Now That Would Have Been Some Marketing Meeting!

WOW!


If this marketing meeting had taken place, about the only thing that could rival it would be Lenny Bruce's "Religion Inc."


 


Seems the former Big Cheese of Al-Qaeda, Osama bin Laden, was fretting that his creation of terrorism and murder was losing its' marketing punch.


Osama wanted new name for al-Qaida to repair image

As Osama bin Laden watched his terrorist organization get picked apart, he lamented in his final writings that al-Qaida was suffering from a marketing problem. His group was killing too many Muslims and that was bad for business. The West was winning the public relations fight.


[snip]


The problem with the name al-Qaida, bin Laden wrote in a letter recovered from his compound in Pakistan, was that it lacked a religious element, something to convince Muslims worldwide that they are in a holy war with America.


Maybe something like Taifat al-Tawhed Wal-Jihad, meaning Monotheism and Jihad Group, would do the trick, he wrote. Or Jama'at I'Adat al-Khilafat al-Rashida, meaning Restoration of the Caliphate Group.


As bin Laden saw it, the problem was that the group's full name, al-Qaida al-Jihad, for The Base of Holy War, had become short-handed as simply al-Qaida. Lopping off the word "jihad," bin Laden wrote, allowed the West to "claim deceptively that they are not at war with Islam." Maybe it was time for al-Qaida to bring back its original name.

I don't know ...

Coca Cola didn't get very far with their "New Coke" efforts


Then again, how would you like to be the young ad exec handling the account?


But Wait! ... There's More!


OBL, also, was getting all Jack-Lemmon-Save-The-Tiger, bemoaning the younger generation;

In one letter sent to Zawahri within the past year or so, bin Laden said al-Qaida's image was suffering because of attacks that have killed Muslims, particularly in Iraq, officials said. In other journal entries and letters, they said, bin Laden wrote that he was frustrated that many of his trusted longtime comrades, whom he'd fought alongside in Afghanistan, had been killed or captured.


Using his courier system, bin Laden could still exercise some operational control over al-Qaida. But increasingly the men he was directing were younger and inexperienced. Frequently, the generals who had vouched for these young fighters were dead or in prison. And bin Laden, unable to leave his walled compound and with no phone or Internet access, was annoyed that he did not know so many people in his own organization.

Guess he didn't apply to be on 'Undercover Boss'.


This ranks up there, before we get too derisive, with our own government labeling the killing of innocent civilians as "collateral damage."


Cue up "Que Sera Sera" ...


 


Bonus Riffs


Spencer Ackerman: Contest: Pick al-Qaida’s New Name


Jeff Neumann: Osama Bin Laden Worried About Al Qaeda’s Image Problem


Blackwater Going All Prince On Us (But You Can Pronounce The Name)

Good Satire Alert - Al-Qaeda Announces Move To CD/DVD

We got hip, recently, to the site 'Cap News', which bills itself as "News satire and parody, covering comedy and humor from politics to sports and health to technology."

For our money, it is sharper, and more sophisticated than 'The Onion', targeting current events daily, versus the latters' "Average Man Shocked To Discover He Has Above-Average Problems"-type stories.

And today, 'Cap News' delivered another howler;

Al-Qaeda Announces Move To CD/DVD

SAN DIEGO, Calif. (CAP) - Following continued complaints of poor audio quality and amateurish video, al Qaeda has announced a deal with Sony Corp. to begin distributing its terrorist messages in the CD/DVD format.

"We're proud to announce this strategic initiative with one of the world's leading terrorist organizations," Sony CEO Sir Howard Stringer said in a prepared statement. "We understand the extreme importance of communication in their industry and the explosive risks of failure and are prepared to meet those head on."

Go to 'Cap News' to check out the full piece, as well as others.

And, we recommend signing up for their daily email.

Ambassador Crocker Meets Eddie Izzard

Or, "The Lord almighty came down and sat in the middle of the table there and said ‘Mr. Ambassador you can eliminate every Al Qaeda source in Afghanistan and Pakistan, or every Al Qaeda personnel in Iraq,’ which would you pick?"

Sometime ago (nearly two-years) the Friedman Unit, after ol' Lead-Luvin' Tom, was established, designating the term to mark six-months as a unit of time for things to turn around in Iraq.

So, with the Golden Boy, General Petraeus yesterday, once again, calling for extra time, now 45-days (to evaluate things after they stop the troop pulldown), the question to be asked is what do you call it, in relation to the Friedman Unit.

The Petraeus Pint?

The Petraeus Horseshoe (both for his sunny optimism, and with a nod to Colt 45 Malt Liquor)?

The Bush Grindhouse's marketing seminar didn't go so well

In fact, if it were a sporting event, say, a basketball game, the various Senators can retire to the bench, and bring in the second team scrubs to mop up.

We have heard, for years, the bedrock principle for our being in Iraq (keep in mind, this has shifted many times), was that Iraq was the "Central Front on the War on Terror".

It was Al Qaeda, Al Qaeda, Al Qaeda, all the time.

If we moved one inch away from Iraq, teams of Al Qaeda would swoop in to that inch, and build a metropolis of terror in it.

Hell, even announcing that we would move that one inch out of Iraq, brought sordid tales of Al Qaeda, impatiently waiting at the border, moving van engines running.

Well, that got blown out of the water yesterday, and not by some "defeatocrat" or anybody "Feeling morally, intellectually confused?"

No, it came from the U.S. Ambassador to Iraq, Ryan Crocker.

From Think Progress;

SEN. BIDEN: Mr. Ambassador, is Al Qaeda a greater threat to US interests in Iraq, or in the Afghan-Pakistan border region?

AMB. CROCKER: Mr. Chairman, Al Qaeda is a strategic threat to the United States wherever it is, in my view–

SEN. BIDEN: Where is most of it? If you could take it out? You had a choice: Lord almighty came down and sat in the middle of the table there and said ‘Mr. Ambassador you can eliminate every Al Qaeda source in Afghanistan and Pakistan, or every Al Qaeda personnel in Iraq,’ which would you pick?

AMB. CROCKER: Well given the progress that has been made again Al Qaeda in Iraq, the significant decrease in its capabilities, the fact that it is solidly on the defensive, and not in a position of–

SEN. BIDEN: Which would you pick, Mr. Ambassador?

AMB. CROCKER: I would therefore pick Al Qaeda in the Pakistan-Afghanistan border area.

SEN BIDEN: That would be a smart choice.

Think Progress also has the video of it, so check it out.

And that brings us to our Eddie Izzard moment.

Writing in Salon today is Mark Benjamin, with "Sizing up Petraeus on Iraq; The top U.S. general gave Congress an upbeat assessment of the war Tuesday. Here's the reality behind the rhetoric".

And there's this gem;

Claim: The Iraqis have redesigned their flag -- which is a big deal because it suggests that Iraq is pulling together as a nation and that things will turn out well.

Crocker: "In January, a vote by the Council of Representatives to change the design of the Iraqi flag means the flag now flies in all parts of the country for the first time in years."

We now turn it over to Mr. Izzard.

Eddie Izzard - Do you have a flag?




Time to cue up Que Sera Sera...


Bonus Through The Looking Glass Links

Ezra Klein: A Superman Approach to Foreign Policy; Our nation's favorite comic book hero might have had the right idea: Use power sparingly and judiciously

Barry Crimmins: Prevarication Nation

Robert Scheer: Everything His President Wants to Hear

Nicole Belle/C&L: The Situation Room: Michael Ware On Who Wields Power In Iraq

"What If Spartacus Had To Account For 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols ..."

Tom Engelhardt: Launching Brand Petraeus

Wanted Dead Or ... Ahh, The Hell With It .. I'll Let The Next President Get'em ...

Maybe, instead of having him classified as a terrorist, the FBI's #1 Wanted Man, The Commander Guy can call Osama bin Laden a tax cut, that way, he'll be motivated, like all-get-out, to see that the mission gets accomplished.

Not exactly a head-shaker, being his consistent detachment, his always-growing disinterest in capturing Osama bin Laden, going back to, well, first, the left turn he took out of Afghanistan to attack and occupy Iraq, his closing the CIA office that was after the #1 terrorist, his admission that Bid Laden's capture wasn't a "top priority", and now, to this;

Bush: Bin Laden Will Be ‘Gotten By A President’ (But Probably Not This One)

"It has been 2,326 days since 9/11, and the chief mastermind behind those attacks, Osama bin Laden, has not yet been captured. “If we could find the cave he is in, I promise you — he would be brought to justice or wherever he’s hiding,” President Bush tells Fox News in “George W. Bush: Fighting to the Finish,” a documentary scheduled to air Sunday night. Fox reports:

Bush says in the interview he’s confident bin Laden ultimately will be found.

“He’ll be gotten by a president,” Bush says.

And to critics who say he hasn’t done enough to find bin Laden, Bush is blunt:

“They don’t know what they’re talking about,” he says."

And neither does he!

Now, this isn't to be confused, with the profound and proficient Lying Operation that has been conducted.

When it came to fearmongering, or scoring political points for a political victory, The Commander Guy didn't shy away from putting on his ten-gallon hat and six-shooter and he, and his henchmen and woman, attempting to scare the bejeezes out of everyone, that Bin Laden and/or other terrorists were going to pop out of your closet.

In fact, the Bush Grindhouse continually inflated the size and importance of Al Qaeda in Iraq, whenever it deemed to serve their talking points.

Keith Olbermann pointed out the Wednesday evening, the Center for Public Integrity report on the lying of the Bush Grindhouse, noted the spikes in the number of lies, based on the calendar of political events, and/or Grindhouse scandals

Opening the segment, a wry observation;

OLBERMANN: If you have ever said this administration lied to us 1,000 times about the Iraq, the war and al Qaeda, it turns out you owe Mr. Bush an apology. In our third story tonight, a new study confirming the administration only lied about those vital matters 935 times.

Then, with Rachel Maddow, of Air America, and a newly-anointed MSNBC political pundit;

OLBERMANN: Only 935. In gambling terms the under won. Who knew?

MADDOW: Looking back, before today, before we had a bullion keyword searchable database of lies about to lead up to the Iraq War. You had the sense that we were lied to a lot about weapons of mass destruction, about Saddam having links to al Qaeda and to 9/11.

But having all of these instances in a list now, literally in a searchable database of lies kind of plugs up the memory hole in a way.

It means that we have the evidence at hand to rebut the assertion every time somebody asserts that oh the intelligence was a little fuzzy or I never made that sort of claims, 935 lies may feel low or they may feel high, but they are all provable, documents lies that can‘t disappear again that can‘t disappear in a public record or down the memory hole.

OLBERMANN: So that‘s 532 occasions so it‘s basically a two to one ratio to lies to opportunities for lies. It‘s kind of spectacular in its own way.

MADDOW: Compound sentences is what I think that means.

OLBERMANN: The center did not include false implications. Indirect follow-ups like Iraq has dangerous weapons. Or Iran has dangerous weapons, for that matter. The Republican echoing, actual other Republicans outside the administration saying the same things. We‘ve got all the senators and congressmen are not included in this list. Fox News chicken little moments are not included in this. But what base is there for claiming that this was planned deceit as opposed to innocent, albeit voluminous incompetence?

MADDOW: Well, I spoke with the director of the Center for Public Integrity about that fact today. I said how do you get from there were a lot of lies to the lies were plants. He said one of the things that they found was they organized this information was that there were these really noticeable quantitative spikes in the number of lies being told. At certain times they were lying a lot faster than other times. For example in the lead-up for the Congressional authorization, midterm elections. At specific politically moments, the lies got faster.

There is no way to explain that unless they were lying to accomplish the political objective

Much like the 160,000+ troops in Iraq that he will dump on the next President, The Commander Guy will exit the Grindhouse, an utter failure in HIS War on Terror, leaving the Osama bin Laden problem as well.

After all, The Commander Guy closed the CIA office in charge of hunting bin Laden (which he, a few days later, attempted to deny), then, a few months later, telling rightwing pundit Fred Barnes "Bin Laden Is Not A Top Priority Use of American Resources".

This, after his chicken-heart, phony bravado, following the attacks of September 11th, with his swaggering "I want justice," Bush said. "And there's an old poster out West… I recall, that said, 'Wanted, Dead or Alive.'"

Hmmm ... I wonder, have they raised enough funds, for the Bush Presidential Library, to have a wing of it house all the lies? Or, is that question, about where to house his lies and his Presidential Library, a redundant one?


The Commander Guy's Legacy

Bush uses bin Laden to defend Iraq war policy

Digby: Hyping the intelligence again?

Juan Cole: Bush's incompetence gives al-Qaida new life; The White House hints at military action as the terror organization regroups in northern Pakistan and the Musharraf government begins to wobble.

Sidney Blumenthal: Cooking the intelligence, again; The latest government estimate of the terrorist threat is just a rehash of the same old script, produced under pressure to support the president's efforts to sell the Iraq war.

Why the Bush Administration Didn't Care About Al Qaeda


An empty bullhorn

Good Post Alert: Juan Cole's "Top Ten Myths about Iraq 2007"

I suppose, Juan Cole has already started taking notes for next years' list, which will probably be "Top Ten Myths About Democracy In Pakistan".

This hit on Wednesday, before all the news stopped so our media, and presidential candidates, could bloviate about the events in Pakistan, and on Benizar Bhutto's murder, so it probably didn't get as much play as it should have.

While the Bush Grindhouse has held tightly to its' spin, that Iraq is the end-all, dead-center, red-painted-bullseyes for the War Against Terrorism, they will, likely, soon have that ripped from their fingers, overtaken by the Pakistan story and how OSAMA BIN LADEN and AL QAEDA ARE SAID TO BE BASED IN PAKISTAN!

And unlike Iraq (or Iran), Pakistan does have nuclear weapons (Psst ... We helped them get them), so as much as the Neocon choir sings the Iraq aria, the hip-hop-blaring boom box is sitting in Pakistan, and it's only going to get louder.

Read (and suggest you bookmark for future reference) Juan Cole's "Top Ten Myths about Iraq 2007"

Townsend's Lack of Knowledge On Al Qaeda Gets Her Bounced

Sources Say Can't Be Sure She Would Be Able To Get Iran Info Straight

Sources tell The Garlic, that despite the platitudes showering her exit, Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism Frances Fragos Townsend is being bounced from the administration for "Not knowing jack shit about al Qaeda"

Townsend announced today that she is leaving her post in the Bush Grindhouse.

"With the build-up against Iran in full operations," added the source, an administrative aide inside the West Wing of the Bush Grindhouse, "a lot of people here are really nervous that she can't get the info straight or stay-on-message."

Townsend first drew the ire of The Commander Guy, back in July, when, in a press conference, Townsend admitted "I don’t know’ if Al Qaeda was in Iraq before the war."

Then, in September, Townsend was obtusely dismissive of Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda, after a new video was released two days before the sixth anniversary of Sept. 11th.

"Let's remember almost six years now since September the 11th, we have not seen much of bin Laden," she said on "Fox News Sunday," pointing out that this was the third audio or video recording released of him in as many years. "This is about the best he can do. This is a man on the run, from a cave, who is virtually impotent other than these tapes."

While The Decider Guy was said to be disappointed, Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly threw a tantrum and tirade, railing against Townsend that "she's screwing up all our plans."

Cheney became an unrelenting critic of Townsend, worried that she would not be able to carry through on the pre-invasion spin and lies on Iran.

Unconfirmed reports claim that the tensions between Townsend and Cheney peaked over the weekend, when, after asked by Cheney for an assessment on the deteriorating situation in Pakistan, Townsend responded back to the Vice President that she "didn't know if President Pervez Musharraf was in Pakistan before he became President."

Another unconfirmed report has Townsend moving over to the Rudy Guiliani campaign, to begin, immediately, obfuscating when, if at all, former, and now indicted aide, Bernard Kerik was ever in Guiliani's mayoral administration.

Bonus Fumbling Fran Links

Think Progress: Townsend’s goodbye to Bush: ‘You are such a man.’

Crooks and Liars: Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt, Folks

















There is rampant speculation that Townsend will, sooner, rather than later, start questioning if she was ever in the Bush Administration

General, Drop Your Draws, The Country Wants To Thank You ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Well, since the Congress got down on their knees, during the PetraeusReportPalooza, it wouldn't be out-of-the-question for the Bush Grindhouse to have the expectation for the country to give the Golden Boy a good hummer.

But, alas, the news has advanced far past our latest Garlic Weekly Poll.

AQI is nearly as passe as bell-bottom pants... They're as out as Joe Torre... Gone, Arriverderchi, Addios ...

It's in with the new and that means its all Iran, all the time... Iran is fomenting the violence in Iraq now... Iran is providing the bombs ... Iran is providing the training... And, if you haven't been paying attention, Iran has wrestled that much-heralded impending mushroom cloud out of the cold, dead hands of Saddam Hussein and are proudly waving it in Tehran.

Don't worry, even if the Faux News Networks is running a bit behind in their fear-mongering, it won't take them long to catch up ... I mean, there's less than 60-days for them to put some terror into your holidays (and an Iranian terrorist under every tree) ... I'm sure they're working on it ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 15 - October 27, 2007

If Al Qaeda in Iraq is vanquished, President Bush will have to ...

1. Get caught with his microphone still on, saying that "The country owes General Petraeus a blow job" Tally 33%

2. Jump into his flightsuit, fire up the aircraft carrier and hang the Mission Accomplised banners Tally 29%

3. Start invading and occupying Iran Tally 27%

4. Appeal to the Nobel Prize people, to take away the Peace Prize from Al Gore and give it to him Tally 12%

This week’s Poll - Rather than amnesty, for aiding Bush & Co. to spy on Americans, the Telecom Companies should ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Yet Another "I'm Shocked ... Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here ..."

Jeez ... They're not even trying to hide it, to act surprised ... Make an effort at not being blatantly overt ...

In our latest installment of "I'm Shocked ... Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here..." (Second one this month), the Bush Grindhouse is up to it's usual tricks ...

In the AM

Bush Wants $46 Billion More for Wars

In the PM

Worried Bin Laden Urges Iraq Insurgents to 'Unite'

That's right, boys and girls, just as The Commander Guy digs in to batter the Congress again with his Invasion and Occupation Funding requests, right off the presses comes a brand-spanking-new Osama bin Laden tape.

And we have to give the spinmeisters some credit ... They're updating their fearmongering ...

Since we've been beaten over the head, via the PetraeusReportPalooza, on how the surging is working, and things are getting better in Iraq ... And those little bon mots tossed around last week, with no real ownership, but just enough oomph to get it in the headlines, on how AIQ, to use the lingo, is all but vanquished ...

So, they can't have OBL (more lingo usage) spouting off with new threats, boastfully. They've gotta have him sweating ... Nervous ... And, as you see above, it's a "Worried Bin Laden" today ...

I can just picture Cheney, and Hadley and assorted other Neocronies, sitting around, putting the finishing touches on it.

"Concerned ...Let's say he's concerned"

"No, Mr. Vice President, we need something more telling ... Remember, the surge is working, we've got them on the run."

"You're right ... You're right ..."

"Let's say he's worried ... Worried conveys just enough weakness that our people can embellish on, in the PR's, etc ... We can tweak all the numbers to show that he has cause to be worried, etc ... Let's us show our strength ... "

And then they all clink their Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite cans together in a toast ...

I know it’s a week early, but much like when the little children come around in their Halloween costumes (rumor has the "No Health Insurance" is the hottest get-up), try to act scared and surprised ... You want to make them feel good.

Bonus They're Out There Links

Crooks and Liars: Bush Says No To Children And Yes To War - Bin Laden Tape Shows Up Just In Time

Think Progress: Days After Claiming U.S. Less Safe Due To Iraq War, Counterterrorism Chief Suddenly Resigns

Truthout: Olbermann: Bush Used Bogus Terror Threat to Scare Votes for FISA Bill

Crooks and Liars: Keith Olbermann Updates The Nexus Of Terror And Politics - Creating Terror Scares

Photo Op Accomplished - Hooah!

Sans the flightsuit and aircraft carrier deck landing ...

While the Bush Grindhouse billed this as a "stop-by" for The Commander Guy, on his way to an economic conference in Australia, it was anything but ...

It was the continued roll out of the "Petraeus Reportpalooza", complete with the soldier-in-uniform backdrops, with the well-timed "Hooahs" to urge this charade on ...

We've already had, over the past few weeks and months, the steady stream of Congressional Delegations coming over to Iraq, with the fervor of the Kanamits loading the dimwitted citizens on to airplanes in the Twilight Zone's 'To Serve Man', and with the expected results;

Republicans - The surge is working, it's a big success story.

Democrats - We're fucked ... And the longer we stay here, the more fucked we'll be.

So Anbar province now sits in the Extreme Makeover spotlight ... The bell-ringing success story to validate the Bush Grindhouse tenet that everything about invading and occupying Iraq was the right thing to do ...

And it gave the Decider Guy yet another opportunity to ring that al Qaeda bell;

"You see Sunnis who once fought side by side with al Qaeda against coalition troops now fighting side by side with coalition troops against al Qaeda. Anbar is a huge province. It was once written off as lost. It is now one of the safest places in Iraq. (Hooah.)

The very people that you helped the Iraqis defeat in Anbar swore allegiance to the man that ordered the attack on the United States of America. What happens here in Anbar matters to the security of the United States."

But a funny thing happened on the way to the public relations bag of tricks.

The visit today, and the strategy that lead to the "safety" of the stop-over goes completely against the strained strategy of the ever-so-hailed surge, and what the surge was supposed to accomplish.

"The surge of operations that began in June is improving security throughout Iraq. The military successes are paving the way for the political reconciliation and economic progress the Iraqis need to transform their country."

They bought and paid for Anbar Province, with arms, and money (and, perhaps, some of those missing AK-47's that General David 'Rifleman" Petraeus kinda lost).

Security throughout Iraq is not improving and Michael Vick will probably be back in the NFL before there is political reconciliation.

After all, the "Petraeus Reportpalooza" is running to counter the "reality" coming out of Iraq;

• A corrupt government
• A virtual complete failure in reaching the benchmarks set out by Congress, as detailed by the latest GAO Report
• A NIE Report showing (drum roll, please) more violence, violence violence

And how's this for a ringing endorsement of those Sunnis-turned-soldiers;

"Bush's visit to Anbar province is a strong message to the Maliki government in Baghdad and a rebuke to the Shiite opposition to arming the tribesmen to fight al-Qaeda in Iraq," said Farhan Jassem, a sheik from the Dulaimi tribe. "I believe the tribesmen have fulfilled their promises which they had made to the American forces. We have achieved in four months what the United States could not do in four years, destroying al-Qaeda in Anbar."

Doesn't sound like they're ready to sing "My Country Tis of Thee" anytime soon.

And, as this has happened so often, anybody whose anybody, knows, as soon as U.S. Forces pull out of Anbar, it will go south, just like all the other "success stories".

Perhaps, the best the Bush Grindhouse can spin out of this is that The Uniter Guy didn't go to the market, or rug shopping.

They must be saving the flightsuit and aircraft carrier for the spreading of democracy in Iran.

Cue up Que Sera Sera...

Bonus Petraeus Reportpalooza Links

MUST READ! Firedoglake: Bush/Cheney in Iraq: Winning By Failing

Juan Cole: A surge of phony spin on Iraq; Bush's backers are peddling a sunny view of the president's strategy -- despite Iraq's political chaos and soaring death counts.

Lawmakers Describe 'Being Slimed in the Green Zone'


The Three Amigos

Inner Turmoil Has Bush Blaming Bridge Collapse On Al Qaeda In Iraq; Cheney Points To Iran

White House Torn Apart, Aides Sniping At Each Other; DHS's Chertoff Ad-Libs "Dry Run" Scenario As Middle Ground

On the eve of his visit to the disaster-stricken, collapsed Minnesota bridge, President Bush is said to be engaged in a bitter division with his self-appointed Vice President.

Sources tell The Garlic this evening that a full-scale brawl has erupted in the West Wing of the Bush Grindhouse, as aides supportive of The Commander Guy are standing behind him in wanting to blame the collapse of the I-35W Bridge in Minneapolis, Minnesota on al Qaeda in Iraq.

This pits them against a larger group firmly supporting Vice President Dick Cheney, who seeks to claim that the bridge collapse is the work of agents from Iran.

"This is as bad as it has ever been," offered a source, with close ties to the Bush Grindhouse.

"They've gone full bore on this, with press releases already prepared ... Video is being edited in the Situation Room, to back up arguments ... There's a rumor going around that Cheney, working through his people in the Pentagon, already have four, or five stooges in Iran, that they can pin a conspiracy gang charge on ...Cheney's winning this thing, he's got all his cards lined-up"

The President, reportedly, is leaning on the National Security Agency (NSA) to produce captured, legal or illegal, wiretaps to back up his claim.

Publicly, The Decider Guy has been conducting his affairs in a normal fashion, offering his sympathies to the victims of the bridge collapse and, at the same time, hedging his bets with citing deficiencies in the bridge.

It was said that Bush had a "very difficult time" not speaking out at his Rose Garden news conference yesterday, to begin pointing the finger at al Qaeda in Iraq.

Cheney Stiffed By Russert; Chertoff Ad-Libs New "Gut Feeling"

Meanwhile, the Vice President was said to be calling Tim Russert, and seeking to get on 'Meet The Press" this coming weekend, offering the host an "irresistible scoop" regarding the bridge collapse.

The Vice President's office, confident that could break the Iran-Is-To-Blame charge on national television, was stunned when Russert failed to offer Cheney a segment on the program.

There are reports that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff was pulled into the mix, and put on the spot of either supporting the President, or the Vice President.

Chertoff, apparently, ad-libbed a new "gut feeling", indicating that it would be best to categorize the bridge collapse as a "possible dry run" by terrorists looking to attack the United States again.

First Lady Calls For New Donation

With the First Lady, Laura Bush, visiting the disaster site today, no word of the feud was leaked, so as not to put the First Lady in a position of having to publicly rebuke, presumably, the Vice President.

The First Lady met with emergency officials and rescue workers, offering her sympathies and support.

"And many bridges are stable ahh..now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bridge collapse a day that discourages everybody."

The First Lady also announced that she will be asking friends and supporters of the President add $35 to their $61 donation to the RNC, as a tribute for her husbands' birthday, with the extra money being designated for any single woman effected by the bridge collapse, that they can continue their hunt for a husband.

Bridge Opportunity Zone May Be In The Offing

It's not clear if The Shakespeare Guy will come out and blame al Qaeda in Iraq during his visit to Minneapolis tomorrow.

Aides, particularly the group working on his domestic agenda, are lobbying for a "New Orleans-type" speech.

The White House has shipped klieg lights to the Twin Cities, and sent an advance team to scout out cathedrals that Bush could use as a backdrop.

If the President does that, gushed a source close to the West Wing, "we can get the bridge refugees up and back on their feet, just as good, and just as quickly as we got New Orleans back on her feet".

The domestic team has advocated to the President that he announce a "Bridge Opportunity Zone", following his New Orleans blueprint, to assist persons and business affected by the bridge collapse.

The President, will not, as some wire reports indicated, name a "Bridge Czar", and Vice President Dick Cheney will not accompany the President to Minneapolis.

The OVP indicated there is a schedule conflict, that the Vice President will be with former Secretary of War Donald "I Can't Recall" Rumsfeld, preparing for the Armageddon.
















The President may reprise his New Orleans plan and announce a "Bridge Opportunity Zone" during his visit to Minneapolis tomorrow