Friday, November 10, 2006

Bush Said To Be “Invigorated”. Ready To Tackle Issues

Post Election, Staying With New Policy, Bush Pushes Old Agenda

Says Voters Sounded Mandate to Press Lame Duck Congress To Approve Bolton And Sanction Wiretapping

White House insiders are telling The Garlic that, after a rough patch the past week, or so, President Bush is feeling “invigorated” and “has gotten the message” from voters this week.

With this new mandate, yet staying with the new “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy, the President is calling on the Lame Duck session of Congress to confirm United Nations Ambassador John Bolton and, among a hodge-podge of bills, to sanction and approve his Illegal Wiretapping Program, otherwise known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program.

“The voters this week,” said one Senior White House official, “have clearly told the President they want these things. The combination of the Domestic Terrorist Surveillance and having Ambassador Bolton in place, has made the United Nations safer ... It hasn’t been attacked in the past year.”

“He’s already alienated a lot of us, offered Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, “with firing Rumsfeld. . He needs to send a strong message to the terrorists and he can do that by keeping up the wiretapping and keep Bolton on-board.”

Soon-To-Be Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and newly-minted Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) were outraged when advised of the President’s planned agenda.

“Maybe,” said Speaker Pelosi, “rather then talking about measuring drapes, the President should open his, there, in the Oval Office. It’s a new day and he doesn’t control the agenda.”

Majority Leader Reid was more blunt.

”The ink has dried up for his rubber stamp. If he wants to take a swing at us now, he’s going to get swung back at, and all the Signing Statements in the world aren’t going to be much help to him. They’ll have to come up for what is worse, what’s lower than Lame Duck if he tries to play games with us.”

Series of Bush-Cheney Gaffes Added To “Thumpin”

The White House is looking at the call to the Lame Duck Congress as a means to get the President back on track, after a series of stumbles, and then the “thumpin’” the GOP took in the Midterm elections, losing the majority in both the House and the Senate.

First there was Vice President Dick Cheney, in a radio interview, endorsing the use of torture, waterboarding, during the interrogation of terror suspects. The Vice President issued a clarification but, with the President confusing audiences on the campaign trail with his calls to “Just Say No”, causing widespread drug raids, was drowned out.

Then, the gaffe meter registered a toss-up, between the dust-up with Senator John Kerry (D-MA) on whether Kerry was insulting the U.S. Troops, or challenging the intellect of the President and, in the final days of the campaign, the discovery of how the Bush Administration placed documents on their “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website that offered detailed instructions on how to build a nuclear device.

Rumsfeld and Rove Factor Into Loss

Lastly, the President has enraged fellow Republicans with his firing - the day after the Midterm Elections - of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, believing, had the President done it sooner, it could have favored GOP candidates in certain races.

“You have to throw in there,” offered Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century “that Special White House Guru Karl Rove didn’t come up with an October Surprise. There’s a lot of hostility over that.”

Rove, instead, offered the GOP candidates, not just any reading of the polling data, but the application of Rove’s “The Math” that the man called ‘Bush’s Brain” projected would give the GOP a clear-cut victory in the Midterms.

“Rove couldn’t have done any worse,” said David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party, “then if he went around and poked every Republican candidate in the eye with a stick.”

It’s not clear if President Bush truly believes he has a mandate to push Bolton and the Wiretapping through the Lame Duck Congress, or, as he has recently admitted, he’s lying simply to move the agenda forward.

“That’s the beauty of the “Hello, I Must Be Going” policy,” said Aaronson. “The President can say one thing one day, then come back the next day and deny he ever said the first thing the day before. It’s maddening, but, hey, it’s worked for them so I suppose they’ll stay running with it.”

Now down to just the “Two Amigos”, President Bush is attempting to push his old agenda through the Lame Duck Congress

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons President Bush Believes GOP Lost The Midterm Elections

News Item: The Thumpees Try Their Luck at the Blame Game

10. Didn’t break out the Zarqawi Photo in the final days, to remind people that we caught him and made the country safer

9. Karl Rove went out and used some kind of new-fangled “The Math” and we don’t know what the hell he was counting

8. We should have come out first, and claimed John Kerry was stupid

7. Holding back putting the documents about Mushroom Clouds on the “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website hurt us

6. Cheney, and that wife of his, trying to sell her book right in the heat of the campaign

5. We didn’t do anything wrong, it was just one of those "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" voting things

4. I could have started denying we said “Stay The Course” earlier

3. Tony Snow banging his head on the podium... Made us look like idiots

2. Preoccupied with how I was going to tell Donald Rumsfeld he was fired

1. If Michael J. Fox never went out and got Parkinson Disease, then Rush Limbaugh never would have had to make a fuss over it

We didn’t do anything wrong, it was just one of those "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" voting things

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Things Karl Rove Did As Last Night’s Elections Results Rolled In

News Item: Karl Rove's Reputation May Be on the Line

10. Made note to call Cheney in the morning and recommend that he get a good lawyer

9. Get those @#$!%&! Diebold guys in here and find out what happened!

8. Thought about grabbing a couple of really big FBI Agents and going over into Virginia and kicking George Allen’s ass

7. Began to viciously smear himself

6. Stopped smearing himself, called every losing GOP candidate and viciously smeared them

5. Looked at his options and started testing out the phrase “McCain’s Brain”

4. Debated with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld that they should have announced Saddam Hussein guilty earlier this summer and then hanged him two-days before the elections

3. Lamented not putting out the rumor that Claire McCaskill was a lesbian

2. Called Joe Lieberman and told him what’s-what, that they would be collecting on all the support the White House gave him

1. Hunted for Ted Haggard’s phone number so he could see about getting a massage and some crystal meth to get through the night

As the Democrats rolled to take the House Majority, and likely the Senate as well, last evening,
Karl Rove looked at his options and started testing out the phrase “McCain’s Brain”

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Breaking News! Developing Story! White House Rerunning 2000 Post Election Plans

Bush Unhinged, Huddles With Lawyers And Preps Briefs To Contest Election Results

With GOP Losing House, Tighter Senate, Appeal Will Be Filed; Snow: “What Worked in 2000 Can Work Again”

As election results continue to pour, showing the Democrats taking the majority in Congress, and a tightening of the gap in the Senate, sources tell the Garlic that President George Bush has been clearly agitated, distraught, constantly getting on “The Google” and checking races still undecided.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

Reportedly, when staff could calm the President down, he has huddled with Vice President Dick Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and it is expected that the Bush Administration will be filing briefs when the Courts open tomorrow morning, contesting every losing Republican campaign.

Joe Lieberman, the former Democratic Senator from Connecticut, who has, apparently, won his Independent reelection, quickly said he would be in favor of the White House “taking advantage of our Judiciary Branch” to settle any disparities, and in particular, may join the proceedings as a “Friend of the Court”, but only if “it still means I win my election.”

“We’re hearing all kinds of things”, says Hildy Johnson, editor of the monthly newsletter “What Did He Say Now?” that tracks and reviews President Bush’s speeches and interviews.

One unconfirmed report had the President on “The Google” for hours, alternately looking up elections results, repeatedly hitting the “I’m Feeling Lucky” bar, as well as using ‘The Google Earth”, to stare endless at the satellite photos of his Crawford Ranch.

Another had the President barking at staff, that he was to be notified immediately, when either John Kerry or Al Gore conceded, apparently confusing tonight’s elections with his own campaigns of 2000 and 2004.

According to Johnson, it was a telephone call from Attorney Ben Ginsberg, who represented the Bush Team in appealing the 2000 election to the Supreme Court, which sparked the White House into considering contesting the entire slate of losing GOP races.

“My sources are telling me,” said Johnson, “that after the Ginsberg call, Gonzalez, and Cheney’s Cheney, David Addington, began making copies of the briefs that were filed to the Supreme Court in 2000, and simply making minor edits to align the complaints with the individual and particular races conducted today.”

“Now, hold on there,” a battered White House Press Secretary Tony Snow cautioned a group of reporters. “We’re not saying anybody is doing anything ... Now, I’m not in the room, making policy but what I think the President is looking at is what has worked over the years, what’s in the past that can be used in the future ... Who can say ... I mean, no one can say that what worked in 2000, won’t work again ... It’s all about our new strategy, exploring and being flexible ...”

The gambit, according to many political experts, in filing hundreds of lawsuits is that the White House, joined by the RNC, can intimidate some of the Democratic winners, painting them as against freedom and democracy, and, placing an enormous financial burden on them, and their depleted campaign war chests.

“It’s all the RNC and Rove - and Fox News - at this point,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel. They’ll have no mercy, they’ll be looking to cut these guys to pieces.

In a related matter, now former Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), who was defeated today by challenger Bob Casey, announced that he has been hired as a consultant by the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church, to harass former pastor Ted Haggard, and to hunt and root out any other ministers who may be gay.

More As This Story Develops

Please, use The Garlic Link List to visit sites, such as The Huffington Post, The Raw Story, The Nation, The Reaction and The Moderate Voice for updates and more information on the races still undecided at the time of this post.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Where are the checks, balances?

No doubt, with all that campaigning - for candidates that don’t want to be seen with him - President Bush hasn't had much time to be working “The Google” - or to place more documents on the web that shows how to build a nuclear weapon.

If he had, he probably could have looked up all the reasons he’s told us over the past few years on why we invaded, and are occupying Iraq - Just like our anchor-hero, MSNBC’s ‘Countdown’ host, Mr. Keith Olbermann, with his Special Comment earlier this evening, ‘Where are the checks, balances?’

Not overlooking the “I’m-Shocked-Shocked-To-Find-Gambling-Going-On-Here” coincidence of the Saddam verdict being announced two-days before the Midterm elections, Olbermann rattled them off, peeling them like an onion and throwing them down at the feet of our Liar-In-Chief.

Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?

Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?

Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?

Funny, as Olbermann delves into, in the final days of campaigning, Oil comes into play, as our Court-Appointed President now offers we have to “Stay The Course”, if only to keep the Oil Markets stable, and out of the hands of “terrorists”

Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you’ve stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you’ve now resorted, sir, to this?

We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?

After reminding the President (as well as anyone viewing) that the Founding Fathers of this country set the whole works up with “checks and balances” (A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes. A Senate would be the corrective force on that House. An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child. A Supreme Court would oversee it all) to which this President, and his administration, has roundly ignored, we, the people still hold a card in the game;


Get out there tomorrow and cast it, before Bush has time to get back on “The Google” and throws another one out there.


Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment - Where are the checks, balances?

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Top Ten Cloves: Ways James Dobson Will Cure Ted Haggard And Offer "Spiritual Restoration"

News Item: James Dobson, 2 Mega-Church Pastors To Lead Haggard's "Spiritual Restoration"...

10. Immediately, have him take down his MySpace profile, “LonelyPastor15”

9. Movie Intervention - Entire weekend viewing of the complete DVD Library of John Wayne films

8. Can you say NASCAR?

7. Lots of appearances on Dr. Laura’s radio show

6. Mandatory attendance at the next Liberty Sunday event

5. Before NFL season ends, have Haggard do Desperate Housewives commercial with Nicolette Sheridan in towel

4. New attire - Plaid Shirts, Chino Pants, Mac Truck Hats and a big, ol’ wad of chaw stuck in his cheek

3. Just in case, have Pat Robertson work up one of his special curses, and have it ready

2. Need to go all the way back to the beginning; Sentence Haggard to a summer at Jesus Camp

1. If all else fails, pay-off Miller Lite to get the men in the Square Room to pass a new Man Law, that it’s okay to get a massage and do crystal meth with a gay male escort

Spiritual Restoration or Man Law lies at the end of Ted Haggard's road

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 5 November 2006

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
is expected to announce this week a new plan to secure Baghdad by deploying "slingshooters" throughout the city

Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz said that he feels "justified" in his beliefs that it was the right thing to do in invading and occupying Iraq and went on to predict that the "hanging of Saddam Hussein should pay for itself"

Already fighting of charges that they orchestrated the verdict of Hussein to come before the Midterm elections, the Bush Administration has a new scandal to deal with, as Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes has been charged with "scalping" tickets to the Saddam hanging

The Bush Administration is going a step further in their plans to not allow detainees to speak about their "robust interrogations" and have put forward a program to also sew their eyes shut

"Me? ... You'll be a Lame Duck Vice President there smiley ... Put that in your Secret Bunker and smoke it!"

In the "Can't-Catch-A-Break" department, former Vice President Al Gore, for the two-days his collegaue, Senator John Kerry, was engulfed in his "botched joke" snafu, Gore frantically waved at reporters and television cameras, in an effort to take the attention away from Kerry, but to no avail - the media ignored Gore

Speaker Pelosi, Best You Make Like A Hockey Player This Week, And Skate With Your Head Up ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Boy does it seem that the Republicans have a thing about sex? ... If it isn’t a Congressman, or a supportive Evangelist Minister, then it’s the whispers and innuendo...

They’ve already thrown the sexist stuff at her, the comments about “measuring for drapes” ... We anticipate we’ll see a peak - check that - a monsoon of grief hurled at Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, before the final votes are cast on Tuesday ...

Another sizzling (Oops, there we go taunting the GOP again) vote this past week in The Garlic’s Weekly Poll

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 29 - November 4 2006

With the campaigns coming down to the final week, and indications showing that the House, at least, will go to the Democrats, and elevating Nancy Pelosi to House Speaker, Pelosi can expect the RNC and GOP to ....

1. Run a new commercial in Tennessee intimating that she shacked up with Harold Ford Jr. Tally 28%

2. Baselessly charge that she supplied illegal drugs to Michael J. Fox for his television commercials Tally 27%

3. Say, that since she comes from San Francisco, it must have been Pelosi that wrote about steamy lesbian scenes, and not Lynne Cheney Tally 23%

3. Conduct a massive, last-minute mailing, warning that, if Pelosi is elected Speaker, she’ll let the terrorists into the country and will force people into Same-Sex Marriages Tally 23%

This week’s Poll - Coming down to the wire, President Bush and his administration will, in all likelihood, spin the guilty verdict of Saddam Hussein in these last two days before the Midterm elections by...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Two more days to throw the mud around

Editor’s Note - The Nation’s “Bring Democracy Home”

Good Evening Garlic Fans

Unless you’ve been dangerously obsessed with ‘Dancing With The Stars’, you’re likely well aware that the 2006 Midterm Elections are taking place this coming Tuesday (Nov. 7th).

Equally, you’ve likely seen the stories about the questions of the new electronic voting machines (or caught the HBO Documentary, ”Hacking Democracy”), you know about the questionable (and at times, out-and-out dirty tricks; Yes, were talking about you, Florida and Ohio) practices of past elections.

Katrina vanden Heuvel, Editor & Publisher of The Nation has a wonderfully editorial that you should take a read on.

Here’s a teaser on it;

The American people are waking up and realizing that for all the Bush Administration's talk of promoting democracy abroad, the US electoral system fails to do the same at home. With the approach of the midterm elections, there is justified alarm about the vulnerabilities of electronic voting machines but this is just one of myriad problems, many of them long-standing, that cry out for reform.

So, in the spirit of democracy promotion at home, in the new issue of The Nation editor Katrina vanden Heuvel offers ten ideas for how to repair and strengthen our broken voting system. Read and circulate them widely.

The Garlic is doing its’ part in circulating them. Take a few minutes to read, and then forward to your friends.

The Nation’s “Bring Democracy Home”

Oh yeah, be sure to vote on Tuesday. If we want to make a change, we need every vote possible.