First Rule of Harold Ford ...

You don't talk about Harold Ford

Second rule of Harold Ford, you don't talk about Harold Ford.



Now, it would really be story, if it comes out that the that the helicopter-flyin', wanna-be-carpetbagger was a member of 'Fight Club'.

That would seem to be the case, as The Smoking Gun has unearthed Ford's rider, for his nicely-paid speaking gigs.

Harold Ford Superstar - U.S. Senate wannabe's tour rider anticipates swarms of adoring fans

Like Jay-Z and Lady Gaga, Harold Ford, Jr. has a tour rider.

[snip]

According to the below contract for an appearance Wednesday at a Missouri college, Ford demands that when his limo driver picks him up, the chauffeur must be carrying a sign reading "H.F.." Presumably, if the Democrat's name was spelled out, hordes of fans/groupies would be alerted to his impending arrival and swarm him (something that has bedeviled the Jonas Brothers).

The Smoking Gun as a copy of the rider, so go check it out.

Alex Pareene, over on Gawker, had some fun with it, as well;

Presumably, if the driver just wrote "Harold Ford" (or "Ford"?), the would-be candidate would be swamped by a mob of adoring fans. So the rider stipulates that the sign read, cryptically, "H.F." (What if Howard Fineman is at the same airport? Or Hank Finkel? Or... Hitler Frankenstein?)

Bonus points to Alex, for using "Hank Finkel" in there.

Now, this isn't as extensive as the former Shadow President's rider, which demanded that Faux News be on any television within his eye range (and, we riffed on that with "Top Ten Cloves: Slogans and Tag Lines For Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite – If Dick Cheney Was Pitchman"), as the rider says, no shellfish, but nothing about caffeine-free drinks, or Faux News.

And, since Ford took to calling Senator Kirsten Gillibrand a "“parakeet", here's hoping he does run against her, and that she shits all over him.

Top Ten Cloves: Other Harold Ford Television Ad Commercials Considered By Ken Mehlman and the RNC

News Item: The GOP's Southern Strategy Updated: Winking Blonde Bimbos and the Beating of Jungle Drums

10. Remind Tennessee about that old Henry Ford quote while showing Republican candidate Bob Corker in white, Ford convertible

9. Blatantly lie, tying him with actor Wesley Snipes in that tax fraud case

8. Run a commercial in which, mistakenly, of course, image of Willie Horton appears, instead of Harold Ford

7. Run clip of Bush 41 saying “little brown ones” and quick cut to image of Ford

6. Edit footage of Harold Ford, with former White House Domestic Policy Adviser Claude Allen and have them standing in front of a Target store

5. Having David Duke standing in front of a Confederate flag, and opine on what it would mean to elect Ford

4. Blatantly lie and claim that it was Harold Ford who gave Senator George Allen the “macaca” word

3. Digitally alter video of Ford to have him standing on a lawn and wearing a jockey uniform

2. For the television version of the radio “Tom-Tom Drum” commercial, everytime Ford’s name is mentioned, a subliminal video clip of an old Duke Ellington number at the Cotton Club is inserted

1. Do spoof of that Desperate Housewives commercial, with Nicolette Sheridan in towel in towel, and replace Terrell Owens with Harold Ford

With Karl “The Math” Rove by his side, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman explains how he sees nothing wrong with using blonde bimbos and tom-tom drums in ads, saying, if they are successful in the Midterm elections, “we’ll be flooding the networks in 2008”