Thursday, May 07, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Manny Ramirez Taking Banned Substances (Fertility Drugs)

News Item: Dodgers' Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games after failing drug test

10. After living in "Red Sox Nation", wanted to, personally, create "Manny Nation"

9. The ol' "peanuts and crackerjacks" just wasn't cuttin' it

8. An inexplicable, "Manny-Being-Manny" bonding, and empathy, for Octomon Nadya Suleman

7. Puts a different meaning on old baseball saw, of "He got good wood on the ball"

6. Just trying to put "a little beef, in the ol' bullpen", if you know what I mean

5. Manny was just being Manny ... And, also being Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Alex Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro...

4. Makes you wonder what Manny was doing when he was hiding in the scoreboard, in Fenway Park wall

3. Thought, by talking the substance, he could land one of those "bath tubs, watching the sunset with sexy woman" commercials'

2. Just wanted to live up to "Mannywood" (wink, wink)

1. Well, how should we say this ... Dodger Blue wasn't the only thing blue on Manny Ramirez

Bonus Riffs

Yahoo Sports: Ramirez’s drug used to stimulate testosterone

ESPN: Sources: Ramirez used fertility drug

MLB: Manny suspended 50 games for PED use; Ramirez biggest name to be penalized by MLB's drug policy

Politics and Sports Collide ... Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Garlic Coverage of Baseball Steroid Scandal

Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?

This Date ... On The Garlic

7 May 2008... On The Garlic

Editor's Note ... The Pearl Is In The River ...

7 May 2007... On The Garlic

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day; Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged

Top Ten Cloves: Potential Problems At White House Dinner Tonight For Queen Elizabeth II

7 May 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Last Weeks Garlic Poll Results - The Real Reason President Bush Wants National Anthem Sung In English Is ...

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

A Nothing Sandwich, With Everything On It

This is almost, nearly, worthy of Instant Ignorant Dolt designation.

Earlier this week, President Obama, and his VP Joe Biden, took a trip over to Virginia, to catch some lunch, at a place called Ray's Hell Burger, which the media, in particular, MSNBC, played up.


A President eats lunch - STOP THE PRESSES!

And, he eats hamburgers!


Well, William Jacobson, in the ranks of the Flying Monkeys, jumped all over this, at once, accusing MSNBC of "hiding" the fact that Obama prefers Dijon Mustard.

I mean, he is frothing-at-the-mouth of some nefarious conspiracy, posting multiple videos, noting the tape count of the exact moment that Obama says "Dijon Mustard", going to DefCon 7 with Updates, and, breathlessly boasting how "Dijongate" is spreading (among the Flying Monkeys, of course).

I wish I had graphic artists skills, so I could draw up a bottle of vodka, with the label "Absolutely Ridiculous!"

Ron Chusid, over on Liberal Values notes how "Barack Obama Has Great Taste In Mustard"

And, we will give the final word to Tbogg, from Firedoglake, which is hysterical;

Hawhawhaw. Dijon mustard! How metro! How gay!

Jesus. Between this and their obsession with arugula I sometimes wonder if we're actually talking about four year-old children who make "icky" faces when confronted with something new to the menu. What makes this worse is that Jacobson is Professor of Law at Cornell Law School and therefore, we assume, an adult or at least an adult-sized human. How embarrassing for his wife when they attend faculty dinners and she has to bring along chicken strips and ranch dressing so he'll have something to eat. Hopefully she has drawn the line, no matter how fussy he gets, over bringing a baggie of Cheerios for him to nibble on during cocktail hour.
Help Me Mr. Wizard!

New Bill Russell Book!

As regular readers of The Garlic are aware of, we have written, from time-to-time, about the Boston Celtics, (you can read those post HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE) having spent, virtually my entire childhood immersed in the beginning era of "Celtic Pride" (that moniker didn't come until the 1980's, once the league got hip to marketing), attending our first game, a year after Bob Cousey retired, in 1964 (December 12th, against the, then, Baltimore Bullets).

We saw many of the greats, whose retired numbers hang from the rafters - Bill Sharman, Tommy Heinsohn, Frank Ramsey, Sam and K.C. Jones, John Havlicek (click the link, to hear Johnny Most, and "Havlicek Stole The Ball!), Tom Sanders (and a bevy more ... Larry Siegfried, Emmette Bryant, Bailey Howell, Don Nelson, et all)

And, of course, William Felton Russell, of whom, there is no bigger, no larger, no more beloved hero.

Well, news burst out that Bill Russell has a new book hitting the shelves - "Red and Me: My Coach, My Lifelong Friend" (his previous books were "Go Up For Glory", "Second Wind", and "Russell Rules")

From The Boston Globe;

The book details his friendship with Red Auerbach, which spanned 50 years.

"I wanted to honor him and his two daughters," says Russell. "We came from two tribes. We didn't have to prove anything to anybody."

Russell was an outspoken civil rights advocate who grew up with the pain of segregation. His father and grandfather taught him to stick up for himself. He did just that during his very first NBA game in 1956.

Despite having an NCAA championship and Olympic gold medal to his credit, Russell wasn't getting the ball. Auerbach called a timeout, and Russell stayed outside of the huddle.

"I wasn't [angry]," he says. "I was assessing the situation. We had only three guys shoot the ball. I knew then that's no way to win."

Russell told Auerbach that he was the center and the ball should go through him, down low, so he could get rebounds. Auerbach listened and designed plays for Russell. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Russell retired from the Celtics in 1969, a few months after the team (all-Russell-led) winning their 11th championship in 13-years.

In a Sports Illustrated article is where Russell announced it, citing, among other things, that even though he had a year left on a lucrative (for that period of time) contract ($200,000), he couldn't continue to play, as he always played for fun, the competition, and to continue playing for just the money would make him a mercenary.

They don't make'em like that anymore.

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 May 2007... On The Garlic

Hey, No Whining There Tenet, It Was Your Job, You Silly Twit ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

6 May 2005... On The Garlic

Congress Acts On New National Driver's License; 3-Point Turn Kept In 'Patriots with Wheels' Bill; Homeland Security To Issue Daily Hand Signals

Sears, Nike Split Up; Retailer Tells Sneaker Company To Go USA

Top Ten Cloves: Things Ann Coulter Would Be Saying If She Were An Over-The-Top Liberal Democrat

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Ann Coulter Surge

There must be one happy, eye-patched, plagiarizing doyenne of the Flying Monkeys out there this week.

Al Jazeera report: U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan have Pashto Bibles, told to ‘hunt people for Jesus.’

A report by Al Jazeera English shows soldiers in Afghanistan passing around Bibles in Pashto and Dari, the languages of Afghanistan, presumably to be distributed. The chaplain leading the discussion acknowledges that “proselytizing” is against military rules, but one soldier says, “you can give gifts“:

But in another piece of footage taken by Hughes, the chaplains appear to have found a way around the regulation known as General Order Number One.

“Do we know what it means to proselytise?” Captain Emmit Furner, a military chaplain, says to the gathering.

“It is General Order Number One,” an unidentified soldier replies.

But [Sergeant Jon] Watt says “you can’t proselytise but you can give gifts“.
And, as they say on all the big sports shows, let's go to the videotape!

US troops urged to share faith in Afghanistan - 04 May 09

Onward Christian Soldiers!

Kind of like a ''Guys and Dolls', only minus the "Dolls", and the music, but keeping in the "save a soul" business.

Well, maybe you could keep the music, perhaps tweaking "Luck Be A Lady", to "Luck Be A Rifle and Bible"

And if you think this is far-fetched, Steve M., from No More Mister Nice Blog, points to a Harper's article (that's behind the subscription wall), "Jesus killed Mohammed: The crusade for a Christian military", that you can read HERE, at

Nathan Detroit, and Sky Masterson, in the middle of the desert, savin' souls ...

Who would'a thunk it?

Press The Applause Button

With the exception of scores-and-scores of hard-working men and woman being unemployed, it is, oh so rich, irony that as the Right Wing, Flag Waving Clear Channel is collapsing, and they are stuck with "The Cheeseburger That Sweats" (h/t Barry Crimmins).

This is the company that issued a Post-Sept 11th, jingoistic play list to it's empire, and then led the ban against the free speech of The Dixie Chicks, with their "Rally for America".

Eric Boehlert, over on MediaMatters, has a delicious tale of it all today;

Limbaugh's living large while radio boss Clear Channel implodes

Clear Channel's fall from business grace remains epic in its proportions. In 10 years time the company has gone from dominating a flourishing radio industry to a corporation that now teeters on the brink. (Clear Channel stock traded for $90 a share in 2000. When the radio company went private last year, pre-crash, the stock was already down in the $30s.) Lots of over-extended, debt-ridden media conglomerates are struggling through today's deep economic recession, but few face a future quite as perilous as the one staring back at the San Antonio radio giant.

And yet Clear Channel's most famous employee, Rush Limbaugh, remains oblivious to it all. I sometimes wonder what Limbaugh thinks when he reads about the not-so-slow-motion collapse of his radio employer while lounging in his 24,000-square-foot Florida estate or motoring in his $450,000 car to the airport to ride in his $54 million jet. Does Limbaugh feel bad? Does he feel a little guilty? And does he ever think about giving some of his riches back so that thousands of radio colleagues wouldn't have to be bounced to the curb?


Because here's the real oddity about Clear Channel's pact with Limbaugh: Last summer there was nobody else in a position to steal Limbaugh away. Clear Channel was basically bidding against itself and decided, in the end, to give Limbaugh a 40 percent raise, which included writing a $100 million signing bonus check to celebrate his contract extension. That right: A nine-figure signing bonus. At the time, it was a puzzler. Looking back at it today, the $100 million goodwill gesture, viewed against the backdrop of Clear Channel's doomsday woes, makes no business sense whatsoever. (That $100 million bonus could have saved maybe 1,000 Clear Channel jobs this year alone.)
Ah, yes, ....

Clear Channel, struggling for it's corporate life, only to pay off The Cheeseburger That Sweats.

Somebody, before they leave the studio, press the "Applause" button ...

Bonus Clear Channel Highlights


MediaMatters: Clear Channel radio host railed against Nick Berg's father, called him a "scumbag"

Paul Krugman: Channels of Influence

Let's Buy Those Chaps A Round!

We would have wished for having a whole host of other dwarf, finks, phonies and frauds on it as well, however, I suppose we will have to be satisfied that the United Kingdom has deemed hatemonger Michael Savage to be comparable to The Plague, and has placed him on a list, barring him entry to the country.

That's bad news for the grease they fry their fish-and-chips in, for there goes the chance of having something more repugnant, slimier, and outright vile, to take its' place at the bottom of the cesspool.

Named and shamed: the 16 barred from UK

Sixteen people banned from entering the UK were "named and shamed" by the Home Office today.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said she decided to make public the names of 16 people banned since October so others could better understand what sort of behaviour Britain was not prepared to tolerate.

The list includes hate preachers, anti-gay protesters and a far- right US talk show host


The list of the 16 "least wanted" includes radio talk show host Michael Savage, real name Michael Weiner.

"This is someone who has fallen into the category of fomenting hatred, of such extreme views and expressing them in such a way that it is actually likely to cause inter-community tension or even violence if that person were allowed into the country," Ms Smith told BBC Breakfast.
Other American cretins made the cut, as well;
Also named are American Baptist pastor Fred Waldron Phelps Snr and his daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper, who have picketed the funerals of Aids victims and claimed the deaths of US soldiers are a punishment for US tolerance of homosexuality.
As Joe Gandelman notes, this is like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, for those in the Flying Monkey circuit, and likely will give a bump to Weiner/Savage's ratings.

We don't know what it will do for the Alternative Universe-based Phelps Team.

Bonus Links

SourceWatch: Michael Savage

Satyam Khanna: Cleveland radio station drops Michael Savage: ‘This guy’s a knucklehead.’

Skippy the bush kangaroo: we have a wiener!

Bluegal: Message from the floor of the US House: “If Michael Savage wants to see a moron, he should look in the mirror.”

Today's Instant Ignorant Dolt - Joe The Plumber!

On my, we really should have him grandfathered in, as one, colossal, gigantic Ignorant Dolt.

That was pretty clear, the moment the camera first brought him into focus, even before Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain turned him into the 'Bobby", to Mommy Moose's "Annette", during his Mickey Mouse campaign last year.

The wanna-be-plumber/politician, has, innately, the gifts for being a colossal, gigantic Ignorant Dolt.

It's natural to him, warm and comforting ... Like putting on his pants every day ...

And, he keeps insisting on showing us!

‘Joe the Plumber’ on Dobson, theocracy and GOP hypocrites

In a hastily transcribed interview with no apparent rebuttal to his claims, Christianity Today gives Joe an open mike to present his own special brand of right wing conservativism:


In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?

At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.
That is Joey, protect the children.

Wrap them up, cover them, shield them with your ignorant bigotry.

Digby has a great take on this, and Tas, over on "Comments From Left Field" points out another Flying Monkey who DEFENDS Instant Ignorant Dolt Plumber Joe.

Steve M., from No More Mister Nice Blog, reports the McCain mascot is simply showing off his Right Wing Freak Show diploma;
Wurzelbacher isn't uninformed. He's informed in the way right-wingers would like all of us to be informed -- that is, he gets all his information from wingnut and evangelical sources.

Over at Free Republic, the regulars react to every sign of trouble in the mainstream media, from newspaper shutdowns to downticks in movie box-office receipts, with the phrase "Dinosaur Media Death Watch." The sincere hope on the right is that someday there'll be nothing to read, nothing to watch, nothing to listen to except what Joe the Plumber reads and watches and listens to: basically, Christian radio and talk radio and right-wing Web sites and Fox.

A nation of Wurzelbachers -- that's the goal.
Samuel Wurzelbacker, aka Joe The Plumber... The Instant Ignorant Dolt crown and sceptre is all yours today.

And, we're pretty confident you will proudly carry them well.

Retro Garlic: Shiekh de Sade

We just wrote about this, less then two-weeks ago, and already, we get rushed into a Retro Garlic.

Jeez ... You think, The Bush Grindhouse, to, at minimum, protect their Carlyle buddies' investments, would have hipped the royalty of the UAE to the CIA, perhaps, having the CIA guy (or team) that erased all the Bush Grindhouse Torture Tapes, temporarily assigned to Dubai.

Torture-tape Gulf prince accused of 25 other attacks

The wealthy Gulf prince at the centre of a "torture tape" scandal has been accused of attacking at least 25 other people in incidents that have also been caught on film, it has been claimed.

Sheikh Issa bin Zayed al-Nahyan is now under investigation in the United Arab Emirates after the shocking tape showed him beating a man with a nailed plank, setting him on fire, attacking him with a cattle prod and running him over.

But now lawyers for American businessman Bassam Nabulsi, who smuggled the tape out of the UAE, have written to the justice minister of Abu Dhabi - the most powerful of the emirates that make up the UAE - claiming to have considerably more evidence against Issa.


But now it appears the initial tape could just be the beginning of the problem. The new tapes apparently also involve police officers taking part in Issa's attacks, and some of his victims in the as-yet-unseen videos are believed to be Sudanese immigrants.

What's the world coming to, when torturers won't help each other?

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 May 2007... On The Garlic

The Politico's DNA ... The Other Iraq ... And He's a Bible-Thumper Now ... Around The Garlic Patch

5 May 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Cinco de Mayo At The White House!

5 May 2005... On The Garlic

Texas Bill Banning Cheerleading Causes Panic, Confusion and Exodus; Teens Flee State By Thousands, Causing Gridlock; See Bill As Ban On Being Teen

DIY Network Has An Ad Campaign - Finally! Three-Years-Plus in-the-making; All Hand-Made Print Run

Top Ten Cloves: What The Coma Fireman, Who Hasn't Spoken in 10-Years, Talked About When He Woke Up

Monday, May 04, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons Google Flu Tracker Didn't Pick Up Swine Flu

News Item: Google flu tracker had trouble with latest virus

10. Having to accommodate Michelle Bachmann likely stressed the calculations

9. Coordinates, and program, set to track only a very, very small, very particular section of Palo Alto

8. It was in Beta Mode, Invitation Only

7. Had to throw out thousands of searches, from South Bend, Indiana, wishing Swine Flu on President Obama

6. Got sidetracked, tracking Arlen Specter's defection to Democratic Party

5. Couldn't decide , like it's cool logo, on the color palette for "Swine Flu"

4. An unusually high number of "I'm Feeling Lucky" Swine Flu searches skewed results of program

3. Because of Swine Flu, Google shut down its' bus services, so workers couldn't get in to read results

2. Got confused when they started calling it the "H1N1 virus."

1. Wasted weeks trying to find Swine Flu on Google Earth

This Date ... On The Garlic

4 May 2008... On The Garlic

Al Giordano: Let Operation Anti-Chaos begin!

4 May 2007... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: What Goes Into President Bush Giving Himself Nicknames

4 May 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Problems That May Crop Up With Post Office Issuing A “Forever Stamp”

4 May, 2005... On The Garlic

Vegas, Circuit Clamors For Laura Bush; Press Laments Daily Briefings Now With Headlining First Lady

Clinton Joins Food Pyramid Protest; Says Won't Deter Child Obesity; Poll Shows Public Prefers The Sphinx

Top Ten Cloves: What Jilted Fiancés Can Do If Your Bride-To-Be Runs Away

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Top Ten Cloves - Reasons Arlen Specter Became A Democrat

News Item: Specter: I did not say I'll be a loyal Democrat

10. Matter of practicality - Can learn using Twitter, and The Google, faster with the Democrats

9. Part of lobbying effort for Obama to name him to Supreme Court

8. Totally embarrassed by alternative budget PartyofNoicans turned in

7. Really, really wants to play on that new Swing Set Obama's bought for daughters

6. Was hoping to do it earlier in month, just so he could angle meeting The Grateful Dead

5. Just got caught up in all the "100 Day" hullabaloo

4. Only trying to get as far away from Michelle Bachmann as he can

3. Lost bet with Mitch McConnell - Doesn't agree meeting Rush Limbaugh is "Awesome"

2. Figured, going Democrat would bump him up in line for Swine Flu shot

1. "I did what!" ... Last time he has "more than a few" beers at a Phillies game

This Date ... On The Garlic

3 May 2008... On The Garlic

Ding Ho Reunion For Laz

Editor's Note ... Still Jammed Up ...

3 May 2007... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Republican Candidates' Debate

Chopped Garlic ... Lightning Striking Twice ... Of Success ... Who's In Command ... Pentagon vs. Soldiers ... And Those Al Qaeda Guys - Again

3 May 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Other Unannounced Measures White House Has For Pandemic Flu Draft Response Plan

3 May 2005... On The Garlic

Neiman Marcus Sells Self Through Catalog; "Almost Threw Away Book In Recycling", Says Buyer

Visa Ends Triple Crown Sponsorship But Keeps Derby; Cites Pending Use of Child Jockeys As Means To Increase Brand

Top Ten Cloves: Other Than Saying They Were Kidnapped, Stories Runaway Brides Can Use