Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal

Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone
Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
Sources have told The Garlic that Major League Baseball is expected to announce this week that San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds has tested positive, with results showing “high levels” of Floyd Landis testosterone in his system.
This comes on the heels of today’s news that Landis’ second test has come up positive, showing evidence of synthetic, not naturally produced testosterone.
Landis, winner of this years’ Tour de France, said last week, defending himself against the charges after the first test showed over double the level of testosterone, that he runs “naturally high levels” and that the second test would absolve him.
Baseball, Congress, and Steroids
With the furor growing over steroid usage, Congress held hearings last year, following revelations by former baseball star Jose Canseco, in his book, “Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits and How Baseball Got Big”. In the book, Canseco offered that steroids were “as prevalent in the late 1980s and 1990s as a cup of coffee."
The House Government Reform Committee grilled former and current baseball stars, including Canseco, former Canseco teammate Mark McGwire, Baltimore Orioles stars Rafael Palmeiro, and Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling. Chicago White Sox' Frank Thomas gave video testimony.
Bonds, it has been reported, began using steroids after the 1998, and watching McGwire and Sosa thrill baseballs fans with a heated homerun race, in which McGwire ended up shattering the long-held record of former New York Yankee Roger Maris, passing Maris at 61 and finishing the season with 70 homeruns.
In 2001, Bonds broke Mark McGwire’s single-season home-run record by clubbing 73.
Last year, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig established an independent investigation into steroid use in Major League Baseball, appointing former Senator George Mitchell to lead the case
The Mitchell Investigation, as reported by The Garlic, got off to a rocky start, when misfiled papers led to Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) censuring Barry Bonds, and Major League Baseball, and the Mitchell, looking into President Bush’s illegal wiretapping.
Landis, Allegedly, Head of Ring Selling Own Testosterone
The positive test of Landis’ testosterone opens up a new front in the steroid investigation, as Landis had already been eyed, according to Antonio Ricci, publisher of “Pedaling Piss”, the quarterly magazine that tracks professional cycling, and all the steroid rumors, scandals and confirmations of illegal substance usage.
“There have been rumors,” said Ricci, “that Landis was the head of a ring that was selling his own testosterone. It was said to be very substantial, very lucrative.”
Ricci said that cycling officials looking into the Landis DNA Ring, as it was known inside the cycling universe, didn’t see any traces of it seeping out of cycling.
“They just, kind of, pushed it off to the side,” added Ricci.
Now, with Landis testing positive, and Bonds testing positive for Landis’ testosterone, it’s likely, said Ricci, that the cycling officials will team up with the Mitchell investigation team, to compare notes and see if it leads any further into baseball.
Bonds Said To Be Seeking DNA From Powerful Leaders
There was no comment from Bonds on the test results showing he had Landis’ testosterone.
Sources close to the San Francisco Giants report that Bonds was getting “desperate” and “taking chances”, obsessed with getting the all-time homerun record this year.
Bonds is chasing history, going after Hank Aaron’s record of 755. Bonds currently sits at 722.
There have been unconfirmed reports and rumors that Bonds has been canvassing around the country and world, for the DNA and testosterone of other powerful people, including actress Lindsey Lohan, Cuban Leader Fidel Castro, Google founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, and U.S. President George Bush
Supposedly, Bonds had an agreement with Academy-Award-winning actor and director Mel Gibson, but cancelled the deal for Gibson’s testosterone after discovering Gibson’s alcoholism, Anti-Semitism and penchant for run-ins with law enforcement
Baseball and Steroids On The Garlic

San Francisco Giant slugger Barry Bonds may soon start swinging the bat with his legs, after testing positive for Tour de France winner Floyd Landis’ testosterone in his system

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