Monday, July 31, 2006

This Just In! Cable News Looking Hard To Fill Void Of Cease-Fire

Israeli Pause, And No Bombs Falling, May Force Cable News To Go Dark

Look For Pump Up Of Mel Gibson Tirade To Carry Through Labor Day

Cable news executives are scrambling this morning for content and programming, after Israeli announced last night a pause in their relentless air attack of Hezbollah in Southern Lebanon for 48-Hours

This comes after world outcry, following an attack this weekend, in Qana, Lebanon, that saw 57 civilians killed, with most of them children

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is claiming to have agreements that will produce a cease-fire this week, even though Israel indicated that they will continue to attack Southern Lebanon if Hezbollah continues firing rockets into northern Israel.

“The only thing better than a cease-fire,” said one Cable News executive, who asked to remain anonymous, “is the promise or prediction of one, so we can probably milk a few days out of that ... Run the archival footage ... a full crew of talking heads ... We’ll just have to play it by the seat of our pants ...”

Fox News: “Not Enough of a Hook, Without The Bombs, To Go Wall-to-Wall”

Cable News, which has gone on with, virtually, 24-hour coverage since the escalation of violence between Israel and Hezbollah, is feeling the crunch. The possibility of a cease-fire may create a huge void for the outlets.

Roger Ailes, chief of Fox News said that Fox may go with ‘Best Of” shows, until the action picks up again.

“There’s not enough of a hook, without the bombs falling, to go wall-to-wall with coverage,” said Ailes.

“Take the tsunami last year,” added Ailes. ‘By itself, a one, maybe two-day story ... But throw in the ex-Presidents, and with one of them named Clinton, and it gets our base riled up.”

Ailes indicated that last weeks’ rant by Fox Anchor Sean Hannity, over the evacuation of Lebanon, and not using the idle buses, “gave us a minor bump” and, that if the cease-fire takes hold, he’ll likely run “Best of Bill O’Reilly ” and “Best of John Gibson

CNN: Some Screens Dark and Cooper Unplugged - Again

At CNN, sources tell The Garlic, that Anderson Cooper is considering staying in the Middle East and running his show, unscripted, just “off-the-cuff” talk, or do a walk around, “like he did in New Orleans”, and talk with regular people

Veteran newsman Wolf Blitzer, host of CNN’s “Situation Room” said he was optimistic.

“We cover the world on the Situation Room,” said a cautious Blitzer. “We may have to turn off a few of our big screens that are on the wall behind me, but we’ll have enough news to get through.”

MSNBC: Warned To Keep Rita Cosby Out Of Mid-East

For new head honcho, Dan Abrams, a cease-fire will place a huge dent in his establishing a programming schedule for MSNBC

“We’re hoping for something to happen,” said a beleaguered Abrams. “I mean, we’ve had no major, ripped-from-the-headlines legal cases ... The Duke Rape Case is kind of fizzling out and there’s nothing on horizon ... Summer’s almost over and no one’s gone missing that we can sink our teeth into ... No cruise ship mayhem to report ... It’s been tough. ...”

MSNBC, who has their warehouse of documentaries that they can fill the air with, said they have no plans to send anchor Rita Cosby over to the Middle East. One senior executive who spoke on background indicated that the network was “specifically warned not to send her”, that her voice may send Israelis scurrying to bomb shelters, fearing that another Hezbollah rocket attack is coming.

The Passion Of Mel Gibson, Or The DNA Of Floyd Landis May Carry The Day, At Least Until Summers’ End

All the cable executives concurred that the Friday arrest of actor Mel Gibson, and his anti-Semitic remarks to police at the time of his arrest, may “have legs”.

The Academy-Award-wining Gibson was pulled over for allegedly speeding by Los Angeles County Sheriffs and the subsequent blood alcohol test revealed a 0.12 reading. The state's legal limit is .08.

Gibson, according to the police report, let loose with a tirade of anti-Semitic comments during his arrest, which has set-off a firestorm of publicity over the arrest .

Michael Stickings’ The Reaction asks “Who Would Jesus Slur ” and over at The Moderate Voice, Joe Gandelman, while denouncing the anti-Semitism, points out other blog postings defending free speech and the Gibson’s “freedom of stupidity”

And if Gibson’s foot-in-mouth doesn’t have legs, Tour de France winner Floyd Landis might have to pedal his way into the cable news hurricane to save the day.

It was announced after his crowning ceremony that the cyclist Landis tested positive for illegal substances, an abnormally high test level for the steroid testosterone.

Landis claims he is innocent and that the unusually high level of testosterone is naturally produced in his body.

“This could turn into something, said Antonio Ricci, publisher of “Pedaling Piss”, the quarterly magazine that tracks professional cycling, and all the steroid rumors, scandals and confirmations of illegal substance usage. “It’s bigger over here, in Europe, than America, but if Landis starts naming names, you’ll see this thing explode.”

“If a cease-fire takes hold, than, what we could really use,” offered a news producer, “is for a famous white woman athlete, who is on record for spouting anti-Semitic remarks, and has been recently accused of taking steroids, to go missing, or feared murdered, while on a cruise ... Now that would carry us straight into the Fall Sweeps ...”

Rita Cosby won’t be Live & Direct from the Middle East anytime soon, as MSNBC has been “warned” to keep her out, that her voice may send Israelis scurrying to bomb shelters, fearing that another Hezbollah rocket attack is coming

No comments: