Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Steve Jobs Announces "Klaatu barada nikto!", New iBuilding

I couldn't sit on the DL when I espied the news of this today;

Jobs To Cupertino: We Want A Spaceship-Shaped, 12K Capacity Building As Our New Apple Campus


After having a banner WWDC start yesterday, Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs humbly presented his idea for a new Apple campus at the Cupertino City Council today. Jobs wants to build one building that will hold 12,000 Apple employees on a former Hewlett-Packard property in the area between Tantau North Wolfe, Homestead and the 280 freeway.”It’s a little like a spaceship landed,” Jobs says. No kidding.

Jobs began the presentation referring to the fact that Apple is growing “like a weed,” and that its current campus at D’Anza and the 280 isn’t enough — fitting only about 2,800 people. Apple currently rents buildings to house its other 6,700 employees in the area. The new building will augment the current campus.

There's more, something about Matrix-like Curved Holographic windows and the whole place will be powered by Soylent Green.


And WTF was this Justin Bieber adoration?
The individual members of the Cupertino City Council seemed like they were in awe the entire time the infamously charismatic Apple CEO spoke (which isn’t surprising), asking Jobs for free Wifi and iPads for constituents as well as for an Apple store that’s actually in Cupertino and not in the Valley or Los Gatos. Jobs shyly responded to the requests, “I think we bring a lot more than free Wifi.”

Beware Cupertino, the past is prologue

Barnhardt: One thing, Mr. Klaatu: suppose this group should reject your proposals. What is the alternative? 
Klaatu: I'm afraid there is no alternative. In such a case, the planet Earth would have to be... eliminated 
Barnhardt: Such power exists? 
Klaatu: I assure you, such power exists

You can watch it here (and notice, around the 11:00 mark, when jobs holds the "largest tax payer in Cupertino" thing over their heads; And, around the 17:00 mark, Jobs pulling a Timmy-from-Twilight Zone, wishing the Kaiser Cement plant into the cornfield)

What went unannounced, sources told The Garlic, that this is the beginning of an ambitious new "iBuilding" division of Apple, and in the yet-to-be-announced future, the debut of "iBlueprint" where anyone can download designs of homes or buildings

Bonus Riffs

Steve Jobs: Apple’s plans for the New Campus at Cupertino City Council

Apple wants to build giant 'spaceship' campus in Cupertino

New iPod Phone Requires Downloading Calls

The iPhone That Knew Too Much

Retro Garlic: Apple's 'Cha-Ching" App