Friday, January 15, 2010

Hysterical! ... Hitler Learns Leno Is Moving Back To Late Night

If I had watched this, while drinking my coffee, I am absolutely confident, said coffee would have come shooting out of my nose, as I fell off my chair, laughing.

This has been making the rounds, and it is off-the-charts hysterical.

Hitler Learns Leno Is Moving Back To Late Night

We've done a few posts on 'The Tonight Show' fiasco (links below), and one thing is clear, if the suits at NBC thought that trumpets would be blaring in the sky, for returning Leno back to the 11:30 slot, they should be chained to chairs, eyelids taped open, and forced to watch, endlessly, My Mother the Car;

Conan Wins the Hearts and Minds of the Internet

A Safety Valve, Dressed In Jay Leno's Timeslot

Retro Garlic: Ahhhh ... We Called It ... Leno Moving Back To 11:30

Somebody, Please, Help Tweety Talk!

The past two nights, watching Tweety, on 'Hardball', has been, even more, excruciating, as to his reporting on the Haiti earthquake.

He has put on his "Super-Serious" suit, and looks, sternly, into the camera, with all his dramatic announcements.

And, biggest of all, he sounds like a total, Ted Baxter-like jackass, whenever he pronounces the name of Haiti's capital city, Port-au-Prince.

You can go out to 'Hardball' and pull up some of the videos, to check it out.

Even Atizine, on Twitter, noticed "Watching newscasters who pronounce almost nothing else properly, try their hardest 2 say 'Port Au Prince' like a local is absolutely weird..."

Almost overnight, Monty Python created a new "Ministry of Silly Talk", and Tweety is their first, gleaming star graduate.

Most normal people pronounce the name of Port-au-Prince, sounding as "Port-O-Prince".

Tweety has been pronouncing it, apparently, in the Francophile manner, as "Port-O-Prance" really dragging out the "Prance" part, making it sound like "Prawnce".

Much in the same behavior as being the only person, outside of the family secret bunker, that pronounces the name of the former Shadow President, as "Cheeny", versus the rest of the standing world, as "Cheney", or "Chay-ney"

Maybe the Darth Vader clan is okay with his mashing their name ...

But somebody needs to clue Tweety in, that he works for MSNBC, not Le Monde.

Bonus Tweety

Clooney: Wouldn’t Cast Matthews In A Daydream ,,,When Pressed, Matthews Admits Miffed Not Cast in Clooney Film ...“Forget This Zelig Mishmash, I Could Have Played McCarthy … And Played Him Damn Good”

MSNBC's Matthews Uninjured Pulling Head Out Of Judy Miller's Ass ...Hardball Host Fawns Over Former White House Stenographer; Stays Away From Tough Questions

Was Tweety Covering Morning Jokes' Back?

This Date ... On The Garlic

15 January 2009... On The Garlic


15 January 2008... On The Garlic

Is The WaPo's Richard Cohen Looking To Join Hillary's Racial Slime Team?

Good Post Alert: Do you have a favorite drunkard? ... Andre The Giant

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Surge Me The Money! ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

Weekend-Holiday Special - Sautéed Cloves 15 January 2007

15 January 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ex-Bush Mouthpiece Hearts Todd Palin

Oh my, this is tremendously embarrassing.

I mean, not that Nicole Wallace was ever some glaring, burning, brilliant light of intellect, but to be publically drooling, lasciviously panting, over Mommy Moose's husband, that really takes the cake.

When last we heard from her, she was dissing Obama, and pitching the golden virtues of the debunked Maverick's concession speech.

But, today ...


Nicolle Wallace, former senior adviser to the McCain presidential campaign, did little to defend Sarah Palin at a panel discussion for Washington Post reporter Anne Kornblut's new book "Notes from the Cracked Ceiling" on Tuesday night. Asked if the team was "ready for anything" when they selected Palin as their nominee, Wallace replied, "We were never ready ... no one was prepared to defend her. Nobody knew anything."


Wallace did praise Todd Palin, the former governor's husband and the so-called "first dude." Todd Palin was an "extraordinary spouse," Wallace said, adding that he will be a "great model for what the first husband will look like."

How to be professional there, Nickie ...

You trying to make Nancy Puss'n'Boots look good?

Maybe she's sucking up, for 2012.

With a comment like that, she should be banished to work with Glenn Beck, since she already has the experience of trying to sell a completely empty, ridiculously unprepared, and totally idiotic candidate like The Wasilla Whiz Kid.

Not to mention, that it's past time for all the Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, and Mommy Moose, enablers to drop the "Claude Raines - I'm Shocked, Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here", when it comes to the profound incompetence of the Dead Campaign Express.

Help Me Mister Wizard!

Make them all go away!

Bonus Riffs

McCain VP Confusion; Staff Had Canadian Actress Sarah Polley In Dayton Hotel For Three Days

"The insinuation, that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, doesn't know how many houses he has, is outrageous!"

Everything He Learned?

Why Do You Think We've Been Calling Him "Stumblin' and Bumblin"?

This Date ... On The Garlic

14 January 2009... On The Garlic

Down Here On The Ground

14 January 2008... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Clinton Camp To Hire Terrell Owens ... Football Star To Be "Designated Crier", Freeing Up Hillary, and Her Own Voice, To Hurl Racial Smears

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Robertson Goes All Angel Heart On Haiti

Quite the awful, terrible, horrific disaster going on in Haiti.

Good thing The Commander Guy is out-of-office, otherwise, there would probably be a massive airlift, bringing the Haitians to the New Orleans Convention Center, so they could wait for some help.

And, we come to expect things.

Like chest-thumping network news anchors "dropping in", to do live stand-ups of repeating their bleatings over-and-over, punctuated by "that's absolutely correct". Brian Williams and the NBC Survivor Team all were throwing around the word "absolutely" so much, I half expected to find out they were sponsored by the vodka company.

Another expectation is for former Republican candidate for President, and raving lunatic, Pat Robertson, goes off the rails, and starts spouting the events of the alternate universe playing inside his head.

Take it away Pat, courtesy of Think Progress;

Today on his 700 Club television show, Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson highlighted the tragedy and said that his network will be there “to help the people.” However, he then tried to offer an explanation for the earthquake, blaming Haiti’s own people for once making a “pact to the devil”:

ROBERTSON: [S]omething happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. Napoleon the Third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, “We will serve you if you get us free from the prince.” True story. And so the devil said, “OK, it’s a deal.” They kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free.

But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle, on the one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island.

They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy I’m optimistic something good may come. But right now, we’re helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable.
(GottaLaff, over on The Political Carnival, has the video)

Now, you think he would have been happy, with just the earthquake.

He's been wishing earthquakes, tsunami's, tornadoes, hurricanes, mixing in trying to hire assassins, calling on God to "smite' this one, or that one, on so many people who have different points-of-view than his, that when one comes along, he could have just left it with an "I told you so".

Ahhh, but that "Louis Cyphre", he's a tricky fellow.

I think something else was going on here.

This is what must have happened;

Netflix screwed up, and sent Robertson 'Angel Heart', rather than 'Angels With Dirty Faces' and once the scene with Epiphany Proudfoot, played by the steamy, sultry Lisa Bonet, came to the "racy nude and sex scenes", well, Robertson got all hopped up, and happy-in-the-pants, and went to bed thinking, actually, dreaming, hoping, that he was Johnny Favorite

Naturally, he woke up, how should we say, at attention, popped in the DVD for another view of his beloved Epiphany Proudfoot just before showtime and, Ta-Da, he pays his dues by giving old Louis Cyphre his star turn.

If not, get this man on lots, and lots, of Seroquel.

Bonus Pat Robertson Loony Tunes

Wonkette: Pat Robertson Does Usual Pat Robertson Thing Following Natural Disaster

Juan Cole: Pat Robertson's Racist Blaming of Haitian Victims; and the Televangelist Misuse of History

John Cook: Thousands Dying Because Haitian Slaves 'Swore a Pact with the Devil' for Their Freedom


Amanda Terkel: Shep Smith hits Robertson’s ‘devil’ comments: The people of Haiti ‘don’t need that’ at a time like this

Bonus Bonus

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death ... Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

Robertson May Have, Inadvertently, Caused Hajj Stampede Deaths ...Was Working On New Material For Bush Video Blitz, Testing New Curses and Condemnations

White House Meets With Robertson; Plan Video Blitz ...Controversial Minister To Produce Al Qaeda-type Videos, Promising Death and Destruction, To Counter Bin Laden's

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13 January 2009... On The Garlic

"Nothing Lost, Mr. Christian!"

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Breaking News! Embattled Author Frey Gets DOD Contract

Top Ten Cloves: Articles Planned For Martha Stewart's New Magazine

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

We Couldn't Resist ...

Okay, one quick one ...

We will have more (Oh, such a nice New Years' gift) on Mark "God Made Me Who I Am" McGwire, and his ridiculous, sobbing, ego-boasting interview, on his belated admission that he was a lying cheater, steroid user.

With McGwire's constant referencing of "God", his "God-given talents", "The Man upstairs", "The talents God gave me", well, we half expected to hear this, in the background;

Luther Barnes & The Red Budd Gospel Choir - My God Can Do Anything

Then, what came to mind, is another all-powerful ego entity - Chuck Norris.

And, there's the hysterical "Chuck Norris Facts".

So, with a nod to the lads at CNF, we couldn't resist, and replace "Chuck Norris" with "Mark McGwire";

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Mark McGwire

Mark McGwire doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Mark McGwire has allowed to live

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Mark McGwire

Mark McGwire does not sleep. He waits

Mark McGwire is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right arms

Mark McGwire is the reason why Waldo is hiding

Mark McGwire counted to infinity - twice

When Mark McGwire does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down

If you spell Mark McGwire in Scrabble, you win. Forever

Mark McGwire' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush

Mark McGwire can lead a horse to water AND make it drink

Mark McGwire doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is

Mark McGwire can slam a revolving door

Mark McGwire does not get frostbite. Mark McGwire bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Mark McGwire hit a homerun

Open Doors, But Blocked Sinuses

Good Evening Garlic Fans

Sorry, for the lack-of-posts the past few days.

The relentless cold weather has been playing havoc with our sinuses, to the point it is extremely difficult to feel good, let alone, creative.

So we have just tanked it, staying off the computer, and attempting to medicate, and chill out.

Today, we interrupted our plan, with the need of getting our front door fixed, by a Master Locksmith.

We are planning to be back on duty tomorrow

In the meantime, we start pining, for warmer weather;

Astrud Gilberto - It Might as Well Be Spring

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Smell Me, Baby!

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Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment ... Bush's legacy: The President Who Cried Wolf

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New Charges Surface As Second Princeton Group Claims Alito As Member

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons NFL Ending Sponsorship of Erectile Dysfunction Drug Levitra