The Garlic: James Dobson

Showing posts with label James Dobson. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Retro Garlic: "Tell Me Reverend, How Much Is It For A Massage and Redemption?"

Our favorite pill-popping, massage-loving Reverend is back in the news today.

Tim Haggard, last, of the Dobson Gang, and escort Mike Jones' most (at least publicly out there) famous client, is leaving the New Life Church.

And it sounds like he is being booting out, possibly falling off the heterosexuality wagon again.

From the Colorado Confidential;

"In January 2007, Ted Haggard voluntarily agreed to enter a process of spiritual restoration. He has selected Phoenix First Assembly and Pastor Tommy Barnett as his local church fellowship and is maintaining an accountability relationship there. He has recently requested to end his official relationship with the New Life Church Restoration Team and this has been accepted by them.

New Life Church recognizes the process of restoring Ted Haggard is incomplete and maintains its original stance that he should not return to vocational ministry. However, we wish him and his family only success in the future.

Because spiritual restoration is a necessarily confidential process, the church does not anticipate that it, or its Overseers or Restorers, will make further comment about it."

Hmmmm ....That last sentence, how Cheneyesque of them ...

Pam, over on Pam's House Blend, in her "Haggard quits pray-away-the-gay program" (definitely in the running for a "Headline-of-the-day" award) speculates we may never know;

"What, if anything do you think Ted Haggard will say publicly about his experience? Certainly if the evangelical former pastor has not truly reclaimed his heterosexuality after the very strict re-programming, it would be a serious blow to the ex-gay industry if he were to come forward and say that he now realizes that his same-sex desires are neither evil or wrong and that these cures have nothing to do with getting right with God."

Though, a commenter to Pam's post may have hit the bullseye, so to speak;

"Ted Haggard was paid his salary for a year only if he was in this restoration program. Once the pay ran out he quit. No surprise there. He probably recognizes the program for the BS that it is."

Oh, the Retro part ...

The Garlic had two scoops on the Reverend with the special touch ...

Top Ten Cloves: Ways James Dobson Will Cure Ted Haggard And Offer "Spiritual Restoration"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Reverend Ralph Verified Tim Haggard Was "Completely Heterosexual"

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Voter Value Summit

News Item: Evangelicals Gather at Summit

10. Think any of these new guys running will pick up where Ralph Reed left off, and get us back into the casino business?

9. I know he gives us good coverage, but we've put up a lot with O'Reilly ... The Loofahs ... The Harlem restaurant ... We have to draw the line with this business of being in love with Matt Damon

8. Go out in the parking lot and see for yourself ... Romney brought his dog and it's strapped to the roof of his car!

7. I thought this was going to be another Justice Sunday?

6. We're going to have to speak to Roger Ailes, about getting wholesome, church-going girls on that new business thing he's doing

5. Somebody said Ted Haggard's masseuse was here ... Do you know where can I find him?

4. The discount coupons for the Creation Museum were supposed to be in the registration packages, not given to the Huckabee campaign!

3. I heard, for the big finale today, Pat Robertson is going to debut a new curse against the liberals ... Maybe even smote a few

2. Good thing the Yankees were knocked out of the playoffs, so that it didn't present a schedule conflict for Giuliani

1. Nice they set up a Jesus Camp, so we could bring the kids

Somebody said Ted Haggard's masseuse was here ... Do you know where can I find him?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Pissing With The Big Dogs ... Evolution Sundays, Here We Come ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

We probably should have paid more attention. They put it out there and, we end up with a 5-4 High Court.

Well, if you missed any of those earlier Justice Sundays, you're in luck ...

Start packing the cooler and point the station wagon to the nearest mega-church south of the Mason-Dixon line, because our Weekly Garlic Poll Voters believe we got some Evolution Sundays on the horizon.

Now, we be talkin' some serious fire-and-brimstone ... No more opportunistic, camera-hogging, rat-catching politicians like Bill Frist and Tom DeLay mugging for votes ... This'll be red hot Elmer Gantry, but in HD and Dolby Surroundsound ... And some major, fat, pay-per-view dollars ...

If any 2008 Presidential candidate wants to get on this stage, then he/she better be able to piss with the big dogs ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 11 - June 17 2007

Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

1. Tony Perkins and James Dobson launching a series: Evolution Sundays Tally 38%

2. Booming business at the Creation Museum this summer Tally 29%

3. Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee seeing a tremendous jump in their campaign fund raising Tally 19%

4. Dover, PA bracing for an onslaught of new threats from Pat Robertson Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Places Congressional investigators should include in the search for the missing White House Emails include ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Bonus Links

Justice Sunday Preachers

Frist In Dispute Over Dem Bashing Telecast; Says Only Promised to "View Tape" for 'Justice Sunday'

Thousands Overwhelm Justice Sunday Rally; Sick and Infirm Disappointed; Came Seeking Faith Healers

American Idol Spin's Off New Born-Again Virgin Show; All Christian Music Format; Special Segment For Declaring New, Multi-Born Again Status

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Reverend Ralph Verified Tim Haggard Was "Completely Heterosexual"