Hix Nix Palin Tricks

Well, maybe they can re-title it as "The Defeated" ...


Palin doc headed for PPV as ticket sales plummet

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap) - With its Sarah Palin documentary "The Undefeated" increasing its playdates by 40 percent this weekend, only to watch box office revenue decline by more than 63 percent, distributor Arc Entertainment announced Sunday that the film will soon be available on pay per view.


The movie played in 14 Tea Party-friendly locations this weekend -- up from the 10 in which it opened last week -- but grossed just $24,000.


Starting September 1, subscribers to DirecTV, Dish Network and Time Warner can see the true Horatio Alger story of an Alaska woman's rise from self-described "hockey mom" to gubernatorial dropout to conservative cable news bastion talking head, all in the comfort of their own home.


In addition, the film will launch on DVD October 4 with a shipment of 250,000 units.

 


Hard to say "ticket sales plummeted", when on opening night, in Red-as-you-can-get-Red Orange County, Southern California, the theatre was empty - nobody showed up.


Why, on earth didn't some Right Wing Flying Monkeys, or, her own Mommy Moose PAC buy up all the movie tickets - just like they did for her book - to make it a runaway success?


To tweak LBJ, if the Wasilla Whiz Kid has lost the Teabaggers, she's lost the country.


And, so much for the juggernaut.


Highlights heading into the 2012 Campaign are, now, a cancelled pre-campaign victory bus tour, and a Susan- Alexander-Kanesque film that goes bust.


If Tina Fey has some smarts, she'll quickly punch out a Doppelganger spoof of "The Undeafeated", of which its' opening night will eclipse all the revenue of the Ex-Governor with Lipstick's box office.


 


Bonus Riffs


Andy Kroll|:  New Sarah Palin Hagiography: Springboard for 2012 Presidential Run?


John Cole:  So Much Awesome In One Place


Ben Child:  Sarah Palin likened to Joan of Arc in two-hour documentary film


TBogg:  Sarah Palin Is The Culmination Of All Human Endeavors and Wars And Probably Evolution


David Weigel:  Palin's Coming Attractions - What the new Sarah Palin documentary gets right, and wrong, about her politics.


Alyssa Rosenberg: Sarah Palin Taken Aback by Hollywood’s Reaction To Her

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reason Sarah Palin Cancelled Her Bus Tour

News Item: Report: Sarah Palin quits bus tour halfway through, retreats to Alaska  


10.  Looking to get in line early, for the new, coming iPhone


  9.  Believed, since trade mark of her name came through, if continued tour, would have to sue herself


  8.  Just following history - Didn't Paul Revere take a break during his ride?


  7.  Couldn't miss another minute of the Casey Anthony Trial


  6.  The GPS in Palin's bus is on the same system as United Airlines


  5.  Already quit the Governor's job, what else was left to quit?


  4.  Took advise from LeGone James, to just sit out the last quarter of the tour


  3.  Wanted to get off the road in time to catch Keith Olbermann's debut on CurrentTV


  2.  Has a new idea, to do, kind of, a "Winning" tour, like Charlie Sheen


  1.  Lost the bus to Tobey Maguire in a poker game


 


Bonus Riffs


Kirsten Boyd Johnson: Sarah Palin Follows Comedy Rules And Quits Bus Tour Halfway Through


Alex Pareene: Sarah Palin baffles and frustrates fans by quitting bus tour


Dan Amira: Sarah Palin Was Supposed to Be Delighting Us All With Another Bus Tour by Now


Colby Hall - No Joke: Sarah Palin Reportedly Quits One Nation Bus Tour Halfway Through

Palin's Experience

"Sarah Palin is back! The keeper of the light! All hail Sarah Palin! All hail Sarah Palin! Oh Sarah Palin can you see by the dawn's early light..."

Grand Central Station Locker Creatures.



It's a good thing I hadn't had my first morning cup of coffee when I caught this, otherwise, I would have spewed it all over the computer, as I fell to the floor in a fit of laughter.

It should be no surprise that The Wasilla Whiz Kid would call for, on her Policy Think Tank Facebook Page, continued drilling;

All responsible energy development must be accompanied by strict oversight, but even with the strictest oversight in the world, accidents still happen. No human endeavor is ever without risk – whether it’s sending a man to the moon or extracting the necessary resources to fuel our civilization. I repeat the slogan “drill here, drill now” not out of naiveté or disregard for the tragic consequences of oil spills – my family and my state and I know firsthand those consequences. How could I still believe in drilling America’s domestic supply of energy after having seen the devastation of the Exxon-Valdez spill? I continue to believe in it because increased domestic oil production will make us a more secure, prosperous, and peaceful nation.

No, actually "increased domestic oil production" will not make us more secure and prosperous (well, it will make the oil industry companies very prosperous).

It will continue to destroy our environment, and strain state and federal budgets, cleaning up, for years-to-decades, those "accidents with the strictest oversight" while underfunding the development of alternative, safe, renewal energy sources.



But that is not what would have had coffee shooting out of my nose.

Rather it was the Flying Monkey sycophants over on Conservatives4Palin.

Latching on to anything, anything, with Herculean powers, anything that could possibly make Mommy Moose look like a thoughtful, competent leader, they go to the source, the beryllium sphere, Ms. Ya'Bet'cha's book, to highlight "her experience" in dealing with oil spills.

Palin's Experience With Exxon Valdez Oil Spill

Governor Palin wrote earlier today about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. As the governor mentioned in her Facebook posting, she's experienced the effects of an oil spill first-hand. The following is an excerpt from Going Rogue about the Exxon Valdez spill (pages 59-62):

On Good Friday, March 24, 1989, I baked a cake for Dad’s fifty-first birthday. It started out a great day, but turned into one of those “where were you when ...” moments. When Ronald Reagan was shot, I heard about it over the intercom upstairs in the library at Wasilla High; when the space shuttle Challenger exploded, I was watching it on TV while standing in my dorm room at UI.

On this day, I was in my apartment on Peck Street in Wasilla when the phone rang.

“Sarah, turn on the TV!” It was Blanche. The intensity of her voice did not spell good news.

[snip]

When the Exxon Valdez hit Bligh Reef, I was a young mother-to-be with a blue-collar husband headed up to the Slope. I hadn’t yet envisioned running for elected office. But looking back, I can see that the tragedy planted a seed in me: If I ever had a chance to serve my fellow citizens, I would do so, and I’d work for the ordinary, hardworking people—like everyone who was a part of my ordinary, hardworking world.

Well ...

Not exactly.

It was more like she'd work for, about, a half term, for those "ordinary, hardworking people", before bailing out, and jumping on the Money Train.

Meanwhile, back in reality;

Leaked report: Government fears Deepwater Horizon well could become unchecked gusher

The worst-case scenario for the broken and leaking well pouring oil into the Gulf of Mexico would be the loss of the wellhead and kinked piping currently restricting the flow to 5,000 barrels -- or 210,000 gallons -- per day.

If the wellhead is lost, oil could leave the well at a much greater rate.

[snip]

Gouget said the loss of a wellhead is totally unprecedented.

Maybe she can go down there, and wink at it.





Bonus Links

Andrew Sullivan: Tweet Of The Day

Laura Conaway: Palin feels Gulf's pain, but accidents happen, OK? As proved by 2nd rig collapse

Cheney, Baby Cheney ...

Just A Closer Armageddon With Thee

Let's see, last year, Mommy Moose was riding the Dead Campaign Express... Currently, she's saddled-up with the Tea Party Express ...



Now, it seems, she out launching the Holy Roller Express.

And, I wonder, if they know about it, and will the Russians object to Sarah Palin's "Prayer Shield" in due time?

THE THEOCRATIC WING OF THE GOP...

A certain former half-term governor appears to be drifting even further away from the American mainstream. Over the weekend, appearing at an evangelical Christian women's conference in Louisville, Sarah Palin rejected the very idea of separation of church and state, a bedrock principle of American democracy.

She asked for the women -- who greeted her with an enthusiastic standing ovation -- to provide a "prayer shield" to strengthen her against what she said was "deception" in the media.

She denounced this week's Wisconsin federal court ruling that government observance of a National Day of Prayer was unconstitutional -- which the crowd joined in booing. She asserted that America needs to get back to its Christian roots and rejected any notion that "God should be separated from the state."

[snip]

The amusing aspect of this is the notion that the United States would return to its roots with support for National Day of Prayer observances. That's backwards -- Thomas Jefferson and James Madison explicitly rejected state-sponsored prayer days. I'll look forward to the conservative explanation of how the Founding Fathers were godless socialists.

I also can't wait to hear how right-wing voices who want smaller government believe it's appropriate for the federal government to issue decrees encouraging private American citizens to engage in worship.

Yikes!

The Wasilla Whiz Kid was really painted herself into a corner.

Since she "likes all the founding fathers", I would fork out for Pay-Per-View to see her explain this one away.

Greg Sargent, over on The Plum Line weighs in;

But I’ve got a full transcript of Palin’s remarks, and it’s worse than you might have thought: She cited the Founding Fathers as proof that God shouldn’t be separated from the state. Peter Smith, the Courier-Journal reporter who broke the story, sends over the full context of her remarks:

I beg you, Women of Joy, to bring light and be involved, loving America and praying for her. Really, it is our solemn duty. Praying for true spiritual awakening to overcome deterioration. That is where God wants us to be. Lest anyone try to convince you that God should be separated from the state, our Founding Fathers, they were believers. And George Washington, he saw faith in God as basic to life.

This is substandard history. In reality, the separation of church and state, thanks in part to the efforts of those very same Founding Fathers, is enshrined in the Bill of Rights

[snip]

There was a time when this sort of thing would provoke widespread media mockery and perhaps even be seen as a potential disqualifier for the presidency.

Ahh, not when you have a "Prayer Shield" there, Greg.

Where do you get a "Prayer Shield" - Home Depot, Lowes, Lands End Catalog?

Or, is a government thing, something provided by the Secret Service?

Is it something she demands, in her Contract Rider?

Crooks and Liars has video of the speech, and a link that could be more worrisome, "Heads Up: Prayer Warriors and Sarah Palin Are Organizing Spiritual Warfare to Take Over America".

Oh My!

We're talking Prayer Shields, and Prayer Warriors.

Sounds like a "District 9" kind of thing, sans the Sci-Fi stuff.

I knew there was a reason we tagged her "Elmera Gantry".

That Be A Lot of Moose Meat!

Or: Nice Work If You Can Get It

When all the other governors around the country see this report, don't be surprised if we see a mass exodus, a run of abdications across the land, all heading to the same money trough as Mommy Moose;



Sarah Palin Has Earned an Estimated $12 Million Since July

Since leaving office at the end of July 2009, the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee has brought in at least 100 times her old salary – a haul now estimated at more than $12 million -- through television and book deals and a heavy schedule of speaking appearances worth five and six figures.

That conservative estimate is based on publicly available records and news accounts. The actual number is probably much higher, but is hard to quantify because Palin does not publicize her earnings.

[Snip}

Palin appears to select audiences that are likely to provide a warm welcome. In February, Palin coupled a paid speech to the Daytona Chamber of Commerce with an appearance at NASCAR's Daytona 500 and a local book signing, and was welcomed with cheers of "We love you, Sarah!" In the past nine months, she has stopped in to address the Bowling Proprietors Association of America, the Complete Woman Expo, the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America, and the Sierra-Cascade Logging Conference, among others.

But wait, she's not all that greedy;

She did not charge fellow Tea Party favorite Michele Bachmann for an appearance at a fundraiser in Minnesota last week, for instance. And she has indicated that she will not collect fees for speeches at certain charitable functions. At the same time, a report in the Hamilton Spectator quoted organizers who said she would be paid "in the ballpark" of $200,000 to speak at a fundraising dinner for the Juravinski Cancer Center and St. Peter's Hospital outside of Toronto.

She doesn't charge our seminal Ignorant Dolt, the batshit crazy Michele Bachmann, but she soaks the caretakers who are treating cancer victims?

Yep, sure sounds like rock-solid Republican values there.



This winking at the Teabaggers is really payin' off.

Summertime is coming, The Wasilla Whiz Kid could probably hit, five, maybe six, county fairs, per-state, per-day.

All the organizers have to do is announce she'll be there and, bang, they know they'll have a few scores-of-thousands Teabaggers lining up, wrapping around the Funnel Cake stand.

Gottalaf, over on The Political Carnival could only eek out "Jesus wept. Wonder how much of it was money to just go away..."

And, Doug Mataconis, on Below The Beltway offered;

Like I said, no wonder she quit.

It certainly worked to her advantage financially — and it’s a lot less responsibility than, you know, actually doing something.

Who ever thunk a losing VP candidate, half-term Governor, winking, Know-Nothing, Ms. Ya'Bet'cha, GOP Clothes Horse could be so profitable?

Take it away, Billie Holiday!

Billie Holiday - Nice Work If You Can Get It

She Needs To Write On Both Hands For This

Not only that, The Wasilla Whiz Kid is going to have to dip her hands in ink barrels, if she thinks she's going to stand up and argue with President Obama over Nuclear Policy.



Palin Says Obama's Nuke Stance Is Like a Kid Who Says 'Punch Me in the Face'

"It's unbelievable. Unbelievable," said Palin on Wednesday evening while appearing on Sean Hannity's Fox News program. "No administration in America's history would, I think, ever have considered such a step that we just found out President Obama is supporting today. It's kinda like getting out there on a playground, a bunch of kids, getting ready to fight, and one of the kids saying, 'Go ahead, punch me in the face and I'm not going to retaliate. Go ahead and do what you want to with me.'

"No, it's unacceptable," she continued. "This is another thing that the American public, the more that they find out, what is a part of this agenda, they are going to rise up and they are going to say 'no more.' National security, national defense is the No. 1 job of the federal government."

But wait, the President had the last word on this;

President Obama questions Sarah Palin's nuclear acumen

"I really have no response to that. The last I checked, Sarah Palin is not much of an expert on nuclear issues," Obama said in an interview with ABC News.

Pressed further on Republican criticism that his strategy restricts the use of nuclear weapons too much, Obama added:

"What I would say to them is, is that if the secretary of defense and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff are comfortable with it, I'm probably going to take my advice from them and not from Sarah Palin."

We're working on another post regarding this, which we'll get up later today, or tomorrow, as the Mommy Moose-President Obama slugfest is breaking out into a full-fledged conflagration.


Bonus Mommy Moose Riffs

"I'll Try To Find You Some, and Bring'em To Ya ..."

She's Not A Hockey Mom with Lipstick ... She's Clothes Horse!

Don't Wink At Me, Sarah Palin

Twisted

The one, absolute certainty of this evening, regarding the Wasilla Whiz Kid's reversed-Sally-Field-I Love-You-Tea-Party-Nation-I-Really-Love-You $100G speech, is that Peggy Noonan must have had a half-dozen, or so, orgasms, for the number of drippingly pandering times Mommy Moose gave (and encouraged) virtual blow jobs to Ronald Reagan.



The way the Teabaggers were lapping her up like happy soup, Ms. Ya'Bet'cha's could have just said the name "Ronald Reagan" for 90-minutes or so, and they still would have carried her off on their shoulders.

The way she opened the gig, the earth was rumbling at Forest Lawn, as Frank Capra had to stand up, from his grave, and applaud the way the former PartyofNoican clothes horse covered just about all there is in Americana, just short of baking an apple pie on stage, as she stuttered out how proud she was to "be an American", blew kisses to the soldiers, slammed CSPAN, let everyone know she wants to knit American Flag underwear for Scott Brown, and, of course, groped, and French kissed, for the first of many times, the old Gipper.

From there, it was pedal-to-the-metal boilerplate bashing, of Obama, Pelosi, Reid, the Democrats, liberals, and even poor Joe Biden.

And, surely, the MSM will grab onto her "Hopey-Changey" zinger.

It all their fault, all our debt, unemployment, that they are running a panty-boy National Security and Foreign policy, and all we have to do, to get our "economy soaring again", is cut spending and cut taxes.



In fact, it would be much later, when asked to describe, if, cough, cough, she was "President Palin", what her National Security and Foreign Policy would be, flags popped out of sleeves, and I swear, the Liberty University Marching Band came out on stage, playing "Stars and Stripes Forever" and she machine-gunned out;

We win, they lose

Yabetcha!

Give her credit, for knowing her rabid audience, as her jabs, slurs, misinformation and lies were often punctuated with a proverbial rim shot, and, she gave a nod to any geezer Teabaggers, with raising "high, high, high" the godfather of what used to be the Conservative Movement, Barry Goldwater (if he were in the mix today, the teabaggers would chase him down the street and beat him to death with their misspelled signs).

But the big moment, the money shot, came at the end, in a sandbagged Question and Answer period, with the money-grubbing Convention producer, Judson Phillips, who winked-and-nodded to the crowd, that the questions came from "Tea Party Nation".

If the Teabaggers didn't have flaming-arrows-in-the-eye blind loyalty, and love, of Palin, the room would have deflated, perhaps been torn apart and burned down, when, before the questions began, Mommy Moose advocated, after nearly 90-minutes of kissing the grass-roots ground they walk on, that the PartyofNoicans "embrace" the Teabaggers into their white-only tiny tent.

Come to think of it, not sure if that was an olive branch, or a fatwa, that if they don't, they will be hunted down, skinned alive and used for kindling wood, when the Teabaggers embark on that revolution Palin, earlier said, they were ready for.



Anyway, back to the money shot.

Phillips asked that, with the pending Conservative takeover of the House and Senate, in the Fall Midterms (he presented this, less as a hypothetical, and more as a given), what should be the three top points of their agenda?

Oh no, a wild card question, requiring the former abdicating half-term Governor to, yikes, think.

Onward Comrades, as Palin jumped right in, saying, first, we have to go back to our roots, and be a "God-fearing nation".

Then, it was okay not to have all the answers, you know, have ideas, vision, facts, she was giving her future government a pass on, you know, actually doing anything.

That's because she saved her best, for last.

The definitive policy of Sarah Palin;

Divine Intervention

Everybody just get down on your knees, start praying, start beseeching the Good Lord, to take away the scary monster in the closet, and make us okay again, you know, give us back OUR country.

Divine Intervention.

Oh, good grief ...

Take it away, Annie Ross

Twisted - Annie Ross

Ex-Bush Mouthpiece Hearts Todd Palin

Oh my, this is tremendously embarrassing.

I mean, not that Nicole Wallace was ever some glaring, burning, brilliant light of intellect, but to be publically drooling, lasciviously panting, over Mommy Moose's husband, that really takes the cake.

When last we heard from her, she was dissing Obama, and pitching the golden virtues of the debunked Maverick's concession speech.



But, today ...

ADVISER: ‘WE WERE NEVER READY’

Nicolle Wallace, former senior adviser to the McCain presidential campaign, did little to defend Sarah Palin at a panel discussion for Washington Post reporter Anne Kornblut's new book "Notes from the Cracked Ceiling" on Tuesday night. Asked if the team was "ready for anything" when they selected Palin as their nominee, Wallace replied, "We were never ready ... no one was prepared to defend her. Nobody knew anything."

[snip]

Wallace did praise Todd Palin, the former governor's husband and the so-called "first dude." Todd Palin was an "extraordinary spouse," Wallace said, adding that he will be a "great model for what the first husband will look like."

How to be professional there, Nickie ...

You trying to make Nancy Puss'n'Boots look good?

Maybe she's sucking up, for 2012.

With a comment like that, she should be banished to work with Glenn Beck, since she already has the experience of trying to sell a completely empty, ridiculously unprepared, and totally idiotic candidate like The Wasilla Whiz Kid.

Not to mention, that it's past time for all the Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, and Mommy Moose, enablers to drop the "Claude Raines - I'm Shocked, Shocked To Find Gambling Going On Here", when it comes to the profound incompetence of the Dead Campaign Express.

Help Me Mister Wizard!

Make them all go away!


Bonus Riffs

McCain VP Confusion; Staff Had Canadian Actress Sarah Polley In Dayton Hotel For Three Days

"The insinuation, that John McCain, a former prisoner of war, doesn't know how many houses he has, is outrageous!"

Everything He Learned?

Why Do You Think We've Been Calling Him "Stumblin' and Bumblin"?

Costco Hearts Palin

We have stayed away from the Mommy Moose Book Tour, so far, however, a story today caught our attention.

And, it wasn't the part of The Wasilla Whiz Kid running out on the bill, but, rather, the shopping experience of one, Helen Rappaport, a Utah Democrat;

Rolly: Check from Palin in the mail?

Rappaport stopped at the Salt Lake City Costco to do some shopping, unaware that Palin was scheduled to be there for a book signing.

So Rappaport, after noticing the parking lot full of cars, was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to maneuver her shopping cart through the store with hardly anybody in the aisles. She also got a prescription filled with no wait.

While going through the check-out lane, again with no wait, she told the clerk she forgot to get some grape tomatoes, which she loves, so she would be right back.

That's when the bells went off.

The clerk told her they had no tomatoes that day.

No tomatoes? At Costco?

As she was leaving, she noticed a man with a store manager's name tag and asked him why they had no tomatoes. He informed her the store did have tomatoes, but they were taken off the shelves for a few hours.

It turns out that Palin had been pelted with a tomato at an earlier stop on her book tour and the management at the Costco was determined it wouldn't happen here.

The manager told an employee to go into the storage area and get Rappaport some tomatoes, which he gave her for free.

So, because of Palin, Rappaport not only got to shop with no lines, she got free tomatoes.

Hmmm ... I wonder what Costco would do if Tiger Woods visits the store?

Remove all the single woman?


Bonus Links

Wonkette: GOOD THING THEY DON'T SELL EGGS OR PIES - Costco Removes Tomatoes In Anticipation Of Palin Visit

TBogg: Queen of Alaska has no time for your mindless “blow dry?” gotcha questions

Ron Chusid: Save The Tomatos–Stop Palin

GottaLaff - Palin: Tomato-less in Salt Lake City

Jillian Rayfield: Salt Lake City Costco Removes Tomatoes Ahead Of Palin Event

President Palin! ... Good Bob Franken Spoof

Oh Man, when we espied this post last evening, it was like "Yikes", did we just wake up from a coma?

Veteran newsman, and former CNN Political Reporter, Bob Franken projects out, tongue firmly in cheek, of Ms. Ya'Bet'cha actually winning the Presidency in 2012, and it is a major hoot.

By far the largest voting bloc in the United States turned against Obama -- those who had no health insurance, which was everyone but government workers. The rich paid for their medical care at hospitals within their barricaded communities.

As to The Wasilla Whiz Kid's cabinet, it includes;

Vice President Newt Gingrich
Attorney General Greta Van Susteren
Press Secretary Sean Hannity

You gotta figure that Pinhead Faux Plumber Joe would wind up with some plum post, as would The Cheeseburger That Sweats (aka Rush Limbaugh - H/T Barry Crimmins).

Go read Bob Franken's "Sarah Palin 2013: A Look Ahead", it is extremely humorous, and with a killer punchline to end it.

No. 3,000

Boy, they just seem to be flying by now ...

It was roughly a year ago, that The Garlic celebrated its' 2,000th post (taking a bit over three-years to achieve), and our post this morning, This Date ... On The Garlic" (which has one of our more popular post; "Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Conducting Illegal Dogfights ) turns out to be No. 3,000.



Yikes!

Arguably, not as cool as making Baseball's 3,000 Hits Club, but, hey, I played mostly stickball as a kid, and only one year of organized baseball (in which, for some inexplicable reason, I got beaned a lot)

I guess, having a presidential campaign, and election, helped build those numbers up, thanks to Mommy Moose, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, with their Dead Campaign Express, and, of course, "The Most Fabulous Object In The World", aka Hillary Clinton, I suppose, I could be open for criticism of under-achieving

A thousand posts in just over a year ...

Hmmm ... If I do about five, or six, post, per-day, I might be able to rack up another thousand before years' end ...

We'll have to wait and see on that ...

Meanwhile, let's toss out some tips-of-the-cap to Barry Crimmins, Michael Stickings, Sean Collins, and a boatload of others, who have assisted, tagged, linked, promoted, pushed, or otherwise helped me along the way.

And, to our subscribers, and readers, of The Garlic ...

MUCHO THANKS!

Crazy

Well, good thing we did our posting early morning, yesterday, as the afternoon got taken over by events on the homefront.

We had to get The Aunt up to the hospital early afternoon, which ended up to be an extended ER visit, and turned into their admitting her for the night, for treatment and monitoring.

Today, up until early evening, was a all-day-hospital visit, more than half of it, waiting for the discharge orders and paperwork.

She's home and resting comfortably.

That all adds up to virtually zero energy left to do anything creative, including putting into shape a handful of partially-prepared posts sitting in the files.



So, we will get off a small riff, on Mommy Moose, and growing-infamous, pedal-to-the-metal, whining press conference on Friday.

We searched for a bit, to come up with a tune The Wasilla Whiz Kid could use, as, more-or-less, a theme song, or soundtrack, for her virtual meltdown (as well as cover our own weekend).

And, we think we found it, an old war horse, the lyrics playing, rather nicely, in-sync, to the soon-to-be-ex-Governor.

It's the Willie Nelson chestnut, "Crazy", performed with Mr. & Mrs. Elvis Costello

Diana Krall, Elvis Costello & Willie Nelson - Crazy (Live)



Oh No!

I'm calling Sarah Palin crazy!

I might be sued!

Now, Only An Ex-Governor, With Lipstick

So much for a quiet, pre-holiday day.

Who woulda' thunk it?

Something actually knocked the MichaelJacksonPalooza off the air, it was was none other than Mommy Moose, The Wasilla Wiz Kid, that Hockey-Mom-with-Lipstick, Stumblin-Bumblin' John McCain's former scene-stealer, Sarah Palin.

She's not quitting, she's just ... Well ... Quitting ....

Ms. Ya'Bet'cha's is bailing out of the Alaskan Governorship, mid-way through, to go on and fight for something vague and unnamed, but with all her heart

If life is 33RPM, Mommy Moose was pitched at 78RPM, and, it must be in the new 2009 PartyofNoican's Playbook, after Governor Gaucho displayed it last week, that you must be almost frantically rambling when giving a press conference ... Cool-and-Calm is out, coked-up speed freak is in.

And, check out the way The Wasilla Whiz Kid was gulping air through out the speech;

Sarah Palin Announces Resignation as Governor, Part 1



Sarah Palin Announces Resignation as Governor, Part 2



(You can read a transcript HERE)

I half expected to see the, now-unemployed team of the Unconvicted Child Molester's docs come running on the scene, offering their services, or someone, slapping an oxygen mask on her.

And, at the end of Part 2, notice, when the camera pans, there's like, a dozen people there, perhaps only close friends and family, not a sea of torch-carrying Alaskans, ready to march into that vague, unnamed fight, with the former Hockey Mom.

Geez, ya think Mommy Moose, or someone on her staff, would have tied in a product placement with Verizon, so they could CGI in the throngs of people standing by the geeky guy, always affirming "you're covered", to avoid looking like the "before Dead Zone"

If you want, there's a zillion posts out on Memeorandum that you can click through, while we highlight a few here.

It's only Act I, of a multiple act play, so no telling what this is all about today, the sudden, abrupt ditching of the Governor digs.

The Right Wing Freak Show is beginning to rally around that this is the cannon shot for 2012.



Here, on The Garlic, we go with the smaller number of hands raised, betting on ....

New Scandal!

On Firedoglake, bmaz was the first to hint at it, followed closely by Brad Friedman;

EXCLUSIVE: PALIN RESIGNS AS 'DAMAGE CONTROL' DUE TO 'ICEBERG SCANDAL', SAYS ALASKAN SOURCE ... UPDATE: Shannyn Moore offers The BRAD BLOG hints about reasons for Alaska Gov's resignation...

UPDATE: Alaskan Sarah Palin authority (and occasional BRAD BLOG guest blogger) Shannyn Moore, who broke the news at HuffPo today, tells me she believes, with good reason, that there is an "iceberg scandal that's about to break. She's doing damage control."

She says Palin is "resigning as part of damage control" due to a scandal this is "not of a family nature."

"The governor would not be able to continue her job when it comes out," she told me on the phone just now, before adding: "Why would Mark Sanford not resign, but Sarah Palin did? Her family didn't even know about the resignation until they were standing with her by the lake" when she made her announcement.

Yes. It seems another shoe, apparently a big one, will indeed be dropping, likely within the next week or so. Perhaps earlier now that everyone will be poking around up there.

Max Blumenthal goes into a bit of detail in his "Did a Scandal Sink the U.S.S. Palin?"

Many political observers in Alaska are fixated on rumors that federal investigators have been seizing paperwork from SBS in recent months, searching for evidence that Palin and her husband Todd steered lucrative contracts to the well-connected company in exchange for gifts like the construction of their home on pristine Lake Lucille in 2002. The home was built just two months before Palin began campaigning for governor, a job which would have provided her enhanced power to grant building contracts in the wide-open state.

SBS has close ties to the Palins. The company has not only sponsored Todd Palin's snowmobile team, according to the Village Voice's Wayne Barrett, it hired Sarah Palin to do a statewide television commercial in 2004.

Though Todd Palin told Fox News he built his Lake Lucille home with the help of a few "buddies," according to Barrett’s report, public records revealed that SBS supplied the materials for the house. While serving as mayor of Wasilla, Sarah Palin blocked an initiative that would have required the public filing of building permits—thus momentarily preventing the revelation of such suspicious information.

Just months before Palin left city hall to campaign for governor, she awarded a contract to SBS to help build the $13 million Wasilla Sports Complex. The most expensive building project in Wasilla history, the complex cost the city an additional $1.3 million in legal fees and threw it into severe long-term debt. For SBS, however, the bloated and bungled project was a cash cow.

And we have to give Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo points, for his headline "if the jimmy choo fits, the other one's about to drop"

With the summer here, Congress out-of-session, beaches brimming with vacationers, Mommy Moose has put down her marker, almost guaranteeing her ownership of the media (save for the on-going Jackson Family dragging things out to pump the record and video sales; H/T to Barry Crimmins).

And it's Jonathan Turley that rings up that feeling quite well;

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has announced that she will resign from office on July 26th. The news has led bloggers and comedians to breath into paper bags and use emergency dial-ins for their analysts across the country. Palin has been God’s gift to bloggers, including this blog. But fear not, this announcement may actually promise more not less Palin!

Yes, just what this country needs - More of Sarah Palin.

Hmmm ....

We do have a Poet Laureate, so, perhaps, Mommy Moose is carving out the "Jester Laureate" for herself.

Hell, by her news conference today, your guess is as good as mine ...

The Clothes Horse Rides Again!

What's a diva supposed to do with $150K in wardrobe?

In the latest installment of the now, long-running RNC production of "The Dresser", it seems that she added another $30,000;

Say it Ain't So, Sarah, Another 30K?

The Republican National Committee is scheduled to file a campaign report with the Federal Election Commission Thursday disclosing that the committee spent additional funds to clothe and accessorize vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Snip ...

While not providing much in details, Republican officials say that the RNC’s post-election financial report will include information on other “accessories’’ purchased for Palin before the Nov. 4 election.

“The amount to be reported is significantly less than $150,000,’’ one RNC official told National Journal. “The accessories on the report are less than $30,000.’’

I'm beginning to think she took this gig, just for the freebies ... Load up ... Juice up the wardrobe ...A proverbial "Supermarket Sweep"...

It certainly wasn't for her intellect, the substances of her speeches.

Somebody she look into the Chambliss campaign reports ... Mommy Moose regurgitated her McKKKain stump speeches for old Saxby ... I'm sure she must have grabbed some new threads there ...

She'd want to look sharp when standing up for such a repugnant veteran basher.

Though, can you count white bedsheets as "wardrobe"?


Bonus Don't Wink For Me Sarah Palin Riffs

She's Not A Hockey Mom with Lipstick ... She's Clothes Horse!

She's Not A Hockey Mom with Lipstick ... She's A Hockey Jinx!

She's Not A Hockey Mom with Lipstick ... She's Emily Litella!

Legally Alaskan ... Or: Base Hit

Is It A Palin Truth Squad? .... Ya Betch'Ya!

Well, it may be that those salad days of shopping, slaughtering turkeys, and inspiring strangers to give a "Thank You" shout out, will be looked at as "the good days".

News comes The Land of the Midnight Sun that Mommy Moose will be getting a look-over that doesn’t send starbursts through the screen.

Mudflats has it in a most creative post today;

Alaska Needs Your Help! In Which I Explain That the Creature from the Black Lagoon is a Good Guy

The boaters realize with growing dismay that the crowd that has gathered on the shore has not come to help them fight off the beast. They are actually cheering for the creature who has boarded the boat! What can this mean?! Why do they hate us?! Quick, offer this thing a sandwiche or something!

But neither the creature, nor the townsfolk on the shore will be deterred. The creature has made itself quite comfortable on the boat, and is now sitting, and has actually begun to row the boat ashore (Hallelujah!) with the intent of delivering the trembling crew right into the middle of the mob of agitated townsfolk….

It’s amazing what can be brought to life with some good old fashioned community organizing. What all this means is that Alaskans for Truth is now an official Political Action Committee, registered with the Alaska Public Offices Commission. And they have issued a call to action.

And what would this "Call to Action be?

Rather than to try to figure out how to get our creature to pull something out of his non-existant pocket, and read an eloquent call to action, I’ll just give you a link to the Alaskans for Truth website, which spells it all out. What do they want?

1. Censure of the Governor for violating the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act.
2. Penalties for the state employees and Todd Palin who ignored subpoenas.
3. Hold hearings on whether Governor Palin and her husband committed perjury in their sworn statement to Timothy Petumenos.
4. An independent investigation into Attorney General Talis Colberg’s alleged witness tampering in the Troopergate investigation.

Hmmm ... Sounds a lot different than the Palin Truth Squad we wrote about, wondering if they got per diems too, and, flashing that big, giant "P" in the sky, whenever someone told the truth about Mommy Moose.

Ahhh , but that was the dwarfs, finks, phonies and frauds Palin Truth Squad.

Here's to the Alaskans for Truth, and their success, so that we can have a quieter 2012, leaving only the other Republican nitwits to fight it out.

Oh yeah, one tip;

Ask about her new house....