Friday, June 16, 2006

Garlic Exclusive! Bush Seeking To Add Signing Statement To House War Resolution

Garlic Exclusive!

House GOP Bends Rules, Yields Floor Time and Allows Coulter To Cast Iraq Vote

Conservative Doyenne Says Dems, Liberals “Enjoying Soldiers Deaths”; Ties Pelosi To 911 Widows

The GOP Leadership in the House of Representatives, behind closed doors, bent rules that allowed the controversial rightwing pundit Ann Coulter to make a speech on the House floor, and cast a vote for the Republican-led resolution backing President Bush’s Iraq War strategy

Coulter’s unprecedented appearance in Congress came after she conducted an interview, in which she called for the “fragging” of Congressman John Murtha (D-PA), the leading Congressional critic of President Bush’s Iraq War strategy.

According to Coulter, Murtha is "The reason soldiers invented 'fragging.'"

Fragging came out of the Viet Nam war, becoming a problematic occurrence for the U.S. Military. Its meaning is the “ assassination of an officer by his own troops, usually by means of a grenade.”

Partisan Firefight Rules The Day

The move to have Coulter speak on the House Floor came late last evening, near the end of the over 11-hour debate, drawn straight down party lines.

Republicans offered the resolution backing the President, declaring in one segment that “the United States will prevail in the Global War on Terror," and “declares that the United States is committed to the completion of the mission to create a sovereign, free, secure and united Iraq."

House Democrats feverishly stated that the move on the debate and resolution were a “political stunt”, designed to paint the Democrats who vote against it as soft on terror, with a strategy of “cut and run”. Democrats point to how the Republicans manipulated House rules so that no amendments could be added to the resolution, which is non-binding and no laws will come out of it.

The President, say the Democrats, has no plans or strategy as getting out of Iraq.

House Minority Leader, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), charged that “Stay the course is not a strategy, it's a slogan," and called the war "a grotesque mistake."

House Republicans repeatedly defended the war, and President Bush, continually charging that the Democrats only wanted to “cut and run”.

House Majority Leader, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) dismissed the Democrats and their charge that Iraq is a “war of choice.”

"Will we fight or will we retreat? That is the question that is posed to us," said Boehner. "Those who say that this is a war of choice are nothing more than wrong. This is a war of necessity that we must fight."

Coulter Slams Pelosi, Calls Dems Losers

Late in the evening, after over 11-hours of bitter partisan charges back and forth, and after CSPAN ended broadcasting, House Republican Leaders Boehner, and Speaker Dennis Hastert escorted Ms. Coulter to the House Floor, with only a handful of other Republicans still in the chamber.

Ms. Coulter, taking the microphone charged that “the only thing Nancy Pelosi should say is grotesque is her make-up.”

“Who’s she trying to compete with – those harpies up there in New Jersey? Make she can join them for their Playboy spread ... You know, one of those themed-things – “The whores of liberalism” ... or something like that.”

Coulter then brought those in attendance to their feet, cheering wildly.

“You know, watching this today, I have to say, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a group of liberal politicians – Democrats, no less – that enjoy the soldiers deaths as much as they do ... These losers are millionaires and lionized on TV and articles about them ... They’re reveling in all of this ... They bring up some number of dead soldiers and we’re all supposed to not criticize them ... We’re supposed to blindly follow them and fight a war on terror the way they want to do it – which is really not to fight one at all ... Ignore it the way their great big penis leader Bill Clinton did.”

Before today’s vote, which passed 256 to 153, with five lawmakers voting "present" and 19 others not participating, Democrats assailed the Republican Leadership for bringing in Coulter.

On the other side of the Capital, the Senate blocked an amendment calling for troop withdrawal, 93-6.

Bush Is Said To Seek Adding Signing Statement

“They say we cut-and-run and then pull a stunt like that,” vented Pelosi. “We could have brought in Michael Moore, or Al Franken but then, that would have ruined their little conservative circle jerk, I guess.”

Pelosi indicated she will file a resolution, to nullify the vote on the resolution, adding that she will offer a separate amendment to “ban the vile beanpole [Coulter] from the House.”

There were rumors flying around Capital Hill late this morning that President Bush wanted the GOP Leadership to send the resolution over to the White House, so the President could add a Signing Statement to it, making it binding and indicating his intent to follow it “to the letter of the law.”

Conservative Doyenne Ann Coulter got special access to the House Floor last evening, for the House War Resolution debate and charged that “I’ve ever seen a group of liberal politicians – Democrats, no less – that enjoy the soldiers deaths as much as they do ...”

Top Ten Cloves: Things About The New English Translation of the Mass The Bishops Approved

News Item: U.S. Catholic Bishops Approve New English Translation of the Mass

10. If Ann Coulter happens to come into your mass, get everyone else out safely – The Lord is sure to rain down his wrath on her

9. New, :30-second promos to run on Catholic television - “Must Pray Sunday”

8. Since eBay is going there, okay now to take confessionals over the telephone

7. Due to the problems of some other Christians, make sure your parishioners know the Ten Commandments

6. To boost numbers of people taking communion, switch over to the new, “No Trans Fats” ones – it will also keep us out of court

5. If you have a lot of “hip-hoppers” in your congregation, better join the boycott of Cristal if you want to keep them in the pews

4. Okay, if you suspect parish priest is gay, to break down door to search his residence without knocking

3. If Stephen Hawking shows up, don’t, under any circumstances, let him speak about the beginning of the universe

2. To show support, must work into the sermon that "President Bush has a clear strategy for victory in Iraq"

1. Instead of "The Lord be with you", the priests may now use “Can I get shout out for JC?”

New English translations of the mass, approved over 40-years ago with the Second Vatican Council, may deliver “No Trans Fats” communion wafers to Catholics

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Breaking News! President Makes Unannounced, Surprise Visit To Redmond Tech Giant

Breaking News!

Bolten Continues White House Sweep; Boots Out Microsoft’s Gates and Bush Speechwriter

Cites Need To Keep Week’s Momentum Going; Gates Long Tenure and Possible Economic Slump Prompted Action

The surprise announcement of Microsoft founder, and Chairman, Bill Gates, that he is stepping down from day-to-day operations this afternoon, came following a surprise, unannounced visit from President Bush early this morning, The Garlic has learned from sources close to the White House.

The President, according to our sources, was accompanied by White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten, who delivered to Gates the news that he had to move on. Bolten cited his long tenure with the company and the Bush Administrations desire to keep the strong economy humming along.

Treasurer Secretary Okayed Pushing Gates Out

Bolten’s move in booting out Gates came after meeting and consulting with new Treasury Secretary, former Goldman Sachs chairman and CEO, Henry Paulson Jr. Paulson had expressed concerns of the high tech sector of the U.S. economy going stagnant and Bolten immediately suggested, and received Paulson’s approval, the axing of Gates.

With the overwhelming positive press coverage of the President’s recent surprise visit to Iraq, Bolten ordered plans be drawn up to have the President make a similar, unannounced visit to the Redmond headquarters of Microsoft.

Neither Gates, nor anyone else at Microsoft was advised or alerted to the visit from the President until approximately 5-minutes before the President’s motorcade pulled into the Microsoft compound.

Speechwriter Given The “Bolten Boot” Because Of “Too Much Redundancy”

Earlier today, while the President and Bolten were aboard Air Force One, flying to Redmond, the White House announced that longtime Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson was given his walking papers.

Gerson, Bush’s chief speechwriter since 1999, was one of the closest aides to the President, and responsible for penning some of Bush’s most famous words.

Sources tell The Garlic that Bolten believed there was “too much redundancy” around the President’s speechwriting, the White House Iraq Group and new White House Iraq and Iran Group, and the PR agency hired by the Pentagon, the Lincoln Group.

Bolten believed all three “could adequately put the right words in the President’s mouth.”

Gates and Gerson now join the growing list of players given the “Bolten Boot”, as some West Wing staffers are characterizing the moves.

Bolten was instrumental in forcing out former Chief of Staff Andy Card and, upon taking over the office of being the President closest aide, gave the heave-ho to former Press Secretary Scott McClellan, former Treasury Secretary John Snow.

Microsoft Founder Bill Gates yet another victim of the “Bolten Boot”

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Problems For eBay With Adding Telephone Service For Their Buyers and Sellers

News Item: EBay to Add a Phone Link From Listings to Sellers

10. Calls during the dinner hour lead to disputes, with buyers and sellers bartering and haggling over cooked meals

9. Major problems erupt, when buyers and sellers start using video-cam telephones

8. Sellers get annoyed, with callers from “Friends and Family Plan”, and having to referee family disputes

7. Likely to have the phone records subpoenaed by Scooter Libby’s lawyers, for possible assistance in his defense

6. Whole new batch of problematic auction items – Telephones that people say have image of Jesus Christ or Virgin Mary on them

5. People won’t use it; Will think its part of President Bush’s illegal NSA Wiretapping program

4. Won’t last – First time Meg Whitman gets woken up at 3AM, with calls about the used juicer, that’ it

3. Sellers will have to post on-line, in their auction space, what they are wearing, so as to eliminate, at least, one telephone call

2. More problematic auction items – People will attempt to sell used telephone calls

1. ``SkypeMe” takes on a whole new meaning after hackers cross eBay lines with phone-sex service

eBay sellers may now have to answer telephone calls, not about their auction items, but rather “What are you wearing right now?”

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Why Members Of The Congress Voted Themselves A Raise Yesterday

News Item: House Lawmakers Accept $3,300 Pay Hike

10. With Abramoff going to jail, need to make up that extra little something

9. If you want us to stay in session longer, you gotta pay for it

8. Three Words: Border Photo Ops

7. Had to squeeze it in, while the President was out of the country

6. It was either the pay raise, or voting ourselves free gasoline and the pay raise would be easier to sell to the public

5. Gotta fill up the ol’ freezer with something

4. Heard they were raising the golfing fees over in Scotland

3. Now that Rove his cleared, his price list for smears is going up about 15%

2. Really, something Tom Delay pushed through on his final day, to boost his pension

1. We all took the same medication Patrick Kennedy took and now can’t remember what we voted on

Developing Story! Bush Use Of Electronic Signal May Have Been Employed To Lull Opponents

Breaking News!

White House Being Investigated For Using Mosquito-like Device On Congress, Media

Frequency Employed Allowed Bush Team To Sell War, Avoid Laws and Stymie Prosecutor

Word coming out of Washington this morning is better hold off on those Karl Rove ‘Victory” parties.

Sources tell the Garlic that the Justice Department has opened an investigation, brought on by an undisclosed law suit, as to the White House’s use of a Mosquito-like device that lulled Congress and members of the media

The electronic signal, now being marketed to teens, to avoid adult detection on their use of cell phones, is said to have allowed the Bush White House to sell the Iraqi War, bypass and avoid following the law with their Domestic Surveillance Program and may have been used by Karl Rove, in his Grand Jury testimony, to stymie Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald.

It is being said that the Mosquito-like device used by the White House, allowed backers and supporters of the President to hear the correct message being delivered, and those opposed to the President, hearing something completely different. The frequency of the device, which could be adjusted for better effect, also is accused of being able to lull opponents of the President into not taking any action against his policies, or researching and investigating any of their behaviors.

“This has tremendous implications for the industry,” offered Tony Wendice, whose company, Swann Enterprises, tracks and trades futures for ring tones. “If it is found that President Bush used the signal for nefarious purposes, it could have a vast impact of its’ adoption in the marketplace for consumers.

More as additional information and details come in ...

An investigation is being launched into the Bush White House, for the possible use of an electronic signal device, similar to the Mosquito that is now being marketed to teens, that may have lulled Congress and members of the Media

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Breaking News! Cheney Pushed President Out Of Washington To Avoid Subpoena

Garlic Exclusive!
President’s Surprise Iraq Visit Not Diplomacy; White House Wanted Distance From Rove

Staff Gets Info Wrong, Thought Bush’s Brain Indicted; Wanted President Out Of Capital, Away From Subpoenas

President Bush was spirited out of the Camp David late last evening, rushed to Andrews Air Force Base and boarded on to Air Force One for a trip to Iraq, after a West Wing staffer misheard a telephone message, believing that White House Special Council, and longtime key aide to the President, Karl Rove had been indicted.

In what was described to The Garlic, by a source close to the Bush Administration, a tense and chaotic scene unfolded, as Chief of Staff Josh Bolten and Vice President Dick Cheney White House Council Harriet Meirs conferred. Reportedly, Cheney argued for getting the President out of the Capital area, in the remote event that Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald attempted to serve the President with a subpoena.

“If this is what went down,” offered Dix Whitcomb, editor of the newsletter "Our Laws Are Different", “then this White House doesn’t know whether to piss or wind their watches.”

“They should have had the President, and Rove, running victory laps around Washington today,” said Whitcomb.

Cheney Orders Constitutional Exemption and White House Spins “Closer Relationship” With Iraqis

It was said the Cheney wanted the White House Legal Team to have time to attempt to come up with a credible argument, based on the Constitution, War Time Powers or Executive Privilege that would prevent the President from being served a subpoena.

The White House official spin on the President surprise trip to Iraq was to follow-up on the momentum on the killing of terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and give support to the new Iraqi Government, and Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki

The Washington Post reported this morning that White House counselor Dan Bartlett told reporters aboard Air Force One before landing in Baghdad that a personal meeting was designed to allow Bush and Maliki to "establish a closer relationship than you can just over a telephone."

Rove Cleared, Libby Indicted and Cheney Fingerprints On Leak

The chain of events begin early last evening, after Karl Rove’s lawyer, Robert Luskin, was told by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald that he did not expect to file charges against Rove, for his role in the leaking of CIA Agent Valarie Plame, as retaliation against her husband, former Ambassador Joseph Wilson, after Wilson criticized the President in a New York Times Op-Ed over the administrations contention of WMD’s in Iraq, and Iraq’s alleged pursuit of uranium for nuclear weapons – after President Bush asserted such in his 2003 State of the Union Address.

Fitzgerald put Rove before the Grand Jury investigating the leak five times, grilling the man called “Bush’s Brain” over his possible false testimony about speaking with reporters about Plame and Wilson.

To date, only former Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby has been indicted in the case.

Both Rove, and Vice President Dick Cheney are potential witnesses that may be called to testify in the Libby case, scheduled to begin in January, 2007.

In a court filing last month, record show that Cheney may be deeply involved in the outing of Plame’s CIA identity, writing notes in the column of the newspaper carrying Wilson’s Op-Ed and directing Libby, and others in the Vice President’s office to rebut the charges.

Intern and Low-Level Staffer Set-Off Chain Pushing President To Iraq

Luskin called the White House early last evening to pass along the good news of Rove being cleared of possible indictment.

According to sources, a West Wing intern, working late, took the call. Realizing the importance of the message, the intern patched the call through to Camp David and, whoever took the call there, another administrative staffer, is where things began to go wrong.

The staffer at Camp David “panicked”, according to our source, and relayed the message that “Rove’s indicted” to Bolten and others in the room.

From there, things moved very quickly and the President was hustled out of Camp David to Air Force One.

Pattern of White House Screw-ups

This would not be the first situation in which White House staffers gave the President wrong information.

Last December, as reported by The Garlic, the Lincoln Group, a Washington, D.C. PR firm, hired by the Pentagon to plant pro-U.S. Military stories in the Iraqi media, gave the President the wrong folder before a speech at the Naval Academy. The President then went out and spoke of the "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq", while media in Iraq carried harsh slams against critics of the President, Senators Jack Murtha, John Kerry and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi

As to the Lincoln Group error, Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em', said

"Until when, and if, Karl Rove or Dick Cheney gets indicted, this is about the worst thing that could happen for Bush.”

It’s not clear if the President, or anyone on the staff advised the Iraqis of the reason for the surprise visit. News reports at the time of this writing are still carrying the official White House spin, adding in visits by the President to the U.S. Troops stationed in Iraq.

A quickly-assembled advance team handed out to the troops, wallet-sized photos of the dead terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in preparation for the President’s visit.

The Garlic has learned that President Bush’s surprise visit to Iraq today was not a diplomatic gesture, but rather he was spirited away from his Camp David Summit over the misinformation that Karl Rove had been indicted. Vice President Dick Cheney led the effort, pushing the President out of Washington and away from any possible subpoenas

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At Bush's Camp David War Summit

News Item: Bush, Advisers Review Iraq Strategy

10. I wonder who Rove gave up in order to avoid being indicted?

9. Christ, does he like to hear himself talk, or what? ... Forget the Iraqi’s, how’s about letting us stand up for awhile ...

8. No, really Mr. Vice President, I did buy a copy of her book

7. So what he’s not here anymore, we can still blame things on Brownie

6. I guess, when we talk about “Did you see that smear by Karl” now, we’ll have to ask which one

5. Now that Coulter has slimed the widows, can we get her to do something and bury that that Daily Kos guy? ... Fox is already on it...

4. Well Dick, it’s your own fault ... I always told you someone might pick it up ... Not to doodle on the newspaper...

3. Why, wallet-sized photos of the dead Abu Musab al-Zarqawi... Thank you Mr. President

2. Condi ... The DOD really wants to get you on-board for Iran ... And none of this “Thousands of Tactical Errors” bullshit...

1. Jeez, with all the droppings around here, he should call it Camp Barney

Tempers flared at Camp David, during the meeting of President Bush and his National Security Advisors, when Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield teased and chided Vice President Dick Cheney, over his reported involvement in the Valarie Plame CIA Leak Case, telling Cheney that he shouldn’t “doodle on newspapers”

Monday, June 12, 2006

Breaking News! - Bush Didn’t Want “Another Mission Accomplished” On His Hands

Breaking News!

Bush Talked Out Of Having Zarqawi Photo Lay In Capital Rotunda

Sources Say West Wing “Run Ragged” With President’s Efforts To Tone Down Terror Rhetoric

New tensions have surfaced in the White House, as sources had told The Garlic that President Bush had to be talked out of having the framed photo of the deceased terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, lay in state in the Capital Rotunda.

Since last month, when the President admitted his “taunting” of the Iraqi insurgency, with his defiant “bring’em on”, and his earlier call for Osama bin Laden “wanted, dead or alive”, was an error, Bush, according to sources close to the White House, has been “overcompensating” in attempting to soften his rhetoric.

Last month, Reuters reported that President Bush said "I learned some lessons about expressing myself maybe in a little more sophisticated manner, you know. "Wanted, dead or alive"; that kind of talk. I think in certain parts of the world it was misinterpreted," he said.

“He’s been driving the staff crazy,” said Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century. “We got reports that at one point, Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten called former Chief of Staff Andy Card to see it he wanted his old job back.”

According to Paula Malady, an analyst for the think tank All Things Terror, which specializes in Middle East affairs, the President has been “like a hawk”.

“Bush has taken to chiding staff members when they make, what the he believes, is a derisive, or inappropriate comment aimed at the insurgents or terrorists. It gotten to the point that many in the West Wing are communicating in-code, or sending text messages on cell phones, just so the President won’t overhear them.”

Bush Didn’t Want “Another Mission Accomplished” On His Hands

The successful bombing that killed al-Zarqawi last week brought those tensions above the surface.

The President first learned of the possible death last Wednesday, but directed National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley to wait until they had official, or reliable confirmation, which came the following day from Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Even before his early morning comments last Thursday, in which the President announced the death of al-Zarqawi in noticeable measured tones, Bush, according to Martins, was “already over-the-top”.

“He was running around the White House, demanding absolute certainty,” said Martins. “He berated Bolten and other staff members saying that he didn’t want “another Mission Accomplished” on his hands.”

Bush Orders Death Payment; Rumsfield To President: “Get A Life ... Get Real”

With an all-out media frenzy erupting with the news of strike that killed al-Zarqawi, Time Magazine breaking on the rare red “X” for its’ cover photo of the proclaimed leader of the Iraqi Insurgency , the President began making plans and preparations, over the objections of his staff.

First up was Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield.

Rumsfield was summoned to Camp David, where the President spent most of the weekend, preparing for a War Summit with his advisors today, and told to find family or relatives of al-Zarqawi, and process the standard $2500 Death Payment, issued to victims in Iraq, to give to them.

Rumsfield, according to sources who were at Camp David, was livid, and engaged in a loud, chest-thumping argument with the President.

According to the sources, Rumsfield soon stormed out of the room, yelling at the gaggle of White House staff standing outside the office, that “He must have been watching some of those PBS shows again ... Tell him to get a life ... To get real!”

The Defense Department and the Pentagon offered no comment or confirmation of Rumsfield’s trip to Camp David, or the issuing of a Death Payment to al-Zarqawi’s family.

Bush Ordered Military To Use “Nice Frame” and “Black Bunting”

The President’s next confrontation came with the U.S. Military Command in Iraq.

With a bevy of press briefings on tap, to give the details on the bombing raid that took out the terrorist leader, Bush ordered the military to “do it right” and then bristled when the President added to put a photo of a “cleaned-up” al-Zarqawi in a “nice frame” and drape it with black bunting.

Bush, according to Martins, nearly “jumped out of his shoes, when he watched the military press briefings on American television. They did employ the frame but left off the black bunting.

“I think it was at this point, Bush ordered Bolten to look into using the Capital Rotunda to display the framed photo of al-Zarqawi, with “the appropriate amount of black bunting”.

Bolton, Rove and Hadley then went into the office, closed the door and didn’t reemerge for nearly an hour,” said Martin.

“When they came out, the staff was told to get busy with preparing for the summit.”

Murtha: Sell Framed Photo On eBay and Buy Troops The “Proper Armor To Stay Alive”

As word leaked out around Washington, Congressman Jack Murtha (D-PA), already a fierce critic of the President’s War in Iraq, calling for the withdrawal of all U.S. Troops from Iraq, exploded.

“He’s out of touch ... He has no clue what’s going on,” steamed Murtha.

“Maybe,” suggested an angry Murtha, “that we can get that framed al-Zarqawi photo and put in on eBay, and then turn those funds around and get our boys the proper armor and other tools they need to stay alive over there. We can’t wait anymore for the President or Rumsfield to do it.”

Military commanders in Iraq followed orders on the frame for the slain terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, but rebuffed President Bush’s call for black bunting around it

Top Ten Cloves: How Staff Is Dealing With Robert Byrd Now Being Longest-Serving Senator

News Item: W.Va.'s Byrd Now Longest-Serving Senator

10. Get him to replace flag in his office, the one with only 48 stars

9. Break it to him, for his 9th Term election run he can’t go out and campaign on “Sane Sex Marriage

8. Keep having to reassure him that humming noise is air conditioning, not NSA or CIA spying on him

7. Teach him how to use touch-tone telephones

6. Humor him, when he starts talking about running as a “favorite son” again, in 2008

5. Patiently explain that his breakfast, Special K Cereal, is a cereal, not a bribe from a Republican Lobbyist

4. Remember, for the Photo Ops, don’t let him hold up is Exalted Cyclops certificate

3. When they really want to see him explode, they buzz him and say that “Tom Delay is hear to see you”

2. Yes, he wants to get more federal funds into West Virginia, but Senator Stevens already has dibs on the “Bridge To Nowhere”

1. Call Senator Frist and smooth over that, getting whacked in the legs with Senator Byrd’s cane in the Senate elevator is purely accidental

Attention Garlic Subscribers – Transition Day To FeedBurner

In the event you don’t receive your normal, daily FeedBlitz feed today, it is due to The Garlic is transitioning over to FeedBurner. You shouldn’t have to do anything – other than enjoy the reading. It is expected and anticipated to go very smoothly (but, then again, we know what happens when we take on that smug thought ...)

Not a subscriber to The Garlic? Fear not, just jump or scroll over to the right column and punch in your email address in the FeedBurner Subscriber Box (just below The Garlic Poll)

Thank you all for visiting and reading The Garlic



The Garlic’s Transition Team arriving at work today

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 11 June 2006

The Garlic has learned that prior to last weeks' vote in the Senate, on the Same-Sex Marriage Amendment, which was defeated, the RNC, along with conservative groups Focus On Family and the Family Research Council sponsored a cocktail gathering for Republican Senators in an effort to persuade them to vote for the amendment

Even before any legislation is passed, the U.S. Border Patrol reports that illegal immigrants are training to enter the United States via water

In a new development, Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) said he will submit legislation that will require immigrants entering the United States have the American Flag painted on their faces

In the new White House of Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, President Bush and the First Lady will have a 24-hour Color Guard that will precede them wherever they go. Bolten said he wants to "highlight the power and pageantry of the Executive Office.

Sources tell The Garlic that staffers are complaining that the Color Guard is "jamming the hallways" of the West Wing and causing "logistical nightmares" for the President's Travel Team

In an awkward moment, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, after vehemently defending the record of the Bush Administration, criticizing the media coverage given to the President, stormed outside the Press Room and challenged reporters, shouting "C'mon, let's get it on!"

Vice President Dick Cheney and House Leader Dennis Hastert congratulate themselves, after learning the U.S. Military agreed to "strap them to a shell" and drop them on the location of Osama Bin Ladin, after he is found, when it was discovered that, combined, the pair weighs "well over 500-pounds" and will inflict even more damage then “what took out Zarqawi"

Poll Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 11 2006 ... New Poll - Ann Coulter

Here’s the results from The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 11 2006, asking “The Marine’s cover-up of the massacre in Haditha is because of ...

1. Got PR Advice from Dick Cheney and Katharine Armstrong 35%

2. “It's untidy” and “Stuff happens" 25%

3. The Military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy 22%

4. No one from the Bush Administration has gone on Fox News yet with the official spin 18%

This week’s Poll - For the comments she has made, insulting the Sept 11th widows while promoting her new book, Ann Coulter must have ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote