Friday, May 25, 2007

Become a Cheney's Cheney ... Help The VP Build His Team, For The Most Gleaming of Brass Rings - Iran

We have a situation developing, with the Cheney side of our government all running around with puffed up tents in the crotch of their trousers, over the prospects of "hot conflict" with Iran, that there is talk of "insubordination against President Bush" and his wimpy diplomacy-first side of the government.

We'll set aside, for the moment, using the words "President Bush" and "diplomacy" in the same sentence.

Jackson Williams, on the Huffington Post, asked yesterday "Just who is Cheney's team these days, what with Scooter Libby headed to jail and Rummy off playing bridge? Well, the ranks have surely thinned as this blunder has gone on, but there is probably some recruitment of new blood taking place, too."

Where is the new blood coming from?

The Garlic, not wanting to be shown up as not supporting our troops, wants to lend a hand for this effort and has composed a Want Ad for the Office of Vice President, being that Monica Goodling resigned, and can't be sitting there any longer, wearing her BL armband (Bush Loyalist) when screening potential candidates.

Get yourself in the game, it's likely this position will be filled very quickly.

Position: Loyal, Hard-Nosed Neoconservative Yes-Man

Have you ever wanted to overthrow a foreign regime, start a war or tell a United States Senator to "go fuck yourself"?

Do you often find yourself sticking, obstinately, to a minority viewpoint, refusing to give in because you know, deep in your gut, you are correct - even when some panty-waist liberal is waving irrefutable evidence in your face?

If so, the Office of the Vice President has an exciting and rewarding career opportunity for you.

In the dynamic world of the nation's first "Shadow President", you will be in the vortex of domestic and world events, meeting with the nation's energy chiefs, or taking an overseas trips to berate foreign governments.

You may, at times find yourself holed-up in a genuine Secret Bunker, and you'll have the thrill of living through the Armageddon drills and running the country "the day after" with surreptitious weekend retreats.

And, you just may be on-board for the most gleaming of brass rings - Iran.


*Internships and/or employment with the American Enterprise Institute or the PNAC is highly desirable

** All candidates, to be considered for the position, will be required to sign a waiver, indicating the acceptance of going to prison in order to protect the Vice President should such an occurance manifest in carrying out your duties in the Office of the Vice President.

Contact, with cover letter and resume, Chief of Staff (and the original Cheney's Cheney) David Addington at

Bonus Links

The Trouble With Cheney: He's Dumb

Cheney Sets Up Shadow Government In Area 51

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Cue The Zither Music ... Minced Garlic: New Keith Olbermann Special Comment

The Entire Government Has Failed Us On Iraq

Another Keith Olbermann Special Comment this evening, about shame, and the bi-partisan governing exhibited by our President and Congress over the past day in regard to the Iraq War Spending Bill.

He called it a "betrayal" and, for the Democrats, "their Neville Chamberlain moment"

"That’s what this is for the Democrats, isn’t it?

Their “Neville Chamberlain moment” before the Second World War.

All that’s missing is the landing at the airport, with the blinkered leader waving a piece of paper which he naively thought would guarantee “peace in our time,” but which his opponent would ignore with deceit.

The Democrats have merely streamlined the process.

Their piece of paper already says Mr. Bush can ignore it, with impunity.

The Garlic thanks to a confluence of events, sees it more like the classic "The Third Man", with George Bush taking on the Harry Lime role (so deliciously portrayed in the film by the great Orson Wells), with a haunting score of zither music.

Last night, taking on the Holly Martins role, the U.S. Congress, with not enough cynicism, and wanting to believe so much in their Bush-as-Harry Lime, capitulated and gave him a toothless Iraq War Spending Bill.

This morning, the stalwart of justice, Monica Goodling, certainly taking on the part of Anna Schmidt, all misty-eyed in love with Harry, took her turn before the House Judiciary Committee, to, alternately defend Lime and his cohorts, and, at the same time throw a few people under the bus - and hope, just as Anna in the movie did, she doesn't get arrested, but will do so, willingly, for her Harry.

Today, The Commander Guy goes to the Coast Guard Academy, to raise the curtain - again - on fear, playing the Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda card - with, at least, two-year old intelligence, only recently declassified for The Decider's usage - telling how Iraq will be used as a launching pad for attacks on the United States - the same Iraq that Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda wasn't in when the Bush Grindhouse unleashed their "Shock and Awe" to invade and occupy the country.

Lime, in post WWII Vienna, was trafficking in bad penicillin, along with other unsavory activities, including murder.

Bush-as-Lime, in the post Sept.11th world, is trafficking in bad intelligence, illegal wiretaps, the politicization of the Justice Department, as well as the aforementioned invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation.

Lime, in a famous scene, runs through the Vienna sewer system.

Bush-as-Lime, by his actions, has dragged the United States of America down in the sewer, with his attack on the U.S. Constitution, the suspension of habeas corpus, governing via Signing Statements, and his lying.

Lime, in the movie, doesn't get away with it.

Our Bush-as-Lime, thanks to the Congress, playing the passive Martins, half wanting to stop him, and half, wanting to see him succeed, may just get away with it, keeping us, and our soldiers, in harms way, right up to January 20th, 2009.

But all the Commander Guy could come up with today was to pull out the tired, well-worn, fear mongering speech, nothing even remotely close to the classic riff Harry Lime gives Holly (with a bit of fear mongering of his own - "... I carry a gun...I don't think they'd look for a bullet wound after you'd hit that ground...") at the top of the Riesenrad, the large Ferris wheel in the Prater amusement park;

Don't be so gloomy...After all,
it's not that awful. Remember what
the fellow said...

- in Italy, for thirty years under
the Borgias, they had warfare,
terror, murder, bloodshed, but they
produced Michaelangelo - Leonardo
Da Vinci, and the Renaissance...In
Switzerland, they had brotherly
love. They had five hundred years
of democracy and peace, and what did
that produce?...The cuckoo clock.
So long, Holly.

Olbermann, for his part in this play, came out swinging.
Few men or women elected in our history—whether executive or legislative, state or national—have been sent into office with a mandate more obvious, nor instructions more clear:

Get us out of Iraq.
With bullet points, Olbermann blasts the Dems, with punches that likely were felt down in the Beltway, before going on to;
A President, Mr. Bush, uses the carte blanche he has already, not to manipulate an overlap of arriving and departing Brigades into a ‘second surge,’ but to say in unequivocal terms that if it takes every last dime of the monies already allocated, if it takes reneging on government contracts with Halliburton, he will make sure the troops are safe—even if the only safety to be found, is in getting them the hell out of there.

Well, any true President would have done that, Sir.

You instead, used our troops as political pawns, then blamed the Democrats when you did so.
Olbermann finishes (and I won't ruin it here for you) with a flourish, a heated "we’re not going to take it", while laying down a challenge, to, well, someone, stop the lies, and stop the war.


Read and/or Watch The Video of Keith Olbermann's Special Comment - The Entire Government Has Failed Us On Iraq

Countdown with Keith Olbermann

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

You Shouldn't Worry There, Dick ... Everyone Knows You're A Hard-Ass ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

So what the little puke in the Oval Office calls himself "The Uniter" or "The Decider", and even "The Commander Guy".

You don't have to be so sensitive about it, as our Garlic Poll Voters seemed to think.

Everyone knows you're a hard-ass.

You are, in the spirit of the immigration debate going on, muy macho. You kick butt and expose names. You have a Secret Bunker. You bully people to give you the intelligence you want, so you can launch wars. You nailed CNN's Wolf Blitzer and then sent your wife in to slap him around some more. You go away weekends, with you old pal Rummy, for Doomsday weekends.

You earned the moniker of "Darth Vader", for Christ Sakes. You even have a protégé named after you - Cheney's Cheney!

That's about as hard an ass a hard-ass can get.

So chill out on the overseas stuff. Pitch in, and save some energy (unless, from your muy macho super-secret energy meetings, you're getting a deal or something). Do more walking, it'll help that old ticker of yours.

And, one other thing. The guys overseas don't really want to tell you.

They're gonna "yes" you to death because they're just marking time, They know you're on your way out, via, either impeachment, or indictment, or, somehow, you ride it out until January 2009.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll May 13 - May 19, 2007

Vice President Dick Cheney's recent trip to Iraq and Saudi Arabia was really about ...

1. Telling everyone, despite what the President has said, he, Dick Cheney is really "The Commander Guy" Tally 33%

2. The wife's book sales are dipping and just out working the stump, beef up the sales Tally 30%

3. Needing a good alibi, in the event something happened to George Tenet Tally 24%

4. Not wanting to get yelled at by those 11 Republican Congressmen Tally 12%

This week’s Poll - President Bush will get rid of Crony General Alberto Gonzales by ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Bonus Links

Cheney's still dangerous

The Libby-Cheney Connection; Libby Testimony Raises More Questions About Cheney's Role In The CIA Leak Case

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Top Ten Cloves: Things About If Abraham Lincoln Were Shot Today

News Item: Science and Medicine: Could Lincoln Have Survived?

10. Lincoln's HMO plan would have forced him to be taken to a hospital hours-away, in Virginia or Maryland

9. Booth would say he shot Lincoln to impress actress Lindsey Lohan

8. Ford Theatre owners would have prevented anyone for caring for Lincoln on-site, out of fear of lawsuits

7. When Homicide: Life On the Streets was running, Detective Steve Crosetti's part would have had to be written that he had an obsession with the Kennedy Assassination

6. You can be sure, if they took Lincoln to Walter Reed Medical Center, it would have been one of the good, clean wings

5. Jerry Falwell would have blamed the shooting on "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians and the ACLU".

4. Shooting wouldn't have happened; The illegal NSA Wiretapping program would have picked up the plot and John Wilkes Booth, John Surratt, Lewis Powell, David Herold, Mary Surratt and Dr. Samuel Mudd all would have been whisked away to Gitmo as "enemy combatants"

3. Remarkably, it would be nearly three days before the public hears about the Lincoln shooting, and it will come from Texas ranch owner, Katharine Armstrong

2. NBC would, two-days later, receive and broadcast a manifesto from John Wilkes Booth, igniting a controversy

1. Forget about Zapruder and Grassy Knolls, there'd be about 137 different videos from cellphone cameras capturing everything after the shot was fired

Bonus Links

The Trial of the Lincoln Assassination Conspirators

"Homicide: Life on the Street" (1993)TV-Series 1993-1999