Saturday, January 13, 2007

Of Dead Policies, Boxes in Boxes, Meme's, Links and Lazy Saturday Afternoons ... Around The Garlic Patch

Good Afternoon Garlic Fans

We hope you are all well, as it is a dark, damp, dreary day here in Boston...

Yes, the long-awaited second installment of 'Around The Garlic Patch' and it’s a good one.

For your listening pleasure, about a minute clip of the legandary Bob Dorough, performing 'Lazy Afternoon'

First up is a devastatingly hilarious take-off on our current Court-Appointed President, from Martin Lewis, a British-born, Hollywood-based humorist, commentator, producer and radio host, that was on The Huffington Post earlier this week. Check it out and be prepared to laugh heartily

Bush Meets Monty Python!

Martin Lewis Website

One of the, perhaps, handful (at most) funny bits on Saturday Night Live this season was a video musical spoof of boy bands by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg, titled "A Special Christmas Box". Naturally, the broadcast bleeped out the rather descriptive word of the bit (you can see it unedited with the link below).

Coming along very recently, from a few people in Philadelphia was an equally, if not more so, satire of the original spoof, from "Bunny", singing "My Box In A Box", which has drawn nearly a million hits on YouTube, as well as flooding the performers' on-line accounts (MySpace, etc) with emails and such.

Last evening, on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, our intrepid anchor-hero had the exclusive of the day - an interview, with the behind-the-story telling of "My Box In A Box" with, not one, but two "Bunnies" ... Links below to all of it ...

Bunny Comes Out of Her Box

Another LonelyGirl? "Box In A Box" Star Actually A Whole Bunch Of People

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box *Uncensored Ve

My box in a box

A rather interesting Meme is making its way around the World Wide Web and was discovered over at Michael Stickings fine blog, The Reaction... Check it out and have some fun with it ...


Lastly, we've added some new links, including Red State Son and the Assimilated Press, so scroll down the right column and feast with the entry keys to a wide range of good info ...

Have a great Holiday Weekend!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment ... Bush's legacy: The President Who Cried Wolf

I think, by this morning, President Bush may be just plain crying.

It’s almost as if six-years of karma have caught up to our Court-Appointed President, or that the Higher Father just shockingly discovered what is being said about Him and quickly took a few steps back with “Wait a minute! I didn’t tell him to go into Iraq!”

The blowback has been fierce (finally!).

From harsh hearings on the Hill, to sinking polls, and even his formerly fanatic fan base - military audiences - are not paying attention to the “Applause” light.

Add to this another exceptionally stellar Special Comment last evening, from MSNBC Countdown Anchor-Hero Keith Olbermann, this one titled Bush's legacy: The president who cried wolf

Only this president, only in this time, only with this dangerous, even messianic certitude, could answer a country demanding an exit strategy from Iraq, by offering an entrance strategy for Iran.

If Bush was hoping to dampen the criticism about Iraq, but throwing Iran and Syria in the mix (noted by The Garlic on Wednesday), that may be gaining momentum, as noted, not only Olbermann, but also by Steven Clemmons’ The Washington Note yesterday.

And lessons learned are not apparent, as Olbermann noted from the media briefings given by the White House prior to Bush’s speech Tuesday evening, with the President and White House banging the same drums for Iran and Syria, that they banged for Iraq;

In fact, when you briefed news correspondents off-the-record before the speech, they were told, once again, “if you knew what we knew … if you saw what we saw … ”

“If you knew what we knew” was how we got into this morass in Iraq in the first place.

The problem arose when it turned out that the question wasn’t whether we knew what you knew, but whether you knew what you knew.

You, sir, have become the president who cried wolf.

A centerpiece of this Special Comment was Olbermann reprising a riff he did on Tuesday evening, running down a biting list on the merits of our Chief Surger credibility;

I read this list last night, before the president’s speech, and it bears repeating because its shape and texture are perceptible only in such a context.

Before Mr. Bush was elected, he said nation-building was wrong for America.
Now he says it is vital.
He said he would never put U.S. troops under foreign control.
Last night he promised to embed them in Iraqi units.
He told us about WMD.
Mobile labs.
Secret sources.
Aluminum tubes.
He has told us the war is necessary:
Because Saddam was a material threat.
Because of 9/11.
Because of Osama Bin Laden. Al-Qaida. Terrorism in general.
To liberate Iraq. To spread freedom. To spread Democracy. To prevent terrorism by gas price increases.
Because this was a guy who tried to kill his dad.
Because — 439 words in to the speech last night — he trotted out 9/11 again.
In advocating and prosecuting this war he passed on a chance to get Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.
To get Muqtada Al-Sadr. To get Bin Laden.

He sent in fewer troops than the generals told him to. He ordered the Iraqi army disbanded and the Iraqi government “de-Baathified.”
He short-changed Iraqi training. He neglected to plan for widespread looting. He did not anticipate sectarian violence.
He sent in troops without life-saving equipment. He gave jobs to foreign contractors, and not Iraqis. He staffed U.S. positions there, based on partisanship, not professionalism.

He and his government told us: America had prevailed, mission accomplished, the resistance was in its last throes.
He has insisted more troops were not necessary. He has now insisted more troops are necessary.
He has insisted it’s up to the generals, and then removed some of the generals who said more troops would not be necessary.
He has trumpeted the turning points:

The fall of Baghdad, the death of Uday and Qusay, the capture of Saddam. A provisional government, a charter, a constitution, the trial of Saddam. Elections, purple fingers, another government, the death of Saddam.

He has assured us: We would be greeted as liberators — with flowers;
As they stood up, we would stand down. We would stay the course; we were never about “stay the course.”
We would never have to go door-to-door in Baghdad. And, last night, that to gain Iraqis’ trust, we would go door-to-door in Baghdad.
He told us the enemy was al-Qaida, foreign fighters, terrorists, Baathists, and now Iran and Syria.
He told us the war would pay for itself. It would cost $1.7 billion. $100 billion. $400 billion. Half a trillion. Last night’s speech alone cost another $6 billion.

And after all of that, now it is his credibility versus that of generals, diplomats, allies, Democrats, Republicans, the Iraq Study Group, past presidents, voters last November and the majority of the American people.

And after all of that, now it is his credibility versus that of generals, diplomats, allies, Democrats, Republicans, the Iraq Study Group, past presidents, voters last November and the majority of the American people.

Maybe their hoping that Rove has his “The Math” cap back on and working, or that the Freak Show will carry the message and beat down ... Well, just about everybody - Democrat, Republican, Liberal, Conservative. The White House appears to be escalating its’ escalation, and quite rapidly and this is going to require the other two branches of our government stepping up, large and strong, and enforce their constitutional mandate to keep this crew in check.


Read and/or Watch Video of Bush's legacy: The President Who Cried Wolf

Howard Fineman’s A Crisis of Confidence

Transcript - President Bush Addresses Nation on Iraq War

Chopped Garlic - When In Doubt, Send The Marines

Thursday, January 11, 2007

New Bush Theme Song - Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap

In our Court-Appointed President’s speech last evening, that Howard Fineman of Newsweek characterized as "George W. Bush spoke with all the confidence of a perp in a police lineup ...”, the only thing lacking, beyond a strategy, new plan or announcement of bringing the troops home, was a soundtrack.

There he was, in the White House library, the same one used by a past, and a far greater President, who was saddled with a genuine World War, not of his choosing, standing stiff as board and sounding like guilty teenager giving is father (or Higher Father) a convoluted, and unconvincing, line of bullshit about how the dents got in the family car.

So, as we have done in the past, The Garlic provides our misguided and deluded Commander-In-Chief a tune to commemorate his officially choosing to escalate the Iraq Occupation, as opposed to listening to his Congress, his fellow citizens and much of the world, to wind down and pack it in.

We choose for this special occasion, from ‘’Oklahoma”, the classic standard, “Surry, With The Fringe On Top.

Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap

When I take you out, tonight, with me,
Honey, here's the way it's goin' to be:
You will set behind a team of snow white Humvees,
In the slickest surge you ever see!

Sunnis and Shias and Insurgents better scurry
When I launch that surge in a very quick hurry,
When I take you out to Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!

Watch the Left and see how it flutters
When I drive them high steppin' Army motha;s .
Nosey pokes'll peek thru' their shutters and their eyes will pop!

The Dems are yeller, their Speakers’ a clown,
Their 100-hours won’t hold together
With policies you can tear right down,
In case there's dissent, they’ll change like the weather.

Two bright strategies winkin' and blinkin',
Ain't no finer Prez is what I'm a-thinkin'
You c'n keep your Bills and your cut-and-run crap
Fer that shiny, little Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!

All the worlds’ humming a dirge
For my latest and greatest last minute surge,
When I take you out to Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!

When we hit that Evil Axis, hell fer leather,
and Saudis’ dance in the heather,
and Jordan will sing all together and stand to clap!

The bombs'll whistle as we rattle along,
The clerics'll boo running for cover,
The river will ripple with bullets flying strong,

And whisper it over and over:
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever?
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever?
Don't you wisht y'd go on forever as an unending flap
That shiny, little Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!

I can see the Dems gettin' blurry,
When we create that Democracy flurry
Drivin' slowly home in Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!

I can feel Jack Murtha gettin' older,
Pelosi a sleepy head on his shoulder,
Noddin', droopin' till their treasonous speech falls kerplop!

The Math is smearin’ the Dems on the Hill;
And Kennedy is takin' a header
And jist as I'm thinkin' it took all my great skill,
A public'll wake up for the better.

Hush, you Freak Show, the Dem's a-sleepin'!
Maybe they got a dream worth a-keepin'
Whoa! you Neocons and jist keep a-creepin' at a slow loud yap.
Don't you hurry that Baghdad, With The Surge On Tap!


Listen to a clip of “Surry, With The Fringe On Top” from the soundtrack

Video of legendary Jazz singer Blossom Dearie performing “Surry, With The Fringe On Top”

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"Hey Gang. Let's Put On A Surge!" ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Like some twisted channeling of Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland, our Court-Appointed President came out on national television tonight and, basically, gave a “Hey gang, let’s put on a surge!”

And, not to be overlooked, and undoubtedly to the delight of Vice President Cheney, unless my television set took a quick pass through the Twilight Zone, didn’t Big Dubya declare war against Iran and Syria

This begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq. Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq.

Lastly, as Denzel Washington demanded, in the movie ‘Philadelphia’, explain to me, like a 5-year-old, just how Senator Joe Lieberman (R-I-CT) is caucusing with the Democrats?

Acting on the good advice of Senator Joe Lieberman and other key members of Congress, we will form a new, bipartisan working group that will help us come together across party lines to win the war on terror. This group will meet regularly with me and my Administration, and it will help strengthen our relationship with Congress.

As to our Garlic Poll, “Cut-and-Run” wasn’t evoked again, so we only went 3-out-of-4 (and our Mea Culpa - we meant to have the date of the poll for today’s date, not until the 13th)

4th Line

When I addressed you just over a year ago, nearly 12 million Iraqis had cast their ballots for a unified and democratic nation. The elections of 2005 were a stunning achievement.

11th Line

We benefited from the thoughtful recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a bipartisan panel led by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Hamilton. In our discussions, we all agreed that there is no magic formula for success in Iraq. And one message came through loud and clear: Failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the United States.

13th Line

On September the 11th, 2001, we saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of our people, America must succeed in Iraq.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll January 8 - January 10, 2007

In President Bush’s long-delayed and overdue speech on a new Iraq Strategy, anticipated this week, he’ll likely reuse which over worn phrase the most...

1. “Victory In Iraq will make us safer here at home”... Tally 43%

2. “12-Million Iraqis went to the polls and voted for Democracy...” Tally 30%

3. “Saddam Hussein’s ties to Al Qaeda and Sept. 11th” Tally 16%

4. “To the critics who want us to cut-and-run”... Tally 11%

This week’s Poll - For the remainder of Court-Appointed President Bush’s term, which will get more funding, construction and/or reconstruction?

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

White House Plans “Strategy Accomplished” Banner As Backdrop For Bush Speech

No Post-Speech Photo Cropping; Attire Still Up In The Air; Leaving Door Open For “Newer” Strategies To Follow

Sources have told The Garlic, that when the President delivers his speech this evening, on his new Iraq Policy, a large banner will hang behind him, reading “Strategy Accomplished”.

The President will announce that he has chosen as his way forward, and against the advice of his military command, installing more troops - as many as 20,000+ - in Iraq, to secure Baghdad and other trouble areas.

With heavy criticism, from both Republicans and Democrats, and rock-bottom approval ratings, the aide indicated that “We have take the opportunities given us ... We need to begin the work of building back the image of a strong, in-charge President ...”

President Bush has delayed the unveiling of his new strategy and the concept of the banner initially was borne out of a joke by West Wing staffers, that the President finally made the determination on the “new way forward”.

“After we all had a laugh, we thought about it and the more we talked about it, we saw that we can actually use it as a positive.”

The White House was lambasted, after the President delivered, back in 2004, his speech aboard the U.S.S. Lincoln, declaring major combat operations in Iraq were over, and with a large “Mission Accomplished” banner hanging behind him.

Later, more derision was aimed at the White House, when it was discovered that official White House photos of the day cropped out the “Mission Accomplished” banner.

“No cropping this evening,” declared White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten.

“We are proud that the President has come up with the strategy and we want everyone to know about it. We cleaned up the Iraq Jar and we’re putting it all out there.”

So orchestrated around the “Strategy Accomplished” banner is the White House, the staff brought in a team of fashion consultants, and conducted two-hours of wardrobe tests yesterday, with the President in everything from tailored suits, to the uniforms of all four military branches, combat attire, with and without body armor, as well as the infamous flight suit he wore the day of the “Mission Accomplished” debacle.

In the days following the speech, the White House is planning funneling thousands of people through the White House Library, to have photos taken with the “Strategy Accomplished” banner.

And not only is the White House thumping the “Strategy Accomplished”.

The RNC is planning a mass mailing to party donors and faithful supporters, bumper stickers and placards carrying the “Strategy Accomplished” message, in an effort to rally more public support for the new policy.

Sources tell The Garlic that Special White House Council Karl Rove will be applying his “The Math” powers to the speech message, to challenge critics, not on their support of the policy, but whether or not they can produce an accomplished Iraq strategy

This is all about building back the President’s power image,” said one White House aide.

And the White House is not resting their laurels on just the speech this evening.

“We expect,” offered Bolten, “that the President will continue to strategize the best possible policy for battling the terrorists and insurgents... He’s on a roll now.”

Bolten indicated that the White House has already ordered a new banner to be printed, blazing the message “New Strategy Accomplished”.

So orchestrated around the “Strategy Accomplished” banner is the White House, the staff brought in a team of fashion consultants, and conducted two-hours of wardrobe tests yesterday, with the President in everything from tailored suits, to the uniforms of all four military branches, combat attire, with and without body armor, as well as the infamous flight suit he wore the day of the “Mission Accomplished” debacle.

Top Ten Cloves: Other Features Of New iPhone Not Mentioned At MacWorld

News Item: Apple Seeks To Muscle Into Telecom With iPod Phone

10. Apple cooperating with British Government; If you try to take picture of Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate Middleton, with iPhone camera, system shuts down and for next 10-minutes, iPhone berates you as a “scumbag” and “parasite”

9. New iPhone gets better reception if you wear black turtleneck jersey

8. Upgrade your iPhone to the former Senator Rick Santorum model and turn it into a Weapons of Mass Destruction locater

7. Ability to send video reports to iSqueal

6. Partnership with Cingular not only raises the bar, but with optional feature, can turn your iPhone into a fully-stocked mobile bar, complete with wet sink, for libations on-the-go

5. On-Off Feature of Loud Snickering, anytime you walk past someone with a Microsoft Zune

4. Terrorist-Proof; Touch screen automatically sends your fingerprints to FBI for Terror Watch Database inquiry

3. Special Commemorative President Bush model comes pre-loaded with permits that allows you to use your new iPhone to drill for oil in Alaska

2. Adults-Only X-Rated Model allows for your new iPhone to, how should we say, “interact” with your Roomba (Not Included; Roomba sold separately)

1. One-Touch dialing to backdate your stock purchases and sales

Bonus Link

From The Garlic Archives

Friday 9 September 2005 - New iPod Phone Requires Downloading Calls

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Chopped Garlic - When In Doubt, Send The Marines

Well, it appears that our Court-Appointed Warmonger is determined to give the Iraqis the gift of Democracy, whether they really want it or not.

Over the past few days, the White House has turned on the Good Leak Machine, doling out tidbits of the upcoming, and long-delayed, unveiling of Bush’s New, New, New, New (actually, we’ve lost count) Iraq Strategy, while likely warming up the Bad Leak Machine, ready to pounce on anyone who speaks against it.

We have Mr. Democracy (excepting, of course, when it comes to adhering to his own country’s constitution) simultaneously trying to pre-sell Congress on the plans, as his official spokesperson, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, is telling reporters;

"The President has the ability to exercise his own authority if he thinks Congress has voted the wrong way."

All the good Republican soldiers were making their Sunday Morning march across the television, supporting the administration’s forthcoming “surge”, all with pained faces, telling of the untold horrors that will befall Iraq - and us - if we don’t undertake the administration’s forthcoming surge, but not bothering to differentiate from the untold horrors currently taking place, under the banner of the previous “surges undertaken to secure the peace in Iraq.

Many pundits are referring to Bush and his Iraq policies as Alice In Wonderland”.

The Garlic prefers to remain with its Marx Brothers label, Bush forging ahead with his “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy.

Instead of pulling a Homeland Security Terror Alert of some obscure, not vetted, threat that gets the media all riled up, with talking heads piling up in the corridors, the White House Iraq Group is showing some spunk, filling the headlines with some fresh pelts, and calling on Osama’s gang to come out and take another bow on the War On Terrorism stage (see, just a hint, that’s all they need to place). Something for the “Commander-In-Chief” to hang his hat on during the speech - and pin the escalation of troop on and how desperately they are needed.

And what the big Dubya is doing is really the oldest trick in the Presidential bag of tricks.

When in doubt, send the Marines.

In fact, under a different administration, some 42-years ago, and under not-so dissimilar circumstances, Tom Lehrer, a college math professor turned singer/songwriter/satirist, captured it with his witty, sly tune “Send The Marines”.

When someone makes a move
Of which we don't approve,
Who is it that always intervenes?
U.N. and O.A.S.,
They have their place, I guess,
But first send the Marines!

We'll send them all we've got,
John Wayne and Randolph Scott,
Remember those exciting fighting scenes?
To the shores of Tripoli
But not to Mississippoli,

What do we do? We send the Marines!
For might makes right,
And till they've seen the light,
They've got to be protected,
All their rights respected,
'Till somebody we like can be elected.

Members of the corps
All hate the thought of war,
They'd rather kill them off by peaceful means.
Stop calling it aggression,
O we hate that expression.
We only want the world to know
That we support the status quo.
They love us everywhere we go,
So when in doubt,
Send the Marines!

So, when Bush gets cued tomorrow evening, to look into the camera and begin is lying spin once again, know that, and especially after all this time, that it isn’t the wisdom of great thinking that gives birth to his “surge”, it’s the old stand-by of putting more boots on the ground.

Democracy at the end of a gun barrel.

Oh yeah, and start humming Lehrer’s tune.


Tom Lehrer Discography

Clip of Send the Marines (Intro)

Longer Clip of Send the Marines

Our Court-Appointed President, with his legacy stuck in the sandtrap of Iraq, will be flailing away tomorrow evening with his speech on his new strategy, or as it known to most of the rest of the universe, his continued denial of being immersed in a quagmire

Monday, January 08, 2007

You Can Come Out Now, I Think The Ford Funeral Is Over ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

Our long, national funeral is over ... I think.

There are network sit-coms that don’t last as long as the send-off for our now, late, 38th President. For a guy that stumbled (literally, at times) into the Oval Office, serving a little over two-years, before being defeated for the office, five, long, tedious days of, essentially, the same service, but in different cities, was a bit much.

One has to cringe to think ahead, and what will happen when a real, full term (Carter, Bush I) or two-term President (Clinton, Dubya) shuffles off. It will make the Super Bowl look like a backyard pick-up game of touch football.

And while many attempted to scrub clean the record of Ford, now hailing his pardon of Richard Nixon, and going out of there way not to mention his endorsement of the massacre in East Timor, our Garlic Poll voters wiped the black bunting from their faces and stepped up to the plate.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll January 1 - January 6, 2007

The most glaring thing missing from former President Ford’s funeral (all of them) has been...

1. The Ambassador from East Timor Tally 29%

2. An enlarged, framed reproduction of his Pardon to Richard Nixon Tally 28%

3. Nobody stumbled carrying the casket Tally 26%

4. Some good, blaring R&B Soul riffs from James Brown Tally 16%

This week’s Poll - In President Bush’s long-delayed and overdue speech on a new Iraq Strategy, anticipated this week, he’ll likely reuse which over worn phrase the most...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Editor's Note

Good Morning Garlic Fans

Just a note to pass along apologies for the lack of posting this weekend, and the absence of our regular feature "Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves ". Yours truly was under-the-weather once again (curse those sinuses) preventing us from drawing the proper amount of energy, beyond extended periods of anchoring down the sofa and checking the eyelids for holes.

We should be back on track today, so stay tuned.

Thank you again for visiting The Garlic