Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Of Creamy White House Stationary ...

Somewhere, in recent days, deep in the bowels of the Bush Grindhouse, The Commander Guy meets up with Mr. Slam Dunk ...

Bush: I wish to complain about this forged letter that I purchased not five-years ago, from your very agency.

Tenet: Oh yes, the, uh, the Creamy White House Stationary ...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

B: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'The Saddam-Al Qaeda connection is dead, that's what's wrong with it!

T: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

B: Look, matey, I know a dead Saddam-Al Qaeda connection when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

T: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable forgery, the Creamy White House Stationary , idn'it, ay? Beautiful calligraphy!

B: The calligraphy don't enter into it. He's stone dead.

T: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

B: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Saddam-Al Qaeda connection! I've got a lovely fresh WMD for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

T: There, he moved!

B: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

T: I never!!

B: Yes, you did!

T: I never, never did anything...

B: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO Saddam-Al Qaeda connection!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Saddam-Al Qaeda connection out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

B: Now that's what I call a dead Saddam-Al Qaeda connection.

T: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!


T: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Creamy White House Stationary stuns easily, major.

B: look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Saddam-Al Qaeda connection is definitely deceased, and when I purchased that letter if not five-years ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

T: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the WMD's.

B: PININ' for the WMD's?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

T: The Creamy White House Stationary prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable forgery, id'nit, squire? Lovely calligraphy!

B: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Saddam-Al Qaeda connection when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.


T: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Saddam-Al Qaeda connection down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

B: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this Saddam-Al Qaeda connection wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! E's bleedin' demised!

T: No no! 'E's pining!

B: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Saddam-Al Qaeda connection is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-SADDAM!!


T: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

T: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Saddam-Al Qaeda connections.

B: I see. I see, I get the picture.

T: I got a Iran.


B: Pray, does it have WMD's?

T: Nnnnot really.


T: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!

In case you were preoccupied, perhaps sitting by your mailbox, waiting for your "Obama Energy Policy" tire gauge to arrive, a gigantic shoe dropped yesterday, with the publication of Ron Suskind's new book, 'The Way of the World', detailing the Bush Grindhouse forging a letter to tie Saddam Hussein (and their invasion and occupation of Iraq), with Al Qaeda, and September 11th

Here's Suskind, with Keith Olbermann, on Countdown last evening;
Aug. 5: In a cable exclusive author Ron Suskind talks with Countdown’s Keith Olbermann about allegations in his book, “The Way of the World,” including the claim that the White House ordered that a letter be forged to draw a connection between Iraq and 9/11 even though there wasn't one.
Book: White House faked Iraq-9/11 link

(This was followed up with an Olbermann and John Dean conversation, on the various illegalities involved in this forgery)

Now, coming from the thugs that formed a group inside the Bush Grindhouse (WHIG), and also hired out a firm (The Lincoln Group) to plant lies in the Iraqi media, all the congressional hearings, all the Judy Millers and Scooter Libbys, they expect to be believed?

The Monty Python skit above may be absurd, but not nearly as what will be the pushback, already taking place, from the Bush Grindhouse.

This will be "All Hands On Deck", perhaps their most urgent need of a "Mission Accomplished" moment.

This came from the Bush Grindhouse, yesterday;
White House press spokesman Tony Fratto attacked Suskind today, stating that he “makes a living from gutter journalism” and calling the book one of Suskind’s “bizarre conspiracy theories.”
(Ed. Note - Suskind is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author)

Christ, CNN, this morning, even pulled in Fran Townsend (she of infinite Al Qaeda knowledge) to toss rocks at it.

The character assassination they've been throwing at Scott McClellan will look like blown kisses compared to what will be aimed at Suskind in the days and weeks ahead.

But that's going to be a tough rope to pull, causing them a great deal in inner conflict.

With Suskind bringing out his book this week, it must be ringing in their ears, remembering the advice of former Bush Grindhouse Chief of Staff Andy Card, and his neocon wisdom of "From a marketing point of view, you don't introduce new lies in August."

Bonus Bush Forged Letter Links

Emptywheel: Tenet and the “Creamy White House Stationery”

Booman: White House Approved Forged Iraqi Memo

Digby: Hear No Evil

Larisa Alexandrovna - Suskind: Bush admin ordered forgery...


Anonymous Liberal: The Other Half of the Letter

Brilliant at Breakfast: We'd be within our rights to demand an apology

"It's Like These Guys Take Pride in Being Ignorant"

It would seem that the tread on the tires of Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain's tires are showing pretty bare, getting worn out, but he keeps them turning and turning ...

Yeah, that Obama Energy Policy Tire Gauge was a real winner ...

The more Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain mockingly fires that line out, the more armies of qualified, experienced people come out to, effectively say, that SB John is talking out of his ass

For example, here, via Think Progress;

In a post on the Wonk Room, Charles Territo, the director of communications for the Auto Alliance (which represents Chrysler, Ford, and GM, among others), notes some facts McCain should keep in mind:

• The Department of Energy estimates that 1.2 billion gallons of fuel were wasted in 2005 as a result of driving on under-inflated tires.

• Fuel efficiency is reduced by 1% for every 3 PSI that tires are under-inflated.

• Proper tire inflation can save the equivalent of about 1 tank of gas per year.

• Proper tire inflation also reduces CO2 emissions.

• Experts estimate that 25% of automobiles are running on tires with lower than recommended pressure, because people don’t know how to check their tires or don’t realize that tires naturally lose air over time.
And, yesterday, Barack Obama lined up the Dead Campaign Express for one, right in the kisser.

From Greg Sargent;
"So I told them something simple," Obama said. "I said, 'You know what? You can inflate your tires to the proper levels and that if everybody in America inflated their tires to the proper level, we would actually probably save more oil than all the oil we'd get from John McCain drilling right below his feet there, or wherever he was going to drill.'"...

"So now the Republicans are going around -- this is the kind of thing they do. I don't understand it! They're going around, they're sending like little tire gauges, making fun of this idea as if this is 'Barack Obama's energy plan.'

"Now two points, one, they know they're lying about what my energy plan is, but the other thing is they're making fun of a step that every expert says would absolutely reduce our oil consumption by 3 to 4 percent. It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant."
Here's the video of Obama's smackdown;

Obama Insists Inflating Tires Better Than Oil Drilling

Even Paris Hilton is telling him to put a sock in it;

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

It's getting to the point where someone is going to have to walk up on whatever stage Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain happens to be on and just take the microphone away from him, tell him to shut up and go sit down.

Unless, of course, he is filling with pride with being so ignorant.

Bonus McCain Flat Tire Riffs

Anonymous Liberal: Hop on the Pander Express

Skippy, the bush kangaroo: the gop's talking points are tired

The Jed Report: McCain's Austerity Program: Drive Less, Turn Out Lights

John Perr: Purple Heart Band-Aids and Tire Gauges

Steve Benen: Tires vs. light bulbs

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 August 2007... On The Garlic

Romney Aide Instrumental In Exposing Fake Steve Jobs; Stalked Internet Cafes, Wearing Black Turtlenecks, Even Passing Himself Off As The FSJ

6 August 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

6 August 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

New GOP Strategy - Whore Out Your Wife!

It's almost getting to the point, where I need to launch another blog, just to chronicle, and keep up with, the stumbles and bumbles of John McCain.

Hanging out with his "peeps", at the 62nd Sturgis Biker Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota today, SB John set in motion a new Republican strategy, apparently.

It's not an updated version of the Southern Strategy, and while he has gone negative, and has a boatload of Karl Rove spawn aboard the Dead Campaign Express (to which we may soon see a "dancing pole" installed), he appears to be eschewing a Rovian plan.

No siree, our Arizona Boy is lurching beyond the barriers, charting out new territory, setting new standards in what may be the ultimate "maverick" move;

He's whoring out Cindy!

" a biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, John McCain appears to have volunteered his wife for a topless beauty pageant: McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally's traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that's been known to feature topless women.

"I encouraged Cindy to compete," McCain said to cheers. "I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."

As a reader emails, "Miss Buffalo Chip has 'been known to feature topless women' in the same way that Guns and Ammo magazine has been known to feature firearms." Indeed, an columnist describes it as "occasionally bottomless."
Here's a video of what Mr. Keating Five was pushing his wife into;

Pour Some Sugar On Cindy McCain

Now, this is one of those delicious, Lose-Lose faux pas, that is so richly deserved for the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain Campaign.

What does Steve Schmidt want to admit to;
A - They knew all about what the Ms. Buffalo Chip contest was, and were, for the sake of the campaign, hoping Cindy would jump right into it.

B - They are clueless, had no idea of the history of Sturgis, and the Ms. Buffalo Chip contest

It's one thing, if you're stumping at a Boys Club Jamboree, or a 4H Club event, and you need to pet a goat, ride a horse, milk a cow ... Something that plays out for a good, fun photo-op that gets splashed across the wires ...

It's entirely on another level, a deep disturbing level, when you have the potential (yeah, right) next President of the United States encouraging the potential next First Lady, to don a bikini, bump, grind and gyrate (and more) to the hoots of hairy, drunken bikers for a tongue-in-cheek, excuse-of-a-contest, whose only purpose is to see bikini-clad (and less) woman, bumping, grinding, and gyrating (and more).

And, personally, I believe it was extra cruel to put Cindy on the spot like this.

She's likely to waste hours, hunting on the Internet, for a "Buffalo Chip" recipe she can lift, and where she can find "buffalo chips" to use.

And it could get worse (though I doubt they would do it).

To strike back, maybe the Obama Campaign will send out g-strings, with "McCain's Energy Policy" stitched on them.

Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' Whorin' Links

The Jed Report - McCain: Clueless and out of touch at Sturgis

Hilzoy: Miss Buffalo Chip

Bluegal: McCain Offers His Wife Up to Topless Biker Babe Beauty Contest

Jezebel: John McCain Will Pimp Cindy For Your Vote

Josh Marshall: Take My Wife, Please!

Steve Benen: John, Cindy, and the Miss Buffalo Chip Beauty Pageant

Wonkette: McCain Offers His Old Lady To Gas-Guzzling Bikers

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 August 2007... On The Garlic

Garlictorial: The Blank Check Club

5 August 2005... On The Garlic

Scalia: "No Pink Robes Needed Here"; Conservative Justice Reacts To Roberts Disclosure On Gay Rights Case; Justice Roberts Sunday In The Making

Top Ten Cloves: Things Bob Novak Was Thinking About Before Walking Out On CNN Program

Monday, August 04, 2008

Six Degrees of John McCain - From Obama's "Energy Policy" To McCain's Media Donuts

Or; McCain, Republicans Riding On Their Spare Donut

Well, again, as we have previously noted, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain did put out the call for more humor in his campaign.

Little did we know it would be petty, juvenile, slapstick, that does less to diss or mock Barack Obama, but rather brings out the ignorance of the Stumblin' Bumblin McCain Campaign, and their RWFS supporters.

Not to mention, it flies in the face of one of his possible choices for Vice President, another sitting Republican Governor, the official sport of Redneck Nation, NASCAR, and the Department of Energy (and, if the nitwits bothered to look, I suspect we could add the AAA to it as well; Go to The Jed Report to see a listing of who agrees with Obama, as to tire maintenance)

In case you missed it, perhaps attempting to program your VCR for the upcoming Olympics, Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain, and the Republicans all over, are having themselves a grand old time, believing they are mocking Senator Barack Obama, for his call, during a speech on energy, to properly inflate your tires, get regular tune-ups, as a means to assist and augment saving energy.

Mustang Bobby sums it up in his "Gauging Reaction";

The right wingers are making a mockery of Barack Obama's suggestion that tuning up your car and keeping your tires inflated are a couple of ways to save fuel and thereby reduce our dependence on foreign oil. They're even going to the point of handing out tire gauges at campaign events as "Obama's energy policy."

Say What?

Something as simple and benign as this, and they're dancing and laughing in the aisles of the Dead Campaign Express?

What next, what would they hand out if Obama recommended young children look both way before crossing the street?

Steve Benen pointed this angle out, in his "GOP won’t let go of its new tire-gauge toy";
Consider a counter-example. McCain was talking about skin cancer the other day.

McCain emphasized that skin cancer is preventable, and implored Americans to wear sunscreen, especially over the summer. What’s wrong with this advice? Not a thing. It’s a smart, sensible thing to say.

But imagine if Obama and his surrogates said the entirety of McCain’s healthcare policy is sunscreen application. McCain doesn’t really care about cancer, they could argue, he just wants everyone to run out at get some SPF 30. Those vying to be Obama’s running mate started holding up bottles of Coppertone during their speeches, saying things like, “We want you to wear sunscreen, you know, it will very mildly improve your chances of not getting sick. But wearing sunscreen is not a healthcare policy for the United States of America.”

This, of course, would be insane. And yet, that’s pretty much what’s become of Republican campaign rhetoric of late.
Jesus, talk about manufacturing a phony issue - and they manage to screw it up, on top of it!

And as far as this as being an impromptu, off-the-cuff "prank"?

Al Giordano, at The Field, notes;
It's "the tell" that the "tire gauge" strategy was pre-planned, not as an afterthought to some spontaneous prop wielded by Tim Pawlenty 48 hours ago, but, rather, that once the plan was in place, the trinkets for donors had to be designed and manufactured, while Pawlenty was sent out there as the messenger.
Since the MSM will, in all likelihood, give Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain a pass on this (perhaps adding to the wave and reach of it), we put on our Thinking Caps to come up with something that would capture the moment,

And, Taa-Daa! ... Here it is ...

The Six Degrees of John McCain - From Obama's "Energy Policy" To McCain's Media Donuts

2008 Presidential Campaign - McCain vs.Obama

McCain Obama Speech/Inflate Tires

McCain/Republicans Mocking Obama Speech

McCain/Republicans Passing Out "Obama Energy Plan" Tire Gauges

Low Tire Pressure/Flat Tire/Spare Tire/"Donut Spare"

John McCain Receiving Donuts From Adoring Media

Keep'em coming there, Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain Campaign ... Your boy is so right, we need more humor in the campaign!

And you guys are bringing it in by the boatload!

Bonus Stumblin Bumblin' McCain Spare Donuts

Bill Scher: Yes Conservatives, Inflating Tires Beats Coastal Drilling

Sadly No: The concept is simple, guys

Bet On The Bug Shit

He's A Senator - And A Dessert Topping!

The Bob Dole For The New Millennium

You Wanted More Humor In The Campaign, Right John?

H/T to Libby Spencer, over on the Impolitic (and cross-posted on The Reaction) for this gem.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

Stumblin Bumblin John McCain has been defending his race-card, misinformational, lying campaign ads on the premise that there should be "a little bit of humor" in the campaign

Perhaps you can have Cindy steal a pretzel recipe, so she can make some, while you kick back with some of her beer to watch this.

McCain: Britney & Paris Ad Parody

Barack Obama's Giant Schlong!

We couldn't really call this a "Retro Garlic", being it has turned around with such lightening speed.

We posted on Saturday "Bob Herbert Calls Out Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain!", where the NYT columnist "kicks Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain's ass today, than knocks his teeth out for mumbling about it."

Herbert (accurately) contends how the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain Campaign has gone the extremely low road, going racist, playing the race card, especially with the now-infamous Celebrity Ad, featuring white tabloid girls Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

Perhaps, if we had known, we could have waited, for Herbert came back this morning, on the Morning Joke show, to further pummel McCain, pointing out, in the Celebrity Ad, the use of phallic symbols in the ad, namely the Victory Tower in Berlin, and the Washington Monument.

From Raw Story;

MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski talked with New York Times columnist Bob Herbert who has written a column criticising the GOP for exploiting race in politics. Herbert sees a racial component to the recent advertisement from John McCain’s campaign that is critical of Barack Obama’s celebrity appeal. Herbert believes that the McCain campaign included footage of the Victory Tower in Berlin as a phallic symbol in the commercial to exploit negative racial themes.

Here's the video of it;

Hey, like the old adage goes, you lay down with Rove, you wake up with fleas.

And, man, this is only the beginning of August, before the VP picks, before the conventions, and before Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain (assuming he comes out of Minneapolis with the nomination, officially) starts falling behind in the polls by double-digits.

And the day Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain eschews humor, and lets loose with his infamous temper.

Top Ten Cloves: Things Brett Favre Can Expect On His Return To The Green Bay Packers

News Item: Brett Favre forces the issue with comeback

10. Boasts, when he first walks in the locker room "I am the one you have been waiting for!"

9. Farrelly Brothers announce plan to make sequel to 'There's Something About Mary', but say Favre won't be in it

8. He demands a trade to the LA Dodgers, so he can play with Manny Ramirez

7. Gets surprising support from Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, who endorses Favre's plan to keep playing

6. A shocking new email surfaces, from Monica Goodling, recommending the Packers not hire Favre

5. John McCain will run an ad, with Britney Spear and Paris Hilton, accusing Favre of being a celebrity and not being ready to lead the Packers

4. He'll get back at the Packers by giving Bill Belichick film of the Packer's play signals

3. Walmart calls mandatory meeting and tells their managers not to cheer for Favre

2. After trashing Packer management, Green Bay media brings Favre box of donuts

1. Facebook launches new game - Favreulous!

Bonus Pigskin Posts

Flutie Sends "Cease-and-Desist" Letter To Media Over 'Hail Mary' References Regarding Surge; Diminutive QB Longtime Copyright Holder; "It Still Feeds My Family"; Says Open To Negotiate On Usage

Top Ten Cloves: Good Things About Losing The Super Bowl and Ending Up 18-1

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons Peyton Manning Threw Six Interceptions Last Evening

Developing Story! Tancredo: Shut Down Super Bowl; Says Two Black Coaches "Amounts To Segregation"; Appeals To NFL Commissioner To Make Big Game "Color-Blind"; Biden Weighs In, Backs Coaches

More Steroid Hearings; The NFL Goes To Congress; McGwire Surprise Witness; Still Not Talking

This Date ... On The Garlic

4 August 2007... On The Garlic

The Night of the Jackal ... And A New Garlic Song - The Congress Sleeps Tonight

4 August 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Nobody In Bush Administration Or Pentagon Will Say Iraq Is In Civil War

4 August 2005... On The Garlic

'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Gives President His Choice of War Phrasing; Beats back Rumsfield After Downing Cheney and Rice; May Adopt Game To Solve Other Policy Matters

Top Ten Cloves: Potential Unforeseen Problems With Cloning A Dog