Thursday, February 22, 2007

Blair and Cheney Sing A Duet: 'Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There'

Well, we have the occasion today of our Singing Vice President, joined by his buddy across the pond, Tony Blair, to provide the soundtrack for what had to be a riveting telephone conversation (or, better, a video conference, so Cheney could glow his glare through the wires) on Blair announcing he's getting off at the next stop of the Cheney-Bush Iraq Express

And what better tune to have them perform, but the classic, "Baby, It's Cold Outside", which The Garlic has turned into "Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There".

Sing along as you can.

Blair, It's Not So Bad Out There

I really can't stay - Blair, it's not so bad out there
I've got to go away - Blair, it's not bad out there
This occupation has been - Been hoping that you'd drop more bombs
So very nice - Hold your ground, keep rolling the dice

My Labour Party will start to worry - Blair, what's your hurry
My parliament will be pacing the floor - Listen to those airplanes roar
So really I'd better scurry - Blair, please don't hurry
Well, maybe just a half a surge more - Put some music on while I pour

The coalition might think - Blair, it's not so bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No surrender to be had out there
I wish I knew what I know now - Your eyes are clearer now
To break this spell - I'll take your word, your army looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if we move them closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What the heck, do it on the snide
I really can't stay - Blair, don't hold out
Ahh, but it's so bad out there

C'mon Blair

I simply must go - Blair, it's not so bad out there
The answer is no - Ooh Blair, it not so bad out there
This quaqmire has been - I'm lucky that you joined in
So nice and warm -- Look out to Baghdad at that storm
My Queen will be suspicious - Man, democracy looks so delicious
My Genereals will be there at the door - Waves of surges will soar
My British public is vicious - Gosh you need to be ambitious
Well maybe just a half a surge more - Never such a blitz before

I've got to get the boys home - Oh, Blair, don't freeze up out there
Say, lend me your phone - We'll smash you with smears out there
You've really been a liar - Your guys need you, don't be a crier
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - How many soldiers can we borrow
At least there will be plenty implied - Not if you can keep the lies in stride
I really can't stay - Get over that will you
Ahh, but it's so bad out there

Blair, it's not so bad out there

But it's not so bad out there….
It is bad out there
Cant you stay awhile longer Blair
Well…..I really shouldn't...alright

Make it worth your while Blair
Ahh, do that surge again….

Listen Here

Of the bevy of renditions of "Baby, It's Cold Outside", two of The Garlic Favorites are performed by Blossom Dearie and Bob Dorough, as well as Ray Charles and Betty Carter

Listen To Blossom Dearie and Bob Dorough on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Listen To Clip of Ray Charles and Betty Carter on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Bonus Links

Comedy of terror: Tony Blair, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld - you're my prize guys

Why Dick Cheney Cracked Up

The Armageddon Plan

Special Sing-Along: Dick, The Magic Vice Prez

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Scooter Libby Jury Room

News Item: Big Finish and Weird Moments in the Libby Trial

10. So I don't miss anything, I've got my family TIVOing all the Anna Nicole Smith stories

9. This case is about how they used classified intelligence ... Can we add charges on him for not having any personal intelligence?

8. Hey, let's really freak'em out! Let's all shave our heads before we go back into the courtroom with our verdict

7. Maybe we can recommend he gets some kind of special rehab ... Like the Ted Haggard guy

6. He's gotta be guilty... He's a grown man and he still uses a nickname like "Scooter"

5. How come Cheney wasn't on trial with him?

4. That cloud Fitzgerald referenced, is that one of those clouds that Condi Rice was talking about?

3. I wonder what Tim Hardaway thinks about Ted Wells, crying, saying he wants Libby back?

2. I just talked to you, but now I forgot what I said ...I think I also talked to Tim Russert ... I can't remember! (uproarious laughter)

1. Wouldn't it be ironic, if we convict Libby, he goes to the same jail, the same cell, as Judy Miller?

3. I wonder what Tim Hardaway thinks about Ted Wells, crying, saying he wants Libby back?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

"Unexplained Incident" Shuts Down Mount Vernon After Bush Speech

DHS, Geologists Stumped; Theories Include First President Spinning In Grave Cautiously Viewed

President's Day festivities at Mount Vernon were cut short after an unexplained incident took place after President Bush delivered a holiday speech.

Secret Service agents and officials from the Department of Homeland Security swarmed over the sprawling grounds, quickly ushering the President into his limousine and clearing the area of visitors and tourists.

Late into the evening, floodlights lit up the area, where crews set up command tents and officials could be viewed examining the ground with sophisticated equipment.

White House and DHS officials offered little comment beyond that there was "an unexplained incident" and the Secret Service, according to their policy, would not comment at all.

President Bush used the holiday speech to commemorate the 275 anniversary of President George Washington's birth, marking his first visit to as the Chief Decider to Mount Vernon. In doing so, Bush likened his own struggles with his occupation of Iraq to Washington's battles in the Revolutionary War.

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life," said Bush.

"And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone."

It was shortly after the speech that President Bush, and the First Lady were whisked away, and the grounds were cleared.

Within minutes, the area was roped off and saturated with emergency vehicles, large trucks and equipment. Briefly, military helicopters and jet fighters patrolled the skies above Mount Vernon.

One government geologist, speaking off the record, told The Garlic "we're stumped".

"The only working theory we have been able to come up with," continued the geologist, "is the unexplained phenomena of the first President spinning in his grave."

Government officials cautiously speculate that President George Washington was spinning in his grave following President Bush's speech yesterday at Mount Vernon.

Monday, February 19, 2007

"But I Really Did Want To Testify ... Really!" ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

That loud hissing sound you heard early last week was all the air being let out of our Weekly Poll.

No Dick Cheney on the stand in the Scooter Libby Trial.

No scouring, snorting Vice President looking to save the world, wage the battle, from his turn in the docket.

Our Garlic Poll Voters had the vision of where his testimony was likely headed, but we may never know what Cheney would have testified to, unless he (or his wife Lynne) writes the memoir. Or, he runs over to Brit Hume at Fox for some more batting practice.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll February 22 - February 17, 2007

If Vice President Dick Cheney is called to testify in the Scooter Libby Trial, Cheney is likely to ...

1. Tell Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to "go fuck" himself Tally 50%

2. Declare to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that Scooter Libby is in his "final throes" Tally 22%

3. Glare and bark at Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that his questions are "out of line" Tally 17%

4. Pronounce to Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald the leaking of Valerie Plame's name to be "enormously successful" Tally 11%

This week’s Poll - Fox News Network has launched a "comedy" show, '1/2 Hour News Hour'. Reviews have, generally, been poor, it has canned laughter, not a live audience and the material is weak. So ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 18 February 2007

A missed opportunity was announced by the campaign of Senator Hillary Clinton. A spokesperson indicated that
Senator Clinton was prepared to admit that her vote on the Iraq War was a mistake, but due to the rare Saturday Senate Session, she had to cancel the announcement. The spokesperson said that, due to an already overbooked schedule, Senator Clinton doesn't know when she will be able to get to it, if at all.

President Bush downplayed the removal of two moles on Friday, that turned out to be benign, saying it was little more than "Ek-A-Lec-Tic surgery"

Britney Spears announced today, in an effort to dispell all the rumors, that there was a specific reason she shaved her head.

Ms. Spears indicated that she had lost a bet with a close friend, being she was "dead sure" the E.F.P.'s (explosively formed penetrators) found in Iraq were from Syria, and and not from Iran, as President Bush and his Administration have claimed.

In a profound ironic twist, lawyers for former Aid to President Bush and Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, sheepishly admitted today that they rested their defense without calling Libby to the stand because they were "completely overburdened and just forgot".

JetBlue, in an effort to stem the criticism from cancelling flights and leaving their customers stranded for days, announced that they have "TIVO'd" all the DirectTV programming they offer on their flights, so that their customers "won't miss any of their favorite programs when they begin flying again"