Top Ten Cloves: Possible Surprises With LeBron James Announcement Tonight

News Item: LeBron James, ESPN to Air "The Decision": Obnoxious Summer of Me Reaches Climax

10. Shocking confession - It was he who had affair with Al Gore

9. Retiring ... Plans on running for President in 2012, on Tea Party platform - Will name Palin running-mate

8. Retro Ball-Busting - Just as James gets ready to say where he's going, ESPN cuts off to "Heidi"

7. Shocker! ...Deal worked out between USA and Russia, James traded for all the spys, leads Ruskies to Olympic Gold in 2012, rename country after him, all advertising carries his image, and then retired and put out to stud thousands of Little LeBrons

6. James taking year off ... Will apply all his basketball prowess to cleaning up oil in Gulf

5. Along with saying what team he'll play for, announces he's coming out, plants big smacker on Jim Grey

4. Staying with Cavaliers, moving, not just team, but the entire city to new state, renaming it "LeBronJamesville"

3. Announces not going anywhere until Lindsey Lohan is free

2. Says going to Knicks, contingent upon Dancing Harry coming out of retirement

1. Announces he's a new NBA franchise - Will play against league next season, all by himself

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reason LeGone James Blew Off Media After Losing To Orlando Magic

News Item: Whine of the Week

10. Since his teammates didn't support him in the games, he wasn't going to support them in the post-game

9. He didn't talk to the media after some big games in high school, so, like, what's the big deal, man?

8. Was still upset, the day after, about Jay Leno leaving the 'Tonight Show'

7. He talked to the media after he hit that game-winning three-pointer, isn't that enough?

6. Like his favorite reading, Lex Luthor never hung around and congratulated Superman

5. Since he thinks he's the best player, better then Kobe Bryant, he had to elevate his sulking to be better than Bryant in all areas of the game

4. Practicing for possible endorsement of retro "I Want My Maypo" commercial campaign

3. He only prepared remarks for if he had won the game, and they all had references to Game 7

2. He didn't score 40, or more, points, and he will only talk to media when he scores 40, or more, points

1. Coincidentally, at the same time game ended, James learned that Susan Boyle didn't win the Britain's Got Talent crown, and just had to be alone for awhile


Bonus LeGone James/Cleveland Cadaverliers Riffs

Orlando Does It!

Yahoo Buzz: Fallout from LeBron's silence

CBS Sports - LeBron James: poor sport

Jodie Valade/Plain Dealer Reporter: James leaves Orlando defeated, speechless

NFT: LeBron James blows off media after loss last night-