Thursday, March 30, 2006

Politics and Sports Collide

Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush
Bush Confused, Blames Iraqi Sectarian Violence On “Designated Bombers”; Cheney Hails NFL, Says TD Dances In Final Throes
With Congress’s look into the steroid scandal in Major League Baseball last year still, technically, open, it appears paperwork filed recently, to allow former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell to investigate the issue at the behest of Commissioner Bud Selig, may have been misfiled and is causing a domino effect of comedic errors.
Because of the paperwork mix-up, Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) is now attempting to censure San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds, with Mitchell and Major League Baseball examining President Bush’s unauthorized use of wiretaps.
Upon hearing the news, in Mexico, for immigration talks with Mexican President Vicente Fox, President Bush became confused over the news, telling reporters that the increase in sectarian violence in Iraq is due to, not continued U.S. presence in the country, but through the influence of baseball, with “the terrorists using designated bombers.”
“It wasn’t that long ago,” added the President, himself, a former baseball team owner , “that you knew the army you were facing, you knew the starting team.”
Forged “Niagara Papers” Found
Feingold said he was nonplaused by the mix-up, saying that “this is still a very serious issue and we need to hold people accountable for it.”
The Wisconsin senator is expected to grill Bonds in upcoming hearings, concentrating on, among other things, the newly found “Niagara Papers”, forged documents that may shed light on charges that Bonds, and other major league players who used steroids, had them smuggled in from Canada.
Feingold is also expected to call to the hearings to give testimony, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and former Secretary of State Colin Powell.
According to sources close to Feingold’s office, the reports and statements from Powell and Rice, during the build-up to launching the invasion of Iraq, the talk of “aluminum tubes” may have been code for White House staffers shooting up steroids.
The focus will be on Special White House Counsel Karl Rove and Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes, who sources say, their names kept coming up during the investigation of the “Niagara Papers”, and during Bond’s Grand Jury case.
Bonds could be first major leaguer censured and, if it goes to the full Senate, the first impeached.
Mitchell: Can’t Have Illegal Wiretap Tapes Tarnishing Baseball
Mitchell’s investigation will center on the continued abuses of President Bush, in ordering unauthorized wiretaps of American citizens. The former Senator has the mandate from Commissioner Selig to “follow the evidence wherever it leads.”
“One of the areas I’ll be looking at,” said Mitchell, “is if any ballplayers were illegally wiretapped, and, if so, what is the status of those tapes, how is the information being used. We can’t have these tapes out there, possibly tarnishing the game of baseball.”
Selig, in announcing Mitchell, indicated that the penalties could be harsh.
“If we find the President violated the law, acted illegally,” said Selig, “then the consequences could range that the Bush Administration would be have an asterisk next to their policies and bills, to being barred from baseball, possibly going up to being banned from Hall of Fame.”
Cheney Out of Touch, Says Touchdown Dances “In The Last Throes”
Back in Washington, charges that the Bush Administration is “out of touch” with the country were flamed anew, after Vice President Dick Cheney was asked to comment on the developments Mitchell and Feingold’s investigations.
“'I think they're in the last throes, if you will, these touchdown dances."
In a related matter, Washington Post reporter, and Bush legacy author, Bob Woodward said, in defense of Vice President Cheney, that he knew the NFL was going to ban excessive touchdown dances “over two-years ago” but chose not to write about it, out of fear of “upsetting the fervently loyal Washington Redskins fans.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's name has come up around the discovery of the "Niagara Papers", forged documents that may show steroids being smuggled in from Canada to Major League baseball players

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