Thursday, June 15, 2006

Breaking News! President Makes Unannounced, Surprise Visit To Redmond Tech Giant

Breaking News!

Bolten Continues White House Sweep; Boots Out Microsoft’s Gates and Bush Speechwriter

Cites Need To Keep Week’s Momentum Going; Gates Long Tenure and Possible Economic Slump Prompted Action

The surprise announcement of Microsoft founder, and Chairman, Bill Gates, that he is stepping down from day-to-day operations this afternoon, came following a surprise, unannounced visit from President Bush early this morning, The Garlic has learned from sources close to the White House.

The President, according to our sources, was accompanied by White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten, who delivered to Gates the news that he had to move on. Bolten cited his long tenure with the company and the Bush Administrations desire to keep the strong economy humming along.

Treasurer Secretary Okayed Pushing Gates Out

Bolten’s move in booting out Gates came after meeting and consulting with new Treasury Secretary, former Goldman Sachs chairman and CEO, Henry Paulson Jr. Paulson had expressed concerns of the high tech sector of the U.S. economy going stagnant and Bolten immediately suggested, and received Paulson’s approval, the axing of Gates.

With the overwhelming positive press coverage of the President’s recent surprise visit to Iraq, Bolten ordered plans be drawn up to have the President make a similar, unannounced visit to the Redmond headquarters of Microsoft.

Neither Gates, nor anyone else at Microsoft was advised or alerted to the visit from the President until approximately 5-minutes before the President’s motorcade pulled into the Microsoft compound.

Speechwriter Given The “Bolten Boot” Because Of “Too Much Redundancy”

Earlier today, while the President and Bolten were aboard Air Force One, flying to Redmond, the White House announced that longtime Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson was given his walking papers.

Gerson, Bush’s chief speechwriter since 1999, was one of the closest aides to the President, and responsible for penning some of Bush’s most famous words.

Sources tell The Garlic that Bolten believed there was “too much redundancy” around the President’s speechwriting, the White House Iraq Group and new White House Iraq and Iran Group, and the PR agency hired by the Pentagon, the Lincoln Group.

Bolten believed all three “could adequately put the right words in the President’s mouth.”

Gates and Gerson now join the growing list of players given the “Bolten Boot”, as some West Wing staffers are characterizing the moves.

Bolten was instrumental in forcing out former Chief of Staff Andy Card and, upon taking over the office of being the President closest aide, gave the heave-ho to former Press Secretary Scott McClellan, former Treasury Secretary John Snow.

Microsoft Founder Bill Gates yet another victim of the “Bolten Boot”

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