Retro Garlic: The Ultimate E Ticket

Oh, this is rich, so rich ...

'Disneyland' comes to Baghdad with multi-million pound entertainment park

Yes, that's right, let's build an amusement park in the middle of a war zone ... A hot war zone ...

Llewellyn Werner admits he is facing obstacles most amusement park developers never have to deal with – insurgent attacks and looting.

When you are building an amusement park in downtown Baghdad, those risks come with the territory

I think it may impact the fun, just a little, to have to walk around a hot, humid amusement park in helmet and bulletproof vest, but then again, as Mr, Werner says in the interview "“I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t making money,” ... But mostly everything here is for profit.”

I suppose, to help build that gravy train, you won't be able to use your own helmet and bullet proof vest, you'll have to rent one at the park.

And, even if you get the terrorists and insurgents to back off, leaving the park alone, you have to figure in your average, typical, "he was a quiet man" Iraqi-postal-worker type, who shows up with a backpack and wants to play Suicide Bumper Cars.

Wonkette gets to a more pertinent question, asking;

Christ, wasn't the plan to get the oil first and then destroy them with Americanization? Priorities, people ...

And this is some serious, L. Paul Bremer, "Disband-the-Army", "Greet-Us-As-Liberators" optimism;

Ali al-Dabbagh, a spokesman for the Government, is equally optimistic: “There is a shortage of entertainment in the city. Cinemas can’t open. Playgrounds can’t open. The fun park is badly needed for Baghdad. Children don’t have any opportunities to enjoy their childhood.” Mr al-Dabbagh added that entry to the park would be strictly controlled.

Oh yeah, the Retro part...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Breaking News! With DisneyBaghdad, Bush Says “Nobody Wins Hearts and Minds Better Than Disney

With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats; ‘Pirates of the Caliphate’, Other Attractions To Mask Security Measures; State Dept. Touts “DisneyBaghdad Will Pay For Itself”

As to the attractions in DisneyBaghdad, the Disney Co. is making a number of concessions for its’ first theme park in the Middle East. Many of the favorite Disney attractions known to Western audiences will be modified for DisneyBaghdad, such as;

Pirates of the Caliphate

Hall of Ayatollahs

It’s A Small Mosque

Country Camel Jamboree

Snow White and the Seven Imams

Minnie Mouse, Cinderella, Snow White and all other female characters will be required to observe Muslim customs, in public, wearing veils or hijabs and burkas.

If this new Baghdad amusement park is still hiring, say in January 2009, there's a whole bevy of clowns that will be looking for work.

Photo Op Accomplished - Hooah!

Sans the flightsuit and aircraft carrier deck landing ...

While the Bush Grindhouse billed this as a "stop-by" for The Commander Guy, on his way to an economic conference in Australia, it was anything but ...

It was the continued roll out of the "Petraeus Reportpalooza", complete with the soldier-in-uniform backdrops, with the well-timed "Hooahs" to urge this charade on ...

We've already had, over the past few weeks and months, the steady stream of Congressional Delegations coming over to Iraq, with the fervor of the Kanamits loading the dimwitted citizens on to airplanes in the Twilight Zone's 'To Serve Man', and with the expected results;

Republicans - The surge is working, it's a big success story.

Democrats - We're fucked ... And the longer we stay here, the more fucked we'll be.

So Anbar province now sits in the Extreme Makeover spotlight ... The bell-ringing success story to validate the Bush Grindhouse tenet that everything about invading and occupying Iraq was the right thing to do ...

And it gave the Decider Guy yet another opportunity to ring that al Qaeda bell;

"You see Sunnis who once fought side by side with al Qaeda against coalition troops now fighting side by side with coalition troops against al Qaeda. Anbar is a huge province. It was once written off as lost. It is now one of the safest places in Iraq. (Hooah.)

The very people that you helped the Iraqis defeat in Anbar swore allegiance to the man that ordered the attack on the United States of America. What happens here in Anbar matters to the security of the United States."

But a funny thing happened on the way to the public relations bag of tricks.

The visit today, and the strategy that lead to the "safety" of the stop-over goes completely against the strained strategy of the ever-so-hailed surge, and what the surge was supposed to accomplish.

"The surge of operations that began in June is improving security throughout Iraq. The military successes are paving the way for the political reconciliation and economic progress the Iraqis need to transform their country."

They bought and paid for Anbar Province, with arms, and money (and, perhaps, some of those missing AK-47's that General David 'Rifleman" Petraeus kinda lost).

Security throughout Iraq is not improving and Michael Vick will probably be back in the NFL before there is political reconciliation.

After all, the "Petraeus Reportpalooza" is running to counter the "reality" coming out of Iraq;

• A corrupt government
• A virtual complete failure in reaching the benchmarks set out by Congress, as detailed by the latest GAO Report
• A NIE Report showing (drum roll, please) more violence, violence violence

And how's this for a ringing endorsement of those Sunnis-turned-soldiers;

"Bush's visit to Anbar province is a strong message to the Maliki government in Baghdad and a rebuke to the Shiite opposition to arming the tribesmen to fight al-Qaeda in Iraq," said Farhan Jassem, a sheik from the Dulaimi tribe. "I believe the tribesmen have fulfilled their promises which they had made to the American forces. We have achieved in four months what the United States could not do in four years, destroying al-Qaeda in Anbar."

Doesn't sound like they're ready to sing "My Country Tis of Thee" anytime soon.

And, as this has happened so often, anybody whose anybody, knows, as soon as U.S. Forces pull out of Anbar, it will go south, just like all the other "success stories".

Perhaps, the best the Bush Grindhouse can spin out of this is that The Uniter Guy didn't go to the market, or rug shopping.

They must be saving the flightsuit and aircraft carrier for the spreading of democracy in Iran.

Cue up Que Sera Sera...

Bonus Petraeus Reportpalooza Links

MUST READ! Firedoglake: Bush/Cheney in Iraq: Winning By Failing

Juan Cole: A surge of phony spin on Iraq; Bush's backers are peddling a sunny view of the president's strategy -- despite Iraq's political chaos and soaring death counts.

Lawmakers Describe 'Being Slimed in the Green Zone'


The Three Amigos

"What If Spartacus Had To Account For 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols ..."

Maybe the Golden Boy's golden dog ate the paperwork ...

A story, reported on Monday, indicated that 30% of weapons ( out of 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols) that were issued to Iraqi Security Forces can't be accounted for, and likely are in the hands of insurgents currently battling and attacking U.S. Forces.

Also included in this incredible loss, was 125,000 pieces of body armor and 115,000 helmets.

And when did this happen?

"But the GAO said weapons distribution was haphazard and rushed and failed to follow established procedures, particularly from 2004 to 2005, when security training was led by Gen. David H. Petraeus, who now commands all U.S. forces in Iraq."

Bush's Golden Boy ... His September Song ...

So, how does the Bush Grindhouse blow this one off and sweep it under the rug?

Send the Golden Boy to Fox News, in this case, the "Alan Colmes Show" on Fox News Radio

And the Spartacus-like answer?

"We occasionally likened it to building the world's largest aircraft while in flight and while being shot at," the general said. "But we gradually started putting those procedures into place."

And then later in the Post article;

"That type of decision was something that we made at the time because those forces needed those weapons and that equipment," Petraeus told Colmes. "We weren't going to stay there in the dark and make guys do a serial-number inventory and sign them up, and that is what happened. We believe those weapons all certainly were given to Iraqi units."

Newshounds offers a more classic, Pentagon-bureaucratic response, from the Colmes interview;

Colmes: Are you saying you have a sense of where those 190,000 weapons are? Or is there a good chance that some of them fell into the hands of the insurgency? And how do you prevent this from happening again?

Petraeus: Well, we did in fact take measures, Alan... (We) created first our own logistical structures... we gradually started putting those procedures into place, got them really established, I'd say, in the summer of 2005 and then built from there...Over time those procedures were put in place and I think the GAO acknowledges that and notes that fact."

Colmes: How many of those weapons do you think could be in the hands of our enemies?

Petraeus: I don't know.

Boy, the Bush Grindhouse is really making it's Golden Boy work for his supper.

It wasn't that long ago, that this 30% loss of weapons, likely being used against us now, would have gotten a cold, snorted huff of "stuff happens" from Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld.

So, I guess things in Iraq are improving.













"What if Spartacus had a The Commander Guy like Bush ... "