Geraldo Rivera To Go Under For Investigative Report, Schiavo Scoop

Undergoes Induced Vegatative State, To Be Doctor Monitored, To Get To Heart of Schiavo Story

As the world awaits a Florida Judge's decision, following extraordinary Congressional intervention, Fox News announced yesterday that it's star reporter, Geraldo Rivera, will be medically induced into a vegatative state, for a series of special reports on the Terri Schiavo case.

"I will be completely safe", offered Rivera at a news conference. "We have a team of doctors, all very certified and qualified, that will put me under, monitor me and, if necessary, administer life-saving measures to me" … This is what journalism is all about".

Rivera, who joined FOX News in November 2001 as a war correspondent, has a long career history, as by his critics, of over-the-top antics in his reporting, said he just wants to get to the heart of the matter for the benefit of his viewers.

"This is a very emotional case, no matter what side of the issue you are on", said Rivera. "We had unprecidented action by our Congress …It's brother verus brother, versus mother, versus father … It's ripping the country apart".

"By allowing me to feel what Terri must be feeling. I can, perhaps, help put it all into perspective … Will I know I am helpless? Will I have a will to survive? Will I be crying out, through my blank stare? … My involuntary, reflex movements? … How can I tell them I want to live? Who will hear my cries?"

The project, supported by both Ruppert Murdoch and Peter Chernin, president and COO of News Corp, will be a special, aired on Fox, in May, over the course of three nights. Every element of the procedures to induce Rivera into a vegatative state, the time he spends essentially comatose, the tests that will be conducted on him, will all be filmed.

A team of doctors, who were not identified, will oversee all medical procedures and testing. Fox plans on making the data gathered in the project available to reseachers.

Chernin indicated that this is a go project, regardless how the Florida Judge rules, or any additional Congressional or legal action that takes place.

The surprise announcement caught many of the other networks off-guard. NBC rushed a statement out saying they plan on having anchor Brian Williams begin doing stand-up's from actual hospital rooms in America. Peter Jennings will have a film crew with him for a routine check-up, which Jennings will sit down with his doctor to discuss a living will. ABC News will carry this a titled segment series for one week, probably in late April.

CBS and CNN indicated that plans were being made and they would have statements at a later date.

Rivera also received some extra reassurance.

Majority Leader, Rep. Tom DeLay indicated that if anything goes wrong, "we'll have another all-night session and bang out the Gerry Rivera Bill",


Rumsfeld Waivers On Japanese Sub Found

Intimates Country Invaded by North Korea

The wreckage of a large Japanese submarine found last week by researchers in waters off Hawaii is said to be of World War II vintage, but Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld wasn't convinced and has launched an investigation.

In an extended press conference yesterday, Rumsfeld offered that there has been "chatter" recently from Pyongyang and that he "wouldn't put anything past the North Koreans".

"We know they were here for September-eleventh and there's been a steady rise in intelligence and chatter coming from
Pyongyang … Pak-man (North Korean Prime Minister Pak Pong Ju) doesn't like us - we know-he knows-we-know-it and this just has his fingerprints all over it"

A research team from the University of Hawaii discovered the huge submarine, said to be of the 400 Sensuikan Toku class of subs.
At a height of 40-feet tall, and capable of carrying a 150-man crew, it was the largest class of subs built before the nuclear class came in the 1960's.

"Think about it", offered Rumsfeld, "They have Al-Qaeda cells embedded all over their country, they're walking away from the nuclear talks and they know we have a whole bunch of new people here … Condi, John, the whole bunch … March Madness is going on here …All that coma girl controversy … What better time to try a strike against us? … If I were a tyrannical dictator … if had a deep, deep hatred of the United States … if I was in bed with some of the nastiest terrorist on this planet, I might think about it (invading the U.S.) …"

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan indicated only that President Bush was reviewing all the information and would have no comment until that process was completed.

A spokesperson for the University of Hawaii released a brief statement that read, in part, "the director of the research team, as well as all team members, believe they found a World War II Japanese submarine".