Top Ten Cloves: Possible Surprises With LeBron James Announcement Tonight

News Item: LeBron James, ESPN to Air "The Decision": Obnoxious Summer of Me Reaches Climax

10. Shocking confession - It was he who had affair with Al Gore

9. Retiring ... Plans on running for President in 2012, on Tea Party platform - Will name Palin running-mate

8. Retro Ball-Busting - Just as James gets ready to say where he's going, ESPN cuts off to "Heidi"

7. Shocker! ...Deal worked out between USA and Russia, James traded for all the spys, leads Ruskies to Olympic Gold in 2012, rename country after him, all advertising carries his image, and then retired and put out to stud thousands of Little LeBrons

6. James taking year off ... Will apply all his basketball prowess to cleaning up oil in Gulf

5. Along with saying what team he'll play for, announces he's coming out, plants big smacker on Jim Grey

4. Staying with Cavaliers, moving, not just team, but the entire city to new state, renaming it "LeBronJamesville"

3. Announces not going anywhere until Lindsey Lohan is free

2. Says going to Knicks, contingent upon Dancing Harry coming out of retirement

1. Announces he's a new NBA franchise - Will play against league next season, all by himself

Orlando Does It!

Well, you can start calling him "LeGone James ((H/T Barry Crimmins)).

The Orlando Magic, led by Dwight "Superman" Howard, kicked ass and took names this evening, stomping on the Cleveland Cadaverliers (also a Barry Crimmins H/T), 103-90 (and the game wasn't this close - Orlando led by 18 at half-time, and 16 at the end of the third), taking the Eastern Division finals, 4-2, and heading into the NBA Finals, against the LA Lakers, for the first time since 1995

This was especially sweet.

Not so much from James, but the Media, as Cleveland cruised through the first two rounds, tremendously easy, they (the Media) was already building statues of James as THE GREATEST EVER.

They couldn't say it enough times, they couldn't talk about it enough, they couldn't show enough highlight clips, and James' last second (about three-minutes in any other city) shot to win Game 2, only added to this nonsense.

As Orlando then took a 3-1 lead games, all-of-a-sudden, the conversation shifted to the rest of the Cleveland team sucked, and when was someone going to help King James, that King James couldn't be expected (though they suspected he could) do it by himself, and that, with playing so many minutes (hey, it's the playoffs, baby, there's no crying in the playoffs), that King James (gasp), maybe, was tired, fatigued.

With crunch-time on-the-line, a ticket to the finals (or, in the Cadaverliers case, a ticket to Game 7, at home), it was "Superman" who punched the time clock, going for 40-points, with 14 rebounds, seemingly, being unstoppable.

King James went for 27-points, but with zero (yes "0") points in the second quarter, and only 7 (I think) in the final quarter.

And, it got little play, that Orlando slugged it out in the playoffs, and now go to the finals, without their #1 Guard, Jameer Nelson, out injured.

So, now the Lakers, and here's to the Orlando Magic, that they can go in there, and disappoint La-La Land, again, this year, much like they were last year, by the Celtics.

Go Orlando!
Beat LA!