Saturday, July 28, 2007

Breaking News! "That's al-Qaeda Talking" On Riff Between Maliki And Golden Boy General

President Blaming Terror Group; Claims Classified Wiretap Program Shows Scripted Dialog Given To Iraqi PM

President Bush, first setting the stage with his weekly radio address, came out today squarely blaming the terrorist group al-Qaeda for the burgeoning squabble between Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and U.S General David Petraeus.

The Bush Grindhouse would only say they blamed al-Qaeda, alternately citing al-Qaeda in Iraq, and al-Qaeda central, based in their safe haven in Pakistan.

"We know", offered White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, "that al-Qaeda is - literally - putting words in his mouth."

This revelation came after reports of growing tension between Maliki and Bush's 'Golden Boy" General mushroomed to the point that Maliki appealed directly to President Bush to replace Petraeus, to remove him from operations in Iraq.

When pressed by reporters how the President knew it was al-Qaeda, Snow referred to the controversial Terrorist Surveillance Program.

"Now, understand, I can't go into specifics," Snow pleaded, "so, let's say that our intelligence from a classified surveillance program gave us this valuable information."

Snow would neither confirm or deny if it was the same TSP, the one the President confirmed, and that Crony General Alberto Gonzales lied about in his appearance testifying this week, or if it was Gonzales additional lie of it being "other intelligence activities".

Coincidently, in his weekly radio address, The Commander Guy badgered Congress to update the The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.

"The President needs a better FISA program," said Snow. "We had the terrorists pulling dry runs last week... We have to be able to take action and can't be stopping and asking this judge, or this senator if it's okay if we listen to a phone call ... Or read an email ... American lives are at stake here."

"It's all part of al Qaeda in Iraq strategy," Snow continued. "They attack us on September 11th, fan an insurgency after we liberate the country, and now want us to leave so they can take over the country. They're telling Maliki what to say in an effort to push us out."

Snow would not confirm if the latest NIE report offered evidence that al-Qaeda in Iraq was putting words in Maliki's mouth, citing the most sensitive information is classified.

Snow wouldn't comment on the reports of a growing rift with Saudi Arabia, that has the Saudis distributing fake reports that lie about Maliki and his government.

"I can't comment on that at this time, confessed Snow. "We still looking that one over ... It could be al Qaeda in Iraq's work, or it could be coming from al Qaeda Central ... We are pretty certain it has al Qaeda fingerprints on it..."

Snow, also, would neither confirm or deny reports circulating around Washington that al Qaeda was responsible for attempting to send electrical interference in the area near the hospital where Vice President Dick Cheney was today, having his heart defibrillator replaced.

Sources tell The Garlic that there was tension between the Bush Grind House and the Vice President's office, after the Secret Service picked up the stray currents of unexplained electricity.

The Bush Grindhouse argued that al Qaeda should be blamed for it, while the OVP lobbied that it was clearly coming from Iran, and a full, military reponse should be ordered.

Furthermore, Senator Joe Lieberman (I&R- CT) was said to side with Cheney and the OVP, and was prepared to call the Senate into session today, and sponsor legislation for an attack on Iran.

Both plans stalled, after Crony General Alberto Gonzales was said to be "totally confused" on which set of intelligence - Iraq or Iran - he was to lie about next.

Bonus Links

Think Progress: The Ever Changing Definition of ‘Mission’ In Iraq

Glenn Greenwald: Various items ...(Update III -- with Bush's radio address tomorrow re: FISA)

TalkLeft: NewSpeak: Bush's FISA Proposal

President Bush is said to be outraged, and blaming al Qaeda for the rift between General David Petraeus and Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki

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