Saturday, August 11, 2007

A Lot of Heads ... A Lot of Asses ... And A Whole Boatload of Pulling

Geesh, where's the Freak Show been hiding this guy?

Does he have an eye patch, ala Ann Coultergist? ...Or is he just the passive butt-kisser, ala Little Billy Kristolnacht?

It looks like this weekend is shaping up to be a "Pulling-Your-Head-Out-Of-Your-Ass-Palooza"

Astonishingly, Philadelphia Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky put into print the ultimate (well, maybe No.2. - Attacking Iran is still pretty high up there) Neocon wet dream, in his missive on Thursday, "To save America, we need another 9/11"

My God, does he know what this does?

No doubt, the Vice President's chest started thumping like the Grambling State Marching Band ... Rick Santorum snapped on his beanie cap and dug out his "How To Find WMD's" kit ... Kate O’Beirne, the poor dear, got cramps, sitting in front of the mirror, practicing pursing her lips in disdain, in anticipation of being next week's pin-up girl on the cable news programs ... Bill O'Reilly... Well, Bill-O didn't quite know what to do with his loofah in the morning shower, he was so trembling with excitement ...

And, equally sublime, the Freak Show and Smear Machines rolled out the red carpet for good, ol' Stu.

The Sludge Report ... Fox Noise (a double hit - morning show and with the Big Head, John Gibson) ... Townhall ...

The gist of Stu's pornography is that the country is torn apart, not following in lockstep our The Commander Guy, and rallying around his lying that led to the invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation.

We were there, right after September 11th, but "America likes wars shorter than the World Series."

And this;

America's fabric is pulling apart like a cheap sweater.

What would sew us back together?

Another 9/11 attack.

The Golden Gate Bridge. Mount Rushmore. Chicago's Wrigley Field. The Philadelphia subway system. The U.S. is a target-rich environment for al Qaeda.

So, rather than having an Executive Branch (both Bush's and Cheney's) that doesn't lie, obscure, hide and conduct the nation's affairs in secret, out CIA agents, smear and destroy critics, one that will uphold the law, respect the Constitution, not overrule legislation with Signing Statements, we should endure and suffer another horrible deadly attack in order to break out the jingoistic pom-poms again.

And to help Stu along, today's Que Sera Sera moment?
Good morning. In America, August is considered a slow news month. But in the war on terror, America and our allies remain on the offense against our enemies. And this month, we've had some encouraging news from both Afghanistan and Iraq
The Commander Guys' Weekly Radio Address.

Too bad Stu didn't direct his outrage where the disaster he desires is already occurring ...The utter destruction of the U.S. Constitution ... There's a whole lot of carnage there that he can drool over ...

Bonus Links

Think Progress: Right-Wing Media Give Favorable Platform To ‘Another 9/11′ Columnist

Newshounds: Lunacy 101: Stu Bykofsky Suggests That Another 9-11 Attack Would Bring Us All Together!

Larisa Alexandrovna: Bush declares Congress, courts, and, rule of law null and void...

Truthout: Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq

Friday, August 10, 2007

Move Over McCain, Rudy Says He Can Jump The Shark Better Than You!

This is going to be fun ...

Those GOP candidates, perhaps feeling inferior and insecure since the poll came out that indicated voters' first choice was "None of the above", are falling all over themselves.

We had Make-Up Mitt, this week, equate his sons working on his campaign as the same type of brave, unselfish service to the country as going off to war.

Pretty close to a shark jump, but, perhaps, more a foot-in-mouth gaffe along the lines of admitting you strapped your family dog to the car roof on a long road trip.

Back in April, perhaps the beginning of his campaign just starting to get drowsy, the suspended lull before the big nap, we had Senator John McCain's (R-AZ) shark-jumping moment, taking his Sunday stroll through a Baghdad market, declaring how safe and sane it was, but not really talking, and then making a fuss about it, as to his body armor and the gun-toting helicopter escort.

Now we have "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani slapping on the water skies and lining up that shark;

"I was at ground zero as often, if not more, than most of the workers. ... I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them."
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy ...

You might have just come out and bellowed "I am the great and powerful Oz!"

Or, are we saving that, almost fated moment, for Fred Thompson?

Update/Bonus Links

Talking Points Memo: 'He had his own elevator'

Village Voice - Wayne Barrett: Rudy Giuliani's Five Big Lies About 9/11

"I am the great and powerful Rudy! ... America's Mayor! ... Mister 9-11!"

Are The Gitmo Lawyers Playing Bunco Squad To Our Blank Check Club? ... Let's Hope So

Perhaps there is hope, after all ...

Creature, over on The Reaction, has this post today that's worth taking a look at;

"Neither Congress nor the president has the power to repeal the Fourth Amendment’s warrant requirements"

It wouldn't be a bad thing if the Judge in the case stops The Commander Guy dead in his tracks, while, at the same time, giving a firm backhand to The Blank Check Club in the process ...

Bonus Links

Los Angeles Times: Spy chief's role in espionage bill questioned

Think Progress - Greenwald: New FISA Law Means Admin ‘Can Listen To Every Single International Call That You Make’

Washington Post - Walter Pincus: Same Agencies to Run, Oversee Surveillance Program

"We're Listening"

OOPS! We Almost Forgot ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor's Note: Mea Culpa! ...

I took, sort of, a mental vacation this week, totally forgetting to post the results of last weeks' Garlic Poll ...

Truth-be-told, it was needed ... I was dangerously close to going Howard Beal and filling The Garlic with post-after-post, ranting against our Congress (The Blank Check Club), and how they tanked it and caved on the FISA vote.

And the vacations - both in Iraq, and here in our country, are almost enough to heat up those Howard Beal vibes all over again.

It's the SOS ad infinitum

Bush: The 'Surge" is working ...
Reality: ‘Surge Is A Failure,’ Warns There Is ‘Major PR Effort Going On’

The Commander Guy, just yesterday, says everything is swell and the troops aren't going anywhere and we're staying in Iraq, to "change the conditions that caused 19 kids to be lured onto airplanes to come and murder our citizens".

The problems in Iraq aren't military, but political, and the Iraq government is on the verge of collapse.

Cue the movie, 'Q & A', at the end of it, when a young idealistic, naïve district attorney (Timothy Hutton), gets serenaded by the grizzled, corrupt Chief of Homicide (Patrick O'Neal) with "Que Sera Sera".

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 30 - August 6, 2007

The Iraqi Government is going on vacation for the month of August, which means ...

1. Meeting with their militias to get an update on the insurgency Tally 44%

2. A nice, quiet resort in Iran Tally 22%

3. A junket to meet with Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) on how to double the size of their homes Tally 21%

4. They'll issue a letter on how to interpret Crony General Alberto Gonzales testimony Tally 13%

This week’s Poll - The World Weekly News is shutting down ... It's final headline should be ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Nouri al Maliki ... You're country is in flames and your government is in shambles, what are you going to do? ...

"I'm going to Disneyland!"

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things About First Lady and Daughter Writing A Children's Book

News Item: First lady, Jenna Bush to write children's book

10. Not worried about it being good, after all, you go with the book you have, not the book you might have or wish to have at a later time

9. Plans on printing book on recycled paper, just to get "Al Gore and all those global warming wing nuts off our backs"

8. Instant bestseller - Has President write new Signing Statement, making it mandatory for everyone to purchase book

7. Thinking about having a classmate of main character who lies all the time and will base it on Crony General Alberto Gonzales

6. Will adhere to proper spelling, since, "And many books are stable But, of course, what we see in books is the one misspelled word a day that discourages everybody."

5. Lynne Cheney will be badgering them to put in a "steamy lesbian scene"

4. Story is about a "second-grade boy who doesn't like to read" ... Absolutely not based on the President

3. Mitt Romney has already announced he won't be upset if his sons don't read the book

2. Jenna will write that boys' teacher goes on wild, drunken South American trip during spring vacation

1. Brings up the whole My Pet Goat' business

Bonus Links

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

"What If Spartacus Had To Account For 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols ..."

Maybe the Golden Boy's golden dog ate the paperwork ...

A story, reported on Monday, indicated that 30% of weapons ( out of 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols) that were issued to Iraqi Security Forces can't be accounted for, and likely are in the hands of insurgents currently battling and attacking U.S. Forces.

Also included in this incredible loss, was 125,000 pieces of body armor and 115,000 helmets.

And when did this happen?

"But the GAO said weapons distribution was haphazard and rushed and failed to follow established procedures, particularly from 2004 to 2005, when security training was led by Gen. David H. Petraeus, who now commands all U.S. forces in Iraq."

Bush's Golden Boy ... His September Song ...

So, how does the Bush Grindhouse blow this one off and sweep it under the rug?

Send the Golden Boy to Fox News, in this case, the "Alan Colmes Show" on Fox News Radio

And the Spartacus-like answer?

"We occasionally likened it to building the world's largest aircraft while in flight and while being shot at," the general said. "But we gradually started putting those procedures into place."

And then later in the Post article;

"That type of decision was something that we made at the time because those forces needed those weapons and that equipment," Petraeus told Colmes. "We weren't going to stay there in the dark and make guys do a serial-number inventory and sign them up, and that is what happened. We believe those weapons all certainly were given to Iraqi units."

Newshounds offers a more classic, Pentagon-bureaucratic response, from the Colmes interview;

Colmes: Are you saying you have a sense of where those 190,000 weapons are? Or is there a good chance that some of them fell into the hands of the insurgency? And how do you prevent this from happening again?

Petraeus: Well, we did in fact take measures, Alan... (We) created first our own logistical structures... we gradually started putting those procedures into place, got them really established, I'd say, in the summer of 2005 and then built from there...Over time those procedures were put in place and I think the GAO acknowledges that and notes that fact."

Colmes: How many of those weapons do you think could be in the hands of our enemies?

Petraeus: I don't know.
Boy, the Bush Grindhouse is really making it's Golden Boy work for his supper.

It wasn't that long ago, that this 30% loss of weapons, likely being used against us now, would have gotten a cold, snorted huff of "stuff happens" from Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld.

So, I guess things in Iraq are improving.

"What if Spartacus had a The Commander Guy like Bush ... "

Three For The Taking Today ... The Foreign Policy Brouhaha

Hmmm ... This may just have to become a regular feature to offer our faithful readers ....

It was one of those posts, that had a number of links that lead to other great posts, filling in and expanding the context, further showing what an utter disaster the Bush Grindhouse has visited upon our country, and the rest of the world.

We point you first to Glenn Greenwald's "The foreign policy community", illustrating how all the dwarfs, finks, phonies and frauds that have led us into the horrible invasion and occupation of Iraq, and who continue to sing the praises of it, are the same ones attempting to control the discussion on our future foreign policy.

Which, of course, touches on the live wire shooting off sparks from Senator Barak Obama's comments the past few days, as to how he would conduct U.S. Foreign Policy, and the War On Terrorism, that has been amplified in the past few Democrat Candidate debates.

Greenwald offers the link to a The Atlantic post that contains a memo from Samantha Power, the Founding Executive Director, Harvard University Carr Center for Human Rights Policy, firmly standing behind Obama in her missive titled "Re: Conventional Washington versus the Change We Need" and Powers hits it out-of-the-park reaffirming the above-referenced disaster.

Greenwald then closes it out with an "Update", asking "Where was the Foreign Policy Community -- our establishment "scholars" -- when all of this was happening?", which leads to a great Digby post "The Banality Of Dick Cheney's Evil" and yet another sizzling indictment of the current foreign policy.

After reading these, you don't have get a brain cramp, wondering why an awful lot of people around the world don't like us very much.

Top Ten Cloves: How Barry Bonds Celebrated Breaking Hank Aaron's Homerun Record Last Night

News Item: Bonds Sets Baseball's Home Run Record; Giants Slugger Passes Aaron With No. 756

10. Delay in ceremony, as crowd had to wait for Bonds to take other steroids that would make him happy

9. Flexing his muscles for the news media registered on local San Francisco seismographs

8. Blew out the 756 candles on the giant cake with the slightest, softest little puff

7. Team announced, in honor of the accomplishment, changing name to San Francisco Barry Bonds

6. Instead of teammates carrying him on shoulders, Bonds carried teammates on his

5. Jumbo screen congratulations video from Hank Aaron caused crowd to gasp - Bonds' head was bigger

4. Feat brought Bonds to tears; Grounds crew had to scurry out to place tarp on field, causing 30-minute delay

3. Instead of his family or teammates, Bonds lifted and hugged AT&T Park

2. With his incredible strength, jumped from 1st base into McCovey Cove

1. Announced, with new, and future Human Growth Hormones, promises to hit another 756 homeruns

Bonus Links

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Second Palmeiro Bombshell: Tests Positive For Cialis

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Goodbye Bat Boy! ... Rumors True, World Weekly News Shutting Down!

Those wonderful, delicious, screaming headlines ...

If this weekend's FISA Vote didn't take the wind out of your sails, the news today (and there's been various rumors/sightings on-line in the past few weeks) that the tabloid World Weekly News is shutting down.

What will happen to Bat Boy? ... Will Elvis slink away into the obscurity of Michigan? ... Who will report about the Space Aliens and Big Foot? ... Where's Ed Anger going to vent? ...

Peter Carlson in today's Washington Post has a great article on the hilarity the WWN has provided it's faithful readers for nearly the past 30-years;

All the News That Seemed Unfit to Print

You can visit the World Weekly News on-line here

And before you leave, go up to the right-hand corner of The Garlic and cast your vote for what should be the final, screaming World Weekly News headline

Monday, August 06, 2007

Romney Aide Instrumental In Exposing Fake Steve Jobs

Stalked Internet Cafes, Wearing Black Turtlenecks, Even Passing Himself Off As The FSJ

Sources have told The Garlic today that Jay Garrity, the disgraced former director of operations of Mitt Romney's presidential campaign, was "extremely instrumental" in exposing the hi-tech world's most burning secret - who is the Fake Steve Jobs.

New York Times reporter Brad Stone writes in today's edition that Daniel Lyons, a senior editor at Forbes magazine, is the person behind the hilarious and biting satire blog that has rocked Silicon Valley for more than the past year.

A bevy of news publications, magazines and everybody and their cousin were attempting to guess, and out, the Fake Steve Jobs over the past year.

"Garrity really broke this thing wide open," said Harry Connell, Managing Editor of "iSqueal Monthly", a magazine that gives tips to Apple users in navigating the company's iSqueal Hotline, and publishing the best of the iSqueal recordings.

Employing his skills at impersonating police officers, Garrity attempted to find "Steve Jobs", in a misguided effort that would enhance the Romney campaign.

Believing that Jobs, and Apple, had recently purchased YouTube (it was Google that made the deal), Garrity planned to intimidate "Steve Jobs", using his phony badge and other fake police paraphernalia into promoting and highlighting Romney on YouTube.

Romney, recently on the campaign trail, confused YouTube with MySpace.

Garrity, in his pursuit of "Steve Jobs", went to great lengths, flying back-and-forth between the two coasts, and stalking internet cafes, often donning a black turtleneck jersey, and passing himself off at time as the "Fake Steve Jobs", in an effort to dig up new leads.

It's not clear the connection between Garrity and Stone, but Connell believes that it may be that Garrity, when he was with the Romney campaign, donning sunglasses and ear piece, flashing his fake badge, pulled Stone over in one of his phony security warnings to reporters getting too close to Romney.

"He helped sniff this thing out," said Connell.

Neither Stone or Lyons would confirm or deny any contact with Garrity, and Garrity could not be reached for comment.

Unconfirmed rumors, according to Connell, say that Garrity is now passing himself off as "FBI", and is in the process of launching a blog, "Fake Robert Mueller".

"There's been a spike of calls to iSqueal," offered Connell. "People that have come in contact with Garrity, they're not sure, if it is Steve Jobs, or the Fake Steve Jobs who is presenting himself as FBI."

Bonus Link

The Trial of Fake Steve Jobs

Is it Steve Jobs, Daniel Lyons, or, former Romney Aide Jay Garrity?

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Garlictorial: The Blank Check Club

"Come visit me sometime, my boy; Even you will take off your hat when you see how respected I am there. Only the day before yesterday, they wanted to make me their legislature - the whole legislature. I don't know what they mean by that, but it must be the greatest honor the can bestow ..."

Howard (The Old Man) from ''Treasure of the Sierra Madre'
I don't think that B. Traven, when he wrote this passage, or John Huston, when he filmed this scene, had our 43rd President in mind, but they could have been visionary ... Bush & Co. might as well be "the whole legislature" (though, to be fair, Dick Cheney will have his own "whole other legislature" and not be part of the Bush & Co's. "whole legislature").

It certainly appeared that the Bush Grindhouse barked "Badges? What Badges? ... We don't have to show you no stinkin' badges" and the Democrats in Congress cowered and ran for cover.

The problem stems well beyond, and isn't solely pinned to, just the Democrats

What is, perhaps, the most astounding, and deeply troubling aspect of having both the Senate and the House voting approval of The Commander Guy's dream FISA Law, is that this Congress hasn't had the courage, the sense of purpose, to hold this administration to scrutiny and accountability - criminally so, possibly - to the repeated abuses and felony violations of the original FISA rules, and, not to mention, the Constitution.

This may be akin to a bank robber having the police take his car to the car wash, before letting him hightail it on his getaway.

The Republicans, between their fear mongering, the sky-is-exploding, and their blind loyalty to their failure of a party leader, are like the frog sitting in that pot of water, croaking happily away, before it's too late, the 2008 elections representing the boiling death slowing engulfing them.

We gave them a song last evening and now, it appears, we missed the bigger picture.

They don't have a Democrat Caucus ... What they do have is "The Blank Check Club".

And there were two, at least, of the 16 Democrats, who are writing those blank checks and who voted for the bill, that have some "splaining" to do.

Senator Jim Web (D-VA), the hard core Navy man, who dusted off the Macaca Guy and just a short few weeks ago, stuck Senator Lindsay Graham's head on a pole during an exchange on 'Meet The Press', over Graham's fantasy-based assessments of Iraq, and using "our troops" as political pawns (a subject today by Frank Rich, in his column "Patriots Who Love the Troops to Death").

And there's the pragmatic, 'Can-Do" Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO), who said she “I’m not thrilled,” to etch her vote in the Hall of Shame.

“There are some changes we need to make to make sure that American citizens are protected. But it’s a lot better than a lot of things that have been forced down this Congress’ throat right before recesses that trampled on American’s liberties.”

You're from the "Show Me" state, McCaskill, not the "It's A Lot Better Than" state.

Things that have been forced down our throats.

How's about the Democrats, such as Webb and McCaskill, elected in the 2006 wave of "things are going to be different" and promising to stand up to the Bush Grindhouse.

And what about the Democratic Leadership?

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. She must be out measuring the length of hoses, before she starts "draining the GOP Swamp", with her co-hort, Harry Reid, seemingly, more occupied with auditioning for the role of the Captain of the Titanic.

Reid must sure like the taste of shit, because that's what Bush & Co. keep feeding him and he's only been too happy to gobble it up.

There are some that are saying today that we shouldn't worry about this FISA vote, that it's only temporary, it's only for six-months.

Yeah, right.

They have the blinders on again.

For an administration that has so thoroughly trampled the Constitution, broken so many laws and lied us into an invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation - and then double-downed to lie some more, and "surge" more troops into the conflict, that they are worried about things being "temporary" or Sunset Clauses?

Likely, as soon as Congress returns from their capitulation-soaked vacation, the Bush Grindhouse will be amping up the rhetoric to make this new FISA law permanent.

They'll be booming of "al Qaeda everywhere" and pointedly warning, "your child" and "your family" may be the next terrorist target, trotting out new plots and new twists that puts a jihadists on your doorstep, and the Democrats will, if recent history tells us anything, fall into line and slurp it up like Happy Soup.

Or, just as likely, The Decider Guy will continue to govern as he has, virtually the entire time of his stolen presidency - via Signing Statement.

And he does this because Congress hasn't stood up and exercised it's Constitutional authority.

They fume and posture over it, but they haven't called him on it.

They haven't censured him on it.

And they haven't impeached him on it.

You seem confused about Impeachment, Madam Speaker.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have said “If I were not the speaker and I were not in Congress, I would probably be advocating for impeachment.”

Gee, what a major drag for us ... Too bad we don't have a private citizen who is in Congress and is Speaker of the House ..

Why bother coming back from vacation?

Perhaps, while you're back in district on your vacation, you'll sigh and moan, handing out some commemorative pens that you used signing those Blank Checks, falsely promising again how you're going to stop the war, how you're going to keep the Bush Grindhouse in-check.

But we know now.

The Bush Grindhouse has the Patriot Act, the new, harsh Executive Order, the Crony General running the Injustice Department, Cheney and his branch of government, and of course, the new and improved, bullet-proof FISA Law.

With his adroit use of the Signing Statement, No. 43 has got "the whole legislature" and that is the embarrassing and dubious honor you, the 110th Congress, have bestowed on the American people.

Bonus Links

Larisa Alexandrovna: An Open Letter: No more power to the Executive Ms. Pelosi. No More!

Larisa Alexandrovna: It's official, we are police state...

Meteor Blades/Daily Kos: Enough Already with the Pathetic Excuses

Video - Keith Olbermann and Jonathan Turley: Just how broad are the spying powers of the administration in the proposed terror bill and what should we be concerned about?

The Country's Brain Trust? ... Or, The Three Amigos? ... You Decide!