Bush May Tap Coulter For Energy Source
Studies Cite Time Cover Girl "Has Enormous Capacity"
Following his Press Conference last evening, President Bush, when pressed by reporters for more details about his proposed Energy Bill, indicated that he is considering asking Congress for appropriations to develop Ann Coulter as an alternative energy source.
"She has enormous capacity" the President said. "Boy, if we could harness just about half of what she puts out, I'll tell you, I wouldn't trade in my SUV"
The right-wing, conservative commentator, recently featured on the cover of Time Magazine, has been a perpetual streak of energy, offering a wide range of criticism, aimed chiefly at Democrats and Liberals, on virtually any topic.
Coulter has attacked, among many, former President Clinton, the late Princess Diana, Ted Kennedy, former Ambassador Pamela Harriman, Vietnam veterans, National Review editor Richard Lowry, Rep. Christopher Shays (D-CT), as well as Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, actress/singer Barbra Streisand and rapper Sister Souljah
She ascribed that Princess Diana and Ambassador Harriman were "whores".
Following the September 11th attacks, Coulter advocated, referring to the terrorists, that we should "invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Coulter, when criticized for the remarks, defended them, adding further;
"Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave....We should require passports to fly domestically. Passports can be forged, but they can also be checked with the home country in case of any suspicious-looking swarthy males."
President Bush offered that Department of Energy Secretary Samuel W. Bodman had his staff conduct a study of Coulter and, using a complicated formula, the results show that Coulter puts out nearly as much energy as a nuclear reactor.
"I think a lot of neighborhoods wouldn't mind if we built more Ann Coulter's around them", joked the President.
When pressed how he would go about employing Coulter as an energy source, the President stressed that "cloning" would not be involved. He did state that adult stem cells would be involved and the process would be well within Federal guidelines on the use of stem cells.
Bush stated that tapping Coulter as an energy source would be part of the package of the bill he will be sending to Congress. In his Press Conference, Bush challenged Congress to pass the Energy Bill by this summer.
Democrat Leaders were cautious in commenting on the President's proposal. Rep. Nancy Pelosi indicated that "let's wait and see the entire bill … If he's putting something that outrageous in it, there's likely something else that he really wants".
Republicans, upon hearing some of the details hailed the President's choice of Coulter as "bold"
Coulter's commentary and writings are often, over-the-top, cartoonish and very much based in the standard tirades of many other conservative pundits. Coulter often attaches to Democrats and Liberals certain tags and code words, meant to distort the issue and often defends conservatives, citing unending persecution.
Coulter could not be reached, however a representative did confirm the Ms. Coulter has been in talks with President Bush and is thrilled that she could be in position to become an energy source for the nation. The representative offered that Ms. Coulter asked the President if her "energy can only be used in strong, Republican districts"
More Steroid Hearings
The NFL Goes To Congress
McGwire Surprise Witness; Still Not Talking
The National Football League went before Congress on Wednesday, to give testimony as to it's Steroid Policy and the efforts they are employing to keep the illegal drug out.
Commissioner Paul Tagliabue told Congress that since 1989, 111 players have tested positively. Of that group, 54 were suspended and 57 chose to retire. Tagliabue defended the NFL policies, citing that they are effective.
Tagliabue did acknowledge that advances are being made in masking the use of steroids but that is a "overall problem", one not related solely to the NFL.
The Congressional panel complimented NFLPA Director Gene Upshaw, for his involvement and monitoring the league's drug program, highlighting the contrast versus Major League Baseball. In the hearing last month, baseball executives were often confused, or outright wrong, about what their steroid policy was and who was administering it.
In a surprise move yesterday, the panel called back former baseball slugger Mark McGwire. Citing he had the "size of a football player", the panel offered McGwire a second opportunity to offer his testimony as to his steroid use.
McGwire again cited that he doesn't "talk about the past".
McGwire went on to testify that he does watch NFL games, both on television as well as attending in person and is looking forward to the upcoming season this Fall. When pressed by the panel, McGwire did admit that he "occasionally" wagers on football games, both professional and college.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Friday 29 April 2005
Top Ten Cloves: How President Bush Plans To Get His Energy Bill By This Summer
9. If he gets the Social Security Bill he wants, can throw in a few Private Retirement Accounts
8. To underscore his position, make all congressman and senators ride bicycles to work
7. Conveniently, invite Senate and Congress Leaders to discuss bill over lunch - at Hooter's
6. Start having 'Energy Renditions' - Invite Saudi Prince over again; Hold him hostage until they lower the price for crude
5. Ahhh, the hell with it … We'll just invade and occupy the entire Middle East
4. Forget filibusters; Arizona Minutemen will patrol Capital Hill, not letting anyone leave until the bill is passed
3. If Bolton gets confirmed, we'll have him deal with Annan - We have plenty of food we can trade for oil
2. Presidential Pardon to 'Kenny Boy' and have him get the old Enron gang together to figure it all out
1. Rally the Right and start having Energy Bill Sundays!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Thursday 28 April 2005
Old Ethics Rules Back In Force
DeLay Now Facing Additional Charges
Stowaway On Air Force One Effort To Avoid House Investigation
After President Bush concluded his weekend meeting with Saudi Prince Abdullah at the Western White House, and as Air Force One settled into its flight pattern after take-off from Galveston, Texas, Secret Service agents discovered Rep. Tom DeLay huddled behind a food cart in the service area.
A White House source, who was present on the flight, indicated that there were tense moments, when the Secret Service discovered the uninvited passenger and issued a 'lock-down' on the President, staff and other passengers.
Apparently, a flight attendant tipped the Secret Service by indicating the something was amiss, as there was food missing. Soon after the lock-down, agents emerged from the rear of the airplane, with DeLay in handcuffs, and he was escorted into the President's cabin.
"He was disheveled, sweating and glassy-eyed", said the source. "Clearly, he was in a panic".
The Secret Service, and the White House refused comment on the situation, saying it was an on-going investigation.
Other witnesses, including a cadre of the traveling press described the situation as 'bizarre'. Rumors quickly circulated, some saying that DeLay may have been on the airplane all weekend.
At the time, on the ground at the Capital, House Speaker Dennis Hastert was paving the way to overturning the contentious rule changes made to the House ethics process and reverting to the old rules, likely opening the House investigation into persistent questions as to the ethics of Mr. DeLay
At question is DeLay's overseas travel, and his cozy and beneficial relationships with prominent lobbyists. Some of those lobbyists are under federal investigation on other matters. Delay is already facing a grand jury investigation in Texas as to his fund-raising operations.
The Democratic House leader, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, hailed the move back to the old rules, saying it "avoided a significant political embarrassment for the majority". For the second time this year House Republicans have had to backtrack. In January, a rule was restored that prohibits leaders from staying in the posts if they are indicted, The initial rule changed was widely criticized as directly trying to protect leader DeLay.
Despite the glowing photo op's of a smiling President Bush walking with a smiling DeLay after landing in Washington, DeLay now faces a battery of federal charges for his stowaway attempt.
"Even if he wanted to", the source offered, "Bush can't help him. There's too much light shining on DeLay right now. Even his lobbyist buddies don't have enough money to make this one go away".
Books Pulled From Retailer May Be Related
Police Investigate Arson Incident At Apple
CEO Jobs, Others Questioned Over Small Fire
As the Cupertino Fire Department doused a small blaze on the sprawling campus of Apple Computer, the police department was called in to join the state's Fire Marshall in launching an arson investigation and was seen questioning CEO Steve Jobs, and other Apple executives.
Reportedly, numerous witnesses have given statements indicating that Jobs was standing over a pile of burning books.
This comes on the heels of Apple pulling all titles from the shelves of Apple stores from publisher John Wiley & Sons over a upcoming release of an unauthorized biography of Jobs, ``iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business,'' by author Jeffrey S. Young.
Included in the removal of the Macintosh-related titles, was the popular "Macs for Dummies, 8th Edition'' by New York Times columnist David Pogue. Also pulled were a series of books, including the latest, ``The Mac OS X Panther Book", by Andy Ihnatko.
Apple is currently in a legal fight, over the release of company-related news and pending product announcements, with three websites.
The Garlic first reported back on March 6th (Apple Takes Blog Ruling As New Club On Criticism and Dissent) of Apple's efforts to control news and opinion about Apple and its' products. Apple has established a hotline - iSqueal - for people to phone or email in tips as to who may be leaking, or disparaging Apple, or any Apple products. Newer iPods have the capability of detecting criticism, shutting down and giving a signal for Apple to dispatch a lawyer to serve lawsuits.
Numerous marketing executives have cautioned that, should Apple protest to strongly over the Young book, it could backfire and increase sales.
Apple refused comment on the arson incident, beyond stating that a small fire was discovered and the fire department was called. A brisk "no comment, was offered when asked about ``iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business" book.
It had been reported that Apple, and Jobs, did secure an advance copy of the book.
Investigators from the Fire Marshall's office could be seen sifting through the still-smoldering pile and collecting evidence. At one point, it did appear that a singed and charred dustcover of a book was placed into a bag.
Top Ten Cloves: Other PBS Reality Shows In The Works
9. Tucker Carlson Unwired - Sans the bow tie, Tucker lets his hair down and shares his favorite music each week
8. Suzie Orman's Treasure - Constants search for buried stock certificates worth millions, but must endure Suzie's harping advice on how to spend/invest it
7. Lost! - A priceless artifact of a rich-and-famous celebrity is hidden and we go along for anxious, panicked search
6. Lidia's Dysfunctional Family Table - Lida lets Uncle Tony out of the attic and her kitchen will never be the same
5. This Extreme Old House - Kevin O'Connor and the boys take a completely modern house and turn the clock back to 1789
4. Washington Weak - Guest Journalists and Politicians go through a grueling Obstacle Course
3. Last Charlie Rose Standing - First contestant not to fall asleep at the table is the winner
2. Un-American Experience - Average citizens, plucked at random, accused of being terrorists; Warning - Some graphic scenes from Special Renditions may be shown
1. McLaughlin Groupies - Contestants compete with arcane political trivia for a seat with the raucous group
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Wednesday 27 April 2005
Bush Plan For Iraq Statehood In Jeopardy
No New Government Yet; Window of Opportunity Closing
Late Tuesday, Iraqi's political leaders delayed for another day the naming of it's new government, indicating that they may leave some posts vacant for the time being.
This has the Bush Administration worried, as Iraqi is already behind the schedule President Bush has laid out and, at the moment, puts Bush's plans for Iraqi statehood in jeopardy (See The Garlic, Tuesday 10 April; Bush Moves On Making Iraq 51st State)
"Cheney and Rumsfeld are steaming", offered one source close to the administration.
Sources say that Bush is worried that the move to Iraqi statehood could get bogged down by the Iraqi's inability to establish their government, and drafting an Enabling Act.
With the Congress preoccupied by the protracted debate in the Senate over judicial nominee voting, the DeLay Scandal and the stalled hearings on Bush's appointment of John Bolton to the U.N., the window of opportunity is closing to grant Iraqi statehood under-the-radar.
"Andy (Chief-of-Staff Andrew Card) is really juggling a lot of balls. He's got Cheney and Rumsfeld breathing down his neck, the loose cannon that DeLay is, now Frist playing like Elmer Gantry and the Bolton thing sinking faster than his Social Security plans … They'll be lucky if the Iraqi cabinet doesn't start shooting at each other".
Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari is anticipated to submit a cabinet to the National Assembly today but it is expected to be incomplete, putting pressure on President Jalal Talabani, who is already under fire, from both Iraqi's and the Bush Administration, for not having a government formed.
At play is the role of the Sunni Arabs, who boycotted the January elections. Shiite and Kurdish alliances have fear that former Baathists, who were the oppressing force, will be included in the Sunni delegation.
Vice-President Cheney is eager for Iraqi to become the 51st State, believing that the congressmen elected from Iraq to serve will be conservative Republicans, adding to the majority and thereby enabling the President's agenda
A spokesperson for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld indicated that Rumsfeld understands that "the business of government and launching a new state is untidy".
"We shouldn't expect miracles", offered the Secretary in a statement released to reporters. " But, My God, if I had been oppressed … If I was living under a dictator and suddenly breathed the air of democracy … I'd be damned sure to get my house in order as soon as possible …I wouldn't lollygag around"
Syria Leaves Lebanon After 29-Year Stay
Bill Unpaid; Towels and Soap Missing
The United Nation yesterday, verified that Syria has finally left the country of Lebanon after a 29-year stay, leaving in its wake, an unpaid bill and the theft of towels, soaps, bathrobes and mint candies.
"They had the best rooms, and they still trashed us", sighed Gen. Michel Suleiman, commander of Lebanon's army, who watched the last of the Syrians leave.
It was 1976 when Syria first came to Lebanon, as part of a Arab peacekeeping force following a civil war. Others left but Syria stayed. Over the years, various efforts were made to have the Syrians leave, with talks and sanctions from the United States, Israel and the U.N. and, including intervention from the International Hotel & Restaurant Association.
A spokesperson for the IHRA, Guy Franchot, confirmed their participation but admitted that it had little effect.
"Over the years, we had drawn up, from experience with rock bands, boisterous conventions and the like", offered Franchot. "A number of policies in dealing with unwanted guests. The Lebanon situation was quite unique".
As Syria began leaving Lebanon, thousands of Lebanese discovered missing towels, soaps, and bathrobes. Grocery stores and retail shops were stripped of their mint candies.
Gen. Ali Habib, leader of the Syrian Army, denied the claims that Syria left without paying it's bill, or the theft of any items.
Franchot indicated that the policy in such cases was "next time they come in, you can refuse to accommodate them or accept any reservations. Or, you can also require a deposit in-advance"
Top Ten Cloves: Early Signs That Steroids May Be Out of Baseball
9. Haven't received a congressional subpoena in weeks
8. Hitting and scoring is down; Pitchers now have lob ball in underhand
7. Barry Bonds is down to just sulking, and hissing at the media
6. No more dirty syringes on the locker room floor
5. It now takes two players to hold the bat
4. Mark McGwire is talking again
3. Fans are doing steroids now; One recently had a fight with Gary Sheffield in Fenway Park
2. Only grandslam sluggers seen recently are at Denny's
1. Any player caught giving another player a shot in the ass, well, that's something entirely different
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Tuesday 26 April 2005
NHL Bombshell!
NHL Owners Prepared To Go With Robot Players in 2005
Players Stunned, Outraged; Issued Ultimatum To Take CBA
The NHL owners stunned its Players Association yesterday, abruptly halting the recently restarted talks with an ultimatum - Take the Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) or the league opens with robot players in the Fall of 2005.
Commission Gary Bettman gave the order to NHLPA President Bob Goodnow in a late afternoon session. Goodnow, visibly shaken, sat stunned as Bettman calmly walked out of the room, witnesses say.
The NHL was the first North American sports association to lose an entire season due to a labor dispute.
The Players Association was clearly caught off-guard. Hanging over the negotiations was the prospect that the owners would use replacement players, from their minor league system and open tryouts, to start the 2005-2006 season in the event an agreement wasn't reached. The use of robots was never looked at.
Bettman declined comment last night. A spokesman for the NHL owners stated that the owners began looking at robots, fairly recently, with the news Qatar is switching to robots for their camel races and that this year's Kentucky Derby considered robot jockeys (See The Garlic, Friday 15 April: Derby Considers Child Jockeys From Qatar).
The nation of Qatar recently, and successfully, replaced its child camel jockeys with robots.
Very quietly, a small committee of owners was put in place to study the use of robots for NHL play. They met with the Swiss manufacturer to discuss the needs, which included hard-hitting and rough play, as well as skilled and finessed passing and shooting. The manufacturer indicated that their robots could be adjusted for the physical nature of the NHL play and it was a matter of reprogramming their software to accommodate the skills needed.
Reportedly, an exhibition game was played, in a small town in Northern Italy, pitting a team of robots against a Swiss junior team and the robots competed surprisingly well, losing by a score of 6-5. The owners, noting the crisp, pinpoint passing by the robots, walked away satisfied that they could recommend the move to robots to the other owners.
The owners deferred questions as to how records would be kept, being, would the existing records be broken by robots or if the league would start with a blank slate.
The NHLPA also refused comment last night. Reports indicate that they have hastily called a meeting, bringing in current stars, as well as retired former greats, to strategize a response to the owners and to condemn the use of robots to replace them. It was said, they are targeting August as having a proposal in place to counter the owners offer.
Said one owner, who wished to stay anonymous, on hearing the news on using robots;
"I guess, unless you program them, we won't have any candy-asses or big ego jerks anymore"
Amazon Earnings Due Today; Modest Bump Up
Adjusts DVD Profits To Come Early in 2017; Overall Black Ink in 2045
Amazon.Com, the on-line retailer, will be reporting its quarterly results at the end of today's market session and CEO Jeff Bezos predicts that all will be happy
After the dismal last quarter, in which Amazon missed its estimated earnings by a significant margin, analysts are anticipating a modest bump, perhaps in the 25-cent-a-share range, with revenue growing by roughly 20% to nearly $2-billion.
Last year Amazon was NASDAQ's best performing stock
Bezos gave analyst a bit of surprise when he adjusted the sales projections for Amazon's anticipated entry in the DVD rental market.
Amazon has reached out to its competitors, including Blockbuster Inc and Netflix Inc, seeking a partnership. Amazon has such revenue sharing agreements with other major retailers, like Target, The Gap, Toy's 'R Us and Circuit City (Ed.Note: Amazon recently ended it's partnership with Circuit City and is in litigation with Toys 'R Us to end their agreement)
Amazon originally pegged profit for DVD sales in 2025. However, with a pending partnership, and factors that Amazon cites, such as the continued growth of digital entertainment, Bezos felt that profits will likely come sooner, in 2017.
Bezos kept in place the overall profit for Amazon coming in 2045.
Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At Bush-Saudi Prince Meeting In Crawford, Texas
9. Ahhh shit …Look what's sticking out of his briefcase … Invoices for all those Special Renditions we did last month ...
8. Mr. President, my sources tell me that everyone at the U.N. will file for a handgun permit if you push Bolton through
7. He's calling again? … Tell DeLay I'm busy …. Tell'em that me and the Prince are out on the horses - all day long!
6. Don't forget to give the prince that wallet, for the Bin-Laden's … You know, the one they lost on that Sept 12th flight
5. Stick an Exxon decal on my flight suit and get the gas tanker ready! … He's talking about lowering by a nickel, or more!
4. Tell me more of your No Child Left Behind …The Kingdom would be glad to take some - they make excellent camel jockeys
3. Yes, I know their Jewish, but Ari's in a bind … Besides, they're handy .. They can build whole towns in, like, a weekend
2. I don't think I could answer that Mr. President … Everybody, kind of, has a Private Retirement Account in Saudi Arabia
1. I got me a Justice Sunday hangover this morning boys and I'm lovin' it!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Monday 25 April 2005
Thousands Overwhelm Justice Sunday Rally
Sick and Infirm Disappointed; Came Seeking Faith Healers
'Justice Sunday', a program by conservative rightwing Christians calling for an end to liberal judges by Democrats, was marred as tens-of-thousands of sick and infirm people - some coming from as far away as Indonesia - overwhelmed the Kentucky megachurch, spilling out into the streets and setting off chaos.
They had mistakenly taken the rally as a faith-heeling session and refused to leave until they saw Dr. Bill Frist.
Sponsored by Tony Perkins and his Family Research Council, 'Justice Sunday' had a theme of "The Filibuster Against People of Faith". Posters for the event depicted a young man holding a Bible in one hand and a gavel in the other.
"I don't understand this" offered a beleaguered Perkins, as he worked with event security and local police in an attempt to control the crowd. "We exploited the rhetoric … We targeted the judges and the Democrats … It was very clear what tonight was supposed to be …"
Shortly after the program began at the Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky, with 3,000 already in attendance and speakers defending Rep. Tom DeLay, bashing Democrats and judges, calling the Supreme Court "unaccountable," and "out of control," streams of people began pouring into the church, disrupting the program.
They came with crutches and wheelchairs. One man carried his teenage daughter, who had braces on her legs. There were young children and elderly. They came clutching videotapes and DVD's, crying out for Dr. Frist and asking, begging that he heal them.
Frist, last month had correctly diagnosed the late Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II, from watching videotape, and live broadcasts (see The Garlic April 5th - Frist Concurs With Vatican Diagnosis)
As the crowd grew, with bus loads of new arrivals pulling up at that church throughout the evening, local police were called in. Traffic for blocks surrounding the church was gridlocked. Police estimate the crowd at 10,000. Organizers hastily erected a tent awning and rigged up speakers in a section of the parking lot to accommodate the overflow crowd.
Frist, who participated in 'Justice Sunday' via a pre-taped video statement was tracked down by the event's organizers and, through a conference call, broadcast to the attendees, urged those who came seeking healing to be peaceful, and not disrupt the night's program any further.
Frist also offered that those with video's and DVD's could send them to his Washington office, where he will review them and offer his recommendations for treatment and healing.
Some of the sick and infirm left the church and, as of late last night, were camped out at the main post office in Louisville. The rest of the crowd remained at the church, conducting a vigil, and praying. Many of the 3,000 who came for 'Justice Sunday' joined in the vigil. Others left and game back with food and water.
There were unconfirmed reports that Perkins and his Family Research Council were making arrangements to bring in the family of Terri Schiavo to address the crowd. Paul O'Donnell, a Franciscan monk and the spiritual adviser to the Schindler family was said to en enroute to Kentucky.
When reached late in the evening, Perkins looked at the event optimistically.
"Maybe we have a new cause to mount here … We can start bashing the Democrats on healthcare and activist doctors …"
Overweight Protest New Study Results
Says Confused Over Health and Where Self-Esteem Should Be
Many overweight and obese people are protesting the new findings of a study released last week, saying that people who are a little overweight are likely to live longer than people who are underweight or obese. They say they are deeply confused as to where their self-esteem is, as well as what is healthy for them.
Reporting in the Journal of the American Medical Association, a team of doctors from the American Centres for Disease Control U.S. took data from three U.S. surveys about health and nutrition practices that spanned three-decades, from the 70's, through the 90's. The study only looked at how long people lived and not at obesity-related disease.
Using a measurement called Body Mass Index (BMI), with a range of 18.5 to 25 considered normal, that the people who had BMIs higher than 25 but lower than 30, which meant they were moderately overweight but not obese, did not have a reduced life expectancy.
A spokesperson for Jenny Craig, a provider of weight loss programs and diets, was dissatisfied with the findings of the study, saying "it left a lot of overweight people in limbo, not knowing if it was a good thing, or a bad thing". The spokesperson went on to say that it wasn't expected to see any loss of sales because of the study findings
Kirstie Alley, star of the popular cable program, 'Fat Actress, on the Showtime Network worried about the study
"God, what should I do? Should I worry about being a Fat Actress or start boasting that I'm going to live longer and be fine with it …And what's this going to do the show? … We may have to rewrite and reshoot scenes … I suppose we have to address this …"
Alley later stated that, looking at it in a different light, it could mean additionally work for her, perhaps extending the 'Fat Actress' series.
A spokesperson for the American Centres for Disease Control declined to address the concerns, indicating that all persons should maintain the best practices of a balance of healthy diets and exercise, and to maintain their proper body weight.
Top Ten Cloves: Signs That You May Be A Fat Actress and Don't Know It
9. Your dry cleaner starts charging you double, to cover the extra chemicals needed
8. Liz Taylor is calling you out
7. On your day off, you visit Sea World; Shamu is intimidated and won't perform
6. Only half of you face can fit on the jumbo screen at the ballpark
5. Tom Arnold starts hitting on you
4. Your Spinning Class instructor has you walk to the fictitious location of the exercise
3. You're confused - Is the mirror in your dressing room a regular mirror or a fun house mirror?
2. Bakeries keep sending you heavily frosted layer cakes, looking for a product placement
1. Okay to be fat; New study shows it!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Friday 22 April 2005
Frist In Dispute Over Dem Bashing Telecast
Says Only Promised to "View Tape" for 'Justice Sunday'
Already facing one major battle in the Congress, over a threatened Democrat filibuster, Senate Leader Bill Frist is now drawing the anger of Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council over Perkins's planned 'Justice Sunday' telecast.
With a theme of "The Filibuster Against People of Faith", the program will be broadcast to churches and Christian radio and television networks. Perkins and other conservative religious leaders claim that the Democrats are blocking judicial nominees who oppose abortion rights on religious and moral grounds.
"Justice Sunday" will take place Sunday evening, at a Kentucky mega church. Posters for the event depict a young man holding a Bible in one hand and a gavel in the other. Though no names are mentioned on the poster, it does state "the filibuster against people of faith," and under that, copy reads: "The filibuster was once abused to protect racial bias, and it is now being used against people of faith."
Perkins also claims he had Frist's commitment to appear on the program.
A spokesperson for Frist stated the Senator was aware of the broadcast and never confirmed his participation at the event. Frist did however agree to view a videotape of the broadcast and/or a live broadcast. The spokesperson went on to say that viewing the videotape is where the Senator can be of most assistance.
Last month, Frist stunned the medical community, when he correctly diagnosed the late Teri Schiavo, from viewing 4-year-old videotape. Less then two-weeks following Schiavo, Frist correctly diagnosed the late Pope John Paul II, from watching tape, and live broadcasts of the Papal apartment (see The Garlic April 5th - Frist Concurs With Vatican Diagnosis)
Frist is drawing criticism from the National Council of Churches and the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, who are planning to conduct a conference call with journalists today for his participation in the telecast. Democrats are calling his participation evidence of Republican extremism.
People for the American Way is buying advertisements and distributing church program inserts that attack Senator Frist for invoking religious faith in what it says is a partisan context. The National Council of Churches is asking members to organize news conferences denouncing Dr. Frist.
Other critics say that Frist's courting the religious right is merely to begin lining himself up for his speculated run for President in 2008. The evangelical Protestant groups and other religious traditionalists are the bedrock that formed President Bush's winning coalition. Frist, a member of the Presbyterian Church, which is considered religiously liberal, does not natural align the Bush's Conservative Christians.
Rev. Clifton Kirkpatrick, a top official of the Presbyterian Church U.S.A., plans on joining the protesters, believing that elected officials should not be bearing down weight for determining public policies on the bases of faith.
Perkins remains optimistic that he and his group can come to terms with Frist to have him appear on the 'Justice Sunday' broadcast.
"We understand that the Senator is a great doctor, and can do wonderful things with videotape. It would be a bigger inspiration if we can have him actually with us. We want the man that is going to stop the Democrats from discriminating against people with faith."
Surveys In: New Pope A Winner - And So Is Mortal Sin
Results from an MSNBC/Reuters polling show a surprising endorsement for the new Pope, Benedict XVI.
Over 10,000 Catholics and 10,000 Non-Catholics were surveyed and 68% of the Catholics believe Pope Benedict XVI is good for the church, while 61% on Non-Catholics believe the same.
A question asking if they were worried, being the new Pope was a Hitler Youth, that he is too much a hardliner, 58% of the Catholics answered 'No', while 78% of the Non-Catholics answered 'Yes'.
On the question of strictly enforcing the church's doctrine, being 'God's Rottweiler', 43% of Catholics thought he was more of a German Shepard and 63% of Non-Catholics saw him as a Doberman Pincer.
87%, from both groups believe that Cardinal Bernard Law is best depicted as a snake.
Both groups responded at 92% for 'Yes', when asked if they, like the television anchors, were fooled by the color of the Vatican smoke signal. 72% of Catholics felt it would be okay to use email to announce a new pope has been chosen, while 67% of Non-Catholics preferred faxes.
In a Catholics-Only question, 83% responded that they now only commit Mortal Sins and that Venial Sins were too "low-key" to be bothered with.
Top Ten Cloves: Things NBC Will Do To Lift The Sagging Today Show
9. Save some budget and lose the studio - Do the entire show outside on 49th Street
8. This year, have Matt Lauer grow his hair really long, like Johnny Damon
7. Bring back Tom Brokaw; Have him do daily critique of Brian Williams newscasts
6. Let Katie Couric do one of her signature hard-hitting series and accompany O.J. Simpson in his search for the killers
5. Allow Willard Scott to cheat - Anyone 95-99-years-old gets a Smuckers 100th Birthday Greeting
4. Run a Texas Hold'em series between financial advisors Jean Chatzky and Suze Orman
3. On his next “Where in the World is Matt Lauer” annual trip, make him dress like Carmen Sandiego
2. Hire only attractive super models to gawk in the windows during the broadcast
1. Bring back Dave Garroway's Chimp and let him run the show
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Thursday 21 April 2005
Backs Iraqi Calls For Execution; Swift Delivery of Death Sentence If Guilty Guaranteed
President Bush is considering a change of venue for the trial of Sadam Hussein, and moving it to Texas. The news backs calls in Iraqi for the execution of Hussein, if found guilty of war crimes.
Since 1976, Texas leads the nation in executions.
Ali Dabagh, a spokesman for the largest bloc of the new Iraqi government, the clergy-led United Iraqi Alliance, which holds 140 seats in Iraq's 275-member National Assembly, is calling for Hussein to be executed if found guilty.
'We feel he is a criminal. He is the number one criminal in the world. He is a murderer."
Dabagh also called for new Iraqi President Jalal Talabani to resign if he objects. The Iraqi leader opposes capital punishment.
White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said the President is "very open" to moving the Hussein trial to Texas and is "confident" the former Iraqi dictator will get a "fair trial".
Inside sources say that Bush is worried over the delays in establishing a government in Iraqi and that the trial of Hussein will further inflame the insurgency. Hussein and his top lieutenants were to be put in trial before a Special Tribunal that was put in place in late 2003.
Court TV has applied to the White House to televise the trial of Hussein. The BBC, Al-Jazeera and E! also have applications in.
"Moving it to Texas would be great", said Fred Graham, Court TV's anchor and managing editor. "We might be able to get it on primetime".
Since the Supreme Court lifted the ban on capital punishment in 1976, over 957 executions have been carried out. Texas leads the nation in executions, performing over 340. Bush was Governor of Texas when over half the executions took place and it was a issue in Bush's presidential campaign.
This week, Texas was scheduled to carry out a rare double execution. Last night, two men convicted of separate murders were to receive lethal injections. Douglas Roberts, 42 was executed however Milton Mathis, 26, got a reprieve when the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals said his case should be reviewed because of claims he may be mentally retarded
"The President is confident", McClellan offered, "that if found guilty of his crimes, Hussein would receive swift execution of his sentence - whatever that may be - in Texas".
McClellan said the President understood that Iraqi's may object, and will want the trial to take place in Baghdad
McClellan went on to say that should Iraqi become a state (The Garlic April 12 - Bush Moves On Making Iraq 51st State), it would be that much easier to move the Hussein trial to Texas.
Egypt Protests New U.S. Use of Pyramids
Says Mocking Historic Culture and Islam; Call for American Food Boycott
Egypt is expected today to formally protest to the Bush Administration its MyPyramid, the new food guidance system released on Tuesday by Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns.
Nabil Fahmy, the ambassador of the Arab Republic of Egypt to the United States said in a press conference yesterday that the MyPyramid "mocks the historic culture" of Egypt, who has pyramids going back to 4,600-years.
"President Mubarak is very distressed over this", offered Fahmy. "He is worried, as is many Egyptians, that fat Americans will only know of this food pyramid, and not the rich history Egypt's pyramids."
Johanns, in a lively press conference on Tuesday, complete with colorful charts and video, said the new MyPyramid program, which replaces original Food Guide Pyramid introduced in 1992, is tailored to age and daily physical activity, and emphasizes the need for a more individualized approach to improving diet and lifestyle.
"MyPyramid was developed to carry the messages of the dietary guidelines and to make Americans aware of the vital health benefits of simple and modest improvements in nutrition, physical activity and lifestyle behavior".
Johanns was joined in the announcement by fitness guru Denise Austin, a member of the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports, to help unveil the new guide.
Fahmy indicated that Egypt is considering a boycott on American foods.
"I don't think Americans would be pleased to see Egypt take a United States cultural or religious artifact and make mockery of it".
A spokesperson from the Agricultural Department indicated that Secretary Johanns was unaware of any Egyptian protest and that many ideas and symbols were considered in developing a new food guidance system, including using the Eiffel Tower, The Great Wall of China and Sistine Chapel
Top Ten Cloves: New Pope's Pet Peeves
10. Needs funds for padded seats in the Sistine … His ass is still sore, and it was only four-ballots
9. Always thought you couldn't wear white after Labor Day
8. The way they got me locked up here, I gotta figure out how I can get my World Cup bet placed next year
7. I'm not going to have the time to keep up with my blog
6. Keep the trips to Poland down to one-dayers … I mean, the guy was in here forever and I can't take another pierogi
5. Disappointed the Papal apartment doesn't have cable
4. You think they could'a put a decent coffee place in St. Peter's Square, instead of having to walk six-blocks
3. Man, wish I had my BMW … They're gonna make me ride that lemon, the Pope Mobile …
2. Make note; Get that smart-ass cardinal from Philadelphia to stop calling me Pope Benny
1. Have to look into changing the rules, so that the newly-elected Pope can get a hit off the spliff that gives the white smoke
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Wednesday 20 April 2005
Brady To Retire From Patriots
SNL Offers Long-Term Contract; "Only Downhill" As QB Left
In a stunning press conference yesterday, Tom Brady, star quarterback for the Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots, announced his retirement from football, to move onto a new career as a cast member of 'Saturday Night Live'.
Brady was a guest host on the program last Saturday
"I'm just a humble football player on the Lord's gridiron", beamed Brady, flashing his famous smile.
Brady cited, among other factors, that SNL producer Lorne Michaels offered a long-term contract, something the New England Patriots have yet to do. Brady, as it stood, was due to become a free agent following the 2006 season.
"Things have happened kind of fast for me … Winning three Super Bowls so early in my career … It's probably all downhill from here and Lorne is giving me something the Patriots haven't put on the table … "
Brady's announcement, stunned the Patriot's brass. Coach Bill Belichek and owner Bob Kraft both refused comment and a PR staffer testily stated that there would be a press conference tomorrow.
Citing the long-term contract appears to be biting back at the Patriots. Under the leadership of Kraft and Belichek, the Patriots have employed a strategy - successful so far - of not paying large contracts, trading or cutting key players.
Following winning their third Super Bowl in four-years, popular veteran wide receiver Troy Brown was let go. Two years ago the Patriots cut veteran safety, and perhaps one of the league's best, Lawyer Malloy. Numerous other players have either been let go, or, through free agency, have gone to other teams, and larger contracts.
"The Patriot's", said one sources close to the team, "have a certain dollar figure tied to each position. You want to go over that figure, you're going to do it on another team … They just won't pay it".
As to SNL, producer Lorne Michaels stated that "Brady showed us something …"
"He has a lot of potential and he really fit in with the other cast members. That's not something that happens every week. He worked hard and we feel comfortable bringing him into our family".
Brady, whose fiancé, is actress Bridget Moynahan, will see spot roles for the reminder of the current SNL season, while taking some acting and voice lessons. He will become a full cast member next October and his contract runs through the 2009 season.
Brady indicated he'll miss "some of the action" and the rolling rallies, but otherwise is comfortable with his decision.
"Hey, maybe I can win three Oscars, or Emmy's or whatever they give out … Wouldn't that be a kick …"
Justice Dept. Moving on Red Sox Incident
Considers Terrorist Charges, Special Rendition For Interfering Fans
The incident of fan interference during last Thursday's game between the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox is heating up. Having been investigated by the Red Sox, Major League Baseball and the Boston Police, the Justice Department announced yesterday that they may take over, implying that it may be part of a larger plot.
A spokesperson for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales confirmed that the Justice Department was "very interested" in the matter and is in the process of taking over the investigation on the grounds of national security.
During the game, a ball hit by Jason Varitek of the Red Sox into deep rightfield, where fans are close to the field, was fielded by Yankee Gary Sheffield. As various fans leaned over the short wall in an attempt to scoop the baseball, one fan, later identified as Christopher B. House allegedly struck Sheffield in the face, while another unidentified fan threw a cup of beer at Sheffield.
The Yankee outfielder initially pushed back at House, but restrained himself as Red Sox security and Boston Police moved into the area. While the game was delayed a matter of minutes, no further incident developed.
After investigating, the Red Sox revoked the season tickets of House. The Boston Police are currently seeking a criminal complaint against House, and the unidentified beer thrower.
The Justice Department spokesperson that the Attorney General himself is taking interest in this case.
"We seen a certain amount of "chatter" and we have concerns", he confirmed.
He also confirmed that a team of investigators - some who have been working on another case involving the New York Yankees (see The Garlic, Monday 18 April - Steinbrenner Calls In FBI To Hunt For 'Real' Yankee's) - has been in Boston, conducting interviews and building a background for the Justice Department to take over the case.
Asked if this was involving terrorism, the spokesperson stated that nothing has been ruled out.
Potentially, House and the unidentified fan could be placed under Special Rendition, the secret government program of kidnapping suspected terrorist and flying them to foreign countries for interrogation.
"We don't know what we are looking at but we will err on the side of protecting the United States. Attorney General Gonzales has authorized the full implement of tools to solve this matter"
Top Ten Cloves: What ABC Will Replace Monday Night Football With
9. ESPN's All-Time Bloopers
8. Those Darn Emails! … Wink Martindale-hosted new series where emails of ABC stars are read on-air
7. The Divorced Bachelor
6. According To Martha!
5. Vatican's Funniest Home Videos
4. Where Are They Now? … A look back at the Enron Executives
3. The Tom DeLay Religion Hour
2. Desperate Television Executives Who Lost Monday Night Football
1. New Game Show - The Last Pope Standing
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Tuesday 19 April 2005
Washington Bombshell!
Gingrich To Bump Delay, Retake Top House Role
Loophole in warranty of his Contract for America Gives Edge; Never Cancelled
In a strong rebuke to the embattled Tom DeLay, Newt Gingrich announced yesterday that he will resume his role in Congress as House Majority Leader.
Gingrich, Time Magazine's 1995 "Man of the Year", charged that DeLay is "dragging down the Republican party" and that someone "needs to step forward and put an end to it"
Gingrich says he is invoking a clause, buried on the back pages of his Contract with America, that gives him the power to take such action. The clause was an Evergreen clause, needing one or two parties to cancel it within 30-days, in writing. Gingrich's Contract with America was never, officially, cancelled.
Capital Hill scrambled yesterday as the news reached Senators and Congressmen.
Voting in the House was suspended, as Speaker of the House Dennis Hasbert hastily called all committee chairs into an emergency session.
Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist gave tepid and cautious statements. Insiders believe that Gingrich could be lining up against Frist for the 2008 Presidential race.
Gingrich rose to power in 1994, leading the Republican Party to recapture the majority in the House. His Contract with America, introduced in the weeks prior to the 1994 Congressional elections was a national conservative revolution, recommending specific actions to be taken, and was overwhelming endorsed by Republicans.
Within the first 100 days of the new Republican majority, 9 of the 10 points published in this contract were passed by the House. Many of the sections of the Contract failed to pass in the Senate, or to overcome President Clinton's veto however, Gingrich claimed victory as to delivering on the promise of introducing bills as outlined by the Contract.
Gingrich was a vocal advocate for the impeachment of President Clinton so his current move to retake his House Majority position has a certain amount of irony - Gingrich himself was chased out of office in 1998, by ethics charges, including having a extra-martial affair.
Tom DeLay is said to be stunned and livid at the Gingrich move. A House staffer said the DeLay was meeting with Republican leaders, including RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman and said DeLay expects the House Republicans to stand behind him and block the Gingrich move.
White House Spokesman Scott McClellan indicated the White House was monitoring the situation and had no comment.
Representative Nancy Pelosi of California, the Democratic leader said that she was confident that the country could not take "both Gingrich and DeLay", adding that she doubts "there's enough soft money out there to keep them both happy"
McDonalds Celebrates 50th Birthday
Introducing New Finger Food Menu
The fast food giant McDonald's celebrated its' 50th birthday last week by announcing a new Finger Food menu to mark the occasion.
McDonald’s was founded by Ray Kroc on April 15, 1955 in the Chicago suburb of Des Plaines and has grown into an international
force, with 30,000 local restaurants serving nearly 50 million people in more than 119 countries each day.
Famed for its' golden arches, McDonald's has been the leader and trendsetter for the fast food industry.
To celebrate its' 50th birthday, Mike Roberts, President and Chief Operating Officer, McDonald's Corporation announced a new, diet-conscious menu of Finger Foods. All of McDonald's favorites, from Big Mac's to Chicken Nuggets and apple pie will be available in this new menu.
Industry analysts say the move to Finger Foods is a bold step by McDonald's, coming in the midst of the Wendy's controversy.
Last month, a woman in California charged that she discovered a partial human finger in her Wendy's food. As the investigation moved forward, evidence surfaced dismissing the credibility of the woman, suggesting she placed the finger herself. Wendy's recently increased its' reward for information about the finger to $100,000.
Said one analyst;
"They'll either hit a homerun and serve another 10-billion people, or it will be a bust"
Top Ten Cloves: If Detroit Free Press Had Mitch Albom Cover The Boston Marathon
9. Officials at the Boston Athletic Organization …
8. Tradition has the race passing by Fenway Park, where the Red Sox play an 12Noon game each Marathon Day
7. The race was started by the legendary Johnny Kelly
6. I had a good spot, at the finish line, right in front of the Prudential Building
5. And the pain for the runners increases, close to the end, as the they trudge up Heart Attack Hill
4. From near the starting line in Holliston …
3. While thousands jam the course, the rest of Boston is celebrating Paul Revere Day
2. Of course, back in 1980, there was the famous imposter, Rachel Roses ...
1. Running for the first time were two former stars for Michigan State, Mateen Cleaves and Jason Richardson
Monday, April 18, 2005
Monday 18 April 2005
Steinbrenner Calls In FBI To Hunt For 'Real' Yankee's'
Homeland Security Looks At Possible Terrorist Plot; MLB Considers Shutdown
Agents and investigators of both the FBI and Homeland Security descended on Yankee Stadium early last evening to begin one of the largest manhunts in U.S. history. Their target may be the baseball team, the New York Yankees
As his team flopped into losing their eighth game out of the last ten, owner George Steinbrenner became very concerned that his team was not the 'true Yankees' and, after contacting General Manager Brian Cashman, Steinbrenner called into the FBI to seek their assistance.
A command post has been set-up at Yankee Stadium and agents have been dispatched to Tampa Bay, Florida, where the Yankees are scheduled tonight to compete against the Tampa Bay Devilrays. Additional agents have been sent to all 30 teams of Major Baseball to begin investigating and collecting witness statements.
The Yankees and Devilrays are currently tied for last place in the American League Eastern Division.
Steinbrenner stated he felt something was amiss, as the team started the season very 'sluggishly".
"I am bitterly disappointed, as I am sure all Yankee fans are, by the lack of performance by our team. It is unbelievable to me that the highest-paid team in baseball would start the season in such a deep funk".
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales did confirm that the Justice Department has been contacted and it was Gonzales who, in addition to the FBI investigating, called in Homeland Security officials. Gonzales indicated that recent terrorist chatter has been "high" and there are concerns that there could be some level of terrorist involvement.
In Tampa Bay, FBI agents are collecting and examining fingerprints and DNA samples for those that say they are New York Yankees. Results of those tests may take days, even weeks to complete.
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig released a statement that Major League Baseball is offering "full cooperation" to the investigation and his office is monitoring the situation "by the hour". There is speculation that, if the case isn't solved in the next 24-hours, Selig may shutdown baseball, as a precaution for any other teams being taken over or damaged in this plot.
The FBI, in a brief statement, stated that no subjects are being ruled out as possible suspects. Washington insiders say the FBI is tracking down a rumor that drug lords and pharmaceutical companies may be involved, as retribution for the steroid hearings and possible ban of steroids in baseball.
Sideways Team Uncorks Again
Begin Shoot on Sequel, Rightside-Up
Who knew the runaway 2004 smash hit film, 'Sideways', was only the first installment of a trilogy?
'Sideways' was the sleeper hit of 2004, winning an Academy and Writer's Guild Awards for Best Adapted Screenplay, as well as two Golden Globe Awards for Best Picture and Best Screenplay. Thomas Haden Church was also nominated in the Academy's Best Supporting Actor category and 'Sideways' was the top selections of both the New York and Toronto Film Festivals.
Producers Michael London and George Parra have cast and crew together again for the second chapter, 'Rightside-Up', which begins principal shooting in Madison, Wisconsin this week.
Where 'Sideways' had Miles Raymond, played by Paul Giamatti and Jack, by Haden Church, touring through California's wine country, 'Rightside-Up' will have the introspective pair visiting the cheese capital of Wisconsin. Carrying over their oenophile skills, Jack and Miles seek out the perfect cheese to accompany a fine Merlot.
"That's kind of a running joke", offered London. "Where we, somewhat dissed merlot in the first film, we thought we'd make it up to it in this film".
In 'Sideways', Miles declares, in a rather disparaging manner, his dislike for merlot
Wine industry analysts stated that, while merlot did take a bit of a dip in sales, 'Sideways', overall, boosted the wine sales, perhaps as high as 15%.
London was tight-lipped as to the storyline for 'Rightside-Up'. He indicated that Maya and Stephanie, played by Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen, will have roles in the story but declined to state how large a presences they will have, even hinting that Miles and Jack may meet with some 'cheese girls'.
London offered that during the shooting of 'Rightside-Up', some scenes for the third and final installment, 'Upside Down', will be shot. London refused to discuss the storyline or characters for 'Upside Down'.
Top Ten Cloves: Reason People Filed Their Taxes Late
9. Busy having fight with Gary Sheffield in rightfield at Fenway Park
8. Use the Chinese calendar - Have three more months before having to file
7. Feels the EZ Form is so easy, IRS should know what my return will say
6. Accidentally threw return in Boston Harbor, during Boston Tea Party Reenactment
5. Had identity stolen; Thought the thief was the one who has to file
4. Already sent it - Mitch Albom says so in his column
3. Believes IRS is "against people of faith" and refuse to send return so government can pay activist judges
2. Busy hunting stray cats in Wisconsin
1. Waiting for call to see if they elected to be new Pope
