That Barry Bonds was indicted the other day, it carried about as much surprise as Lorelai and Luke finally hooking up on 'The Gilmore Girls'.
You knew it was going to come, you could envision it and it became just a matter of waiting for the moment.
But much like the rest of the country, almost assuredly, the residents of Stars Hollow would be equally disgusted with Bonds, and even more so with Major League Baseball.
Commissioner Bud 'Find Me Some Sand So I Can Stick My Head In It" Selig, and the rest of MLB's brass don't have enough lives to pay for the disgrace of allowing the charade (McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, et all) of steroid-fueled homerun races for the puny gain of selling a few more tickets.
Myself, and hundreds-of-thousands of other fans won't wait for the other slipper (MLB's feebleness in this matter doesn't allow to call it a shoe) of the Mitchell Investigation to drop, nor for MLB to firmly plant the integrity flag, and ignore the official records books to recount with pride;
All-Time Home Runs - Hank Aaron 755
Single Season Home Runs - Roger Maris 61
And we will firmly root for the first steroid-growth-hormone-free players when and if they pass these marks.
So, as Keith Olbermann does introducing Oddball ... Let's play Barrypalooza!
What happens next for Bonds
Top Ten Cloves: How Barry Bonds Celebrated Breaking Hank Aaron's Homerun Record Last Night
Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush
Wheaties Official Breakfast Cereal of MLB; Box To Feature Steroids; Drops Bombshell In Break From Tradition Established in 1934
Hmmm ... That could have been a good story line ... Lorelai, to get Luke jealous starts dating a major league baseball player, while, unbeknownst to her, Rory, for the Yale Bulldog, is writing a major expose of steroids in baseball, naming her mother's new boyfriend ... That would be a Friday Night Dinner you wouldn't want to miss ...
Showing posts with label Barry Bonds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barry Bonds. Show all posts
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Bonds Indicted ... Let's Have A Barrypalooza!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Retro Garlic ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ...
And they are supposed to go round-and-round on one's own natural physical power, at least in the land of big-time cycle racing, like, say ... The Tour de France ...
Thus, the now-former 2006 Tour Champion Floyd Landis will be stripped of his title, due to a panel holding up findings that showed positive for steroids;
Landis loses case - and Tour crown
And the Retro part, from August 2006;
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
It wasn't that long ago, that Landis was Retro-featured for the first time;
Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again
Everybody now, sing-along ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ... The Wheels On The Bicycle Go Round and Round ... Round and Round ... Round and Round ... All through the town ..
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Top Ten Cloves: How Barry Bonds Celebrated Breaking Hank Aaron's Homerun Record Last Night
News Item: Bonds Sets Baseball's Home Run Record; Giants Slugger Passes Aaron With No. 756
10. Delay in ceremony, as crowd had to wait for Bonds to take other steroids that would make him happy
9. Flexing his muscles for the news media registered on local San Francisco seismographs
8. Blew out the 756 candles on the giant cake with the slightest, softest little puff
7. Team announced, in honor of the accomplishment, changing name to San Francisco Barry Bonds
6. Instead of teammates carrying him on shoulders, Bonds carried teammates on his
5. Jumbo screen congratulations video from Hank Aaron caused crowd to gasp - Bonds' head was bigger
4. Feat brought Bonds to tears; Grounds crew had to scurry out to place tarp on field, causing 30-minute delay
3. Instead of his family or teammates, Bonds lifted and hugged AT&T Park
2. With his incredible strength, jumped from 1st base into McCovey Cove
1. Announced, with new, and future Human Growth Hormones, promises to hit another 756 homeruns
Bonus Links
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush
Second Palmeiro Bombshell: Tests Positive For Cialis
Monday, April 23, 2007
Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again
Not a dead-on retro look but pretty darn close ....
We have the Steroid Boys back in the news today, as the San Francisco Steroid Slugger is closing in on Hank Aaron's homerun record, while the Cycling Steroid Man is trying to close the door, as he is back testing positive - again.
Bonds hits No. 740, now 15 shy of tying Aaron
Landis Tests Positive on Follow-Up Tests
And on The Garlic last August ...
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
Stay Tuned ... It ain't over until the fat (by way of steroids) lady sings
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal
Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone
Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
Sources have told The Garlic that Major League Baseball is expected to announce this week that San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds has tested positive, with results showing “high levels” of Floyd Landis testosterone in his system.
This comes on the heels of today’s news that Landis’ second test has come up positive, showing evidence of synthetic, not naturally produced testosterone.
Landis, winner of this years’ Tour de France, said last week, defending himself against the charges after the first test showed over double the level of testosterone, that he runs “naturally high levels” and that the second test would absolve him.
Bonds has long been under the cloud of suspected steroid use, which was detailed in the book “Game of Shadows: Barry Bonds, BALCO, and the Steroids Scandal that Rocked Professional Sports," co-authored by Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams
Baseball, Congress, and Steroids
With the furor growing over steroid usage, Congress held hearings last year, following revelations by former baseball star Jose Canseco, in his book, “Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big”. In the book, Canseco offered that steroids were “as prevalent in the late 1980s and 1990s as a cup of coffee."
The House Government Reform Committee grilled former and current baseball stars, including Canseco, former Canseco teammate Mark McGwire, Baltimore Orioles stars Rafael Palmeiro, and Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. Chicago White Sox' Frank Thomas gave video testimony.
Bonds, it has been reported, began using steroids after the 1998, and watching McGwire and Sosa thrill baseballs fans with a heated homerun race, in which McGwire ended up shattering the long-held record of former New York Yankee Roger Maris, passing Maris at 61 and finishing the season with 70 homeruns.
In 2001, Bonds broke Mark McGwire’s single-season home-run record by clubbing 73.
Last year, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig established an independent investigation into steroid use in Major League Baseball, appointing former Senator George Mitchell to lead the case
The Mitchell Investigation, as reported by The Garlic, got off to a rocky start, when misfiled papers led to Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) censuring Barry Bonds, and Major League Baseball, and the Mitchell, looking into President Bush’s illegal wiretapping.
Landis, Allegedly, Head of Ring Selling Own Testosterone
The positive test of Landis’ testosterone opens up a new front in the steroid investigation, as Landis had already been eyed, according to Antonio Ricci, publisher of “Pedaling Piss”, the quarterly magazine that tracks professional cycling, and all the steroid rumors, scandals and confirmations of illegal substance usage.
“There have been rumors,” said Ricci, “that Landis was the head of a ring that was selling his own testosterone. It was said to be very substantial, very lucrative.”
Ricci said that cycling officials looking into the Landis DNA Ring, as it was known inside the cycling universe, didn’t see any traces of it seeping out of cycling.
“They just, kind of, pushed it off to the side,” added Ricci.
Now, with Landis testing positive, and Bonds testing positive for Landis’ testosterone, it’s likely, said Ricci, that the cycling officials will team up with the Mitchell investigation team, to compare notes and see if it leads any further into baseball.
Bonds Said To Be Seeking DNA From Powerful Leaders
There was no comment from Bonds on the test results showing he had Landis’ testosterone.
Sources close to the San Francisco Giants report that Bonds was getting “desperate” and “taking chances”, obsessed with getting the all-time homerun record this year.
Bonds is chasing history, going after Hank Aaron’s record of 755. Bonds currently sits at 722.
There have been unconfirmed reports and rumors that Bonds has been canvassing around the country and world, for the DNA and testosterone of other powerful people, including actress Lindsey Lohan, Cuban Leader Fidel Castro, Google founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, and U.S. President George Bush
Supposedly, Bonds had an agreement with Academy-Award-winning actor and director Mel Gibson, but cancelled the deal for Gibson’s testosterone after discovering Gibson’s alcoholism, Anti-Semitism and penchant for run-ins with law enforcement
Baseball and Steroids On The Garlic
San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds may soon start swinging the bat with his legs, after testing positive for Tour de France winner Floyd Landis’ testosterone in his system
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Politics and Sports Collide
Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush
Bush Confused, Blames Iraqi Sectarian Violence On “Designated Bombers”; Cheney Hails NFL, Says TD Dances In Final Throes
With Congress’s look into the steroid scandal in Major League Baseball last year still, technically, open, it appears paperwork filed recently, to allow former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell to investigate the issue at the behest of Commissioner Bud Selig, may have been misfiled and is causing a domino effect of comedic errors.
Because of the paperwork mix-up, Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) is now attempting to censure San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds, with Mitchell and Major League Baseball examining President Bush’s unauthorized use of wiretaps.
Upon hearing the news, in Mexico , for immigration talks with Mexican President Vicente Fox, President Bush became confused over the news, telling reporters that the increase in sectarian violence in Iraq is due to, not continued U.S.
“It wasn’t that long ago,” added the President, himself, a former baseball team owner , “that you knew the army you were facing, you knew the starting team.”
Forged “Niagara Papers” Found
Feingold said he was nonplaused by the mix-up, saying that “this is still a very serious issue and we need to hold people accountable for it.”
The Wisconsin senator is expected to grill Bonds in upcoming hearings, concentrating on, among other things, the newly found “Niagara Papers”, forged documents that may shed light on charges that Bonds, and other major league players who used steroids, had them smuggled in from Canada
Feingold is also expected to call to the hearings to give testimony, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and former Secretary of State Colin Powell.
According to sources close to Feingold’s office, the reports and statements from Powell and Rice, during the build-up to launching the invasion of Iraq
The focus will be on Special White House Counsel Karl Rove and Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes, who sources say, their names kept coming up during the investigation of the “Niagara Papers”, and during Bond’s Grand Jury case.
Bonds could be first major leaguer censured and, if it goes to the full Senate, the first impeached.
Mitchell: Can’t Have Illegal Wiretap Tapes Tarnishing Baseball
Mitchell’s investigation will center on the continued abuses of President Bush, in ordering unauthorized wiretaps of American citizens. The former Senator has the mandate from Commissioner Selig to “follow the evidence wherever it leads.”
“One of the areas I’ll be looking at,” said Mitchell, “is if any ballplayers were illegally wiretapped, and, if so, what is the status of those tapes, how is the information being used. We can’t have these tapes out there, possibly tarnishing the game of baseball.”
Selig, in announcing Mitchell, indicated that the penalties could be harsh.
“If we find the President violated the law, acted illegally,” said Selig, “then the consequences could range that the Bush Administration would be have an asterisk next to their policies and bills, to being barred from baseball, possibly going up to being banned from Hall of Fame.”
Cheney Out of Touch, Says Touchdown Dances “In The Last Throes”
Back in Washington, charges that the Bush Administration is “out of touch” with the country were flamed anew, after Vice President Dick Cheney was asked to comment on the developments Mitchell and Feingold’s investigations.
“'I think they're in the last throes, if you will, these touchdown dances."
Yesterday, the 32 National Football League owners, in voting new rules changes, banned prolonged or excessive celebrations” by a vote of 29-3.
In a related matter, Washington Post reporter, and Bush legacy author, Bob Woodward said, in defense of Vice President Cheney, that he knew the NFL was going to ban excessive touchdown dances “over two-years ago” but chose not to write about it, out of fear of “upsetting the fervently loyal Washington Redskins fans.”
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's name has come up around the discovery of the "Niagara Papers", forged documents that may show steroids being smuggled in from Canada to Major League baseball players
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs
MLB Mulling Changing Status Of Home Runs In Wake Of New Bonds Allegations
Will Go Retro, Adopt Stickball Rule of Three-Outs If Hit Over Fence; South Dakota Not Waiting, Bans All Home Runs
In a swift and stunning move, Major League Baseball has called an emergency meeting of its’ owners, and Rules Committee, putting on the table a change to official home runs in the wake of new allegations that home run hitter Bobby Bonds has been taking illegal steroids and human growth hormones since 1998.
Bonds, who holds the single-season home run record of 73, is currently third on baseball’s all-time home run list at 708, chasing the legendary Babe Ruth (714) and the home run king, Hank Aaron (755).
Commissioner Bud Selig offered very little as he rushed into a New York City
“This is a dark day gentlemen,” said Selig as he continued walking. “We may come out of it with substantial changes and a very different game.”
New Book Says Bonds Jealousy Reason For Bulking Up
Two San Francisco Chronicle reporters and authors of a soon-to-be-released book, Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, say they have substantial corroboration, from court records and over 200 interviews, grand jury testimony and tapes of voice-mail messages and transcripts with Bonds’s former girlfriend, depicting Bonds’s wide-ranging steroid usage.
The explosive book, "Game of Shadows" is scheduled to be published March 27 by Gotham Books.
An excerpt from the book appears this week in Sports Illustrated, offering vivid details of the drugs and regimen Bonds undertook, motivated they say by jealousy over the attention paid to Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire, during their memorable home run chase in 1998. When it ended, McGwire broke the 37-year-old, single-season record of Roger Maris’s 61, finishing with 70 homeruns.
Boyhood Stickball Rules Looked As Way To Save Baseball
According to sources close to Major League Baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig will propose to the owners and Rules Committee that “home runs hit out of the playing field, to wit, into the stands or out of the ballpark, be ruled three-outs.” Reportedly, Selig got the idea from the boyhood game of Stickball.
“Who, at least anyone over 30, or 40, hasn’t played stickball?”, asked Paul “Biffster” Chenzo, former minor league baseball player and author of “It’s The Pine Tar, Stupid”, citing the use of the sticky substances players rub on their bats as the reason for the increase in home runs.
In stickball, often played in the streets, or in factory parking lots and school yards, hitting the ball over an easily reached fenced counted as three outs, not a home run. The object was to hit the fence and aim for getting base hits, doubles and triples.
“The Commissioner feels that it is time for the big show to take the same approach,” says Chenzo. "That’s it’s time to save the game.”
Major Leaguers Worried, Want Abusers Thrown Out, Not Rules Changed
As word of the potential rule changing home runs reached spring training camps, both power sluggers and contact hitters voiced concerns and objections.
“I sure hope they don’t do that,” said Johnny Damon, new centerfielder of the New York Yankees , and considered baseballs’ best leadoff hitter.
“I can place the ball pretty good around the field, but I sure like it when I do hit one out.”
Bobby Abreu, of the Philadelphia Phillies, winner of the 2005 Home Run Derby, was distraught.
“Man, that is really bullshit,” said the slugger. “Totally unfair, I mean, I hope it doesn’t come to that. That would be penalizing a lot of players – clean players who do it the old-fashion way by working out and working on their game."
Boston Red Sox star slugger David Ortiz says the best way to deal with the illegal steroids is to just “throw the bums out.”
“Kick them out,” said Big Papi, as Ortiz is affectionately known as around Fenway Park
Pitcher Roger Clemens said he would welcome the rule changing homeruns to being three-outs.
“Man, are you kidding,” said The Rocket. “I could stay in baseball another 10, 15-years. Heck, I could probably throw perfect games in under 40 pitches. This would be great for pitchers … We’d all be setting new ERA records.”
Burns Favors Rule Change, Sees New “Extra Inning” Documentary
Filmmaker Ken Burns released a statement that he would be in favor of the home run rule change.
Burns is known, among other projects, for his epic “Baseball” documentary, shown on PBS in nine (innings) segments back in 1994.
“This would be wonderful,” said Burns, “I can title it “Extra Innings”, with a lot of shots from grass level, the white ball with red stitching moving in slow motion over the green grass carpet. We can show the old school home runs in a nice, rich sepia tone, maybe even a little grainy, to give it an aged look … And, we’ll probably have to use Hop-Hop music, for the current times, which could led me to a whole new project. This would be a very, very good thing to happen.”
South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds (R) isn’t waiting for Major League Baseball to enact the new home run rule.
A day after signing legislation banning nearly all abortions in the state, the Governor this morning signed an emergency bill banning all home runs in the state, on levels of baseball, from Pee Wee and Little League, through High School, College and Minor League games.
The bill will make it a crime to hit a home run, unless it is done in order to save the batter’s life. There are no exceptions for cases of extra innings games, or playoffs and championship series.
Professional Horse Jockeys around the country celebrated the news that baseball may ban home runs, saying that "without that pressure, we have now have, for the first time, some career options"
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