Friday, December 31, 2010

Bon Annee! ...Happy New Year

Good Afternoon Garlic Fans, we hope you are having a most enjoyable Holiday season.

It's been some time since our last posting , and, unfortunately, we are still in the (L4 for any ambitious med students reading this), and it comes with the added sidebar of Numb Feet, which is stumping the Docs attending to me.

We did the three-injection program this past summer, and, after Shot #2, my symptoms escalated.

Physical Therapy offered some mitigation for a short period, and the various meds given haven't been much use (one of them, Vicodin, actually landed me in the hospital for two-days, with some unusual chest-tightening).

Currently, I am on Gabepentin, which is actually an anti-seizure med that they have had success with, off-label, for neurological issues.

An EMG test is next in order, a testing of the nerves by jolting me with electricity, to see that they are all firing properly, and, based on those results, the next course of action will be determined.

Our goal in the soon-to-arrive 2011, is to get back to writing daily, so, keep you eyes peeled, and bookmarks marked.

The Party-of-Noicans taking majority in the House is going to rival an unending Marx Brothers Film Festival ...

And Mommy Moose is still front-and-center, having feed an Alaskan-sized avalanche of quarters into that "15-Minutes-of-Fame" machine.

Yes, 2011 is going to be fun.

Happy New Year, once again!

With all the BS, and calamities we've had to endure, we'll let Joe Cocker, and The Crusaders, take us out with our nomination that this tune be the official New Years theme.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Surprises With LeBron James Announcement Tonight

News Item: LeBron James, ESPN to Air "The Decision": Obnoxious Summer of Me Reaches Climax

10. Shocking confession - It was he who had affair with Al Gore

9. Retiring ... Plans on running for President in 2012, on Tea Party platform - Will name Palin running-mate

8. Retro Ball-Busting - Just as James gets ready to say where he's going, ESPN cuts off to "Heidi"

7. Shocker! ...Deal worked out between USA and Russia, James traded for all the spys, leads Ruskies to Olympic Gold in 2012, rename country after him, all advertising carries his image, and then retired and put out to stud thousands of Little LeBrons

6. James taking year off ... Will apply all his basketball prowess to cleaning up oil in Gulf

5. Along with saying what team he'll play for, announces he's coming out, plants big smacker on Jim Grey

4. Staying with Cavaliers, moving, not just team, but the entire city to new state, renaming it "LeBronJamesville"

3. Announces not going anywhere until Lindsey Lohan is free

2. Says going to Knicks, contingent upon Dancing Harry coming out of retirement

1. Announces he's a new NBA franchise - Will play against league next season, all by himself

This Date ... On The Garlic

8 July 2009... On The Garlic

Instant Racist Ignorant Dolts - The Valley Swim Club

8 July 2008... On The Garlic

It's Now The Denver Four!

If He Lived In Australia ...

8 July 2007... On The Garlic

Retro Garlic: Sorry Rita, We Tried ... 7 New Wonders of the World Chosen

8 July 2006... On The Garlic

More Letters On The Garlic’s Baseball Piece

8 July 2005... On The Garlic

A Call For Peace

Tuesday, July 06, 2010


Okay ... It can stop now ... Just turn it off ... Had enough, thank you ... Thanks for comin' ... See ya ... Just turn it off ... Had enough... Thanks, but really, we've had enough ... No, no, no ... You don't have to keep it going ... Really, just turn it off ... It's okay ... Really ... It's okay ... Don't need anymore ... All set, thanks ...

Cal Tjader and Carmen McRae Heatwave

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 July 2009... On The Garlic

He Should Have Stuck To Making Cars

Now It's The Honeybees!

6 July 2008... On The Garlic

Oil That Is, Black Gold, Tehran Tea ...

Rice Audtioning For New Role of Aricept Spokesperson

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Google Can Provide Better Day Care

6 July 2007... On The Garlic

Let's Hear It For The Quid Pro Quo ... New Garlic Song - Hush Little Libby

Of Blackboards, Chalk and Legacies ... The Constitutional Crises Continues

6 July 2005... On The Garlic

Cheney Emerging As Next Justice Pick By Bush Feared; VP On Vetting Panel; Nearly Same Situation But Now Has Residency Established

Rove Said To Be "Under Pressure" Over Leak Accusation; Key Bush Strategist Shows "Erratic Behavior" As Critics, Press Call For Admission

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Jacques Chirac Thinks of England and Finland

Monday, July 05, 2010

Come Back, Shane! ... Come Back!

Good Evening Garlic Fans ...

Once again, we come (and being the day after the 4th), it can be said, with a firework barge-full of apologies, for our extended absence.

When last we popped in, some three-weeks ago (not counting the First Day of Summer, and our prognostication on the recently fired cock-waving, muscleheaded military commander, General Stanley A. McChrystal), we had been diagnosed with a Herniated Disc (in the L4 region), and was soon off to a second Ortho Guy, for a shot in the back.

Well, we received said shot-in-the-back, and since, only marginal improvement.

Some of the pain has been mitigated, however, numbness of the foot goes on, and, the cramping has been virtually unabated, disrupting sleep to the point of not being able to call it sleep (We would gladly pay you Thursday, for some sleep today).

We've been carrying on with our homefront project, as best we can (and that is behind schedule, as well), and none of this has had us in a creative mood to write, missing, for the first time since we started writing The Garlic, our annual tirade of a July 4th Garlictorial.

Most fortunately, and unknowingly, someone picked up the slack on that front for us.

Our good friend Barry Crimmins, who has an awesome post up for the Annual Pap Holiday, "Fourth of July Remarks For Any Occasion (in the form of notes for the platform speaker)";

Continued remarks about how we wouldn't be able to play golf or even go to a mall this morning without our supported dupes' absolutely needless sacrifice in inordinately far-flung places. Places where the locals have learned that, to Americans, appreciation for democracy can only come at the cost of the arms, legs, eyesight, mental health and even the lives of countless innocents whose only prior crime was to have never thought of our nation in any terms, at all. But now they know us, thanks to the, at times, literal human sacrifice of our very children to a heartless yet absurdly self-righteous foreign policy that is enforced by retaliation against almost anyone who makes the mistake of passing through somewhere, where someone we really hate might also pass through at some point.

That's what makes us different from the terrorists.

And if Barry's post wasn't enough, a War of Words erupted in the Comments Section, and a few dwarfs, finks, phonies and frauds perhaps Wannabe Flying Monkeys, since their blather was little more that the tired-and-tattered, Right Wing Dale Carnegie toast of "if you don't love this country, you should leave it", attempted to lecture and humble Barry with that tripe.

I mean, that's like showing up to a Rave, in a John Travolta-Saturday-Night-Fever-white-bell-bottomed-suit, and thinking you're major cool.

I think Barry handled, dealt with, and settled, that particular Right Wing lament back when Nixon was in office, so he swatted that away like a home run hit at Home Run Derby (easy-as-pie, for our baseball-challenged readers - you can go read our Special Essay to bone-up on the Grand Ol' Pastime)

So inane were these voices from Nitwitville, that James Wolcott had to use his Vanity Fair column, to call out, specifically, Darlene Click's vapidness, which will likely, draw in all of Click's Wannabe Flying Monkeys, to read Wolcott, and then click over to read Barry post, for the context.

Hum Stars and Stripes Forever to yourself, as those Wannabe Flying Monkeys suddenly feel like they don't whether to piss, or wind their watches.

Back to business, with a Heatwave settling in this week (ask me in a few days how that "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" thing is workin' for me), and the Back/Herniated Disc thing still playing havoc, and feeling like we have lost our writing mo-jo, we can't say when we will resume regular posting, other than the nebulous "soon".

So, go dig into Barry Crimmins' delicious holiday treat and keep checking back for any fresh post we sneak in.

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 July 2009... On The Garlic


5 July 2008... On The Garlic

So Nice ... The Very Last Moments of Jesse Helms

5 July 2006... On The Garlic

Garlic Exclusive! 1st Draft Of Coulter’s Plagiarism Response; Coulter Speaks (Sort Of)

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons For North Korea To Run Missile Tests

5 July 2005... On The Garlic

Conservatives Threaten Taco Bell Boycott, Justice Weekends; Economic Message To Bush If Gonzales Placed On High Court

Founder of Earth Day, Gaylord A. Nelson, Dead at 89; Mother Earth To Offer "Volcanic Salute To A Great Friend"

Live 8 Concerts Generate Over 26 Million Text Messages; Over 24-Million Exchanged About "The Blond In Front of The London Stage"

Top Ten Cloves: Most Surprising Things NASA Discovers With Deep Impact and Comet Tempel 1

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Start The Pools ... How Soon McChrystal Becomes A Faux News Analyst?

Take a few days off, and, oh boy, all kinds of things hitting the fan ...

Reading Michael Hastings' 'The Runaway General', it hard to tell if it is a good piece of journalism, or fiction, perhaps a character synopsis for some new HBO mini-series in the offing, about a cock-waving, muscle-headed military commander..

I mean, if General Stanley A. McChrystal were cast in 'Apocalypse Now', while Robert Duvall's Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore was blabbering about "I love the smell of napalm in the morning .... The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like ...victory ...", the camera would have to pan, to McChrystal, sitting on the beach, eating napalm out his helmet, and muttering what a candy-ass Kilgore was.

Go read 'The Runaway General', for, as you do, throughout, despite all the confidence, bravado and over-the-top machoism of McChrystal, it says over, and over, of how fucked we are in Afghanistan

It is said that he will be going to his meeting with Obama today, resignation letter in-hand, and Obama is going to have to accept it (if it hasn't already been demanded), as part of the show of not being a pansy, and letting a tin-horn commander, and the Pentagon, walk all over him.

No rearview mirrors in the room today.

So, boys and girls, should McChrystal walk out of the Oval Office today, a retired muscle-headed, cock-waving, former military commander, how soon before he beelines it to Faux News, to add fresh meat to their propaganda machine?

Start cutting up the office pool squares ....

Bonus Links

Alex Pareene: Why did Gen. McChrystal talk to Rolling Stone?

C.J. Chivers: General Faces Unease Among His Own Troops, Too

Spencer Ackerman: Biden Probably Wants to Renew His Rolling Stone Subscription

Doris Kearns Goodwin: What Would Lincoln Do?

Yves Smith: Afghanistan: Pentagon Payments to Warlords Undermine Central Government

This Date ... On The Garlic

23 June 2009... On The Garlic

This Is Going To Steam A Lot of Buns


Senator Bob Corker ... Instant Ignorant Dolt ... And, Flaming Asshole!

I Wonder Where They Learned This Trick?

Senator Bob Corker ... Instant Ignorant Dolt ... And, Flaming Asshole!

23 June 2008... On The Garlic

What's Next ... An "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List?

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things, Besides The Internet, That John McCain May Be Aware Of

RIP George Carlin ... And Start The Investigation

23 June 2007... On The Garlic

"I Am Spartacus" ... The Bush Grindhouse and Cheneypalooza

23 June 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Other Big, Breaking News Senator Rick Santorum Is Eager To Announce

23 June 2005... On The Garlic

Al Qaeda, OSHA Clash Over Workplace Safety; With Iraq As Training Facility, Safety Agency Wants Compliance

23 Disney Parks Overrun As Southern Baptists End Boycott; Gates Locked On Mob By 11AM; Nagging Children Key To Breaking Stalemate

Biden Looking At Presidential Run In 2008; Taking First Step of Staffing, Including Proofreaders and Fact Checkers

Winn-Dixie Announces Cuts of 22,000 Jobs; Movie Bombed, Cost Increases Prolong Bankruptcy

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things The Los Angles Times Might Experiment With

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

This Date ... On The Garlic

22 June 2009... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons There Was More Votes Than Voters In Iran

Tweedle-Dee, Twitter-Dough ... Dell Cashes In

22 June 2008... On The Garlic

"This Is The Capitulation We Have Been Waiting For!" ... Or; "A Cave-In You Can Believe In"

Has Anyone Asked The Oil Companies This Question?

Top Ten Cloves: Other Possible Reasons Scottish Pupils Don't Do Well In Exams

22 June 2007... On The Garlic

Clock's Ticking Again - Some More Heads To Be Pulled Out of Asses ... Step Right Up Dorothy Rabinowitz ... And Richard Cohen

Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Dickie Right Over ... Its' A Cheneypalooza!

22 June 2006... On The Garlic

New GOP/RNC Slogan - “Two Parties Enter ... One Party Leads” – Echoes Through Senate Today; GOP Taunts Dems After Shooting Down Pullout Vote; Takes On New ‘Mad Max” Slogan To Laud Majority And Cool Down Cut-And-Run Charges

Top Ten Cloves: Things President Bush Can Do To Boost His Popularity In Europe

22 June 2005... On The Garlic

Rice Threatens Egypt and Saudi Arabia; Urges Democratic Reform or "We'll Throw Your Countries Into Turmoil just like we've done with Iraq"

Banana Republic Group Blasts Bush, Bolton; "These Guys Are Making Us Look Like A Dynasty"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Ken Tomlinson Will Try To Survive His Latest Scandal

Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy First Day of Summer!

It's here!

Today, the first day of Summer!

Locally, it's expected to be a spectacular day (yesterday was extremely humid), so being on the DL will be that much easier, having a very fine day to recuperate.

As has been our tradition the past few years, we post one of, if not the tops, coolest version of the Gershwin gem, from his opera, 'Porgy and Bess'.

Revel in the music and enjoy the day!

angelique kidjo summertime

This Date ... On The Garlic

21 June 2007... On The Garlic

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day ... And the *61 President

Top Ten Cloves: Strange Behavior First Day of Summer Visits Upon People

21 June 2006... On The Garlic

Many Europeans Fear North Korean Missile Strike On Bush While At EU Summit; With Image At Low Point, Europeans Lament Bush Visit During Summer Solstice

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard Last Night At Scooter Libby Fundraiser

21 June 2005... On The Garlic

Google Drops Bombshell - Will Compete With U.S. Treasury; Markets Close Early and Troops Activated; eBay Said To Be Dumping PayPal

F.B.I. Finally Gets Photos, Files On Terrorism; Senior Agents in Counterterrosim Thought Osama bin Laden was Illinois Senator

Heinz Buying Danone Groups' HP Foods; Longtime Goal of 57 Varieties of Worcestershire Sauce Near

Top Ten Cloves: Places That Porter Goss Thinks Osama bin Laden Is Hiding

Saturday, June 19, 2010

It's Been, Kind of, That St. James Feeling

Good Morning Garlic Fans

Once again, we have to apology, profusely, for our AWOL status.

It’s been a "when it rains, it pours" situation.

When we last surfaced, at the beginning of the month, we were talking about our ailing shoulder, the Rotator Cuff issue, and relief did come, by way of a Cortisone injection (it took a few days to start feeling better).

Ahhh, but that was only half the story.

We had a concurrent issue going on, with pain in the lower back, that included radiating down into the thigh, or hamstring (sometimes both), and causing numbing of the foot.

While pain, and the numbness, were consistent, their levels were not, ranging for low annoyance, to feeling like the Guerre de Cent Ans was reignited, with sharp, pulsating, crippling waves of pain.

So, off to the Doc's again, from there, an MRI and, I wasn't crazy, as results showed a Herniated Disc (in the L4 region), and we'll be off to another Doc in the coming week, for treatment, that, hopefully, will bring some relief (as "cramping" has entered into the picture over the last week-plus, including giving us a new experience - a foot cramp, while the foot was numb!).

We can't say for sure when we resume regular posting.

Being on the DL of so long, we're going to need some writing rehab, and we may attempt some softball satire in the coming days.

In the meantime, for the moment, we'll let the great Jack Teagarden sing our woes.

JACK TEAGARDEN St. James Infirmary

This Date ... On The Garlic

19 June 2009... On The Garlic

Make Way For The New Jib Jab!

19 June 2008... On The Garlic

Life Imitates Art ... Or, Did Burt Lancaster Invent Google Earth?

19 June 2007... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: How Being Named "Girl Scout For Life" Is Going To Cramp Dolly Parton's Style

Retro Garlic ... Cómo Se Dices "You're In The Army Now

19 June 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! - Staffers calling the President “Svengali”; Bush Threatens North Korea With Unannounced Visit If Missile Tested; Will Subject Kim Jong II To The “Look In The Eyes”; Boasts “Talk To Maliki or Gates If You Think I’m Bluffing”

Top Ten Cloves: Things The CIA Will Do To Boost Morale and Rebuild Spy Network