Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Holiday!

All of them ... Whatever you are celebrating today ...

Hope it's a blast!


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Uses For The Cancelled O.J. Book On Thanksgiving Day

News Item: O.J. says advance spent as book removed from eBay

10. Can’t give your pet dog turkey bones to gnaw on ... So...

9. Hit a pothole on the way to dinner at the in-laws? Just shove it under the oil pan in case it leaks

8. Give it to the squirrels in your backyard, to rip up for winter nesting material

7. Great starter for building that roaring fireplace

6. Even better shovel for cleaning out the fireplace after all that roaring

5. Pages super absorbent and will really mop up all that grease in the turkey tray

4. Something for the children to kick around, playing before dinner

3. Worried about guests slipping on icy sidewalk? Makes a great scoop to spread around the rock salt

2. Hmmm ... With all those after-dinner scraps, you’re going to need to something to push them down the garbage disposal

1. Got a case of the books? Well, break out the chestnuts and let’s get’ a roastin’

Editor’s Note

Perhaps Ruppert Murdoch, Judith Regan, the Fox Network and HarperCollins/ReganBooks could donate the profits they anticipated and projected from their hideous, ill-conceived television special and book to the one positive to come out of this tragic event - The Nicole Brown Foundation

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Breaking News! Fox Bounces The Juice and Brings In The Scooter

OJ Out, Libby In, As Fox Looks To Make Lemonade Out Of Their Lemons

Regan Snares Cheney Aide For “If I Leaked ...” Special; No Hush Money But Donation Made To Defense Fund

It may not get the ratings they initially anticipated, but it appears that News Corp, and their Fox Network, if they haven’t jumped out of the frying pan, at least turned it down to a low simmer.

Following a conflagration of condemnation for planning to air a two-hour special next week of the civil court-convicted murderer O.J. Simpson - "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened" and followed by a book of the same title, published by Judith Regan, of another News Corp. property, the ReganBooks division of HarperCollins, News Corp. Chairman and CEO Ruppert Murdoch cancelled both projects.

Sources have told The Garlic that Murdoch’s actions came only after Regan came to him with a last-minute replacement.

I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby.

Running with mainly archival footage from the Fox News Division, and a hastily strung together outline of a novel by Lewis himself, the Fox Network will run “If I Leaked ... Here’s How I Would Have Exposed Covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame” over the same two-days they planned for the Simpson special.

“This is really making lemonade out of lemons,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of Please Shoot Me, the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel

“Since this is, pretty much, out there in the public domain,” added Mars, “Fox doesn’t have to offer hush money to the family of Plame and they can still score some decent ratings for the Sweeps.”

Unlike the OJ Special, Libby’s faux Tell-All is being picked up by all the Fox affiliates and, according to a Fox spokesperson, “even non-affiliates are contacting us, asking if they can get the feed.”

ReganBooks will also publish “If I Leaked ... Here’s How I Would Have Exposed Covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame”, though it won’t be ready the day after the special ends, as was planned with the Simpson book.

Regan, who stated she had a personal reason for going with the Simpson television special and book, says she also has a “personal connection” to the Libby case. Regan, in a brief statement alluded to “being exposed and hurt by leaks” and, over the past 24-hours, developing a “strong bond with Mr. Libby.”

Libby’s book will be released, timed, for maximum exposure, the day Vice President Dick Cheney’s former Chief of Staff goes on trial in January, on three indictments for lying to investigators in the Plame Leak Case.

Unconfirmed reports cite that the Fox Network has made a “sizable donation” to the Libby Legal Defense Trust, and as a condition for the access to Libby’s papers and book, former colleague on the White House Iraq Group , and advisor to the Vice President, Mary Matalin will have a “unspecified role” in the television special.

Matalin would offer no comment beyond that “this will really put a punch in our solicitation letters for Scooter.”

Regan, reportedly, attempted to first, along with Libby, sign Vice President Dick Cheney for a special, “If I Was Drunk, Here’s I Would Have Shot My Friend”, however the Vice President’s office turned down the offer.

Regan, though, may have yet another plum for the Fox Network.

Reports say she is close to signing former Seinfeld star Michael Richards, for a television special and book deal that will run in the February 2007 Sweeps, tentatively titled “If I Were A Racist, This Is Now I Would Insult African Americans

It remains to be seen who is being taken for a ride, with the planned Fox Network-Judith Regan
“If I Leaked ... Here’s How I Would Have Exposed Covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame” Scooter Libby Special, a last-minute replacement for the condemned O.J. Simpson program

Monday, November 20, 2006

Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Lessons from the Vietnam War

Jeez, it seems like everyone is taking The Decider to school this week.

We certainly did here on The Garlic, with the results of our Week Garlic Poll.

And there certainly are a growing chorus of voices chipping in and crash-cramming this man with what he needs to know.

With James Baker’s Iraqi Study Group, the White House’s own taking a gander at the situation and now the Pentagon offering their military version of Manny, Moe and Jack, it’s beginning to look like a pilot for a new, Saturday afternoon, PBS gameshow - “Quick, Quick, Somebody Give Me The Answer.”

And tonight, our Ace Anchor Hero Keith Olbermann, of MSNBC’s ‘Countdown’ program, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, slammed him down in the seat for yet some more teaching - Olbermann’s Special Comment “Lessons from the Vietnam War.”

One of the gems Olbermann pointed out, the great and rallying wisdom offered by our Court-Appointed President;

“We’ll succeed,” the president concluded, “unless we quit.”

Sounds like something out of his “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy he launched last month. Pity slogans certainly haven’t been in short order for this administration, or was he just channeling Dr. Henry “I Never Met A War I Didn’t Like” Kissinger (with due credit to satirist Barry Crimmins)?

If that’s the lesson about Iraq that Mr. Bush sees in Vietnam, then he needs a tutor. Or we need somebody else making the decisions about Iraq.

Mr. Bush, there are a dozen central, essential lessons to be derived from our nightmare in Vietnam, but “we’ll succeed unless we quit,” is not one of them.

Olbermann lays out the lesson, with accuracy and fact, not something particularly known for by the Bush Administration and, you can tell from the tone of his voice, Olbermann isn’t confident the pupil will get the lesson, or act on what he learned.

Read, or watch the video of Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment - Lessons from the Vietnam War

Scroll down the right sidebar to read other Minced Garlic’s

Garlic Special - New Pentagon Theme Song

Well, it seems that we have a military-diplomacy Three Card Monte situation in the making, attempting to solve the Iraq Situation.

There is, of course the Iraq Study Group, led by Big Daddy’s man, James Baker.

Then, last week, the Decider himself announced the White House, itself, would review policy options, separate from those of Big Daddy Baker’s group. And related, there’s The Garlic’s scoop on VP Cheney going off on his own, full speed ahead, with his own study group.

Now we have the Pentagon coming out and jumping on the study group merry-go-round, with not one, not two, but three options - "Go Big," "Go Long" and "Go Home."

As soon as The Garlic saw this, well, the cords and melody of a theme song for the stodgy, button-downed Pentagon filled the air.

Think Mel Torme and the tune “Too Close For Comfort”

Go Big, Go Long, Go Home, my troops
Don't upset Baker’s groups when he's so close
Be soft, be sweet, but be discreet
Don't go off your feet, he's so close for comfort

Too close, too close for comfort, please, not again
Too close, too close to know just when to say "Leave Iraq"

Go Big, Go Long, Go Home, beware
On your guard, take care, while there's such temptation

One thing leads to another
Too late to hide from The Father
He's much too close for comfort now


Too close, too close for comfort, please, not again
Too close, too close to know just when to say "Leave Iraq"

Go Big, Go Long, Go Home, beware
On your guard, take care, while there's such temptation

One thing leads to another
Too late to hide from The Father
He's much too close for comfort now

Too close, much too close
He's much too close for comfort now

Mel Torme, The Velvet Fog, while having a monster career as a jazz vocalist, is equally famous for penning the now classic, and ubiquitous, tune, ‘The Christmas Song’, made popular by another legendary singer,
Nat King Cole

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 19 November 2006

A promotional stunt by the Hong Kong Disneyland caused widespread panic, as residents living near amusement park began a hysterical exodus from the city, causing scores of deaths and injuries, fearing a long-held superstition had come to fruition, of giant rats overtaking the land

Fox News star Bill O’Reilly defended the network, after a memo was leaked, showing directions from Fox News Vice President John Moody on how to report the news the day after the Midterm elections, in a biased and partisan way. O’Reilly said the charges were “ridiculous” and that “nobody has to make up things for me to say ... I do a damn good job of that myself every night ...”

Newly-elected as Senate Minority Leader, Trent Lott (R-MS) said that one his main priorities in the next Congress was to get a bill passed for national holiday for his late colleague, Senator Strom Thurmond. Said Lott “If someone like a Dr. King can get one, and a memorial now, to boot, it is an outrage that a great patriot like Senator Thurmond isn’t celebrated in similar fashion.”

Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking at the Federalist Dinner last week, said, though time is running out, two-years is more than enough to create “absolute power” for the Executive Branch and make the President, and himself, “immune from every law on the planet”

President Bush, and Russian President Vladimir Putin used the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation conference in Vietnam to debut the new “Super President” suits, that safeguards the pair from giving each other hearty belly kisses

Perhaps from the stress of the Midterm elections, or the freedom in knowing he’s a lame duck for the last two years in office, while in Vietnam, President Bush stunned his staff, not to mention the First Lady, by having his mistress accompany him on the trip. The White House quickly dismissed that there was any trouble, saying the President was “just going through a William Holden-Suzy Wong phase”

Ahhh, Mr. Bush, We Need To See You After Class ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

In flying over to the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation conference in Vietnam, if President Bush happened to be trying to chill out, listening to his iPod (or, perhaps, he’s going with the Zune these days) and if he happened to have some of Ol’ Blue Eyes’ tracks, he probably would have the surreal experience of hearing the lyrics to “That’s Life”“...Riding high in October ... Shot down in November ...”

With friends now turning against him, and his fired Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, auditioning for his next job with a DOD-RummyTube-version of his own “accomplishments”, the transition into the final leg of what will be his legacy is not starting off with a smooth push.

Bipartisanship isn’t going to come easy to this Court-Appointed President, especially being that he and his Administration have been working 24/7/365 over the past six-years to build the Supreme Chief Executive, also known as “The Decider” is he ( or as Cheney would say it, “restoring the proper power of the presidency”).

Well, The Garlic’s Weekly Poll voters weren’t the least bit confused, overwhelmingly sending Bush back to class for some long overdo lessons.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll November 12 - November 18, 2006

To ease the transition for President Bush to change over to Bipartisanship for the remaining time of his term, the White House will probably...

1. Take out a 6th Grade Civics Class poster that shows the three branches of Government and then, patiently, go over and over it with him Tally 50%

2. Under no circumstances, leave him alone with Vice President Dick Cheney, for any length of time Tally 25%

3. Set up a lot of meetings for the President with Senator Joe Lieberman (I/R-CT) Tally 17%

4. Put together a lot of DVD’s, from his time as Texas Governor, to prompt his memory on how it works Tally 8%

This week’s Poll - President Bush’s biggest worries, returning from Vietnam, and heading into the Thanksgiving Holiday break are ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

What, Me Worry?