Thursday, September 17, 2015

Drippings From The Drool Cup

Last night, the PartyofNoicans parked their clown car in the Ronald Reagan Drool Cup Shrine, and more than a few of the candidates channeled the former Union-busting President, rather awkwardly.

But the #GOPDebate, despite the calls to do so, didn't wipe the grease paint of Numero Uno clown, Donald Chump.

He's still standing, and holding down the three-rings, waiting to crack his whip at the next pail of confetti thrown at him.

Rather than wade into the nauseating details, we'll just offer some observational riffs.

Somebody in the Jeb! Bush! crew needs to sit the boy down and advise him to get as far away from his War Criminal brother as possible, rather then continuing to embrace and defend him.

In the back-and-forth over the Middle East, going into Iraq, Jeb! strenuously and vehemently shot back at The Donald, who was dissing his War Criminal brother that "He kept us safe ..."


Anyone can go to the Internets and find the War Criminal Brother ignoring the PDB about possible attacks, and on the day of attack, he was giving the most famous reading of "My Pet Goat".

But Jeb! wasn't the only one trying to milk Sept. 11th, Portly Chris Christie continued his exploitation of it, in a fighting-stance reply that he was a "tough Federal Prosecutor".

And Dr. Ben didn't do himself any favors by (rightly) defending the practice of Vaccines, and that they don't cause Autism, since the red-meat-eating, teabagging wing of the PartyofNoicans (who Dr. Ben ordinarily plays to) have that misfact carved in stone.

Ted Cruz should be disqualified from both the debates, and public office in general, just for the fact that he too-eerily resembles former pig-headed Senator Joe McCarthy, in looks and in policies.

Aside from Donald Chump, I suspect, as the day wears on, the ink barrels will be drained, declaring Carly Fiorina and Marco Rubio as gaining points last evening.

Carly, to be fair, likely got off the best single line of the night, taking a swipe at The Donald's riff about her falling off the Ugly Tree and hitting every branch, but, she's pissing up a rope if she's going to try to counter her business experience is better than his.

During her tenure, HP stood for "Help, Please", and the only one who got rich during that time was herself - for getting fired.

And Marco Rubio's family immigration story is beginning to resemble TBS on Christmas Day, and, if he happens to be the last clown in the car, and actually gets elected, he'll make Keyser Sozo look like a piker.

Winners of the Thanks For Coming/Bronzed Reagan Drool Cup go to Mike Huckabee (Onward Christian Soldiers, where do we sign up for the Crusades, Mike?), Scott Walker (the loser asshole Frat President who thinks everyone thinks he's cool and smart), Rand Paul ("Hey, over here ... Me. Me, ... I had my hand raised!") and John Kasich ("Can't we all just get along?")

The PartyofNoican Clown Car now heads to Colorado, three days before Halloween, and, about the only way it could be more fun, is if the candidates indulge themselves in some of that legal Colorado marijuana.