arrangements," said the cable, according to the Times. "If the campaign staff wants to rent a bus for press, tell them where they can rent a bus."
Hmmm ... She might have been humming her theme song, while composing this cable, or, perhaps, exercising on her elliptical trainer ...

Whatever the case, she wasn't going to get caught flatfooted.

There's only one Iraq legacy on the table, to be hawked and bought, and good work wife Condi was standing by her man.

So, for such decisive, bold action, we pin another song to Condi's music stand.

Sing along, it's from the Beatles.
Don't Help

Don't Help, He may need somebody,
Don't Help, not just anybody,
Don't Help, he'll need someone, don't help.

When Obama was younger, so much younger than today,
He never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now that Hillary's gone, his nomination all but assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and closed the embassy doors

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help

And now Obama's life has changed in oh so many ways,
Iraqi's dependence on us seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then the legacy is so insecure,
I know that I just need you not to let him in the door

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help

When Obama was younger, so much younger than today,
He never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now that Hillary's gone, his nomination all but assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and closed the embassy doors

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help, not help, not help, not help

Bonus Condi Riffs

Rice Audtioning For New Role of Aricept Spokesperson

New Liz Cheney Op-Ed!

Developing Story - Secretary of State Defends “Mushroom Cloud” Prediction; Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test; AEL Members Adhering To Program; Allows Bush, World “Swift and Unfettered” Rhetoric” As Precursor To Planting Seeds of Democracy

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

This Date ... On The Garlic

21 July 2006... On The Garlic

Another Bush First - Adds Signing Statement to Stem Cell Veto, Vetoing NAACP; In Solidifying Base, GOP Telling African Americans “You’re Either With Us, Or Against Us”

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Focus On Family’s New Anti-Gay Website

21 July 2005... On The Garlic

White House Stresses Roberts' Wife "Not A CIA Agent"; No Knowledge of WMD's; No Plans To Send Husband To Niger

Top Ten Cloves: Why Bush Announced Roberts Nomination in Prime Time

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Barack Obama ... C'mon Down!

Yes, we ended up taking the weekend off, primarily due to the oppressive heat and humidity (which, also means extra duty on the homefront; As I write now, it is starting to break).

And what an explosive time to be sittin' out.

If politics were like "The Price Is Right" (well, err, the television gameshow, that is), Barack Obama would be running down the aisle, squealing in delight.

He got called down ...

Big Time!

'AS SOON AS POSSIBLE' - Iraq Leader Maliki Supports Obama's Withdrawal Plans

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki supports US presidential candidate Barack Obama's plan to withdraw US troops from Iraq within 16 months. When asked in and interview with SPIEGEL when he thinks US troops should leave Iraq, Maliki responded "as soon as possible, as far as we are concerned." He then continued: "US presidential candidate Barack Obama talks about 16 months. That, we think, would be the right time frame for a withdrawal, with the possibility of slight changes."


Man, how cool is that, and I mean, motherfucking duende cool, in the heat of a presidential campaign, to have the Prime Minister of the country your Court-Appointed President is occupying, gives you a shout out, that you are "The Man with a Plan"?

Before the Neocronies could finish patting themselves on the back, for the Friday accomplishment of the Bush Grindhouse's Orwellian agreement of a "Time Horizon" (Iraqi translation - "Get Out ASAP"), defined by the accompanying qualifier, "aspirational goals" (Iraqi translation - "You sling it any way you want, but you're getting out of here ASAP"), al-Maliki sends them this big, fat, wet, juicy kiss-off.

Yeah, yeah, they be pulling a 24/7 on getting al-Maliki to walk it back, likely to the point that al-Maliki's legs will look like pretzels, but ...

I can dig it, Swope, my mousetrap is yours ...

The cat is out of the bag, the pearl is in the river, the genie is out of the bottle and the GOP is fucked.

Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain might as well just stick to riding around the country in the Dead Campaign Express, beating up librarians, sharing donuts with what remains of his adoring media lackies, with someone sticking a Post-It Note on his forehead, reminding him to vote on November 4th.

This story will be running hot for the next few days, no doubt, the spinning has only just begun, so we'll have more to work with in the days ahead

Meantime, for al-Maliki, and Obama (with apologies for not finding a video version of the Quincy Jone rendition), a shout out of our own;

Aretha Franklin - Oh Happy Day

Bonus Obama Bonus Riffs

Spencer Ackerman: Feel It Closing In

Swopa: A Different Kind of Iraqi Resistance

Steve Benen: What if Maliki changed everything, but the media didn’t notice?

This Date ... On The Garlic

20 July 2007... On The Garlic

Hold The Phone! ... He Can't Be President, He's Not Part of The Executive Branch ...

Developing Story! A Livid Cheney Moves To Place Chertoff Guts Under Wraps; Future Intestinal Prognostications To Be Kept Secret; Brings In Former U.N Ambassador For Extra Tongue Lashing

Retro Garlic ... Oh, Ed Henry, David Chappelle ... That's Sooooo 2005

20 July 2006... On The Garlic

Eye On The Garlic

20 July 2005... On The Garlic

Editor's Note