Thursday, April 13, 2006

Happy Holidays!

Good Afternoon Garlic Fans

The Garlic, with the various holy holidays upon us, is going to take a (much-needed) mini-break, and will resume our usual posting on Monday, 19 April 2006 (Patriot’s Day, here in the Hub, or, for the sports fans, Boston Marathon Day)

Before you leave, don’t forget to place your vote in this week’s Garlic Poll.

And, you can catch up on our archives, or peruse the linked posts below

Happy Holidays (all of them)!



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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Breaking News - Rice Grilled; Shouting Match With Bolton

U.N Questions Rice On Iran Intentions

U.S. Urges ‘Strong Steps”; Council Presses Secretary If Adding To “Thousands Of Errors” Or Starting New Tab

Shortly after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asked the United Nations Security Council today, to take "strong steps" against Iran, for their expansion of their nuclear technology, Rice was grilled in a private session over U.S. intentions.

“We got the short end of the stick when it came to Iraq,” said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, as he emerged from the session. “We want to get the full story, the true story in advance this time.”

Sources say Rice was “surprised” by the Council asking for the private session, and hopes that the delay in taking action against Iran, won’t “come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”

Rice was pressed on how far the White House has gone with planning for war with Iran and, if this is an extension of their Iraq operations, or a stand-alone, separate effort.

President Bush said yesterday, that reports of Iran War plans were "just wild speculation".

Neither the White House, nor the United Nations would confirm reports of an altercation between Secretary Rice and U.S. Ambassador John Bolton.

Witness report of a shouting match between the two, before Rice addressed the Security Council, with Bolton “red-faced and screaming” that Rice “walk in there, get the sanctions, get the war approval”.

Then U.N. was also seeking, for possible future policies, if the pending Iran actions will be added to the “thousands of tactical errors” Rice has already admitted the United States committed in Iraq, or if they are “starting a new tab.”

“We hope, “said French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy, “that the United States now knows the difference between real, functioning nuclear facilities, and broken down trailers strewn about the desert.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was grilled by the U.N. today, if the pending Iran actions will be added to the “thousands of tactical errors” Rice has already admitted the United States committed in Iraq, or if they are “starting a new tab.”

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard While Iran Was Enriching Uranium

News Item: Iran Announces Plans to Expand Nuclear Program

10. I hope that, if they do sanctions on us, that the don’t block that “American Idol” show on satellite

9. I’m pulling a double-shift tomorrow ... I have to drive a bunch of terrorists into Iraq before I come in here

8. I don’t know how good their equipment will be, but the Russians sure can make some good Vodka

7. Don’t worry about safety – I’ve been watching and studying that Jane Fonda film about “Three Kilometer Island

6. I heard that the Americans are going to make all their Illegal Aliens join the Army so they can invade us

5. Hey, were your shoes glowing when we first came in here?

4. I wonder why Aljazeera didn’t go after Katie Couric ... She’s not going to fit in there at CBS

3. If something happens, and we get killed doing this, how many virgins do we get?

2. How many broken down trailers are we going to place around the desert for Bush to find?

1. When do we announce that we’ve signed a contract with Halliburton?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

“They’re coming here for the American experience”

Rumsfeld Weighs In On Immigration Battle; Won’t Tie It To War With Iran

Suggests Army Recruiting Woes Could Be Solved With Mandatory Service By Illegal Aliens

In a freewheeling exchange with reporters this afternoon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld suggested that “a stint in the Army” would solve the immigration problem facing the country.

With growing demonstrations – hundreds-of-thousands of pro-immigration marchers descended on the nation’s capital yesterday, with upwards of a million, or more, in other cities around the country - and fierce, contentious battles in Congress over legislation, around border security, guest workers, amnesty or criminal charges, Rumsfeld says there’s “much too fuss over all this.”

“Any Joe can rile up a bunch of people and get them to march down the street. That’s nothing new.”

“Simply a logical solution”

Asked a follow-up question, Rumsfeld said flatly, “Conscripts,”

“We simply make it a policy, if you want to enter this country, or, if we find out you’ve entered illegally, you serve a stretch in the Army, or go back to whatever village or bungalow you came from.”

With recruitment for the Army, and other military services, down so far this year, following the worst year in recruiting since 1979, Rumsfeld said that “it simply a logical solution” and “would see no problem” in mandating undocumented workers to serve in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Rumsfeld bristled at that this would be unfair, or that it was comparable to Representative Dana Rohrabacher’s (R-CA) plan to “let the prisoners pick the fruits," while endorsing legislation that would place felony criminal charges on over 12-Million illegal immigrants.

“They’re coming here for the American experience”

‘That’s absurd,” Rumsfeld squinted. ““They’ll get three-squares-a-day and it pays a helluva lot better then picking lettuce, or grapes, or whatever it is they do ...”

“I mean,” added the Secretary, “they’re coming here for the American experience ... the American Dream ... What could possibly embody that more than by serving in your country’s armed forces?”

Asked if he, or the Pentagon, would make special accommodations for such illegal immigrants to enter the military, such as bi-lingual instructions, or the need for interpreters, Rumsfeld glared at the reporter.

“Now think about that for a second,” Rumsfeld shot back, dripping with disdain. “In the heat of battle, you, or some other bleeding-heart liberal, is going to expect the U.S. Army to issue dictionaries, with bullets flying overhead, and bombs bursting in front of you, so the commander of the unit can issue orders in two languages? What planet are you from?”

Rumsfeld said he would expect any such conscript to learn English, before they get to boot camp.

“I suspect a great many of them already speak English. The busboy at the restaurant I like to go to knows all the television shows ... the sports scores. Sure, he has an accent, but he speaks English fine.”

We leave that kind of thing to the Vice President and his crew

Rumsfeld was asked if he would push for legislation to enact his illegal alien conscript plan in time to bulk up the military for the War in Iran.

“Ah ha,” grinned the Secretary.

“You’re trying to get me to say something I don’t want to say. You want me to leak some secret plans or something.”

“We don’t play that game over here at the Pentagon,” added Rumsfeld, “Something of that nature could be the difference between life and death ... We leave that kind of thing to the Vice President and his crew.”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, on the massive pro-immigration demonstrations said that “Any Joe can rile up a bunch of people and get them to march down the street ..."

Top Ten Cloves: Things The Washington Nationals Will Have To Worry About With Dick Cheney Throwing Out First Ball

News Item: Washington Nationals announce Vice President Dick Cheney to throw Opening Day ceremonial first pitch

10. Have to make sure he doesn’t selectively leak signs to New York Mets

9. Will make some lame speech about how good the Nationals are and the league is in its’ final throes against them

8. During Secret Service security sweep of stadium, need to hide, out-of-sight, any workers who are illegal aliens

7. Have to allow Halliburton and KBR run the concessions while Cheney is in the stadium

6. All the extra security they have to post around the stadium, looking out for mushroom clouds

5. Big screen Jumbotron must be tuned into Fox News

4. Have to explain, like last year with President Bush, if game ends in tie, extra innings played - he doesn’t get to break tie

3. Getting any elderly fans out of the throwing area by the Vice President

2. Will have to demonstrate to Vice President, many fans wear T-Shirts to game, it’s not a Cindy Sheehan protest

1. Starts badgering the ballplayers - For the right amount of money, can get President Bush to classify their drug tests

Monday, April 10, 2006

CIA Memo Aimed At Protecting Agent and Agency

White House Iran War Rhetoric Has CIA Nervous, Taking Precautions

Gallows Humor Sprouts “Outted Pool” At Langley; Agents Suggested To Warn Spouses Of Writing Critical Op-Eds

According to high-level sources, the Central Intelligence Agency has launched an internal program to protect themselves from the White House, as the Bush Administration begins building up plans to invade and go to war with Iran.

The Garlic has been told, that with the leaker of Valerie Plame’s identity still not apprehended, top officials at the agency don’t rule out that person, or persons, striking again, crippling additional covert agents and operations.

Wilson Demands White House ‘Come Clean”

It was Plame’s husband, former Ambassador Joseph Wilson who launched the White House into action, defending their reasons to go to war in Iraq, after Wilson wrote and Op-Ed article that appeared in the New York Times, critical of the Bush Administration’s claims that Saddam Hussein was seeking to purchase nuclear materials.

In the process of discrediting and smearing Wilson, the name of his wife, Valerie Plame, covert CIA Agent, was leaked to the media. Wilson, appearing on the ABC News program "This Week with George Stephanopoulos” said "I think it is long past time for the White House to come clean on all of this."

One element of the precautions, ordered from Director Porter Goss, is that the CIA hasn’t ruled out giving the Bush Administration doctored, or dummied information, to see, first, if they cherry-pick or leak portions of it to bolster their version of any “threats”.

“They got burned pretty bad by the prelude for Iraq,” said Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em', “and the Plame thing, They know it and they aren’t going to be put in that same position again.”

Larsen offers that steps have already been taken, from as early as when the Plame story first broke.

“Cheney is all but persona non gratis at Langley. Any calls from the Vice President, as well as Hadley [Stephen; Assistant to the President For National Security Affairs], and, formerly, Scooter Libby, were rerouted and monitored. They want a paper trail and documentation on any requests coming in from this crew.”

I. Lewis ‘Scooter” Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney’s former Chief of Staff, is currently awaiting trial, on Federal charges of lying and obstructing justice related to the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name.

Gallows Humor and New Pact With Reporters

Larsen, as well as additional sources say that the threat from the Bush Administration is viewed internally by the CIA as “above critical” and that gallows humor has set in among the agents in the field.

Covert agents have begun an “Outting Pool”, betting that, in the build-up to invading Iran, one of them, or their operations, will be disclosed by a member of the Bush Administration. The pool is said to be in the “high six-figures” and that intelligence agencies in Great Britain, Germany and Israel have similar pools.

Reportedly, the CIA has negotiated terms with Chicago Sun-Times Columnist Robert Novak that he will not plant in any of his writings the identity of undercover agents. It was Novak’s column that first disclosed Plame’s identity.

A similar agreement was reached with Time Magazine’s Matthew Copper, however, efforts to reach a similar accord with former New York Times reporter Judith Miller are stalled, apparently, on Miller’s refusal to commit to spending time in jail again, if subpoenaed by the Justice Department.

The Washington Post’s Bob Woodward refused to talk with the CIA, and would not confirm if he already has information that President Bush is planning on invading Iran, if he knows that the Bush Administration is planning on outting a CIA Agent related to war with Iran, nor would he say if he will write about it, or when he would write about it, if the situation were to develop.

CIA Memo Aimed At Protecting Agent and Agency

A memo circulated to all personnel last Friday suggested precautions agents and management could take, as the Bush Administration regurgitates its Iraq war rhetoric and applies it to Iran.

Among the actions highlighted, included;

- Don’t write, or have your spouse write, Op-Ed articles critical of the Bush Administration

- Don’t appear on any cable news programs (we’re still checking about Fox) and offer evidence refuting Administration claims

- Absolutely do not accept any fact-finding missions, or other assignments, from Vice President Dick Cheney

- If the White House puts pressure on you for intelligence, and no supervisors are present, provide them the G5 Shadow Scenarios until such time proper verification of the request can be made

CIA doesn’t know who to trust in the White House

One of the biggest threats the CIA fears is the newly launched White House Iraq and Iran Group (WHIIG).

This new group, and offshoot of WHIG – The White House Iraq Group – which was formed in the summer of 2002, to market the Iraqi War, or, as the group stated, to provide "public education" about Iraq's "grave and gathering danger" to the United States.

The White House has not publicly acknowledged WHIIG, and it is not known who the members are, or what their stated goals may encompass.

“What really worries the CIA,” said Larsen, “is that WHIG, or WHIIG, is a marketing group, it’s not policy ... And being based in the White House, or the Vice President’s office, they have, what amounts to, unlimited resources and budget ... The CIA can’t compete with that, even with their black holes and undercover business operations.”

“Right now,” added Larsen, “the CIA doesn’t know who to trust in the White House.”

Vice President Dick Cheney is said to be "persona non gratis" at CIA Headquarters

Top Ten Cloves: Ways The White House Celebrated Iraqi Freedom Day

News Item: Iraqi Freedom Day

10. Served cake in the shape of a mushroom cloud

9. Former CIA Director George Tenet come in for symbolic slam dunk of Oval Office Nerf Basketball

8. Watched the first screening of White House Iraq Group’s new special highlights DVD

7. Had new banner made – “Mission Almost Accomplished”

6. Played drinking game – Everyone had to name one of the “thousand tactical errors” or down a Jello shot

5. All business - Ordered everybody in on a Sunday to work on plans for “Iran Freedom Day”

4. For entertainment, had Vice President Cheney do his “Insurgency In Final Throes” routine

3. Played along as President Bush kept classifying and declassifying the party

2. Asked Judge in Hussein trial for One-Day Pass, so Saddam could be toppled, live, for Iraqi television reenactment

1. President Bush sought input about naming Harriet Meirs to replace Ibrahim al-Jaafari as Prime Minister

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 9 April 2006

"No, you see, when I do it, it's for the good of the country... That means, for all the American citizens ...Everybody ... Not just a few ... For all ... Everybody ... See what I mean ... It's what I do ... The type of decisions I have to make ... Decisions for everybody... Good decisions for all Americans ... For everybody in the country ..."

In Iraq, former dictator Saddam Hussein, said he agreed, in principle with President Bush, that a leader should be able to do anything he wants, but disagreed about leaking classified information to rebut critics.

"I just simply execute them,” said Hussein

World Bank Leader Paul Wolfowitz took some time off recently, to enjoy one of his favorite activities - Indigenous Dancing

As soon as this thing is over, I'm gonna show you a thousand errors, little Miss Stateswoman, and not one of them will be figurative

"Hmmmm .... With Frist screwing up as he is, and I've always thought Harry was a pretty good guy ... If I stay out of the Immigration fight, and stick with the Wiretaps, maybe I become the Senate Leader ..."

Katie Couric said she can't wait to become CBS Evening News Anchor and hopes the President's Leak story is still a hot issue, saying she has a wonderful expose she can do, on 'How To Handle Leaks and Other Pesky Household Projects To Keep Those Handyman Bills Down"

Garlic Poll Results

With another week of furious voting, the results are in for The Garlic's Weekly Poll of last week, April 2 - April 8 2006

And the winner is for what “President Bush Believes That Global Warming Is Really ...”

1. A setting on new, high-tech microwave ovens 46%

2. The hot punk-ska band White House interns are listening to 28%

3. The next Steven Spielberg blockbuster 16%

4. One of the subjects from the “No Child Left Behind” policy that the DOE tossed out 11%

This week’s Poll - When President Bush Decides To Declassify Intelligence In Order To Leak It, He First ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote