Saturday, April 07, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Having Rachel Ray Planning Your Prom

News Item: Rachael Ray helps whip up prom after tornado

10. Early night - Prom only lasts 30-minutes

9. Cost of prom tickets includes bottle of Rachael Ray All-Italian EVOO

8. Music group for the night is bogus - only instruments are spoons

7. Rachel lectures you on the 103 things you can do with the leftover food

6. Tanya Zuckerbrot spends the night, tugging at your clothes, trying to read the labels

5. Emeril Lagasse shows up and keeps yelling "BAM" in your ear all night

4. For any kids that lose their lunch, no problem, Rachel just whips them up another

3. Competition - Martha Stewart got wind of it and she's built a way cool bigger and better prom - using only crepe paper, package of tinsel and empty maple syrup jars

2. Six different girls all claim they made out with the "Food Network talent scout" from the "Unwrapped" show

1. Saving a lot of money - Able to do flowers, limo and post-prom dinner for less than $40

Ohhh, And We Had Such Nice Plans For Shock and Awe II -The Sequel ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, among other things to be thankful for having the British-Iran Hostage Situation resolve peacefully, is that Vice President Dick Cheney and the rest of the pro-war Bush Administration didn't get involved.

No doubt that the VP Darth Vader had his Iran Study Group cranking out all the options of war and attack (Shock and Awe II - The Sequel!), but the British stiffened their upper lips and said "No Thanks chaps, we'll handle this one", so that the only causalities out of this were the banners and copy of spin, with, perhaps, a new contract for the Lincoln Group, that all got fed into the Secret Bunker's shredder.

Since the Pentagon's own Inspector General has put the final bullets into the Bush-Cheney claims of Al Qaeda being in pre-occupied Iraq, the Boys on Pennsylvania Avenue may very well leaking some talking points that Osama bin Laden's gang is in Iran, and, somehow, was behind or involved in the kidnapping of the British sailors.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 1 - April 7, 2007

President Bush's advice to Tony Blair and the British, regarding their Iran Hostage Situation should include;

1. We'll lend you Cheney, and hire the Lincoln Group; They'll spin this to the point most Brits will believe the Iranians pulled off the Great Train Robbery Tally 41%

2. Changing the name of their iconic dish to Freedom Fish and Chips Tally 28%

3. When giving press conferences, wear RAF Flight Suit Tally 17%

4. If Blair can't pull it off, getting someone in his government to declare "Democracy is messy ... Stuff Happens" Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Crony General Alberto Gonzales is said to have cancelled his vacation in order to practice for his upcoming testimony before Congress. Gonzales is likely to rehearsing most, the phrases ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

Man, this has to be a double-bummer for the First Lady.

Probably was looking forward to curling up on the sofa, box of Godiva Chocolate within arms' length and flicking on the tube to catch perhaps Burl Ives' Great Easter Bunny, or that Fred Astaire-Judy Garland pic with all the nice songs.

But no, those darn terrorists - that bunch from Al Qaeda that George and Dick say where in Iraq even before we invaded and occupied the country - have to go and spoil the entire weekend.

It's all Nancy Pelosi's fault... Running around over there in Syria, stirring up all kinds of trouble, ruining the First Lady's Easter.

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Chlorine truck bomber kills 27 in Ramadi


Laura Bush: Much Of Iraq Is ‘Stable,’ There’s Just ‘One Bombing A Day That Discourages Everybody’

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

Laura Bush: My husband never misled about Iraq

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 09, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 16, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

No Easter Parade for this First Lady, as long as those bombings keep cropping up on her television

Editor's Note - Getting Back On Track

Good Afternoon Garlic Fans

We hope you are having a great Easter Weekend.

Once again, apologies all around for the lack of posts this past week.

Along with the previously-referenced sinus and allergy difficulties, this writer also had to deal with a very unexpected death in the family, which, as you can quite understand, left absolutely no time for maintaining ones' writing schedule.

We are getting back on track today, with a handful of posts and, be sure to tune in tomorrow, Sunday 8 April, for a special Easter Essay (Christ Slept Here: A Tale of Easter).

Once again, thank you for your support

Monday, April 02, 2007

Look No Further, Your Handy Baseball Primer

Ahhhh ... The smell of pine tar ... The roar of the crowd ...

Yes, it's back ... Baseball season is upon us and already, The Garlic has a scoop.

President Bush couldn't throw out the first pitch today, at the Washington Nationals home opener ... his arm was sore after tossing out those eight U.S. Attorneys.

While the rest of Washington is eyeballing and picking over the latest financials of the presidential candidates, the rest of America is sharpening their pencils, on the ready to record every twitch, movement, dropped fly, missed bunt and 6-4-3 double-play that takes place on the field of dreams around the country.

Don't be left out of the action (or, to get in the spirit of things, left in the on-deck circle). The Garlic today reprises one if its' most popular posts, and as Sonny Earl said, "the best darned baseball primer on the world wide web."

We present for your edification and enjoyment;

Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?

And boy, did we get letters

Look What They're Saying! Readers Write In On Baseball Piece

More Letters on The Garlic’s Baseball Piece: Look What They're Saying Redux!

More Letters on The Garlic’s Baseball Piece!

World Series Prompts More Baseball Letters

Other Garlic Baseball Riffs

Wheaties Official Breakfast Cereal of MLB; Box To Feature Steroids

With Red Sox and Yankees Bounced, MLB Postpones Playoffs

Iraqis Pause Vote Count To Celebrate Chisox Pennant

Iraq Pulls Late Switch On Voters; Will Follow Red Sox And Have Two Presidents

South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs

Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Hey, Wait A Minute ... We're Not Falling For That One Again ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Considering the mess the Bush Administration is in, you, kind of, have to wonder why they haven’t resorted to their brand of patriotism again, i.e. outing a covert CIA Agent, as the majority of Garlic Poll Voters believe is what will happen.

After all, there are multitudes of critics, challenging, not only their policy, but also their veracity.

Surely somebody, somewhere, in the bowels of the CIA had to be "fair game" and fair enough to divert attention, as well as change headlines and conversations away from the Bush "Well, We Call It Justice" Department

Perhaps, Cheney's Cheney, new Vice President Chief of Staff David Addington, seeing how they cut Scooter Libby loose, wasn't going to be the fall guy during a second run-through.

And, no doubt, he's watched, anxiously, with beads of sweat accumulating on his forehead, as President Bush has let his Crony General swing and twist in the Congressional winds.

No, the Scooter is reading up on license-plate-making and Brownie is long past his "heck-of-a-job".

The lies and spins are casting such a shadow on the White House, they may just have to stop doctoring the reports and believe there really is something to this climate changing thing.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll March 26 - March 31, 2007

Boy, the way this thing is going, President Bush may have no better option with what to do with Crony General Alberto Gonzales than to ...

1. Have Vice President Dick Cheney leak and out another CIA covert agent to get him out of the headlines Tally 45%

2. Make him sit down for a biting, hard-hitting interview with Katie Couric Tally 24%

3. Nominate him to succeed John Bolton as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Tally 18%

4. Send him to Reverend Ralph, to give him the cure (something like he did for Ted Haggard) Tally 12%

This Week’s Poll - President Bush's advice to Tony Blair and the British, regarding their Iran Hostage Situation should include ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote