Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Abe Lincoln Role Stirs Studios To Flood Market With New Vampire Pics

Despite the less-than-stellar opening box office, and disastrous reviews, of the new film,‘Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter’, major Hollywood studios are red-lining, and rushing into production, a wave of new vampire projects, a source tells The Garlic.

“They can’t get them out fast enough,’ said the movie industry insider, adding that “my clients are badgering to get me to land them something.”

The plan calls for issuing new projects with original stories, many of them with A-List actors, for serial stories that will offer multiple sequels and franchises.
Also, for the studios with deep archives, some classic films will be reworked, with CGI, and other state-of-the-art techniques, integrating in new stars, and turning movie legends into vampire fighters.

Scheduled for release by the Christmas rush include;

The Vampire World of Suzie Wong

William Holden’s Robert Lomax doesn’t move into the Nam Kok Hotel just to become a painter.

He teams up with Nancy Kwan’s Suzie Wong, and the other prostitutes, to do battle with the Vampires of Hong Kong, offering pulsating martial arts action on the teeming streets.

Look for Steve Buscemi in a cameo role as a kung fu rickshaw driver

Rain Man, Vampire Slayer

Raymond Babbitt may be autistic, but when he and brother Charlie hit Las Vegas, it’s not for blackjack, and Raymond shows the vampires who’s on first.

The pair does battle with the towns Vampires, tearing up and down the strip, rampaging through casinos, with the climatic fight coming on top of the Luxor Hotel’s pyramid.

Steve Buscemi has a role here, as a Craps Table dealer who rolls snake eyes for the vampires

A Vampire Affair To Remember

Cary Grant’s Nickie Ferrante and Deborah Kerr’s Terry McKay take on the Vampires, both on land and at sea.

With the ship anchored on the scenic Mediterranean coast, Ferrante and McKay clean the ocean liner of the stowaway vampires.

Back in New York, McKay isn’t hit by an automobile on the way to meet Ferrante, she’s abducted by the Vampires, leading to the final battle, at the top of the Empire State building.

Steve Buscemi pops up here, as the elevator operator who aids the pair.

Other works in the pipeline include ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Vampire’, ‘Three Vampires in the Fountain’ and ‘No Country for Old Vampires’.

“This is like found money,” gushed the Hollywood insider.

“I mean, we could dress someone up like Bela Lugosi, film him reading the phone book, and laugh all the way to the bank.”


Bonus Links

Review: Bloody Serious Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Isn’t as Fun as It Sounds

Vampires of Television and Film

Day Three of Swank Thank You's; No End In Sight

The Oscars ... "Perfectly awful!"

Movie Industry Titan, and LBJ Lackey, Rolls His Final Credits - Jack Valenti Obit