Saturday, October 29, 2005

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 29 October 2005

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell, still smarting from having to give doctored information to the United Nations, said on Friday that he'd like to give Vice President Dick Cheney and the freshly indicted Lewis "Scooter" Libby a "good backhand" for putting him in that position.

Evidence unearthed by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald may shed light on why recently indicted Congressman Tom DeLay was smiling for his mug shot. Fitzgerald found "talking points" from White House councilors that, if ensnared in the investigation, a reasonable defense of being "too busy to remember details of meetings or telephone calls" should replace the standard and often-used "I can't recollect".

Delay, along with Scooter Libby, is considering using such a defense, saying that "it's not that easy to keep track of laundered money".

The will of the late actor Bob Denver was read this past week. Denver left his entire estate, consisting of a bunch of bananas and a half-completed raft, to the Professor, Ginger and Maryann. Lawyers for Thurston Howell and his wife, as well as a spokesperson for Anna Nicole Smith said they plan to contest the will.

Major League Baseball's Winter Meetings plan on taking up the subject of public displays of affection on the playing field and there is talk of baseball adopting a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Researchers are optimistic at cracking the cause of the spreading Avian Flu. A recent study undertaken shows that birds who watch an average of, at least, four-hours ot televison a day are immune to the disease.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced on Friday that the city has hired teams of sumo wrestlers to ride and patrol the subway system as a defense against possible terrorists.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Friday 28 October 2005

Breaking News!

Libby Indicted, Resigns and At Odds With Cheney Over Defense

VP Holds On To 'Nolo Contendere' In Event Charges Come; Has "No Problem" With Libby Doing Jail Time

Shortly after 12-Noon today, in a Washington D.C. Federal Courthouse, Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald handed-up five counts of indictment against Vice President Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff, and closest advisor, Lewis 'Scooter" Libby.

The charges of obstruction of justice, making a false statement and perjury against Libby stem from the 22-month investigation by Fitzgerald on who in President Bush's administration leaked and revealed the identity of CIA Agent Valerie Plame. With that information being classified, Libby is accused of lying to, and misleading the Grand Jury impaneled by Fitzgerald to investigate this matter.

Karl Rove, President Bush's Special White House Council, and longtime closest adviser, apparently escaped indictment but remained under investigation.

Libby, reportedly, submitted his resignation earlier today, to Chief of Staff Andy Card, as well as to Vice President Dick Cheney. President Bush has issued a statement in which he says he accepts Libby's resignation "with deep regret".

Sources have told The Garlic that a clash is developing between Libby, and his boss, Vice President Cheney.

With Fitzgerald indicating the investigation is still "ongoing", Cheney has allegedly told Libby that he cannot plead "Nolo Contendere", as Cheney is reserving that option should Cheney himself become implicated or indicted.

Cheney remains at the center of this controversy, after information was released that Cheney, in a conversation with former CIA Chief George Tenet, learned the covert identity of Valerie Plame and relayed that information to Scooter Libby.

"They've been going at it big-time this past week," said one senior Capital Hill official. 'I'm talking about screaming matches and, I heard from others, punches being thrown."

There are rumors circulating in Washington that Cheney had Libby "roughed up" and his leg or foot broken.

Libby has been seen in public, the past few days, walking with the aid of crutches.

"I heard that also," said the Hill official. "All I can say is they are at odds, and very heatedly at that. Cheney, supposedly, made it very clear to Libby, months and months ago, that if charges came out of this investigation, "Nolo Contendere" was off-limits to Libby."

Nolo Contendere has not been used by a sitting Vice President or White Office Administration member in over 32-years, when then, Spiro Agnew, President Richard Nixon's Vice President, resigned from office and pleaded Nolo Contendere (which means "No Contest") to tax evasion and bribe charges from his tenure as Governor of Maryland.

Reportedly, when advised that Libby had, indeed, been indicted, Vice President Cheney, showing signs of agitation, stated that he "didn't have a problem" with Libby serving a jail sentence.

"What did they used to tell us when we were young?", said Cheney, "Commit a crime, do the time? That may be the appropriate course of action here."

White House officials have said that both President Bush and Vice President Cheney would be keeping their normal schedules today, with the President taking a block of time out to consult with his "Higher Father".

White House Special Council Karl Rove may be in the background for the moment, escaping indictment today, however Special Proscutor Patrick Fitzgerald hasn't closed his investigation into the CIA Leak Case.

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Google Needs A Lobbyist

10. Saw how the government went after Microsoft when they became a monopoly so just being cautious

9. Have already taken all their employees on junkets three times; Need new bodies

8. They've got more money that Jack Abramoff so why not?

7. Part of the plan to change name of "K Street" to "Goggle Avenue"

6. Following Mark Cuban into movie business; First effort - "Larry and Sergy Go To Washington"

5. Wants to establish East Coast campus and D.C. is just about the right size

4. Isn't this the first step to take when you want to purchase an Indian casino?

3. Once they establish lobbyist, can launch a PAC and funnel money to themselves

2. With plans to talk over telephone business, want to avoid being broken up into a bunch of 'Baby Googles'

1. In order to get Google Print going, need to get rid of those pesky copyright laws

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Thursday 27 October 2005

Breaking News!
Miers Exit Clears Path To Elevate Cheney To High Court

RNC, Mehlman Taking Control Of White House Agenda; Will Ride Religion in 2006 and 2008

Not saying if pressure was applied, the Republican National Committee welcomed the withdrawal of Harriet Miers, and her nomination to the Supreme Court and announced that they will be taking over the White House agenda for the remainder of President's Bush's term.

Miers, presently, and will be remaining, President Bush's White House council, advised the President via letter to pull her nomination, as it "presents a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of the country." Miers also cited the call for executive branch papers and materials from Senate members as another reason she should be withdrawn.

President Bush, in an issued statement, said that "Harriet Miers's decision demonstrates her deep respect for this essential aspect of the Constitutional separation of powers - and confirms my deep respect and admiration for her". Mr. Bush said he would announce a new nominee "in a timely manner".

In a meeting late this morning, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman, rumored to be a possible replacement should Karl Rove be indicted, delivered a letter to President Bush, strongly suggesting that he nominate Vice President Dick Cheney to the Supreme Court, and stating that the RNC will choose the next Vice President.

"With the rancor and divisive split among our party members, and other conservatives," said Mehlman in a briefing following the meeting, "we had to take this step. We need to restore order and discipline to the White House if we are going to keep after 2008."

Mehlman offered that it "makes sense" to place Cheney on the high court.

"He has a thing for secrecy," said the Chairman. "He has his secret bunker, his secret energy meetings, his secret cabal… Secrecy is almost an obsession with Mr. Cheney. The anonymity of the court should allow him his comfort zone in that regard."

"If he doesn't accept the nomination, or is, somehow, rejected by the Senate, then he'll have to resign. We can always cite health reasons, which are totally plausible."

Mehlman wouldn't say who the next Vice President will be but sources close to the RNC and White House say it will likely be Senator George Allen (R-VA).

"We'll have an announcement on that soon. No decisions have been made just yet." said Mehlman.

"The important thing right now is to get back on message and lay out an agenda that Republicans, and the Conservative base can get behind without hesitation."

Mehlman indicated that the RNC plans on "riding religion", through the 2006 Congressional races and "all the way up to November of 2008".

"It's the main issue that can unify us again. After all this hubris clears, we will submit legislation, probably in the next session, to have 'God' inserted more in the Pledge of Allegiance. We want a court fight. We want some liberal or Democrat to fight this all the way to the Supreme Court. We'll have our guys in there now."

Mehlman also hinted that the Ten Commandments will play a key role in the new agenda.

"This is big with the base and we're working on some things that can bring them out to the forefront. Maybe a new flag with the Commandments on them, that will, by law, have to fly under the Stars and Stripes. Perhaps a standardize monument that will have to be placed on the grounds of all federal buildings. We'll have something with the Big Ten, I can guarantee you."

The RNC and Mehlman also want the President to "spread more seeds of Democracy", particularly in the Middle East.

"We're consulting with the PNAC as to how to go about this in the right manner," offered Mehlman. Like, do we invade Iran and Syria simultaneously, or hit them one-at-a-time."

"We haven't used up yet the Weapons of Mass Destruction threat just yet. People can say we're crying wolf, but we know they are out there and, if we have to, we'll go country-to-country over there until we find them."

Mehlman would neither confirm or deny the rumor circulating in Washington the RNC plans on hiring Judith Miller, who, herself, is speculated to be on the way out of the door at the New York Times, to help promote the new Republican agenda.

"She did a fantastic job in the run up to invading Iraq, "gushed Mehlman. "It certainly wouldn't hurt to have her with us on this next leg to 2008."

Vice President Dick Cheney may soon be trading in his cane for a Supreme Court gavel

Top Ten Cloves: How Sean McManus Will Change CBS News

10. Expand "48-Hours" to "72-Hours" to soak up more ratings

9. Will use new Supreme Supreme Court ruling on Eminent Domain to take over NBC and ABC Headquarters and knock them off the air

8. Partner with Donald Trump to see if his 'Apprentice' show can come up with a new, permanent anchor

7. Institute a "halftime" during CBS Evening News

6. Planning to run the 'Early Show' all day long so he can aggregate the ratings into something decent

5. Pay Ashton Kutcher to "Punk" Walter Cronkite so there's at least one reason to watch CBS news programs

4. Bring back Dan Rather, who will check for new National Guard scandals by anyone

3. Why have field reporters? Can dump them, save budget and just make up news each day

2. Run clips of Jimmy The Greek, and digitally alter them so he can lay odds on the top news stories of the day

1. To attract more younger viewers, new dress code for anchors and reporters of gansta and thug attire

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Wednesday 26 October 2005

Buoyed By Iraq Success, White House Examining Writing New U.S. Constitution

Wholesale Changes Seen; Special Prosecutors and Grand Juries Certain To Be Left Out

Sources close to the White House have told The Garlic that there is a frantic project being undertaken in the West Wing, with top cabinet and staff members rushing to complete writing a new Constitution before the anticipated indictments come down from Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald.

"Lights are blazing and it's been a 24/7, full-scale effort," said one former Capital Hill operative.

Others have reported a stream of high profile conservatives, conservative judges and legal scholars coming and going from the White House. Reports also indicated that most of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's staff have taken up temporary offices in the West Wing.

While a lid has been placed on the operation, said to be titled "Shock and Awe II", Secretary Donald Rumsfield, in a impromptu question-and-answer session with reporters at the Pentagon, hinted that something was taking place.

When asked if President Bush would cut off the Special Prosecutor, firing him and extending a Presidential pardon to the possible targets of indictment, Rumsfield sighed and responded;

'Goodness, what a question … I suppose you would have to look at the laws on the books … The Constitution … Heaven's, the fathers of our country never could have envisioned what is going on today … Stuff happens… Administrations can be messy … Running a country is untidy, doesn't always go smoothly … You work with the resources and people you have and you do the best job that you can …"

The Bush Administration has been said to be an a "celebratory" mood, over the voting and passing of a new Iraqi Constitution. And the U.S Transition Team, led first by L. Paul Bremer, "wrote a lot of that Iraqi document".

"I think they've taken the lead by what was done in Iraq and, almost stunningly, realized that they could probably do the same thing here," said one former House staffer. "The President really wants this done."

Sources say that most of the Bill of Rights and the Amendments are being carried into the new proposed Constitution but that there will be "wholesale changes".

"Almost certainly, they have already written into it complete immunity for the Executive Branch. We're talking carte blanche … President, VP, Cabinet members, staffers … The whole team."

It's not clear if the White House can get Congress to act on it in time, to ward of the indictments. With Tom DeLay out of his Majority Leadership role and a cloud hanging over Senate Leader Bill Frist, it could be a tough sell.

"With the Republicans still in control of the Congress, the White House is confident that can pull through the numbers." said the former operative. "They'll likely have to throw in pardons for DeLay and Frist, maybe a few others, to get the deal done."

With reports that the new Constitution is nearly complete, it's being said that it has come down to the language that will outlaw abortion and kill off Roe v. Wade.

"If they include that in the new Constitution, the Conservatives will roll out the red carpet and mobilize the base. It will be a slam dunk."

President Bush, sources say, is said to be so nervous over the possible indictments against members of his staff and cabinet, that he has taken to locking himself in the Oval Office and "cutting out paper figures".

Top Ten Cloves: The White House Is So Worried About The Indictments That …

10. The are searching the West Wing for that list of countries without extradition treaties

9. Attorney General Gonzalez has been instructed to research any precedents that Grand Jurys are illegal

8. Donald Rumsfield is working on a new "Stuff Happens" speech

7. Ordering Condoleezza Rice to get testimonials from other world leaders and to be character witnesses at trials

6. Instructing Ambassador John Bolton to get U.N to do new WMD Inspection; This time, they will let them finish

5. Pressuring Judith Miller to write something negative about Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald

4. Negotiating with The Wilsons and CIA; Will pay to set Valerie Plame up with new identity and covert business

3. President is sitting in Oval Office, waiting and waiting for Higher Father to tell him what to do

2. Karl Rove has begun to smear himself

1. Vice President Cheney checking to see if he can give contract to Halliburton to make the whole mess go away

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tuesday 25 October 2005

ABC Revamps Nightline Again; Plans To Document Bush Administration Downfall

Koppel Still Out As New Theme Ups Anchors to 300+; "Bush/Iraq/CIA Leak This Generations' Crisis" Say Westin

ABC News and Disney-ABC Television announced this morning that they are scraping their plans for a multi-themed, three-anchor, post-Ted Koppel "Nightline" program in favor of an exclusive documentation of the downfall of the Bush Administration.

With Koppel's final anchoring of "Nightline" due on November 22nd, and the new trio of anchors - ABC Chief White House Correspondent Terry Moran, ABC Reporter Cynthia McFadden and from British television, Martin Bashir - scheduled to debut on November 28th, ABC will shift to the new format the day the indictments are issued, presumably against Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Karl Rove and, possibly, other White House staff and officials.

There's even speculation that Vice President Dick Cheney could face charges, or possibly, resign over the scandal. Evidence has reportedly surfaced that it was Cheney who first revealed the name of CIA Agent Valerie Plame

Going back to its' roots, from November 1979, when Koppel's' nightly reporting of "The Iran Crisis--America Held Hostage: Day One" morphed into "Nightline", the new "Nightline" will pay homage with the title of "The Bush Crisis - America and Democracy Held Hostage" and run its course, counting off the days, until the investigations and courts cases are resolved.

"We're not putting any kind of time table on this." offered David Westin, ABC News President.

"This breakdown of the Bush Administration is this generation's Iran hostage situation. Heck, it's even imbued by Watergate. We'll cover this scandal like locusts on the panhandle. This is going to be "Nightline's" and ABC News's story."

Westin indicated that the three-anchor format that was to be implemented will be "woefully inadequate".

"We'll be pulling out all the stops. We're probably looking at 300-to-possibly-400 anchors … Whoever breaks the story of the day … Whoever polls good in our focus groups … The throttle is wide open …"

Along with "Nightline" and ABC News, Westin hasn't rule out the other properties of Disney and ESPN.

"We could utilize ESPN anchors, with breaking news briefs. Or have "Legal Play of the Day … We might run crawlers on Disney and throw it up on the Jumbotrons at the various theme parks."

Anne Sweeney, the president of Disney-ABC Television confirmed that "all resources" will be behind "The Bush Crisis - America and Democracy Held Hostage"

"We plan on kicking Leno's and Letterman's butts," said Sweeney. "We may even push Jimmy Kimmel back and go the full hour."

When asked if Koppel will be included in the roster of anchors, Westin gave a firm "no".

"He's out as soon as the story breaks. We want a clean start, to give some new people the chance at getting a twenty-year gig."

When reached for comment, Koppel says he has "no regrets" with leaving.

"Been there, done that," he offered.

On slow news days during "The Bush Crisis - America and Democracy Held Hostage", "Nightline" may run "primers", a "who's who" in the scandal. Westin even hinted that blogs may be included in the coverage.

"We anticipate an abundance of information that is going to flow out of this," said Westin. "What did Bush know and when did he know it? With Cheney, you have the whole underside of Halliburton and if and how they play into it all. There's the Judy Miller angle and the 'New York Times' being the town crier for the run-up to the war in Iraq. The 'paid' correspondents touting the Administration's policies."

"Heck, even with all the resources we have, the information might overflow what we have. We may have to launch a 'Dayline' program to handle it all."

As reported in Monday's The Garlic, Vice President Dick Cheney hosted meetings of a secret cabal in his secret bunker, where policy was developed over "coffee and Krispy Kremes".

Top Ten Cloves: Other Notes of Scooter Libby Subpoenaed By Special Prosecutor

10. "See if there's room for Pelosi and Reed on that Asian junket. Maybe they'll pick up that bird flu, if we're lucky …"

9. "I think I left my beeper at the strip club last night"

8. "Can you believe he said 'Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job' …" (In an email distributed to Rove, Cheney and Card)

7. "What do I do with the note from Miers, the one saying she'll definitely overturn Roe v Wade?"

6. "Dick, you have to talk to him and get him off that stick … I don't want to get fired if I get caught …"

5. "Novak's on the line … Who's giving him the name, you, me or Rove?"

4. "Don't worry about the WMD's … Miller will write anything we tell her …"

3. "Colin's starting to talk … When do you want the file released? And is it a standard smear or do we let Rove put out he's gay?"

2. "Dick, nice turn by Condi on tv yesterday … Mushroom clouds… That's rich!"

1. "How many No-Bids do we give to Halliburton" (Written four days before Hurricane Katrina struck)

Monday, October 24, 2005

Monday 24 October 2005

Source Says Secret Cabal Not In White House, But In Cheney Secret Bunker

Wing of VP Hideout Dedicated To Iraq War, Neocon Strategy; Decisions Made Over Coffee and Krispy Kremes

A former senior Hill operative has told The Garlic that the secret cabal, which includes Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield and others is not physically located in the White House, but in VP Cheney's Secret Bunker.

Last week, Lawrence Wilkerson, a retired Army colonel who served as chief of staff to Secretary of State Colin Powell, stated in a speech at the New America Foundation, an independent public policy institute, said that the cabal of Cheney, Rumsfield and a small group of insiders, made "aberrations, bastardizations, perturbations, changes to the national security decision-making process".

The "small group of insiders" is believed to include among others, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Special White House Council Karl Rove, Lewis "Scooter: Libby, Cheney's Chief of Staff, former cabinet member Paul Wolfiwitz, and White House Iraq Group (WHIG) member Karen Hughes.

Wilkerson said that, when the time came to implement the decisions, they were "presented in such a disjointed, incredible way that the bureaucracy often didn't know what it was doing as it moved to carry them out."

The source told The Garlic that Vice President Cheney's Secret Bunker is "huge".

"It's probably about 30,000, to 40,000 square feet and has multiple levels. It has all the comfort amenities that one would want and has state-of-the-art technologies … Equipment even the Pentagon and other agencies don't have."

According to the source, many of the meetings discussing the policy for the war and occupation of Iraq were made in a special level of the bunker that required "extremely high security and clearance".

"They'd bring in coffee and Krispy Kremes and bang out the details."

This special wing of the Cheney's Secret Bunker was so "under the radar" that "even President Bush didn't know about it".

Wilkerson, in his speech, gives credibility to that, as he said that "you've got a president who is not versed in international relations and not too much interested in them either."

"They made these decisions, to cook the intelligence to go to war and then stomp on any critics of it from the bunker," the senior official said. "Then Cheney, Rice or Rumsfield would go over to the White House and tell the President what was going down. He was pretty clueless and out of the loop on most of it."

It's not clear, now that it has been exposed, if the cabal will continue to operate out of the Secret Bunker. Or if the possible indictments that may come this week against Rove and Libby will force the closure of it.

"It most likely will," said the source. "One of the reasons to run it out of the bunker was for legal reasons and plausible deniability. They already have the spin machine ready to roll on it, call it hogwash and an irresponsible charge. It's all built into the cabal. They expected this and have the info ready to shout it down."

As to Rove and Libby, it's doubtful the indictments will effect the cabal. However, it does give them a pretty big chip to play if it looks like they could get jail time."

Speculation is running that, if Rove were to be indicted, that RNC Head Ken Mehlman would replace Rove in the White House.

The Garlic asked the source if that would translate to Mehlman taking Rove's place in the secret cabal.

'Doubtful, said the source. 'The RNC has their own secret cabal and I would expect Mehlman to stay with that one."

President Bush was said to be "clueless" about the Secret Cabal that operates out of Vice President Cheney's secret bunker

News In Brief - 24 October 2005

New Tape From Al Qaeda Suggests Following NBA With Dress Code

Bin Laden Calls For "More Professionalism"; Suits and Ties When On The Clock

Intelligence agencies, The Garlic learned today, are examining a new tape from Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin-Laden, in which he appears agitated and is calling for a dress code for his followers.

Citing the new NBA dress code issued last week by Commissioner David Stern, bin-Laden says, according to a source who as seen the videotape, that he wants his followers to look "more professional" as they go about their terror missions.

"He definitely looks agitated and distressed," said the source.

Bin-Laden appears in the video in a Calvin Klein tuxedo, and has a walking stick. Intelligence agents are examining the tape for clues if the walking stick is part of his new formal ensemble, or if the Al-Qaeda leader is suffering from an illness or injury.

"It looks like a European-cut suit," says Paula Malady, a analyst for the think tank All Things Terror, which specializes in Middle East affairs, who has seen excerpts of the tape. "Could be London or Paris, so that raises the question if bin-Laden has the ability to travel or, if he's doing mail-order."

In the tape, bin-Laden lays down a dress code of suit and tie attire, with polished dress shoes. No neck jewelry or rings are allowed and for those terrorist that don't comply with the edict, bin-Laden threatens harsh penalties, including the removal from the suicide bomb roster.

"He'll get compliance," says Malady. "Being taken off the suicide bomb list is like a slap in the face to Allah, so these guys will clean up their act."

Malady says this new tape is likely to stretch intelligence agencies thin, as now tailors around the world will have to be researched and monitored.

Top Ten Cloves: How RNC Is Planning To Spin Possible Rove/Libby Indictments

10. Will get President to withdraw Harriet Miers nomination if Special Prosecutor drops charges

9. Gets President Bush to slap Rove and Libby's wrist so everyone get move forward

8. Will blame Governor Blanco and Mayor Nagin for troubles

7. Rove and Libby claim Executive Privilege and tie up case in court for years

6. If Judith Miller can't remember who gave her Plame's name, how can we believe she spoke with Libby?

5. Rove couldn't have committed crime; Too busy preparing to smear 2006 Democrat Congressional candidates

4. Will get columnist Robert Novak to out Special Prosecutor's wife

3. Have CIA turn up intelligence that Wilson and Plame set up a sting operation and entrapped Rove and Libby

2. Since he lied to the U.N, change a few documents and put all the blame on Colin Powell

1. Say that Rove and Libby thought Grand Jury was part of Ashton Kutcher's "Punked" show and they just played along