Friday, August 11, 2006

Coming To A Theatre Near You Soon - Republicans On A Plane!

Republicans On A Plane !

Not Even Al-Qaeda-Types Can Handle it!

Hit the showers Carrie and go get a facelift Jason, you will soon be irrelevant ... You won’t be able to scare the bejeezes out of lobbyist, even if you pick-pocketed his wallet

Spin Pictures announces that, just after Labor Day, and well in time for Academy Award consideration, it will release the blockbuster horror movie-of-all-horror movies - Republicans On A Plane!

A planeload of innocent, everyday Americans, some traveling for business, others taking vacations they managed to save years for, despite soaring taxes, outrageous medical insurance fees and scandalous, mountainous energy costs, soon realizes that their flight - and agenda - has been hijacked, and they have to fight for their lives.

Gone is the trip over a strong, respected America, once a world-leader in ethics, compassion and a clear vision of what was the right course to take, and with the ability to broker peaceful endings to tense, war-torn geopolitical trouble spots.

In Republicans On A Plane!, you’ll see an America you never believed you would see in your lifetime, or in your worst, heart-stopping nightmares.

GOP operatives, some disguised as passengers, others as crew members, begin inundating, unendingly, the passengers, with lies, distortions and innuendo, so mean, so vicious, we been forced to provide vomit bags to the movie theatres screening this film

You’ll see a small business owner, trapped by Republican National Committee Talking Points literally diced into a bloody, oozing mess of body parts.

Someone’s grandmother is smeared so far beyond recognition, that even dental records won’t give a clue as to her identity.

Down in the cargo hold, a pack of Swift Boats descends on a loyal Congressman, one who happened to support Ned Lamont, and is attacked with graphic horror, so unimaginable that the Ratings Board of the Motion Picture Association of America made us tone it down, or we couldn’t release Republicans On A Plane!

And in first class, the liquids and toothpaste is brought out and used in such a horrific manner, it would make the staff of a CIA Black Hole Prison go white, trembling with fear.

Republicans On A Plane! sets the bar on horror films so high, it will be unreachable by those that follow, and facilitate the end of the genre for decades to come.

Republicans On A Plane! is so scary, after a private screening, both Iran and North Korea pledged to give up their nuclear programs ... Hezbollah promised to stop firing rockets into Israel and William Bennett swore off gambling for the rest of his life.

You don’t want to miss Republicans On A Plane!.

In fact you won’t be able to miss Republicans On A Plane! ... We’ll make sure of that.

Republicans On A Plane! stars many of your favorites - Sean Hannity as Captain Jack ... Ann Coulter as Flight Attendant Eva Former Congressman, the indicted Tom DeLay as Chief Baggage Handler, Senator Rick Santorum as Father Gay Hunter, Senator Bill Frist, who is videotaping the flight for future study, and film legend Charlton Heston as the deceptively friendly C.D. Hands

And look for special cameo appearances, including Vice President Dick Cheney, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Neal Boortz, Rita Cosby (as the dumb blonde, or is she?), Dennis Miller (as the smarmy Fox News Analyst), William Kristol and very special role by former Attorney General John Ashcroft (who also provides the soundtrack)

Republicans On A Plane! is so scary, so brutal, so graphic, some movie goers have had to flee the theatre in panic

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: New Possible Reasons Joe Lieberman’s Website Crashed On Election Day

News Item: Daily Kos: Why Lieberman Website Crashed

10. Website on President Bush’s vacation schedule

9. Hadn’t kept up on the delays of Microsoft’s new Windows Vista release

8. Lieberman awaiting briefly; May have been part of new terrorist plot unveiled today

7. Site saw the early polls, indicating a Lamont blow-out and just said WTF!

6. I know we blamed the bloggers, but it was really just our way to reduce the “Get Out To Vote” effort

5. Anybody know what Lowell Weicker was doing that day?

4. Candidates for the DHS Cyber Security Post were being auditioned and ... Well ... They, they screwed up a bit testing new software

3. Wanted to top Katherine Harris for the biggest, bonehead campaign fiasco of the year

2. Just recently, handed over website maintenance to British Petroleum

1. White House wants him to say that early evidence is pointing to signs that Hezbollah, Iran and Syria may have been involved

Many political pundits are saying that, just like his website on election day, Senator Joe Lieberman’s (R+I - CT) move to remain on the ballot and run as an Independent will come up empty

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Garlic In The News - Times Online Newsdesk Weblog

While thoroughly enjoying Ned Lamont’s historic victory (beating an incumbent, sitting Senator, in a Primary Election, for the first time in 30+-years) over Senator Joe Lieberman (D, R & I -CT) last night, The Garlic discovered another good piece of news - Our Wikimania riff from Monday was picked up and linked by the Times OnLine Newsdesk Weblog

Read on the Times Online Newsdesk Weblog: Wiki-mania / ality / pedia / everything

On The Garlic: Wikimania Conference Ends Abruptly In Cacophonous Chaos

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Breaking News - Developing Story! Website Rebukes Own Candidate

Lieberman’s Website Shuts Itself Down, Saying It Wants To Stay A Democrat

Site Wishes Candidate Well, But Can’t Back His Potential Independent Run

Sources have told The Garlic that, taking admitted drastic action, the website for Senator Joe Lieberman (D & R - CT) - - shut it self down late last evening, saying it could not agree with Lieberman’s potential shift to Independent, saying it wanted to stay as a Democrat.

Lieberman campaign manager Sean Smith will not confirm that the website shut itself down, instead claiming that supporters of Lieberman’s challenger, Connecticut businessman Ned Lamont, have hacked the website and email system

Since late last evening, the site has displayed either a message of “Account Suspended” (which led Lamont backer and Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas Zuniga to speculate that someone on the Lieberman staff forgot to pay the web hosting bill) or "This account is currently under construction...please check back soon."

According to sources close to the Lieberman camp, computer experts, as well as a group of “MySpace-type teenagers” have been working on the servers that run the Lieberman website and came across code that offered the news that the website itself was balking at staying with Lieberman.

“The site made it clear,” said one source, “that it could no longer stay with the Senator ... It It was really spooky, like HAL in 2001, A Space Odyssey.

Along with Lieberman’s announcement, and filing of papers, that he may run as an Independent is he loses the primary to Lamont, the website cited a laundry list of “disenchantments” with the Senator, including the infamous kiss with President Bush, his criticism of fellow Democrats on confronting the President on his Iraq War policies, to Lieberman’s “Hail Mary Pass”, his sudden, and seemingly desperate, attempt this past weekend to offer a dissenting view on Iraq and distant himself from his otherwise closeness with President Bush

“This is about as bad as it gets,” offered David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party. “You have late campaign burnouts and defections ... even people that jump to other campaign but I don’t think we’ve ever seen, in this modern age, a website rebuking its’ own candidate.”

“It’s one thing, to be running a sinking ship - like Katherine Harris... But when your own website shuts down on you, on the eve of the election, saying it doesn’t agree with you or your policies, you can, pretty much throw in the towel ... You’ll be counting your votes on one hand ...”

Along with the messages for the website server about backing away from Lieberman, the website also told the experts working on it that it is the cousin to the website of former House Speaker, and indicted former Congressman Tom DeLay and that “they have been talking”

DeLay, and Texas Republicans lost in their effort to have the Supreme Court overturn lower courts, allowing the DeLay to be taken off the Texas ballot and replaced for the upcoming November election. DeLay indicated today that he will withdraw from the race and run as a “write-in” candidate

Senator Joe Lieberman (D&R - CT) may be the first candidate in the age of the World Wide Web to have his own website rebuke him and his policies, and shutting it self down on the eve of the election

Top Ten Cloves: Ideas President Bush Has For Getting Israel and Hezbollah To Agree To U.N. Resolution

News Item: Lebanon's Proposals Change Dynamics

10. We should share our Iraq Plans ... Frankly, I very surprised that the people of Lebanon don’t view and greet Israel as liberator

9. This Landis kid is going to be looking for work, maybe we can put him into the talks

8. Once Ambassador Bolton gets confirmed, we turn him loose - and even Hezbollah will have the bejeezes scared out of them

7. I was hoping “The Hammer” could have helped me, but it looks like he’s going to have to stay on the ballot and run

6. Hmmm ... A few, well-placed hints to Cheney on how good the duck and pheasant hunting is in South Lebanon

5. Why ask me? Condi’s handling it ...

4. Admit - privately - to Israel and Hezbollah that Iraq is in a Civil War and we’re thinking about redeploying the troops somewhere

3. Help me out here ... Nasrallah? Nasrallah? ... Is that a terrorist or is it that chocolaty hazelnut spread stuff

2. Before I sign this resolution, are we still talking about Shiites and Sunnis, or is there another sect that nobody’s bothered to tell me about

1. Ah, screw it ... Forget this 10-days vacation crap... I’m gonna do what I always do and take the whole damn month off

One of President Bush’s ideas to push through the U.N. Resolution is a few, well-placed hints to Vice President Dick Cheney on how good the duck and pheasant hunting is in South Lebanon

Monday, August 07, 2006

News In Brief - Wikimania Attendees Take Over Event

Wikimania Conference Ends Abruptly In Cacophonous Chaos

First Speaker Drowned Out By Attendees With Edits, Footnotes and Sub-Categories

With over 400 paid attendees, dozens of speakers, panels and workshops, the Second Annual Wikimania Conference, held this past weekend at the Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, looked to be like any other conference, on any other day in any other city.

Anything but.

Less then four paragraphs in his opening, welcome address, Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales was interrupted by an attendee, looking to edit and amend his remarks.

This served as a veritable green light, as more attendees rose up, shouting out their own edits, footnotes and sub-categories to Wales’ speech, and to the comments of the other attendees. Within minutes, the entire conference room was engulfed in a din of cacophonous voices

Many of the comments initially focused on the history of the welcome speech, with edits and sub-categories being yelled out, on other famous and infamous welcome speeches.

Some attendees soon produced their own projectors and began screening their own photographs, charts and graphs behind Wales, as well as pulling the images up on laptop computers, cell phones and other PDA devices.

Wales and the organizers of the conference soon abandoned the room, as scheduled speakers began engaging the attendees directly. Small groups formed around the room, and exchanges began among the various groups, agreeing or disagreeing on the edits and additions being made.

A small group remained out of the fray, busily typing into Wikipedia the account of what was happening at the conference, as well as others blogging the event in real-time.

Wikipedia has become the ubiquitous online encyclopedia that is open to anyone to make additions and edits, but with a devoted and dedicated group of individuals who oversee and maintain the site.

What may have contributed to the problem with the conference was, just last week, Stephen Colbert, from Comedy Central’s ‘Colbert Report” edited his own entry in Wikipedia, “Stephen Colbert” live, on his program

Ironically, included in Mr. Wales’ opening remarks, was a passage about security, and keeping the site accurate.

“That could mean,” Wales told The New York Times, “quality control — making sure the information is accurate — and it could mean a clearer presentation, or more information.” The emphasis going forward, Wales said, would be on quality, not quantity

According to The New York Times, a survey in the science journal Nature found four errors in Wikipedia for every three in the Encyclopedia Britannica.

When reached later in the day, Wales admitted that it was “chaotic” and that “next year, we’ll have to do a better job at laying down some rules and decorum. I’m not sure many of these people understood the difference between the conference and the site.”

Many of the comments initially focused on the history of the welcome speech, with edits and sub-categories being yelled out, on other famous and infamous welcome speeches

Don't Forget To Vote On Karl Rove's and The RNC's October Surprise

Vote On The Soon-To-Come October Surprise!

With the very much heated Fall Mid-Terms Elections on the horizon, the month of October is going to be a lot more than just falling leaves and baseball’s World Series, and Joe Lieberman’s Independent run for daylight

We have this year, a gift from the Bush Administration, namely Karl Rove and The Republican National Committee, an October Surprise, aimed at warding off the rubber-stamping Republican Congressmen and Senators from being swept out of office.

This weeks’ Garlic Poll lets you voice your vote, on what will likely be that October Surprise ... Move over or scroll up to the right-hand corner and place your vote.

And by all means, leave a comment if you think of any others we may have missed

Will the October Surprise be the White House bringing in Chrysler’s Dr. Z?

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 6 August 2006

Cuban officials this morning denied reports that Fidel Castro was gravely ill, or even had passed away, saying that he was “the picture of health”, and releasing a photo of the long-time dictator taking some swings in the batting gage

With closing down the White House Media Room , and President Bush off on his annual vacation, the Communications Department has cut back and reduced the staff of its’ spin masters

Another setback for Apple Computer with having to restate its’ earnings for the past few years is that a new Apple logo will be launched. The new logo will be similar, but showing two or three bite marks

Emmy-award-winning actor Jason Lee, star of the hit NBC sit-com “My Name Is Earl”, the show about Lee, as Earl, taking winning a lottery to change his life positively and going around apologizing to anyone he has offended, is said to be irate with rumors that the network is said to be considering replacing him with Mel Gibson, and renaming the show “My Name Is Mel”

Cyclist Floyd Landis, now that the second test results has shown positive for illegal substances, says he’s eagerly awaiting the results of Tuesday’s Connecticut Democratic Primary to see how Senator Joe Lieberman (D & R - CT) fares. Landis indicated that he may take Lieberman’s lead, if Lieberman loses, and compete in the 2007 Tour de France as an Independent

It’s crashing terrible ... Oh, the humanity ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 30 - August 5 2006

“It’s crashing terrible ... Oh, the humanity ... This is the worst of the worst catastrophes in the world! Oh, it's crashing... This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed....."

That is from the radio broadcast of the landing of the Hindenburg, in Lakehurst, New Jersey, back on May 6, 1937

It could also serve the voters of this past weeks’ Garlic Poll, who the majority voted that the Bush and Rice Foreign Policy is likely to be labeled as The Hindenburg II Diplomacy

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 30 - August 5 2006

Many past Presidents had very proactive and comprehensive diplomacy programs, one giving birth to the term “Shuttle Diplomacy”. President George Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s diplomatic efforts will likely end up being labeled ...

1. The Hindenburg II Diplomacy - Wherever they land, the area erupts in flames 36%

2. Diplomacy? What Diplomacy? 25%

3. Amtrak Diplomacy - Because it keeps going off the track and crashing 20%

4. The Shuffle Diplomacy - Hey, we just plant the seeds of freedom. The master plan is to leave the entire mess to the next President 18%

This week’s Poll - To ward off the predicted disastrous Mid-Term Elections, in which the Republicans are said will lose the majority in the House, and possibly in the Senate as well, Karl Rove and the RNC’s October surprise will likely be ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote