Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Breaking News! Developing Story! White House Rerunning 2000 Post Election Plans

Bush Unhinged, Huddles With Lawyers And Preps Briefs To Contest Election Results

With GOP Losing House, Tighter Senate, Appeal Will Be Filed; Snow: “What Worked in 2000 Can Work Again”

As election results continue to pour, showing the Democrats taking the majority in Congress, and a tightening of the gap in the Senate, sources tell the Garlic that President George Bush has been clearly agitated, distraught, constantly getting on “The Google” and checking races still undecided.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

Reportedly, when staff could calm the President down, he has huddled with Vice President Dick Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and it is expected that the Bush Administration will be filing briefs when the Courts open tomorrow morning, contesting every losing Republican campaign.

Joe Lieberman, the former Democratic Senator from Connecticut, who has, apparently, won his Independent reelection, quickly said he would be in favor of the White House “taking advantage of our Judiciary Branch” to settle any disparities, and in particular, may join the proceedings as a “Friend of the Court”, but only if “it still means I win my election.”

“We’re hearing all kinds of things”, says Hildy Johnson, editor of the monthly newsletter “What Did He Say Now?” that tracks and reviews President Bush’s speeches and interviews.

One unconfirmed report had the President on “The Google” for hours, alternately looking up elections results, repeatedly hitting the “I’m Feeling Lucky” bar, as well as using ‘The Google Earth”, to stare endless at the satellite photos of his Crawford Ranch.

Another had the President barking at staff, that he was to be notified immediately, when either John Kerry or Al Gore conceded, apparently confusing tonight’s elections with his own campaigns of 2000 and 2004.

According to Johnson, it was a telephone call from Attorney Ben Ginsberg, who represented the Bush Team in appealing the 2000 election to the Supreme Court, which sparked the White House into considering contesting the entire slate of losing GOP races.

“My sources are telling me,” said Johnson, “that after the Ginsberg call, Gonzalez, and Cheney’s Cheney, David Addington, began making copies of the briefs that were filed to the Supreme Court in 2000, and simply making minor edits to align the complaints with the individual and particular races conducted today.”

“Now, hold on there,” a battered White House Press Secretary Tony Snow cautioned a group of reporters. “We’re not saying anybody is doing anything ... Now, I’m not in the room, making policy but what I think the President is looking at is what has worked over the years, what’s in the past that can be used in the future ... Who can say ... I mean, no one can say that what worked in 2000, won’t work again ... It’s all about our new strategy, exploring and being flexible ...”

The gambit, according to many political experts, in filing hundreds of lawsuits is that the White House, joined by the RNC, can intimidate some of the Democratic winners, painting them as against freedom and democracy, and, placing an enormous financial burden on them, and their depleted campaign war chests.

“It’s all the RNC and Rove - and Fox News - at this point,” offered Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel. They’ll have no mercy, they’ll be looking to cut these guys to pieces.

In a related matter, now former Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), who was defeated today by challenger Bob Casey, announced that he has been hired as a consultant by the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church, to harass former pastor Ted Haggard, and to hunt and root out any other ministers who may be gay.

More As This Story Develops

Please, use The Garlic Link List to visit sites, such as The Huffington Post, The Raw Story, The Nation, The Reaction and The Moderate Voice for updates and more information on the races still undecided at the time of this post.

At various points during the evening, the President, wearing his flightsuit, openly lamented that he would be a “lame duck” during the final two-years of his presidency and that his “Bush Doctrine” was going down the drain.

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